4 Year Old and Being Upset About His Grandpa's Death

This is what I did when my dad passed. I made a small photo book just for my son. We also let balloons go on his birthday, I let him do it. We tell stories about how much he loved being with him. The photo book worked great! Something that is just for him, we also gave him something from Pa;a. I tried to make it a positive way to look at his papas passing.

Just be kind to your son and your husband, who's probably hurting too. I find that grief is cyclical: it comes in waves; seems to go away for awhile, but then returns, until I work through the whole cycle. When I don't face my feelings, then they haunt me later. Your son may be feeling one of those waves, and he needs you to comfort him. Your other sons may be upset too. I suggest that you make time to sit with them and talk about their grandfather.

Also, it's holiday time when I seem to miss those most who aren't with me anymore. It's difficult to be happy when you don't feel that way. Good luck, dear.

Hi S.
So sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad four years ago. My daughter was 3 at the time as well. As i remember the first year was tough for her. My dad died at the hospital so she had a hard time going to the doctors for about a year. The next year was a little better but she still was missing my dad. My instinct told me that when she was missing someone else IE: her dad or her grandma it would intensify her felings of loss for my dad. I guess what im trying to say is he missing anyone eles that hasnt passed away?? Maybe if he could see or talk to that person that would help? I takes time for them to trust that everyone around them isnt going to go away.All you can do is teach him that people do come back by coming back to pick him up . The worst thing you can do is feed into his anxity by keeping him home. He will get better.
Him being afraid (corney) but time heals all wounds and my daughter is now 7yrs she no loger says "i miss bammpie" and can talk about him with out getting really sad.
I hope ive helped after ratteling on :) Good luck-K.

Just wanted to let you know it is typical with death to actually be much more sad later - when the person really has lived for awhile without that loved one and comes to truly understand what death REALLY means and what life will be like without that person. Especially for young ones who have maybe never experienced death, but even for adults. You suddenly realize that you really, truly are never going to see that person in this life, and you don't like how that has been. Let him know it is okay to feel sad. Just be there for him, let him know he's all right, and maybe try to discuss the happy memories of his grandfather - so he knows that even though he may be sad, he can still smile and laugh when he thinks about him. Follow his cues. There is no one correct way to deal with death, everyone has his own method.

Great advice so far. The women here are truly wonderful. My suggestion about your son not wanting you to leave him at school would be to maybe let him hold onto something that belonged to his grandpa. If you don't have anything that would be appropriate for a small boy to bring to school, you could maybe buy a little charm or something to represent him or even just a picture. And tell your son that his grandfather is always with him and that little charm could just be a reminder of that - a security blanket of sorts. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.

My mother died five weeks before my daughter was born and my father died when she was 3yo. My daughter was very involved with the situation, since my Dad had ALS and died within months of the illness showing symptoms. He was a young 68yo. My sister and I took turns taking care of him 24/7 for a couple of months, bringing our daughters with us. My daughter gets sad and misses Grampy, sometimes at unexpected moments, because she remembers how fun he was, and how she enjoyed going to his house in NH. She's now 6yo. We talk about Grampy and remember the good times, because we don't want her to forget him. Even though he loved her, he died, and that's just part of life. It's important to acknowledge those moments and allow your child to express what he feels, even if it's uncomfortable for you to talk about. At his age, he probably now realizes that he isn't going to see his grandfather again in this life, so he now understands what death means, where he probably didn't grasp that when he was 3. He probably sees other kids with their grandparents and how much fun they have doing things together, and that may make him sad too. He may also be worried that something is going to happen to you or your husband, which is why he probably didn't want you to leave him at preschool. You need to reassure him that you love him, that he will be taken care of. You can't actually guarantee that nothing will happen to you, but you can soothe his fears now that he's figured out what death means. It helps to talk about your beliefs and not avoid difficult conversations about death. Best wishes.

My children were a little older than your son when my husband passed away. There were soooo many things I did with them those first few years.
My youngest was 6 and even then death to her wasn't something she fully understood. We used to write love notes to daddy on cards and send them up to heaven on balloons. She seemed to be sadder if children at school had talked about someone who'd died. There are a lot of books for young children about death and dying. "Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs", "One Foot in Front of the Other", "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" "Everett Anderson's Goodbye" are all good titles to read with your son and then discuss.

Has your husband been very sad or Grandma with the upcoming anniversary? The first anniversary for widows can be very painful as you hit the realization that he/she isn't coming back and even though you've survived that first year, you have to live through another. Just so you are aware, your mother in law may find the second year much more difficult to traverse than the first year. Your son may be picking up on Grandma's sadness too.

Your continued reassurance that he is loved and that he is being cared for will help. My own small ones were afraid after a few months that I was going to die too. There was a lot of discussion in my home that Mom was healthy and not planning on dying anytime soon.

Good luck

Did you tell him that it is okay to be sad but Grandpa is in heaven and he is an angel watching over everyone? And that your son can talk to him and he will hear him?

Hi
I was just wondering when I saw your post if you are a religious family. If so there are many ways to comfort your son by telling him about heaven and such. I won't go into too much detail because I don't your preference but try something like that if so inclined.