25 answers

4 Year Old Peeing in the Bed

My daughter is very beautiful, independent, intelligent and has brat tendancies (my fault) but what concerns me is the fact that she has been potty trained for two years and still has to wear a pull up at night because she pees on herself. I have tried the making sure she doesn't drink anything a couple of hours prior to bed, the making sure she uses the potty before bed, I've talked to her, videos, books and at what point I even removed the pull-ups and was waking her up every two or three hours to take her to the bathroom. But the lack of sleep (Im a single working mom of 3) was starting to get to me and out of fustration I was starting to yell at her every time she had an accident. I felt so bad so I decided to go back to pull-ups. I'm starting to think I may have to take her to her doctor.

Any thoughts?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I would just leave her alone and put a pull-up on her. Kids don't potty train at night. It is something that they have to grow out of. Both my husband and I wore diapers at night at 4 years old. It isn't uncommon. Don't stress her out. She will outgrow this. It is a lot more common that you think.

3 moms found this helpful

As others have said, it's totally normal! My daughter will be 6 in March and is still wetting the bed about 25% of the time. It's not their fault so it's best to just go back to the pull up and when she keeps it dry for a week straight then try without it. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with Liz. My son is 4 and is still in a pull-up. He is just a heavy sleeper. His twin brother? Totally trained for the last year. They are just different. My pediatrician said that kids tend to outgrow it around age 5, and they don't really worry until 7.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

It is very common to be in a pull-up at night at that age. I have a daughter who turns 4 next week. She wears a pull-up to bed. Sometimes she wakes up dry sometimes not.

Please don't yell at your daughter. It is not her fault that she has night-time accidents. Her body is still maturing and she is not able to A)make it all night and B) realize when she needs to go during the night. It will come in time as her body matures. Have her wear a pull-up and leave it at that. You are causing yourself much unnecessary stress!!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi, J.~

So, I guess you got the message not to yell anymore. What's done is done. You can't do anything about it now. You live, do your best and you learn. Try not to waste time feeling guilty about it. Not many know what it's like to be a sleepless single working mom of three.

anyway, someone posted the same question earlier today or yesterday about a 4yo girl. You may want to search for that post to see the other answers. I responded with the following.

My daughter was trained through the night for about a month between 3-4 yo. We went away for the weekend and she started peeing in her sleeping bag. We went back to pull-ups and kept trying to train her but to no avail. At her annual appts., the doctor just kept telling me that she wasn't ready. (This didn't make any sense since she had been trained for a month.) Finally, at 6yo he recommended that we try a wetness alarm. As soon as any liquid touches the alarm, it buzzes to wake the child. Happy to say that it worked in 1-2 weeks!

Here's the link to the alarm. The website has lots of valuable information on bedwetting.
http://www.sleepdryalarm.com/See-Why-The-Alarm-Works.html

One more thing: They recommend when the child wets the bed that s/he get out of bed, go to the bathroom, change their underclothes if necessary and put on new sheets. The plan is to make wetting the bed a chore. If the parents change the sheets, etc., it won't matter to the child if s/he continues to pee in bed or not as it's not totally inconveniencing them.

Best wishes for success all around.

3 moms found this helpful

I would just leave her alone and put a pull-up on her. Kids don't potty train at night. It is something that they have to grow out of. Both my husband and I wore diapers at night at 4 years old. It isn't uncommon. Don't stress her out. She will outgrow this. It is a lot more common that you think.

3 moms found this helpful

Night-time dryness.... is not attained until even 7 years old... and this is normal. And per our Pediatrician.

Our daughter, was fully potty trained at 2 years old. She was 5 when she was able to stay dry all night without accidents. BUT, there are still some accidents here and there... and if she sleeps very deeply.
She even had a dream once that she WAS on the toilet, until she felt herself wet. We just laughed about it.
When my daughter has accidents, we don't use "methods" to get her to stop... she just changes her jammies, washes off and back to bed. I used a water-proof bed pad under her to make clean up easier for ME.

Its all biological.
Daytime dryness potty training is SEPARATE from Night-time dryness. 2 DIFFERENT time-lines.
MANY MANY Kindergarten children also have accidents, as does even older kids. Its all normal... even my daughter's Teachers have said that. But the parents won't go around announcing that their child wears night-time diapers.

BUT it is normal. Some 7 year olds still may have accidents too.

My daughter is now 7. She's accident free 98-100% of the time. BUT, once in a blue moon, an accident may occur. No biggie. Scolding/lecturing/punishing/withholding/rewarding her for it, to me... is not applicable. It is a BIOLOGICAL occurrence. She does not do it on purpose... nor do we wake her up during the night just to pee. But on my end, I just use the water-proof bed pads (which you can get on Amazon), and it is no hassle for me, because all I have to do is wash the bedpad and not the entire bedding. Then I have like 4 of them that I rotate and then just switch them out as needed.

Your daughter is normal.
If they get stressed about it...it may even make it worse.... and they will get hang ups.

All the best,
Susan

3 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,

The yelling doesn't work - I know you feel bad, but don't go back to pull-ups. The reason I say this is that the pull-ups are too comfortable for her. Instead, go back to diapers. This is not punitive in any way, or trying to hurt or shame your daughter. (What I'm saying comes from my own children's doctor.)

A child cannot be expected to have dry nights consistently until they are at least 4 years old, sometimes a little older than that, depending on their own bodily structure. And that's separate from the night time wetting problems with older children, which has other causes. So being completely potty-trained during the day isn't the same as being potty-trained at night. What our doctor had me do is stay with diapers/big boy underwear while trying to 'wean off' of the diapers. (Addition: My doctor's opinion re diapers instead of pullups was not to stress the child about night time potty training before his body was even ready, including getting up to go to the bathroom, and the diapers let them feel the wetness more than the pullups.) If my son wet the bed in his underwear, the next morning I'd sit down with him while we were taking off his wet clothes, and I'd say to him in my most kind and accepting voice "Honey, I know that you are sad that you didn't have a dry night, and I know how much you want a dry night. But we'll have to put a diaper back on you for 4 more nights, and then we can try again." I had a calendar on his wall, and I would draw a star or put a sticker or smiley face (whatever I had at the time) on the night we could go back to underwear. (Also got him used to looking at a calendar!) Granted, I did not change the sheets in the middle of the night - quite frankly, I'm lucky I didn't have to decide on that - he didn't wake up and tell me he was wet, or if he woke, he didn't wake me up about it. This took away all the stress of him having a power struggle with me - the struggle would have only been with himself. And while his body matured, he wanted the dry nights for himself, not his mommy. It was a badge of honor to him to "graduate" from having to wear those ole baby diapers that were leaky because they were also a little small. (The doctor said to put diapers that were a little small on him too, again, so that he would feel the wetness more.) So what if I had to continue washing sheets - it worked. (I bought two waterproof bed pads so I'd just wash the pad and sheets together, and had clean ones ready to go. Somewhere I read that one mom had a sheet/pad on top of another sheet/pad so that she only had to pull off one and the bed was still made. Smart - I had never thought of that when my kids were young.

Remember that she may not be physically capable yet, and remember that you have until now been engaged in a power struggle with her. Change gears, reverse course, and try this approach. Also, try to relax a bit. It's going to be okay, and most likely, 6 months from now, you'll have dry nights and smoother sailing!

All my best,
D.

3 moms found this helpful

J.- Boy do I understand your situation and frustration. My son wears Good Nites. I respectfully disagree with putting back in diapers. Enuresis, for the most part, is not something that a kid can help so putting a child back in diapers (affiliated with babies) whether it is punitive or not will be perceived by your darling daughter as being punishment. Honestly, put her back in pull ups, good nites and say good night. With my son he is responsible for the disposal and any mess he makes. He's older than your daughter but he started taking care of it about age 5.

Also, it's important to know that if your daughter was a preemie that this could be the cause. I was told by my pediatrician that there is a higher incidence in preemies.

Here's a link to another similar question
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/14366844969698787329

Good Luck, relax and don't stress about this.
S.

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with Liz. My son is 4 and is still in a pull-up. He is just a heavy sleeper. His twin brother? Totally trained for the last year. They are just different. My pediatrician said that kids tend to outgrow it around age 5, and they don't really worry until 7.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

As others have said, it's totally normal! My daughter will be 6 in March and is still wetting the bed about 25% of the time. It's not their fault so it's best to just go back to the pull up and when she keeps it dry for a week straight then try without it. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

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