4 Year Old Not Staying in Bed

We put a doorknob thing on our daughter's door so she can't get out.

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At 4, we were long since finished with afternoon napping. However, since that was prime work time and an important break for me, we have always done "rest time" which consists of my child in his room, with toys and music on, playing independently. He has a clock and instructions on when rest time is over. Of course, coming out to use the bathroom is fine, but coming out for other reasons is met with a swift return to his room. Some days are better than others on this front. Be prepared to have to do some training on this one (start with 20 min increments and work your way up). But maybe having the freedom to play in the afternoon vs. laying quietly in bed will solve this issue and give you one less battle to fight.

1 mom found this helpful

My little girl is now 10. She loves it when I put our Young Living essential oils on her feet and forehead. Last night she needed a little extra help. This morning I asked how she felt/slept. She said it worked great! Let me know if you'd like to try it out too. Good luck!

Stop the nap time struggle, she is old enough to not need a nap. I agree with the Super Nanny idea, check it out. One thing my sister did with her child who kept getting up was a rewards chart. Her son got a sticker for each night he stayed in bed (only getting up to go potty then right back to bed) at the end he got a reward, it worked. I would NOT use the gate in her door or the door handle thing because if she does have to get up and go potty or has a bad dream at night she can't get out.

I agree with the previous answers. We pretended to go to sleep too. I made sure it was very dark... no night lights anywhere but in his room. We put a fan in his room for any noise we might make later so he didn't hear us and want to know what we were doing. My son was also done with naps by 4, so maybe that is part of your problem. Don't lay with her until she falls asleep or you will be doing that for many years to come... and with a baby on the way, it just won't be possible to do. We used a baby gate for our son, but I don't think it would work with a 4 year old... she would probably be able to just climb out. My son also would have been able to figure out the door knob things at 4. You could put a hook lock up high on the outside of the door. We have a "no toys in the bedroom" rule also. Just books. Good luck!

This happened to me with my twins. I hated losing my temper as well. That's now how we want to parent. Take away her nap. She needs to be really tired so she will fall asleep at night. It worked like a charm for me.

Good luck.

When our son did this my husband and I pretended to go to bed ourselves. We told him it was bedtime, turned off all the lights, and got into bed. After about 10 - 15 minutes he got bored and went to bed. We had to do this for a few nights. My son was a little younger when he did this though. Your daughter is old enough to understand consequences. Maybe you could sit down with her during the day, explain what you expect from her, and then discuss what kind of consequences there will be if she doesn't stay in bed. And then be very firm about it. If you relax on rules or punishments it will only encourage her to be naughtier the next time.
Good luck!

My 2 1/2 year old was doing the SAME thing when we transitioned him to big bed. After months of frustrations, us having to lay next to him to fall asleep, fighting bedtime, etc., last week I finally bought Healthy Sleep, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth!! Best decision I ever made!!! I was at my wits end with the whole thing. He has a section about kids that keep "popping" out of their bed. If you don't want to buy the book or get from library, I can give you the gist here...
basically when you put her to bed, say good night, etc and tell her "down means down" (i.e. no getting out of bed) and if she does get out you won't be able to talk to her/look at her, etc, but will just bring her back in her bed. So everytime she gets out, just instantly carry her back to her bed and DON"T reinforce behavior by talking/looking, etc. to her. Sounds kinda mean, but it worked WONDERFULLY for us!! The couple of nights he came out 15 times over 20 minutes, but then it was only 4 times, then 2 times, then 1, now ZERO!!! It is WONDERFUL!! I'm pregnant too so I can understand being tired, etc. I highly recommend the book or at least trying out the method. If you have any questions, please email me! Good luck!

I have to baby gate my three year old in. When it was really bad I put one of those childproof door knob things on the inside of her door, but with her using the potty now she needs access to the bathroom. So when I go to bed I put up a baby gate so she can get out of her room (in the middle of the night) to go to the bathroom. At this point at least once a night she stands and cries at the baby gate, but I get up and put her back in her bed. To me this is a much better solution to the alternative because she was sleeping in our bed everynight. Good luck!

My kids stopped napping at 2 years old. 5pm was sometimed difficult for a while though.

It may make a few long nights, but after you go through your bedtime routine (I'm assuming you have one-if you don't I would strongly suggest making one) and tuck her in leave the room. The first time she comes out you take her back to her room, lay her down, and say goodnight. Everytime after that you say nothing. Just take her by the hand lay her in bed and leave. I've also heard of sitting in the room and as soon as little one gets up you put her back. I never really had the patience for that. The other thing you can do to keep her in her room is put up a gate at the doorway. My child at 4 loved to climb, so I don't know if that's an option for you. At 4 she should be able to understand that it is bedtime and we stay in our beds, but I've been there too!

On the advise of Dr. Marc Weissbluth (author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child), I made a "Sleep Rules" poster with my child listing the following 4 steps:

1. Stay in bed
2. Close your eyes
3. Be very quiet
4. Go to sleep

The poster had pictures of her demonstrating each step. I hung it in her room and repeated the 4 steps over and over again. Eventually she got it. Make the poster a fun experience. Shop for the poster, find stickers, take creative pictures of her in her new big girl bed.

This approach is preventative rather than reactive. Often times, one can get stuck in a power struggle with a reactive approach.

Good luck! Those sleep battles are horrible.

google Nanny 911 (or just watch a few episodes!) ... she deals w/ this all the time and yes, it does take some time to break the child of the habit.

The main gist of what I've seen her do is 1) establish a set routine for bedtime and do not deviate form it, 2) 1st time out of bed take the child back into bed w/ a kiss and tell them do not come out, 3) second offense gets just a do not come out and4) EVERY time after that it is no emotion, no words, almost no eye contact and just pick the child up and put them back into bed. On one show it took the parents almost 3 hours of that!! I'm sure that was an exception though..

Even if it is painful you really need to get it done now while you're still pregnant and not trying to deal w/ a new born and a sassy toddler!! Good luck!

baby gate her room or if she can get around that one of the doornob things. That way she can't leave her room and will eventally go to sleep. Also make sure she can't turn on the light. my son got so bad about getting out of bed and turning on the light to play that we taped the light off. It works and he goes to sleep eventally.