4-Year Old Son's Dad Let Him Watch Terminator 2... - Saint Louis,MO

Ugh.

We have two sayings in our house:
1. Dads do things differently--because they are not moms.
2. Dads are goofballs! (sorry Jim! LOL)

Is your son having nightmares and or being bothered by this?
Is there something that your son is really "into" (Batman, Superman, etc.) so you can send along a few appropriate movies?
Really, I hope you can just talk to your ex and ex in-laws about this...because if not, it's going to be a long life. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

Ridiculous!!!!! I would be furious. Here's what I would do. I would have your son draw a picture of what he remembers from the movie. If it is a violent picture, talk to him about how it isn't real blah blah blah. I would also talk to him about what things are not okay for him to watch and that it is okay to leave the room if daddy puts in a movie that is scary. Then take the picture to your ex and show him what your son remembers from the movie. (Photocopy it for documentation.) Calmly explain that this is why you don't agree with letting him watch violent movies. EVERY time he goes with his dad and tells you he has watched some inappropriate movie, have him draw a picture of what he remembers. If he tells you that he left the room, praise him big time!! :)
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It is our job to protect our children, including their minds and your ex is being totally irresponsible, imo!

3 moms found this helpful

I totally understand where you are coming from, I do. But, if your son is enjoying them and understands that it's just a movie and 'not real' then I don't see the harm. My husband started watching spiderman, hulk and iron man with our son when he was 3. I didn't agree with it so much but my son loved the character and the action and I saw the two of them really enjoy the time together. Followed by them wrestling like hulk or what have you. So why it may not be us M.'s # 1 movie choice, of your son isn't scared then let boys be boys.

3 moms found this helpful

We've dealt with the same issue when the kids have gone to their dads, and other relatives. At 4 yrs old I wouldn't be so concerned with what he has seen in the movies, I'm not siding with your ex, just that a four year old probably won't retain or react that much to the movies. When it has happened in our home we make sure the kids know that those are movies and not real life and that we would prefer they didn't watch them. Choose and pick your battles, in the grand scheme of things the movies you've listed, in my opinion are ok. If it escalates to R rated then that's a different story. Good Luck

3 moms found this helpful

I know some kids around his age who couldn't sleep in their own beds, found out by talking that it is the games, TV, etc. that they SAY doesn't scare them but it does. I would also be very upset about this but what can you do? I don't see what you could do without a major blow up so is that worth your child's mind or would that even solve the issue as most likely your ex would still do it. I feel so bad for children/mothers/dads in this situation because it's a lifetime of not agreeing on major issues for children. Maybe getting a third party involved, counseling or something would help.

3 moms found this helpful

Is your son haveing nightmares or acting out because of the movies if not I would let it go. My daughter loves the new Alice in wonderland movie that could be scary but not to her. If it starts to affect your son then I would mention to your ex that he is getting scared or whatever and if possible he could hold off until your son is a little older to watch the movies. Good Luck I am not in your situation but it must be hard letting go of controlling what your son watches or does when he is with dad.

2 moms found this helpful

Is it causing nightmares? Is your son waking unusually in the middle of the night screaming/crying? If it is not affecting him, then I'd probably let it roll. Remind your son about real and pretend and how it's not okay for him to shoot people like they did in the movie, etc.

The reason your ex wants to watch THOSE kind of movies with your son is b/c your ex doesn't want to watch nick Jr. My husband can't stand anything on kid tv except for Batman, GI Joe, or Transformers. Perhaps you could suggest a show like that to your ex. Say something like "Ya know Joey really likes Batman. Maybe you could watch that show with him? It's on at (time) on (channel)." Granted, then you may open him up to watch the old Batman movies.

Shame on Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa for allowing such violent and scary movies to be seen when your son is with them. My MIL even emailed me last week to tell me "I don't think the 3.5 yr old needs to see the new Transformers. Might be too scary." Perhaps talk to THEM if your ex is too irate?

2 moms found this helpful

I have to agree with the other posters that if he isn't having nightmares then let it slide. I would also talk to your son about what he is watching and what he thinks, does he know they are just movies?
My daughter likes watching the Mummy and Pirates and some other movies that some parents wouldn't approve of. I let her watch the additional features on the DVD's about how they make some of these films. I have always explained to her that they are just movies. She thinks it is really cool how they use computers for special effects and wants to do it too.
There are some movies and TV shows that I don't want her watching I agree that some are too violent or have too much sexual content.
Maybe you can find a way to discuss with your ex what movies they may be watching the weekends he goes and come to some kind of agreement on what he is watching.

1 mom found this helpful

I feel your pain. I agree you probably can't make your ex have sense about this though. Honestly, I don't think it will hurt your son. If he is being raised by you with good morals in a loving happy home, then seeing this stuff will not make him a violent superhero. When he's a little older, it wont' even scare him. People used to take their little kids to public lynchings. Fictional violence where it is easily explained on a screen is not OK, but not too dangerous unless he is left in front of it constantly. You might try a supportive approach with dim witted ex and ex in laws: "I'm so glad you guys enjoy your boy time together and bond with movies. Just do me a favor, and if he seems scared or covers his eyes, please respect that there are other things he could watch."

Pointless I know, but worth a try. Sorry this is happening. I drew the line at pervy Family Guy and still found out the hubs went behind my back and let kids watch it. :(

1 mom found this helpful

I found out my son who was 14 was letting my 5 year old daughter watch the Halloween movies when we weren't home. Turned out she loved them and loves scary movies to this day. She's 13 now and perfectly normal, loving teen. It didn't end up warping her or her sweet personality. I think the biggest issue is to explain to your son that it is a movie and isn't real. I think you'll find he won't be warped either.

1 mom found this helpful

Those are the kinds of movies my son watched at that age, because he found them hilarious/ exciting/ fun.

Disney, otoh, would give him nightmares for weeks on end (the evil people are reeeeeally evil in Disney, now that I've seen them through my son's eyes). Same token the fact that the heros in more 'adult' movies usually try and FAIL but KEEP TRYING until they are successful was hugely comforting to my son. In Disney, it usually led to a 'showdown' where no realistic person would survive the dragon/whirlpool/advancing mob/ etc.

It all started on day when he was three and came down stairs during pirates of the caribbean one night and BURST out laughing with "Insides on the outsides! They've got no SKIN!!! Insides on the outside!" ... he thought it was the cleverest, funniest thing he'd ever seen.

1 mom found this helpful

I cannot believe how many mamas think nothing of this! Terminator scared ME, shoot! Subjecting young children to such violent and totally UNNECESSARY movies it's not only poor parenting skills, but plain ignorance! My ex brother in law has my nephew watch some of the movies you mentioned on a huge LCD screen, in the evening, with big sound effect and all..the poor kid has become irritable and emulates, while playing, all the moves and voices of his "heroes", always portraying fights and even humming the music while playing...he can't stop "living" in the movies and all his actions show he's internalizing a misleading ideal of what being "manly" means. My ex brother in law is an ignorant, low class idiot who thinks the biggest, strongest, meanest looking male around is COOL and thinks a boy should be "tough", hence the kind of movies he plays for his son. A 4 years old is little more than a toddler and should still live in a safe, tender, loving "world" protected by all the evils he will eventually learn about while growing up. SO if I were in you, for the sake of your son, I'd blatantly tell dad and grandparents (who obviously raised him so they are as ignorant as he is) to STOP showing your son those movies, no matter what your son says (he's 4!) because YOU NEED TO AGREE on this matter. I am so appalled!

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, my grand-kids (ages 4 and 8) have watched those particular movies too. I think they are fun movies and the kids aren't scared from it. They enjoy lots of action movies and so do I.

I do think you are going to have to deal with it/let it go though. No judge will give a court order to limit what types of TV shows the kids can watch while at dad's or his relatives. Sounds like if you tell him not to he just will let them do it more. He's going to let them do it regardless and he'll just start telling them that what goes on at his house is their business and not yours.

Around 5 years old I started allowing my daughter to watch more violent movies - only if I was there to watch it with her. She's seen Iron Man 2 and didn't blink. Jurassic Park might freak her out, as would Wolf Man and Terminator... but if she said she'd like to see it, I wouldn't refuse her, I'd just make sure to watch it with her and explain things as they happen or comfort when she feels scared. She saw Harry Potter 7 & 8 without being afraid.

I really think it's based on the individual... but if this TRULY bothers you and you feel the movies are causing trauma to your child... maybe you should look into changing visitation or stopping them if visitation is not mandated.