January 14, 2007,
L.S. asks from Jamestown, NY on January 12, 2007
4 Kids Out of Control Can Anyone Help
I'm the mother of 4 small childern the oldest being 9 and the youngest being 4,I've been single for 8 months now and the kids have gone out of control sence the man i had in my life left. The kids have over ruled me,there not listening to anything i tell them, ti's gotten so bad that i cry myself to sleep every night..I've tryed putting them in time out and that doesn't work i've grounded them to there rooms i've even took there things away they liked but none of that has worked...is there anyone out there that could give me some idea's on how to get my childern under control....
1 mom found this helpful
C.C. answers from New York on January 13, 2007
First thing, re-group, if you can get a relative (or trusted friend) to Babysit, take 1 whole day, go to the spa and have a relaxing full body everything. Second, I found that when I was at the end of my rope, I realized in order for my children to change behaviors, I had to change mine...Third, try not to focus on everything the children do wrong, that only encourages that behavior. Focus on any little thing that they each do right. Encourage team work, for example: challenge the 2 older children to clean their toys up, while challenging the 2 smaller ones to see who cleans up the "nicest"and reward them with a story, or family game, treat, etc. Try audio books, what I am trying to say is redirect all of their behaviors, encourage them while praising them, and make sure they each know how proud of them you are. POSITIVE reinforcement will always work. I am not an expert, I do know change comes from within...I wish you luck, I know things aren't easy, but they will get easier if you try...If you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on...
1 mom found this helpful
D.G. answers from Chattanooga on January 14, 2007
Where the kids close to the man that was in your life? I see alot of people telling you to be stricter with them. I'm gonna tell you that won't always work my kids are around the same ages as your between 10-3 here. If your stressed your kids will notice & react to it I.e. being litle monsters. Plus they are searching for attention. My 8 yr old if he REALLY wants attention he don't care if it's positive or negative. The more you act like it bothers you the more they will do it i've found out. Trying setting small chores for them to do & reward them for good behavior. BTW the one that locked her kids in their rooms that is Child Abuse. My oldest 2 help with the youngest two. Message me privately if you wish.
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I.E. answers from Jamestown on January 14, 2007
I went through the same thing when my husband n I split! Consistancy is the best advice I can give! If u get stressed take a little time out ur self! This will take a LONG time but eventually they will know that u mean buisness! They need 2 know what is acceptable! Dont give in n good luck!
M. answers from New York on January 12, 2007
Lynn, I hate to say this but the kids didn't all of a sudden get out of control. Im guessing that the man that was in your life was the one who was more of the disciplinarian with the children and that they have never really listened to you or respected you as their mother. Either that or the man that was in your life was taking up most of your time and you were able to not pay too much attention to the children. Children need to have rules and limitations in a house and understand that if they don't follow such rules then there will be consequences. If you ground them to their rooms are there toys/tv/video games etc there? You need to ground them to a quiet "boring" area. Assign them chores,don't allow them to see their friends, remove the tv or the phone from their access for a couple of days to a week....no exceptions. As their mother, you are not needed to be their friend. They should have friends their own age. They need to respect you which in turn will also let them love you as their MOTHER. Nip this in the bud now before they get into their teen age years or you will really be crying yourself to sleep.
J.H. answers from Binghamton on January 13, 2007
I would ask your children what the problem is, and what you can do to help them. If time out and putting them in theres rooms and taking there stuff doesn't help, I would ask a professional. If they've been bad since the man in your life has left, then I would "the man" to visit for the kids sake. I fpossible. Cuz it sounds to me like lacking stability, and they want the male figure around. And as for other male figures to prevent this from happening again I wouldn't let anymore boyfriends at the house to visit until youve been with him a while an you know its going to stick. Cuz your just introducing heartbreak bac to your children again. I had a friend that did that to her daughter, and she majorly resented her for it. I hope I helped.
B.S. answers from Rochester on January 14, 2007
I wish that I lived next door so that I could give you that daily hug and tell you that you were doing the right thing. I guess my number one advice to you would be consistency. I think that the kids are going to see how much they can get away with with the "dad figure" being away and seeing if you will melt away and give them what they want. This is the time for tough love and to not give in. When I went through a divorce with my husband my son, who was 2 1/2, said to me...daddy bought me this...what are you going to get me? They learn young...very young. I counldn't compete...even though at first i tried very hard. I simply told him "nothing...I can't afford it but I will love you every day..I will play with you every day and tell you a story and listen to you and that is what I can do" and do you know what? I NEVER had a problem with him after that. They may be young but they are not stupid. Don't let them play you. Set ground rules....homework from ....to...., play time from ....to ...., bed time at .....Don't deviate unless it it's a weekend or vacation. Try it every day straight for a week and check your progress after that time. Did you see the movie Nanny McPhee? She was strict at first and then weaned off of it as the children became more independant to the point where they didn't need her anymore. Please feel free to contact me anytime. I am always willing to offer support, from one mom to another.