4 Year Old Whining!!!

We have been told to give 1 response (e.g. "no you may not have a cookie", "i'm sorry you have a bug bite", etc) and then ignore any whining from there on out. Be consistent. Just go about doing whatever you are doing and totally ignore, no matter how long it goes on. If he continues to whine for 20 minutes and you give in, then you teach him that it takes 20 minutes of whining for you to give in and all future whining will go at least that long. I know it's easier said than done, but it's worth it. We're still working on this with our daughter and we're not over it yet, but it's better.

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I saw something on the Discovery Channel recently about a study that said when it comes to being "emotional" males and females are essentially the same (they cry the same amount) until puberty. I am sure the same goes for whining. I think it comes with that age. It seems like ALL kids go though that stage (my son is 3, and boy does that kid whine!). Maybe it is an evolutionary survival mechanism. I wonder if baby chimps whine?

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OMG i hear ya! My 4yr old DD is the exact same way. All the advice is great and believe me, I've tried it all ! I just wanted to say that sometimes it totally gets on your nerves no matter what I know!!!! Sweet kids, no complaints but I guess we'll just have to wait til they grow out of it and hopefully be sane....haha
Take care,
KM

Whining is inevitable...even at age 8, which is sometimes what I deal with and you just have to ignore it. Tell your son, "When you talk in normal voice that I can understand, I will answer you. Mommy's ears cannot understand when you whine." Just ignore it...sooner or later, he'll get the picture.

I am reading what I believe to be the one of the most wonderful books in the WORLD! The Kazdin Method for parenting the defiant child. He was on Good Morning America and when I looked it up, I was really thinking that sounds like it's for children with serious problems.. My son has no real problems, but I was getting frusturated with temper tantrums when he was two and now that he's three I wanted to make sure I never let it get too out of control. Anyway, I thought, we'll mabye I'll get just a little something out of the book. I read the initial summary and he makes it sound like its only for kids with real emotional problems (he describes a 16 year old that couldn't stop throwing temper tantrums unless she was warned lunch was coming)..anyway as I began reading the book, he explains it is for any child, and can even be used for potty training etc. It's a positive approach to parenting. Anyway, I've just been implementing the methods he suggests for only a week and already it's making a huge wonderful difference! My son is so excited to clean up his toys now, he even makes a mess just to clean it up..get stamps and a prize (can be a trip to the park or story even..doesn't have to cost anything). Before he wouldn't clean up anything (he's only 3 so I wasn't worried, but it's still nice that he likes to put away his toys now!) I can't say enough good things about it! Hope this helps!

well i have five boys and two girls, consistency is good. keep talking to him, telling him that whining is not the way to gey what you want. Ask him to stop whining and repeat what he's saying.

C.,

You said it yourself - my daughter did the same thing till she was about 5 - When his sister whined, she got a response from you. It's a learned behavior, and easy to change. If you choose to ignore him when he whines - make sure you are CONSISTENT! (you don't want him to think that he needs to whine LOUDER to get your attention) Also, it will be interesting to see if your little one whines. Good luck!! Stay strong!

You reward him everytime you answer him. If he whines leave the area without saying a word. Unless really inportant, tell him you're busy and will get to it later.

When I was young, I used to read a great series of books called Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. All the parents in the neighborhood consulted her for their kids' behavior problems. She solved the fighting problem by having the parents fight like the kids for hours until the kids begged them to stop. Mrs. PW would advise you to announce one day that today it is YOUR turn to whine and then anytime your son whines copy him and top him. I bet you won't have to spend more than an hour, and just think how much fun you'll be having. This is called the whining cure.

I would tell my son, "I can't understand you- can you talk like a big boy?" Once he got it that I would not respond to any requests when he said it in a whiny voice, he eventually did it much less. Sometimes they're just tired or frustrated or whatever and it happens anyway, but it was greatly reduced when he got nothing out of it, including and especially negative attention. And the "I expected it from my daughter but not from a boy" statement made me laugh-- I thought the same thing until I had boys-- they are much whinier than girls!!

funny how we expect a girl to whine and want our sons to get over it sooooo much faster.... i agree - had the same problem with my three - but: i have to say - i think the problem is US. why, exactly, does it bother us so much more for a boy to whine than a girl?

Ah, those darn cultural expectations. Well - he WILL quit, just like your daughter did - and none too soon, I'm sure.

Maybe there are ways to make it end sooner - but - in some ways it seems maybe the best thing to do is realize that boys and girls are not so different as we sometimes think...

good luck!

C.,

Kids have a funny way of going through these stages of quirkiness. In my experience, the best way to handle this kind of behavior is to stay on top of the issues that the child may be dealing with. If details are important to him right now, then shower him with details. Spend extra time with him asking him about the little, more unimportant things such as mosquito bites. Sit down with him and have focused one on one time and ask him a ton of questions. Once he gets it out of his system day after day, he will not feel the need for that attention any more. The key is to be ahead of the game. Don't give him a chance to whine about anything. And if you see it coming on, nip it in the bud with questions and attention. He may even get sick of it and go into his cave (room) for alone time away from mommy.
Whatever a child asks for by their behavior, give it to the fullest and their tank will fill up and no longer be in need.
Then every now and then just do the same, only on a lesser level.
Take Care,
T.
Mom of 4; ages 20, 9, 4, 18m
Wife of one man of integrity
Child of the One true God

Unfortunately, some children pick up this habit and because it gets attention, it becomes hard to break. Just keep reminding him to speak like a big boy. If he's talking to you in a whiny voice, simply state that you can't understand him when he isn't using his big voice and you can't help him with whatever it is he's whining about until he realizes that and speaks proper.
It really helps if he hears the people around him speaking proper on a regular basis. No baby talk. Even to the baby. You can do the sing song voice to the baby and talk softly, but always try to speak clearly and pronounce your words. The phase will pass and then something new and annoying will get on your nerves. lol Hang in there!