You got a lot of good info here, particularly from Amy J. She is our resident discipline expert! (She doesn't proclaim to be, I am just saying that she really has a wonderful handle on the basic and essential principles behind effectively disciplining children... hi Amy. :)
I only wanted to elaborate on Amy's post a little by saying that the child who feels right acts right. The child who feels wrong acts wrong. You need to set firm boundaries and have a clear and consistent approach - one that is undesired enough so as to discourage unwanted behaviors, and STICK TO IT. Children DO need boundaries to feel safe and secure. Although on the outside, it appears they want to be in control, what they NEED is to know that you are in control. And if she is walking all over you, she is getting the message that you are not in control.
Be very deliberate about praising her for positive behaviors. Children inherently want to please us, and the gratification they feel by pleasing us will encourage them to continue doing so. And remember that kids will live up to what we expect of them. If you expect your daughter to behave as you described, that's what you'll get. You need to be clear with yourself and with her about what you expect. And hold her to it.