4 Year Old Behavior Change

I went through this with my daughter. I have wasted a lot of time and money on programs she wanted to try. This is just my opinion. I feel when they see its going to be work and not all play. That they have rules to follow, its not such a idea after all. It sounds good to them until they see its work to. My daughter is 9 yrs old now and wants to try softball again. I have to really think about it. She was in soccer for the past 3 yrs. Believe me it was not easy keeping her interested. She always in the beginning wants to play until the 3rd week. Then she starts with I do want to go. I tell her if I sign her up she has to complete it. She took someone place that could be playing.

My point is you maybe going through the same thing. My son will be next and I have learned my lesson if he does this once, no more sports. He is 4 yrs old now.

This is about the age they realize they're growing up and enjoy being independent on their own terms, but the maturity isn't quite there yet when dealing with new situations. Couple that with her wanting to take basketball, without maybe realizing exactly what she's going to be expected to do to play basketball, i.e., the training, and it has to be confusing and perhaps overwhelming to her. So getting frustrated and crying for you, even when you're there, may be her way of letting you know the anxiety is too much for her.

Try talking to her beforehand, and explain that you will be there but she'll need to be with the coach/leader/instructor and the other children doing what the class is doing, and not with you or crying. Maybe she'll open up and tell you how she feels, maybe she won't, maybe she'll do fine after your talk, and maybe you'll just have to wait a year or so and try again.

My son has a similar issue with swim lessons. He generally needs to adjust to new situations in his own time. He's slowly feeling more comfortable; and I know him well enough by now to not push it. Perhaps give your daughter a few more weeks where you encourage, but don't force, her to participate. Praise her when she does, and don't stress if she doesn't. If after a few more weeks, she still won't participate, then maybe wait until next season.

i had the same thing with dancing school she is not ready try again next year.

Luv,

She's likely hungry or thirsty without really knowing it.

AND, don't mess with regressing. It's not just that it happens - it is inevitable. She's going to do it no matter what you say or do. It's part of the growth spurt process. She knows she wants basketball. But instead of an organized activity - just a basketball and you guys might do the trick. She's only 4. Organized activities likes ports are better started in the teens than at such a young age. I know, it's not the mainstream thought...but it is generally better to start when they are developmentally ready.

Right now, her body is focusing on GROWING, not building muscle or muscle memory. So learning to throw a basket now is not going to be the same as when she learns how to throw it when she's finished attaining most of her height.

Taking energy away from growing and keeping warm is not good for her either (see parenting passageway - carrie dendtler - just do a search on warmth, you'll get several posts!) The less her body focuses on extra things like a lot of exercise (some is good - a lap around a track?) and focuses on building her body and her brain and her digestion (all things you don't really notice going on!) the better off she will be.

She misses you! of course! You're her Mama. So many people really forget that just because a child has mastered something - doesn't mean they can decide they don't LIKE it, and move against it at some point. Or that what they mastered in fear, the fear wears off, and they suddenly realize, it doesn't HAVE to be this way - even if the parents really think it does.

Good luck,
M.

She probably just is not quite mature enough yet. We had a similar problem with our son when he was 5 (just turned 5, the summer before he started Kindergarten). He wanted to sign up for t-ball but once it started he would refuse to participate and would just stand on the side and ignore the coach. When we talked to him about it at home we came to the conclusion that he was terrified to do something wrong in front of other kids. Anyway, we waited till he was older and more mature to do team sports. He did a lot of activities that were more free form and individual during that time (like gymnastics). In 1st grade he finally wanted to do soccer and by then he was mature enough to do very well and really enjoy it!

Hi,
Maybe she doesn't really need a "program" yet? Maybe she just wants a Jr.-sized ball and net, and to play with Mom and Dad?

My 4 y.o. loves to throw the ball at the hoop with us, but after a few minutes, he "done" and goes on to something else.
t

Maybe at this point, for a few practices, she just needs to sit on the sidelines and see what is going on.... it is a new activity, after all, and unless she has had siblings playing basketball, she may not understand what may be involved in with the practices.

I don't know whether it would be better for her to just sit quietly with you sitting quietly watching, not interacting with her, or if you were to say things like "See? They are practicing passing the ball back and forth... They are practicing dribbling the ball.... they are running around the gym to make their legs stronger..."