4 Year Old Child Was Deemed as "Not a Good Fit" for Challenger School

HI B.,

I'm sorry to hear about that frustrating situation. Challenger never seemed the right "fit" for me either.

I believe the problem is not your son but the learning environment. I am not an expert, just a mom of a 5-year old but I do read a ton and had a great preschool experience. I have a pretty lengthy answer broken into five points. My apologies if it's too long; I'm just so passionate!!! :-)

1. NUTRITION & REST
When my daughter is hungry or tired, she is sooooo difficult to manage. I'd encourage you to take stock of your son's sleep and food habits and confirm that he's getting the amount of sleep HE requires and that he's receving healthy food, very little junk. My daughter still needs 12 hrs sleep!

As a single mom, i can hardly get in the door on time and my daughter to bed, let alone have a healthy meal AND eat it. It's tough but important. Look for ways to give this to your son if you aren't already. If you are, please give me advice!!! :-) I sure need it.

2. FIT
Challenger's academic objective's, in my opinion are in sync with a very narrow type of student. The majority of preschoolers, especially boys, require "play based learning." This means they learn at their own pace and gravitate to whatever interests them.

We had AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE at a PARENT-CO OP school that fostered this type of learnign environment. Montosorries and other similar schools are great too.

3. COST
This parent co-op was cheaper than most preschools. It required participation (3 hours a week of participation from a family during the class time) and attendance at topic lectures.

I too was a single mother but my daughter's father and I alternated weeks so it worked well with our employers, who were very supportive (I was so afraid to ask, so I didn't, I just said, this is what has to happen, I hope you can support this until this date and it was no issue! :-).

4. PLAY BASED LEARNING AND POSITIVE DISCIPLINE
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND staying away from academically based programs, else run the risk of creating an aversion to school in your son, especially with the indicators he has given. Remember, children aren't going to sit their parent down and give a lecture complete with graphs to describe why they're unhappy. They're just gooing to misbehave.

If you want your son to love school, ensure it's fun and that the teacher's are emotionally available and loving and gracious. Anything less and oh, boy, what a torture.

Our co-op was a "POSITIVE DISCIPLINE" school so children were shown respect and were really, really worked with in problem solving and feeling respected. I even became a better parent being exposed to the amazing teachers and other parents for three hours every other week.

It sounds to me like the teachers were too busy to give your son the attention normal 4, 5 and 6 years olds require.

5. INVESTMENT
It's up to us parents to ensure our children enjoy their first experiences. They will get over a decade of rigorous acedemia. Their brains are geared in one way. Many school systems are just functioning on their previouos models, which discount different learning styles.

Thanks for listening while I got onto my soap box. Hope this helps!

T

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Hi B.,

While I don't think the school went about informing you of the issues they were having with your son in school properly, I do think it is important to make sure the school your son goes to is a good fit. Like other moms have said, look at this as a good thing. You want your son to enjoy school, and thrive. It sounds like this isn't happening at the Challenger School. It's important to make sure the school he is in at this young age is one that he has fun at....not necessarily one that is the best academic start to his school life. Once he enters elementary school, that is when the academics can start, and be emphasized. At 4, I think it is important to establish the joy of going to school.

I put my son in the Montessori school that I sent my daughter to. My daughter absolutely loved the school and enjoyed going. After less than a year of sending my son there, we realized that he didn't have the same joy of going to school as my daughter did throughout preschool. So we looked for a different school for him. In looking for schools, we made sure to bring him with us and watch his reaction when entering the school and speaking with the teachers. We were able to find a school that he seemed to love from the second he walked into the building. Now he can't wait to go to school every day, and is always running out of class ready to tell me what he did at school, and how much fun it was. It is very refreshing and rewarding to see this joy and exuberance.

So take this opportunity to look at other schools in your area, and take time to find one that fits your son better. I'm sure you'll see a huge difference in his attitude toward school once you find the school that is a good fit. And you might save money too! My son's new school is half the price of the Montessori school we were sending him to, and he goes twice as often as he did before. It's a win-win situation all around!

Best of luck to you and your family!

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Thank goodness you found out now that they are not competent to teach and nurture your child. If you live in the Natomas area I suggest Beanstalk. They love all children and my son who is now in Kindegarden attended and I loved the teachers.

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I say count your blessings! I've heard from elementary school teachers that they can pick out the children from schools like Challenger and those that have been through play based and co-op programs in mere seconds. The Challenger children wait to be told what to do, get very used to follwing directions and are very rule- based. The other children are imaginative, explorative, social and well-rounded. They adapt to their surroundings quickly and have learned problem solving and social skills not taught at those highly academic schools. Congrats to your son for being a typical 4-year old boy. Yes, it stings when you're told he may not be good enough for a school but celebrate and embrace his individuality and FIND ANOTHER SCHOOL! Best of luck. There are a ton of great places out there. You may want to make another post looking for good schools where you live and find a place in your neighborhood.

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There's something wrong when we try to make children "fit" a program instead of the other way around.

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Hi, B.,
I am so sorry to hear the bad experience you are having! I am sure your son is totally normal and a sweet, loving boy! Too bad the school was the way they were. My soon to be 4 year old attends Temporary Tot Tending in SSF and they have other locations in the bay area. He loves it, the teachers are super great and it is very affordable. You can find them on line. Best of luck!

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I believe that Challenger School and others alike are not very well for children, especially young children. I have several old coworkers in the bay area and they had their kids at Challenger schools. One mom said that it was the worst thing she did for her daughter. By the time her daughter was school aged, she hated school. She started her out there at preschool age, because it is so academically focused, she thought she was doing the best for her daughter. Once she got of school age and saw the drastic change in her daughter, she pulled her out and put her in public school. It took her about a year to adjust, and then she was back to her normal self. Another woman wanted to put her daughter in there, but because her daughter couldn't sit still for the required amount of time they told her that it wasn't the right school for her, this little girl was about 3 years old. The mother was devasted. I would look at this as a blessing. Children are supposed to be kids, not little adults. There are way to many schools out there that take all the fun out of it and expect the children to thrive. What ends up happening is the exact opposite. There needs to be a balance of academics and fun, otherwise these children end up being forced to grow up way too fast and resent school in general. I would start ASAP looking into different schools. I would not wait on this. Get some recommendations from neighbors or friends of yours. Then set up a time where you can visit them to see if they would be a fit for your child. Since you do work outside of the home, I would try and set it all up on the same day to avoid taking too much time off from work. Take him with you and see how he does. There is nothing wrong with your son, he is a child. Let him enjoy his childhood and good luck in finding a school that is a good match for him.

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ouch! I like Montessori style programs, but my daughter started Action Day in nursery school, and we just kept going with it. It was a nice mix of academic and play for her.

I know they had a couple of 4 year olds who wouldn't nap, and they had stragegies to work with it. One little boy wouldn't do his paperwork during academic time, but if the other kids were napping... and he got one on one time with the nice male teacher watching the kids nap.... he was happy to do his school work quietly in the room. One little girl just did her paperwork with mom at home at night, and read books during nap time. So I trust they would work something out for your son. (This was the moorepark location).

We have a friend in Santa Cruz who faced nearly the same situation as yours 2 years ago. They were really making her son out to be a PROBLEM, but she noticed the "play based learning" meant the teachers just stood around with their hands in their pockets. They didn't have the experience to work with her son's talents. He was so darling with playdates at our house - I couldn't stand to see his parents so stressed out. They finally moved him to another school, and he FLOURISHED. That teacher knew little boys, and he thrived. Total turn around, and a great launch into kindergarten. He is in first grade now, and not the nightmare child his 3.5 teachers were claiming AT ALL.

Our kindergarten teacher last year has 3 boys herself(now in college), and was a cub scout leader. She knew all boys, even the future VP of sales types (high energy, charming, and clever and somehow.... figuring out sneaky things!) I saw her work wonders. (public school, btw)
So stick with your intution - you know your son can cooperate, just interview teachers and find the one who knows how to work with these kind of entertainers.

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I don't know what a challenger school is, but I taught in a charter Montessori school for several years. It was very difficult for the staff to occasionally have to approach parents with the concern that the program may not be a fit for the child. However, it does happen. Don't take this personally, they want their program to be successful and for your son to succeed in any program he is in. If they are advising you to find another place, they want him to succeed somewhere, and that will be somewhere else.

I know it is hard but see this as a good thing.

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That is so funny, not your situation, but that you just described my daughter to the T. We had similar issues. We ended up sending our daughter to Miramonte School in Los Altos.
It was the best decision we could have made. We made a sacrifice in the academic department, but she went from hating everything about school to loving it almost overnight when we made the change. Her old school was killing her spirit. She felt like she was being picked on and couldn't be herself. Miramonte is a small Christian School and the teachers are wonderful. They all used my daughters strong points to help her learn. Because of the smaller class size the kids get more individual attention and the teachers can be more creative when it comes to teaching the kids.
My daughter has now moved on to King's Academy, much more academic, and is right where she needs to be. She still loves school and learning. The most important thing is to find a good match for your son from the beginning. If he starts out with a sour taste in his mouth about school, it may be very difficult to get him back. If Challenger doesn't want to take the time to get to know what works for your son, you are better off not having him at their school.
Figure out how your son best learns, does he learn by touching and doing, by hearing and saying, or by seeing and reading. Then find the school that uses these learning styles to teach.
I hope you find this info useful and good luck.

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Although this is a horribly unjust thing that happened to your son, I would remove him from the school as soon as you find a good fit for him. You don't want him in an environment where he feels unwelcomed or unappreciated. My nephew has ADHD and has struggled with this at multiple points in his schooling so finding a welcoming environment is key. Hard to do with publicly funded facilities but not impossible. Are you in the Fresno Area? If so, there is a great private daycare/preschool on West Shaw near Grantland. It is call Apples of Gold Preschool and I know the director personally. She actually was the director of my nephew's preschool and has endless experience with children who are gifted or have special needs. I'm not suggesting that your son has ADHD, in fact it sounds like he may be gifted and easily bored due to the fact that he catches on so quickly. I am a teacher and I see this all the time in gifted kids. If you are in the Fresno area... and Shaw and Grantland isn't too far for you, give Jackie a call at Apples of Gold. If it is too far, maybe give her a call anyway and ask if she has any recommendations for other centers. by the way, I think the fee is reasonable... only $125 per week for as early at 6:30 am to 6pm and Im sure it would be less for part-time. Hope this helps... but I would definitely move him if he was my son. Good Luck!

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Hmm. Sounds like this school is not maybe the best "fit" for your family...they are too wimpy and unwilling to work with parents! They don't know how to handle a challenge, maybe. This may be a blessing in disguise, and a chance for you to find a better place for him where the grown ups are not afraid to be strong and try harder to work with parents. Don't waste time feeling bad. You can observe them all at work together and see how they handle the kids and decide how you feel about them. Then go and take him somewhere else if there is a real reason to. But it's okay for things to change if they have to.

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Hello! I have a four-year-old son who also quite nicely fits with the description you wrote of your son. I have an older girl and had to get used to the extra energy of a son! I also work full-time. We have him at the KinderCare on San Pablo Dam Road in El Sobrante. The teachers are great and understanding (that does not mean that I do not get my daily dose of, "He was not listening very well today..."). But, my son is happy, challenged, and loves spending time with his teachers and friends. Good luck and hang in there. I know how certain words can be very hurtful - especially when it comes to our beloved children. Have confidence that you will be able to find a place that will be a good fit for your son.

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I participated in a co-op pre-school with my son when he was only 1 yr. old. I learned that many research had shown that play based schools are best for kids under 5. My son (is now 4) had also gone to a Montessori pre-school that was more structured than play based. I noticed that he just wasn't excited about going and I pulled him out. He has been in a play based school for over a year and can't have enough of it. In a play based environment, kids learn through playing and are given choices based on their interest. The school and teaches have weekly curriculum. Activities are built around that weekly theme (i.e. themselves, their family, their community, environment, different culture and traditions, numbers, alphabets, sign language, etc.) You might want to look into it. The challenger teaching method is outdated and is giving parents the illusion that their kids are achieving through stuffing it. Our kids are not robots; they come with their individual personality and spirit. It might turn out to be the best thing for your son to leave that environment. All the best.

C.

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We found that it was nice to have our son in a neighborhood preschool since he was meeting children that would eventually be in his elementary school. We are in the Almaden Valley area of San Jose and were very pleased with Cornerstone preschool.

http://www.cornerstoneshcc.com/cp/index.htm

Good luck to you

E.

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From what I have heard about Challenger from other parents is that they focus way too much on rigid schedules and they extinguish any creativity the child has. Move him! I also had an experience with a private school suddenly telling me my child was a "poor fit" for their school. In retrospec they were correct, I wouldn't want any of my kids in that program. I also agree that many schools are labeling normal boy behaviour as bad, since they are being compared to girls. It's ironic that the behaviour I was compared to as a child was a boy and now it's the other way around. I hate seeing my boys being made to feel bad about thier normal boy behaviour. My son that was a "poor fit" ended up at Belmont Oaks Academy (in Belmont) & I love this school. My fourth child is still there. They have a preschool - Merry Moppet. I also loved it. I know there are former Challenger students here. Good luck! Find a better place for him.

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Almost all the kids at my son's preschool stopped napping by age 4. The few nappers stayed in to nap while the non-nappers played in the playground. A 4 year-old cannot be expected to stay still for an entire naptime, especially a boy. There is a ton of research out there showing that much of the educational system is now hurting boys by expecting them to behave the same way girls can (e.g., sitting still over long periods of time), even though they are wired totally differently. The Town School, which is considered by most to be the top private boys' K-8 in SF, has shorter class periods and structures class activities so that the boys can often stand and move based on the most up-to-date research on educating boys. I have never heard of Challenger (I'm in SF), but it sounds awful. Early reading does not mean success in life. I started reading at age 3 (on my own, not because some preschool taught me). My husband didn't learn to read until he was in kindergarten. We both ended up at top universities, and, if anything, my husband has had more success in his career than I. While the school's method of informing you about the lack of fit was rude and unhelpful, I think the school is doing you a huge favor by giving you the opportunity to put your son in a school that will help preserve his imagination and love of learning. I would take it as a compliment that your son does not fit into some robotic mold, though I can only imagine how you must have felt during that phone call.

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You've had so many responses ... so to keep it short and sweet, maybe you should try a play to learn type place or even Montessori-which has more structure but children are taught individually at their pace. My eldest went to Montessori and my youngest is attending a play to learn. EACH CHILD IS SPECIAL AND UNIQUE AND HAS DIFFERENT NEEDS AND SKILLS. I'm sure you'll find a great place.

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Look into a Montessori School.....He will have structure, academics and a freedom of choice which might suit him. Sorry about your situation. Don't take it too badly. Your child is not a "conformist". I have a similar child. Smile smile

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Your son sounds bored and like this school has unrealistic expectations for a child his age and temperament. Intelligent, high energy kids are more work for parents and teachers, but would you trade?

As a working mom, I hesitate to recommend a book for you--who has time? But this one might save you some frustration over the coming years, "Raising Your Spirited Child," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

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Hi B. -

This is shocking!!! He "challenges" the teachers at Challenger School and makes kids laugh?? Sounds like a perfect little 4 year old boy! I have a 5 1/2 year old son in K and a 2 1/2 year old in preschool and both are lively and make kids laugh and run around and love to have fun. Kids this age should be having fun and playing. Both of my kids went to full time preschool and had so much fun yet my older one learned a ton and is doing great in K. They both went to a wonderful preschool that is on the "cheaper" side and so constructive with feedback. I can't recommend it highly enough! It is called Park Avenue Preschool and is located near the Rose Garden area in San Jose. It is on The Alameda and Race Street. The website is www.parkavenuepreschool.com. They handle each child invidivually and are warm and loving and teach while at it!

Good luck and I would pull your son immediately. He can't be feeling good going to school especially now that you and your husband are upset. There are so many wonderful options out there!

C.

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Dear B.,
You are just receiving this news today, so be sure to give yourself time to let it sink in. You son not being a good fit for something does not mean that there is something wrong with him. They may not have handled things in the best manner, but, it sounds like you have some good clues as to why they said what they said.
Instead of thinking that your son is not a good fit for them, try thinking that they were not a good fit for your son. It may be upsetting and inconvenient to figure something else out, but it's better that you know now as opposed to finding out later.
I have no experience with Challenger school, but I Googled and it's a private school, with a clear mission statement. I'm not defending them, but I don't think it's a matter of your son being somewhere that he is not wanted. (Unless they came right out and said that). They might not have said it the right way, but, if it's not the place for your kid, it's not the place for your kid and it wouldn't be right for them to continue taking your money and not have the time or resources to deal with a child does not benefit from the structure or routine that they implement for their students. I'll bet you a million dollars that your son is not the only child they have decided would be happier somewhere else. If you look at it that way, it's a blessing for your son that they came out and said it.
Now you can deal with it.
My daughter started kindergarten at 4. She was frighteningly intelligent and precocious, to say the least. She wasn't defiant. She didn't run around when everyone else was sitting or having rest time. She shared, she helped be the chair or play equipment "monitor", all that stuff. But, she joked around, constantly. She's 22 and she's hilarious to this day. But, I was always getting calls about her silliness. Her teachers said it was a sure sign of how extremely sharp she was, but, there were too many times they had to turn their backs to the class because they didn't let the kids know that they couldn't keep a straight face. I really had to work with her about that. Being funny is one of the best things about her, but there's a time for funny and a time for being serious. The classroom was not her own personal little audience. That's not what she went there for every day. She was there to learn. Her teachers absolutely adored her and said they could all see her being famous someday. But the truth was, it was school, not a comedy show.
I gave her plenty of creative outlets at home, let her dress up with her friends and put on shows in the back yard. There's nothing wrong with being funny, but there is a time and a place. She never would have dreamed of doing that in a nice restaurant or visiting elderly relatives or in church. She just had to figure out that school was another of those places where you have to check yourself.
They had art time and play time and did skits and things and her creativity was welcomed then. It's not like she didn't have an outlet for it. She had to learn it's not fun and games all day long.
Keep in mind your son is only 4. You can't expect him to behave like an 8 year old.
Find a program for him that works on developing a child's ability to assimilate prior to kindergarten as opposed to one that expects them to come out of the womb ready for it.
And TALK to your son. Not nagging....but, even if he doesn't like it, when everyone else is laying down for quiet time, that means EVERYONE. Including him. When everyone is sitting and listening to a story, that means EVERYONE. Including him. If he doesn't want snack time or like what they have, that's okay. Everyone has to sit down anyway. That means EVERYONE, including him.
He doesn't get to be the one in the classroom who decides what he will and won't do. He has to do what everybody else has to do.
I'm saying this because I had to say it to my own daughter. Repeatedly.
I never had to move her, but you can look at this as a fresh new start. And when you get your son somewhere new, talk to the teacher and get a report at least once a week. Let your son know that you and the teacher are working together and it's his job to do his best too.

sorry this got long, but I'm sure you will find somewhere that your son is much happier. Just remember that happy does not equal goofing off. That's what I had to get through to my daughter.

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I agree with many responses already here. My son sounds similar to yours: active and strong-willed. In order to build a positive attitude towards school, I did not put him in a highly structured program. I was very happy with the preschool/Pre-K program he was in. They used positive discipline and less structure. One downside was that my son had a little bit of a difficult time when he entered Kindergarten. The teacher was very strict and structured. Bottom line, though, by the end of the year, he was one of the top students academically in his class and has had absolutely no problem in 1st grade so far. The preschool is Tamien Child Care Center, which is run by Bright Horizons. I don't know if they have openings.

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That is the problem with completely academically based programs. They don't want children who they have to work with on behavior. I have loved Action Day Nursery/Primary Plus for my children and my niece and nephew attend Merryhill. They both have great programs and are nurturing.

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there is protocol that schools are supposed to follow to inform parents of problems before it gets to that point. it sounds like they did not follow such protocol. that doesn't necessarily help your situation, but i just wanted to point that out. it might be useful information when trying to get him into a new school. if they question why he was dismissed, you can clarify that you never had a chance to address any problems before he was kicked out, so it is not an accurate reflection of his behavior and of his potential. good luck!

I can't imagine how your 4 yr old would be disrupting 'teaching' to a group of 4 yr olds cuz there really shouldn't be much 'teaching' at this age....just learning thru play & stimulating activites. And upset cuz he doens't nap? Well, any preschool teacher worth her salt would know that most 4 yr olds do not nap anymore! And would also know that it's very hard to 'make' most kids do anything they don't want to do plus they shouldn't be forcing kids to do anything, anyway. Yes, they were very insentive & if I were you, I would not leave my child there one more minute than necessary cuz I agree, I wouldn't want our boys somewhere they weren't welcome or wanted. Start looking pronto for a play-base program that realizes all kids are different. Just a little personal info....when my twin nephews were 3, my sister started them in a preschool that offered a tax break thru her work. From the get-go, they came home exhibiting very odd behaviors & doing things they hadn't done in quite some time or at all. Having worked in preschools for several years , I was worried about them & told my sister but since my sister works full time, she just couldn't make the time to find another one. I say refused & stuck her head in the sand! She also never talked to the teachers really about any of the oddness or her concerns. Anywhoooo...this was not a good way for them to start school & they still have problems at times & they're now 8.5 yrs. So, this preschool could have lasting affects on your son & his attitude towards school & learning so again, pleae start looking around & get him palced in another shcool. w/Best of luck!

B.,
I wouldn't be affended... there is a reason this happened, and this just isn't the right place for him. My son was in a preschool that he hated. The teachers were nice and he got along with the kids, but for whatever reason, it wasn't a good fit for him. I traded preschools to a church based preschool daycare, and they are much more patient and excepting. My child loves to go to school everyday now. They don't usually teach religion at the church based programs, but they pray and acknowlege God. I would look into a church preschool/ daycare program in your area. Hope this helps.
K.

Hi,

My daughter had a similar issue at a pre-school. The daycare was far too rigid and not flexible. We searched for a different preschool. The Director of that preschool suggested that we take their letterhead and write a letter to my daughter. In the letter we told her how much the school was looking forward to her joining the daycare. It worked like a charm.

We found a wonderful, open and creative place for her and she really loved the letter. She has kept it all these years (she will be 10 soon).

Hi B.,
I got a similar response just yesterday from my child's preschool. (See my post yesterday) They said that because she was not sleeping at naptime, she was being "disruptive." I was a little surprised by that, but what REALLY surprised me was that the teacher said if it continued, that we would have to take her out of the school.

Well, on the good advice of some mamas here on mamasource, we spoke with our daughter (put the Fear of God into the kid about being disrespectful of grown-ups, etc), then spoke with the teacher, and tried to work out a resolution. In the end, the teacher ended up giving my daughter a book during nap time and that solved the "being disruptive" issue. They said she had a much better day today. (We will see if it continues, she might be a little monster again tomorrow for all I know.)

Are they telling you your son is kicked out, with no warning or chance to try and work it out? It seems to me that you should have the chance to try and work with your son and correct the problem behavior. Maybe talk with him about no talking while the teacher is talking, etc, and see if that helps. I mean, as my husband said to the teacher this morning, it is HER job as well as ours to help our child be at her best. It should not fall on the shoulders of a preschooler to be the sole party responsible for their own good behavior.

Anyhow, I don't know what the answer is, but I think the school needs to step up and help you out. If they won't, then this is not the right place for your child. I absolutely agree with you that if your son is being treated as unwanted, then that's not going to be good for him. Several mamas suggested Montessori to me; I think it's a great idea except the one in our area is not full-time, so that was out for me. But San Jose is bigger so maybe you have more choices...

Good luck - I'm right there with you!

Hello B., My daughter is 6 and attends Valley Christian however, before that she attended "My School" at Cathedral of Faith a Christian church in San Jose right near 87 and Curtner. I would refer everyone there they were very good and understanding with children that might need some extra guidance or just having a bad day. the number is ###-###-####. Call them ask questions and just take a look around. Your child deserves to be in a healthy environment. It sounds as if the teachers just didn't know what to do.

Good Luck and God Bless!
L.

I agree with what others have said. I have actually never heard of a Challenger School, but it sounds to me like they are expecting way too much out of pre-schoolers. If they are not equipped to handle a normal, active child, than what good are they? I would look into a regular pre-school or a Montessori pre-school. I work at a Montessori elementary school and I can tell you that while it is a great program for kids to learn at their own pace it is a bit chaotic in the classroom. So I would visit a few preschools and talk with some of the teachers. Find a school that is one that you feel comfortable leaving your son at all day :).

Hi B.,
I agree with the other responses on here so far and am shocked that they just informed you of the issue today. Had there concerns been addressed earlier then maybe the two sides could have partnered on making the situation better. I also work and both of my kids have been in daycare since they were infants. I'm not sure where you are located, but when we lived in the San Jose area my older son went to Action Day on Moorepark and now we live up in Roseville and I LOVE The Phoenix School. Both schools have been wonderful experiences for me and my kids. One is now in Kindergarten and the other is still at Phoenix School. I do agree that it is best to find some place else at this point because of how they handled the situation. I totally agree with you about not wanting to leave your child in situation that might further diminish his self esteem (or put him in a hostile environment). Good luck to you in your search!

B.,
My heart goes out to you. I am sure you are crushed to hear that your son is "not a good fit". I would be hurt and outraged. What comes to mind first is Montesorri school. They allow your child to work at his own pace and in HIS WAY of learning. Do some research online to see how your child would "FIT" there. Also, if you are not wanting to take him out of his challenger school, I would suggest that your husband volunteer on his days off for a while to see what the REAL issue is here. Are they just not wanting to deal with an independant child who is done with naps at age 4...or is your child seriously causing a disruption to the class? I can't see one child causing that much disruption to a pre-k class that would warrant removing him from the school. You should be getting more details as to what the problem is if they are telling you that you NEED to find another school. SERIOUSLY!!! I wonder if this is something they do on a regular basis. ("This child doesn't do EXACTLY what he/she is told at ALL times...it would be easier if we just sent him/her to another school.") I wonder if there is a way to find out if they have indeed done this in the past and to talk to those parents about it. You should ask them if this is a common practice of theirs or is your son the first.
I wish you all the best and I feel your pain. My daughter had a very insensitive kindergarten teacher who would tell me daily how "awful/horrible" she was that day...while my daughter was standing there...with her classmates too. Her teacher told me that I should put her in private school. I was mortified. Unfortunately, I didn't see that my daughter wasn't the problem for a few months. (I was VERY STUPID!) The good news is that I eventually did and had the teacher reported and the issue was rectified immediately. My daughter did much better for the rest of the year on a contract that made the teacher POINT out exactly what the issues were instead of just saying, "she was horrible today". It just got better and better as time went by. A year later she was diagnosed ADHD and put on meds. To this day...five years later...she is a straight "A" student and in advanced classes across the board.
I hope my rambling makes sense to you and it helps you in some way. Good luck and have a great week!

M....

I have 3 boys and a girl and I can tell you there is a big bias against little (and big) boys especially in education, starting w/preschool- because it's "easier" for these kind of teachers to teach kids who are docile obedient and quiet- which describes almost NO boys. Do not feel hurt- do not feel bad for your child- be thankful that you are his mom and he's a great kid and nothing is wrong w/him- they just can't handle any kid that's not quiet... Your boy is probably a talented comic or very athletic and very smart... get him somewhere that loves this about him- it'll be a better fit for him and YOU and that's all that matters!!! They should have admitted that they can't handle vs. something's "wrong" w/him. We need to be advocates for our boys.

Don't know what Challenger School is but maybe you should try another preschool.

I really think that this should be turned around. Challenger is not a good fit for your terrific, active and intelligent kid. When my kids were younger there was a Challenger program nearby that was so popular people would literally camp out at to get a spot, so I looked into it. In all honesty I was appalled! These kids were expected to sit and pay attention to one thing for FAR too long. Challenger's big claim to fame is very early reading, but at what cost? Studies continually show that kids all end up reading at the same levels in 4th grade (same % above, at, and below grade level), regardless of whether they learned at 4 yrs. old or 7 yrs. old, so early reading isn't really a benefit in the long run, just a bragging right for the parents. I felt like that program was turning out little docile, complacent, Stepford children. :o)

If you live anywhere near the Almaden area of San Jose, I would suggest Cornerstone Pre-School on Camden Ave. ###-###-####. My kids are now in 6th and 9th grade so it's been a while since we were there, but it was a great experience all around. The teachers really understood that all kids are developing at different levels and managed to make each one feel like the favorite. They also taught me alot about what my kids were truly capable of! They are both now excellent students and love school. (which is saying something for teens/pre-teens!)

Whatever you decide, please remember that although they tend to be a challenge to their parents when young, independent thinkers with the ability to make others laugh are generally very successful in life!