4 Year Old Attend Wake/funeral? Miss Preschool Camp?

Being she has preschool camp to help jump start her for starting preschool. I say leave her behind. Otherwise I would have taken her. And I would use that as the excuse of leaving her behind.

I'd let her go to camp. Honestly, it will be easier for you to manage without her that day.

Who cares what the family thinks. They should be focusing on the grandmother that day. And if they say something to you - remind them of that.

Sorry for your hubby's loss.

Leave her with your mom if that is an option. 4 yo's don't necessarily understand what is going on and funerals are boring. She wlll be happier. and you and your husbnad will be much less stressed knowing she is being taken care of and having fun.

Funerals are for the living to say good-bye. Since your daughter has a relationship with Great-Grandma she should have the chance to say good-bye. I think a lot of the fear surrounding death is because children do not get exposed to funerals. Children need to understand that death is a part of life, no being lives forever. Death is not something to be feared any more than any other part of life. It is the transition from physical living to spiritual living.
Is there a chance that you can change the week she goes to camp? I would contact the pre-school and ask that she be switched to a different week.
My condolences to your family.

Personally, preschool camp or no preschool camp, I would take her to the funeral. It isn't college orientation. It's preschool, and your daughter will adjust when she gets there in September just as well as if you let her go to this camp. I also think it could be a valuable learning lesson on "sometimes, we have to give up things we want to do to do things we ought to do". But that's just me.

At 4, she's plenty old enough to handle the concept of death and the fact that Great-Grandma is gone. I think families that don't take their children to funerals until they are much older do them a disservice. It distances them from death, and not in a good way. Seeing it first hand takes a lot of the mystery and fear out of it.

You have to do what's right for your family. What I said is what would be right for mine.

Don't skip the camp she's 4.. she'll have the rest of her life to learn about funerals. I hope people can post on your question and not your beliefs.. not very often I come across moms that have views similar to mine :). You obviously paid for this camp, your daughter needs it and a 4 year old at a funeral is not fun. If your MIL says anything tell her to butt out. Kidding. Just say that you paid for a camp and it's important she gets acquainted with her new school and your parents want to keep her. Tell her you don't want to subject her to all the emotional stuff a funeral comes with and thats that.

I also don't exactly get why you feel she is too young to understand the death and funeral aspect. My son is 4 years old, and understands what death is and why we go to a funeral. Kids are more perceptive than people give them credit for. While I understand the wake part- I have always thought it was creepy- the funeral is different. It's not about her understanding what is going on- it's about family and being a supportive family. Maybe your husband can go down for the wake, and you come down the next day for just the funeral. Maybe that would be a good compromise? That way she only misses a partial day of camp?

I believe if your daughter had a close, personal attachment it would be one thing. But she is 4, and from what you said, does not have a close, personal attachment to her great-grandmother. I would not bring her then, and let her enjoy her time at camp and with your mother. Your attention should be on your husband and his family, not worrying about your 4 year old during a wake and funeral.

Let her go to Preschool and your Mom can help out. IF MIL is not happy tough! Your DD and your decision. While we can't shelter our kids forever, exposing them to death sooner then we have to opens that complex conversation with them and she could get scared. Go pay your respects with your husband and dont' worry about it.

I think it would be appropriate to leave her behind. She is too small to fully understand what is going on and I think it's important to get her used to her preschool before she goes. I think that you should just explain these things to your MIL just like you did here. Good luck, it's hard dealing with the in laws at times, but it sounds like your plan would be best for her!!

I would probably leave her too if she is fine with that. maybe let your MIL that it's only a week thing that you think she really needs and that she is looking forward to going to. Sorry for your loss.

Life will be filled with these types of compromises. You are at the early stages I have much older children so can attest to that fact. The simple truth is it is going to be difficult for you if you bring her. You will be chasing, watching for, taking care of the four month old, so irregardless of what the whole death/issue is and I agree with a poster that 4 years old is plenty old enough to understand the funeral aspect-the whole thing is probably foreshadowed by the fact that you are personally going to have a lot to drain you. On the other hand children adjust to so much, and two days or five days, preschool will be there in the fall and she will still get used to it then. I'd say take her, but I also never had a mom that would take care of my children so just consider the fact that there truly will be more things going on her entire life and this is just one in the beginning. So sorry for your loss and Good luck with your decision.

Here is my vote:
Ask her. My grandmother passed away. My 10y knew her. Not well, but knew her. My 4y didn't know her at all. I told them, they were sad, and when I asked if they wanted to go out of town to say good-bye and skip their school for a day, they both said no, they wanted to stay home.

If you do take her with you, I would only take her to the service(s) that are closed casket. I don't like viewings. The last family viewing, they told me there would be open casket from 1-3 and closed casket from 3-5. So I just made sure I went after 3, which it turns out is when most of the people with kids showed up.

If MIL makes a fuss about her not being there, just say that its what you and hubby decided as her parents was best for her.

M.

My son was not quite 3 when his beloved Pap passed...I still regret NOT taking him to the funeral home...

I did not take my 4 year old to the funeral home when my 39 year old aunt passed away. I left him with family and it worked out fine. I did take my baby, so that everyone could love all over her as therapy. She was too young to understand, but the 4 year old was not. I am glad that I did what I did.

Just took my six year old, he was okay but everything lasted forever and was very boring for him. If you take her you will spend every minute caring for her and the baby

I am sorry for your loss~ I would let her go to preschool camp and explain to the family that she isn't emotionally ready for this sort of environment. If they don't like it--they can keep it to themselves.

GL--you are making the best decision for your child. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

M

Since your daughter wasn't close to her, I would definitely leave her with your parents and let her continue her daily routine. You and your husband will have your hands full with the baby, grieving and his family (do what's best for your family and daughter, not your MIL.)

I would not take her with me. Not sure I would go and spend the night either though. You don't say the timing, I would maybe let hubby go and spend the night and then bring my daughter after camp to visit with family afterwards.

I would definitely leave her with your parents while you attend the services. For all the reasons you stated.

I think it's fine to leave him with your parents. Kids don't always have to go to funerals of people they weren't close to. BTW did you know that 60% of people do not know the names of their great-grandparents? Makes you think doesn't it?

My MIL died at aged 73. I took my kids to all the service, wake, funeral, and burial. They were 3, 6, and 8.

It was enormously sad. They sobbed loudly in church.

However, since they DID know her, I felt it was a healthy part of life to go through a proper grieving process.

I'm not sure if I'd have taken them if it were someone they didn't really know. I want to say, I probably wouldn't take them. But I WOULD tell them about it.

You're the Mom, it's entirely up to you. You can decide what's right, and let every one deal.

:)