4 Year Old Not Pooping - Complications with the Bathroom

This is a psychological issue that has become medical. Please see a holistic practitioner instead of just a medical doctor.
From this small little paragraph you wrote, it sound like you both need to lighten up, save some TP, ignore the vagina (the hymin will block this opening for years to come!), get off medicine, open to the gentle laxatives in a NOT habit forming way! Kids respond to your own emotions about it all. Skip the whole rewards thing will elimination. This is not a mental choice to your child, it is a emotional sensitive imbalance.

1 mom found this helpful

Looks like you already have a lot of good suggestions. Both of mine won't go in public either unless I'm with them. I figure - as long as they DO have a daily BM, they'll be fine - and, of course, as long as they aren't in any pain or experiencing any blockage. My son drinks a lot of juice and has no issues w/ constipation - BUT, my daughter wants to drink nothing but chocolate milk! So, we have had issues with her - I give her chocolate soy milk mixed w/ her cow milk. Good luck.

Hi J.:
My daughter, who is now 9, had the same problem. She would not go poop for several days, and became so bound up that we took her to the doctor. We had to give her a child's enema (available at most pharmacies), as well as a laxative. It did not take long and she was cleaned out. She has done this a few times since then, but has decided that she does not like to take the laxative. I do not have any help for the not using the potty at Grandma's. Hope that this helps.
Blessings,
T.

Have you tried having her in the bathroom with you when you use it, either at home or publicly? While you are going, explain to her what you are doing and assure her that is it OK. Show her how much toilet paper to use and how to properly wipe. A child her age should not really have any excess vaginal moisture. The body does not really start that until puberty. If there is really excess moisture and it is not in her imagination, that is something to talk to your doctor about.

Does she have issues with always wanting to be clean? That could be part of the problem.

Have you heard of the Only Hearts Club Dolls? You can order than off the internet.

C. H

I think your absolutely right when you suspect its a psych prob, rather than a physical one. Miralax is not a natural alternative, and will force her body to eventually become dependent on it... Flax seed is a much better alternative. Its ALL natural, and ALL fiber, as well as a natural detoxifier. It can be put in cereal or milk, and we grind the seed in a coffee grinder into a powder and store it in the freezer. ALSO.. it is very good for you, as it has a plethera of Omega 3's. As far as the vag wetness.. I think it might have everything to do with the constipation. Make sure you're giving her plenty of water and juice, no caffine, no pop.. etc.. Given enough of this good stuff and some time.. she isn't going to have the option of constipating herself, because her body won't give her the choice. Hope this helps.. sure does in my family. Good luck!!!

J.,

We had a problem with my son pooping. He would hold it for so long that he no longer knew he had to go. He is now on Miralax everyday. The doctor said that he held it for so long that he to the point where his bowels overstrecthed. It started out as a psychological issue of him hiding and going in his pants because he would get in trouble for going in his pants. So he started holding it. Thus the problem he came down with. It has gotton better on the Miralax. So there is help.

D.

Hi J., Well, it seems like you sure have alot of advice to sift through. I'll throw mine in here also. My son was on Miralax for a while. It wasn't that he wouldn't go, it was just that when he did go, the poop was very hard and he struggled. The way that Miralax was explained to me was that it was more of a lubricant and it helps the poop to slip out easier and it softens it a little bit. We used it daily at first and then went to every other day and now he's off of it completely. We've introduced more fruits into his diet and as he began to eat more fruit there was less of a need for the Miralax.
When I was trying to teach him to poop in the toilet, we used a reward basket. I purchased some trinkets (matchbox cars, stickers, etc) and wrapped them up in bright paper. Each time he pooped in the toilet, he got to choose a prize from the basket. At daycare, my provider would reward him with one piece of candy if he pooped in the toilet. Also, anytime he did poop in the toilet we would all celebrate. Clap. Cheer. Whatever it takes to make it a positive thing.
As far as vaginal wetness, have you ever thought of giving her a little bottle of baby powder and let her put a little in her panties to absorb any wetness? I wonder if something like that might help?
Good luck to you.

J.,

As far as the pooping goes, you want to get a handle on it now. My nephew will turn 6 tomorrow and still has to wear pullups most of the time because of that same problem when he was younger and still has now. He REFUSED to poop and would get backed up. When he did finally go, it hurt really bad because they were so large. Well unfortunatley now his rectum is scretched out and he can't feel when he poops his pants. They try to give him laxatives on the weekends to clean him out, but he refused many of them and now they try to hide it in the cookies.

Good luck...I know my sister made him Brownies with laxative in it and he ate them right up and than had to go potty...

Yeah that fixes the pooping but the public thing is probably a bit of OCD and same with the wiping

Obsessive compulsive Disorder

There is not much you can do about it for another year age 5 is when they will start treating her. I am sorry to say it may be a just do your best kind of thing.

My daughter is that way with her parts- and it's very hard to explain why it should be wet.

Also she won't eat a meal unless she has a washcloth available with a wet corner to wipe her hands after every bite.

I have OCD myself. I can not go potty in a public place either and I do feel for you.

I think I was 5 when I learned to just live with my OCD and have managed to function fairly normal my whole life.

The biggest problem is she will get some constipation.

BUT I DISAGGREE WITH YOUR DOCTOR. GET A SECOND OPINION>!

If you have her on miralax or any laxative too long they soon will either not work for her or she will become completely dependant on it. And not be able to poop without help.

Try what I did for my four year old constipation. Add more fiber and only use the miralax once a day until she has 1 FULL WEEK of diarreah. Then have her x-ray'd again.

SHe will be empty of poop and you can go on normally. Constipation is VERY common with 3-5 year olds and your doctor is just scaring you uneccessarily.

Unless he diagnosis her with IBS irritable bowel syndrom... this is not as serious as he made it seem. And if she had IBS he would NOT be prescribing a laxative.

I have lots of doctors in my family. GET A SECOND OPINION!

HI
I had the same problem with my daughter. It gets better. My daughter, did not want to sit on the potty because the cool air from the toilet made her afraid, especially if it had ever been flushed when she was sitting on it. She thought she would get sucked down the toilet. With her bowel movements, after she was potty trained she would ask to wear a diaper, and go hide under the table. If I didn't put a diaper on her she would hold it for days. She too had an xray and had feces sitting up there. I tried the powder, but it gave her bad diarrhea. I decided to try just a teaspoon of prune juice a day, and it kept her regular, no diarrhea. When my daughter finally decided it was ok to go poop on the potty was when I got the dora seat so that she could sit, and grunt comfortably, without the fear of falling in. That was her security blanket. If the Dora seat is not with us and she has to poop, she will not go, no matter where we go!!! She is afraid if she relaxes her body to let her bowel movement go, she will fall in. It is a terrifying thing for a child. My daughter will be 4 in July, and that is the only way she will poop. Also, I switched to bathroom wipes, instead of tissue, she could see the light yellow on the bathroom wipe, and the moisture she felt on her vagina, she knew was from the bathroom wipe, and she knew that that was how she knew that she was clean, as opposed to feeling like she had vaginal wetness. Trust me, the only psychological issue here is the fear of fallin in, my daughter still freaks out with the automatic flushing toilets, kinda scary, swooooooshh!! Get a toilet seat to go on the potty, and when you go to gramma's bring it, I did. As silly as it sounds, when I went to walmart, I would have it in my purse, if you have a decent size purse. Also, if my daughter sees a piece of hair, or fuzz, or a spot on the toilet she will not sit on it because it is dirty and it might get on her. Dora seat, would be a great place to start. Walmart carries them in the diaper baby accessory aisle, about 10-12 dollars. If you have any questions, please let me know. I would be happy to help, as I was in the same situation. Best of Luck to you
C.

Miralax everyday for the rest of her life?! And she's only 4?? That seems a little extreme. I agree, this sounds like something psychological not physical. It may be a fear thing or a control thing. If you look at it this way: she's getting rid of a part of her and flushing it to the unknown. I would have a straight talk with your DD and ask her what's wrong. Maybe take her into the bathroom when you go in a public place and show her there's nothing to be afraid of.

As for the wiping, I would just supervise her for awhile and designate how much she can use until she gets it down. Good luck!

My daughter didn't want to poop in the potty either. She would get backed up and it would hurt. We started giving her mineral oil in a little soda daily and that helped "move things along". It took almost a year of her going daily in order to start going on her own and for us to be able to stop it.

As for the other problem, have you taken her to the doc to make sure she doesn't have a yeast infection or something that could be making her feel wet? Maybe another option is letting her "air dry" by hanging out on the toilet for awhile prior to starting to wipe.

My kids were never scared of bathrooms, in fact, they would have to go in EVERY store - even if we had just gone 2 minutes ago. It was a game for a long time. Did anything bad ever happen to her in a bathroom? I would suggest even at this young talking to her doctor and possibly seeing if you can go to a counselor because there is obviously something not quite right there.

I hope you can find a solution soon to make all of your lives easier.

Dear J.:

Like the other moms here, my hubby and I have experienced the same situation with our 3 1/2 yr old daughter. She also does this strange 'peepee' dance when she really needs to poop. She will actually hold herself up front, like she would if she needed to urinate. I only share that with you because your little girl's complaining about being too wet. Personally, I would try and accommodate her as much as you can. If she doesn't want to go in public--try to work around it. I know it's a pain in the rear, but she's experiencing fear and anxiety over a bodily function that always prevails. We are able to urinate in public potties, but we aren't allowed to flush (the potties are very noisy, and it scares our daughter right out of her skin). So I always promise her I won't flush--her little tinkle hardly tints the water!
I have a friend who is in social work, and she once mentioned that anything and everything that has to do with number 2 is a control issue, in that the child is trying to regain control with some situation in his/her life. Unless that scenario somehow speaks to you, I wouldn't worry about it, and I would just focus on making your girl comfortable and confident.

Good luck!

My son who's 3 and a half has had problems with pooping too, so I can identify. I give him the Miralax every other day along with a high fiber diet (as much as I can) keeping away from too much of the binding foods like milk, cheese and starches. I make him sit on the toilet every other day at the same time of day (at night works for us). I tell him it's a "pooping day" today. Then I sit with him and read him a story. He knows what to expect, so he accepts it more. If you get into a routine about bathroom time, it might help.

J.,

You have got a tough problem there. I hope things work out well for you and your daughter.

My only suggestion is in relation to the public toilet issue. My three who are potty trained dealt with the same issue. The only solution I found is to take one with you.

There are portable toilet covers - some of them even fold up and come with a carrying case - and I bought mine on eBay for about $10. Search the web. They are everywhere. We used the fold up kind with my daughter and the soft kind that removes from the baby potty with my boys. Keep it in the car and take it with you in a bag.

You will have to acclimate her at home first. Give her the time she needs to get used to it. Then explain that she can take it with her wherever she goes and it is for kids. (Smaller hole = no falling in.)

The first time you try and tackle the public toilet, I would leave your son with someone so your concentration can be on her. Go someplace where there is not a lot of people and take however long it takes for her to get comfortable and go.

I made the mistake with my first child that when she screamed on the public toilet, I immediately took her off and took her home to pee. What message did I send? The public toilet is big and scary. Mommy had to save you from it and whenever you don't like the toilet, scream as loud as you can and mommy will get you out of there. Not a good message.

So I came with my positive reinforcement (cell phone to call daddy and some candy,) made sure I was somewhere there wouldn't be a line of angry people waiting to use the toilet, and went. Yes, she threw a very long tantrum. Probably 30 minutes the first time. But eventually she peed. The second and third, maybe the fourth time, she still threw a tantrum, but each time she learned that the toilet wasn't going to swallow her and that tantrums didn't work. Eventually she went without a fight, then eventually without the seat.

After that, I knew to do things differently with my boys. Once they were potty trained at home, I made a special trip with them some place alone (potty seat in bag) and we used the potty. There was a little resistance, but from past experience I learned not to encourage tantrums. Things went much smoother.

All of my children have also been terrified of the self flushing toilets. You can put your thumb over the sensor or if you need your hands free, bring a roll of masking tape and cover it until you are finished. We also referred to these as "the magic potty" and my children eventually learned to see it as such. Now it is a joke with my big kids.

For your other issues, you may want to take your daughter to see a professional. She may have some sort of sensory issues - that would explain the vaginal annoyance and the lack of desire to poop.

Best of luck,
S.

Not sure if this really helps, but I'm 32 and I don't like going to the bathroom anywhere that's public either. My husband makes fun of me because I will hold it all day to use bathroom at home. I have no clue what it is? I know it sounds weird! But another suggestion I have read about is if your child has a portable potty seat that she uses at home your supposed to take it with you, to ease her into using a bigger potty. She also might be more comfortable with bigger underwear as far as the wetness, then she might not feel the wetness so bad. Just some hints, hope it helps.

My grandson had the same problem with not pooping. My 16 year old daughter, his aunt asked him finally one day straight out why? Nobody had ever sat him down and asked him that before. He was much into the Ocean and fish, it turned out he thought when you flushed, it went into the ocean. Once my daughter explained where it goes and that the fish were safe he started to poop in the toilet! Who would of thought! K.R.

I don't have any good advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that my friend's daughter was "afraid" of pooping and it turned out she had a really large blockage in her intestines. After that it took a LONG time before she wasn't scared of pooping anywhere, and she definitely preferred to poop at home.
Laxatives for the rest of her life are NOT the answer. If that's your doctor's suggestion, I think you need a new doctor. Like you said, it still doesn't solve the problem.
I would look very carefully at her diet & maybe stool softeners if she's having a difficult time pooping.
Also, is there some toy or something fun you could bring along that she could play with on the potty? Some handheld game or something that was ONLY for the potty? Some kids just need to be distracted a little before they can relax enough to go. It would also lessen her "pressure" to perform.
GL, I hope something works for you.
A.

We have used Miralax with my son and it really helps to soften the stool to make it come out easier. She will not have to use this for the rest of her life. Once she realizes that it doesn't hurt and she becomes more regular you will be able to stop using it. As for the wet feeling I know with my daughter there are times that she will ask me for a panty liner in her underwear. She might be having just a small amount of pee come out right before she goes that gets on her underpants and it makes her feel wet when she is walking around. The panty liners actually fit really good in their small underpants. My daugher is 4 1/2 and they work great with her. I use them mostly because she doesn't wipe to good and then she gets sore and we have to put diaper rash cream on her and she freaks out about the feeling in her underwear. Hopefully this will help. Good luck.