4-Year-old Stealing Food

I'm just curious why you think getting food in the home where he lives is stealing? Is it candy or food he isn't supposed to eat except at special times? I would think you would want him to become independent and be able to get food or drink in his own house and not have to bother you. Maybe I don't understand something about your rules about food or you are strict about eating only at mealtimes. Kids his age haven't developed the maturity to really understand what you mean when you say he's stealing and needs forgiveness from God. Its not until they're 7 or 8 that they can truly have empathy and put themselves in someone else's place. Also, a 4 year old doesn't have that kind of impulse control, especially if he's hungry. From the information you've given though it sounds like you're making a lot more out of it than you should and he's on his way to an eating disorder. He just wants some food, and heaping all that stuff on him about "stealing" and asking God's forgiveness seems overboard to me.

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Wow. I must say that I'm in total agreement with Skye (the previous poster) on this one. "Stealing" is a little harsh and telling him that this "stealing" hurts his family..... The kid just wants something to eat. You have to pick your battles and I seriously think your energy and effort would be better spent on something that really raises concern. A growing boy wanting something to eat at an unscheduled time is so not a big deal. The fact that he is independent enough to go and get himself a snack is a blessing! Especially since I see that you have a little one on the way. Be thankful for your firstborn's independence and just make sure you fill up the pantry with nutritious options, so what he chooses will not be an issue. Let go a little before this newborn comes into the family, or you're going to have a very stressful road ahead of you. I don't mean to sound harsh in any way! I just want you to see how easy it would be to turn this behavior into a positive thing for this little guy who's about to be a big brother. Embrace any independence he has b/c it'll be SO HELPFUL to you when the baby comes home.

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I dont consider taking food from your own kitchen as "stealing". If he was taking food from classmates at school, or shop-lifting from the grocery store, that would be stealing.

You should be happy you have a child that wants to eat. Have you considered that perhaps he is taking the food without asking because he thinks you will say no... and he is hungry?

I would never, ever punish my child for getting food. I am relieved that my son is old enough (7) to get food himself and that he is making good food choices. He doesnt eat close to meals because I make sure he gets a morning and afternoon snack when he is home, so he isn't ever super hungry.

My religious beliefs are quite different from yours, but even so, I can't see having my kid ask God for forgiveness because he was hungry and helped himself to some food in his own house. (That just sends the wrong message about God. Im sure you have him pray for forgiveness for "stealing"... but I disagree with your view that it is stealing) It's great that he's being independent and self-sufficient - you should encourage these traits not seeek to squash them. Let go of some of the control and only give him healthy choices. He may be doing it for the attention - and once he doesnt get attention, the behavior may stop. Or if he's doing it because he's hungry, it will probably continue.

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Have you ever thought that he may be hungry? My middle child, a boy, eats every 30 minutes to 1 hour. He is 9 and has been doing this since he was 5! I asked the doctor about it and he said as long as he wasn't gaining weight and I helped him to make the right choices, he didn't see a problem in it. My son has an internal clock that at 30 minutes to 1 hour he asks how long it has been since his last snack and it is precisely 30 minutes to 1 hour! He doesn't eat junk, he is just a growing, active boy who needs his energy!

I also give my kids free reign of the pantry! To me it isn't stealing! They live here with me and can eat whatever and they are not overweight. There are certain things that I ask that they ask me about first since I might need it for a recipe or something, but is not unusual for my kids (11, 9 and 5) to be creative and come up with something to eat on their own. I have an issue with people trying to hide what they are eating because I feel that that will lead to obesity as adults. I had that problem growing up that I would "sneak" food and now I am obese. I still sometimes find myself sneaking food so my husband doesn't see me! I don't want my kids like that.

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I have to agree with everyone else, eating food in your own home is not stealing. Sounds like you have a little man with a big appetite. He is the only one that knows when he is hungry or not. My 4-year-old eats at least every 3-4 hours, sometimes every couple hours depending on how much and what he ate. He usually asks for something, however, he has at times gone in and made a peanut butter sandwich without asking, usually when I'm busy feeding the baby.

Someone else mentioned setting him up for eating problems in the future and I have to agree. If you keep calling it stealing and keep making him feel bad for being hungry and wanting to eat, then he will eventually get better at hiding it and that will cause major trouble. If it is something you really don't want him to have, put it up high out of his sight and reach. Keep his things on a shelf in the pantry with everyone else's food, but at a level where he can reach it. No need to tell him "this is your stuff you can have only this". You know he is going in to get something when he is hungry, just keep stuff in there that you want him to have and let him get it when/if he wants it. Singling out food that he can or cannot have is pretty pointless to a 4-year-old....he won't remember, so it is best to keep what you don't want him to have up high where he can't see or reach, and keep some snack foods down low that he can get.

As the baby arrives and you are busied with newborn baby things, you will be glad he is so independent. My baby is 5 months old now and when my 4-year-old is able to do something for himself while I'm helping the baby it is WONDERFUL!

He's just hungry. Not mean or bad, just hungry.

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Hi J.,
It sounds like you have a little boy with a big appetite. My oldest daughter used to do the same thing your son is doing. When I would be tending to my younger daughter, she would go into the pantry and find things to munch on. I didn't tell her she was stealing. What I told her was that she wasn't allowed to get food without Mommy's permission.

I would feed her three solid meals a day, plus at least one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon most days. But she would still say that she was hungry. What I noticed was that the more she munched throughout the day on little items, the less she wanted to eat during the main meals, and it seemed like she was constantly eating, eating, eating.

When she was about three or four, we put a child-proof handle on the pantry so she couldn't get in there. Then she went for the refrigerator! So we put one on there, too. I kept stressing to her that she needed to eat lots of healthy food at breakfast, lunch and dinner, then she wouldn't want to eat so much the rest of the time.

When the childproof locks were on the refrig/pantry she didn't like it. She started coming to me several times each morning and afternoon for a snack. I had to keep telling her that one snack between meals was enough. If she truly seemed hungry because she had been extra active, I would give her a second snack in the a.m. or p.m.

There is not reason why three square meals and two, maybe three snacks a day aren't enough for a four year old. They often act like they're hungry out of boredom or because they like getting attention from us.

What ended up working out finally for us was: making her snack time at a specific time each day (she likes routine) and: making sure that she was really getting enough to eat at her main meals, then giving her a higher protein or high fiber snack. What I call a snack might be some peanut butter on whole wheat crackers, some cheese cubes, some cut-up apples with peanut butter or caramel, or some rolled up turkey slices. I also would have her drink a lot of water with that snack, because many times they are not getting enough fluid and that makes them think they are hungry. Eventually we were able to take the locks off and she stopped sneaking into the pantry, because she knew what time her snacktime was and would begin to look forward to it.

She still acts hungry at times outside of snacks and meals, but at this point, I can almost tell if her hunger is from boredom or stress and deal with that issue.

One other thing - I let my children have water or skim milk whenever they wish and don't count the milk as a snack. If they are truly hungry, the skim milk will take the edge off the hunger.

Prayer is always good, but try to make sure that he doesn't equate wanting to eat with being a bad person. Make sure he knows that you are praying with him to be obedient to you just like God wants us to be obedient to Him. It sounds like he might not totally understand what he is doing, but he seems so hungry when he does it.

One more thing (I'm sorry this is so long): why is he so hungry? People get hungry for so many reasons. Have you had his blood sugar checked? If it is off, it can cause constant hunger. He might have some other medical issue. And like I said before, he might be doing it out of boredom. Maybe he needs to be doing more stimulating things to get his mind off food? I have dealt with this issue with myself and my daughter, so my heart is with you.

Blessings,
S.

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I have a three-year-old daughter, and she eats and snacks continuously throughout the day. While I try to keep mostly nutritious food on hand, she does eat a variety of snacks. I would never consider her "stealing" food, regardless of if she took it out of the pantry or not. Kids this age are growing, and having a child that wants to eat is something to be thankful for. As a former child care provider, the USDA recommends two snacks in addition to the three meals, in other words, the child can eat every 2 hours or so. If you are making a big deal about his taking food, you should consider that he's doing it to get your attention. Are you giving him positive attention as well by making time for him with other activities? I disagree with any form of punishment for a child getting food. If you are seriously concerned, talk to your pediatrician and see what he recommends.

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First of all it is in his own house so he is not stealing from anyone. If he can't take food from his house then where is he suppose to eat. Im being harsh on you because you are teaching him to dislike his own home. Bringing God in it when not necessary. He is more innocent right now then any adult in that house. Trying to teach a 4 yr old let alone a 3 yr old because you said he has been doing it for a year about stealing in his own home gets sticky. If he was taking money that was not his then that would be stealing. Taking food is not stealing. I think you need to consult your pastor on this issue unless he is the one telling you it is stealing. Maybe then you need to consult someone else.

He is 4 yrs old and needs more snacks and food then you yourself do. If there is junk food in the pantry move it higher. Keep only the canned goods down low. Offer him several healthy snacks several times a day. He should have 3 meals a day and at least 2 snacks and I can tell you my kids eat 3 snacks along with 3 meals. Sometimes I think they are eating all day. Not a single one of my 4 kids are overweight or even chuncky. If he is having a weight issue then you better talk to you pediatrician about a better plan because when you tell a overweight person they can not have food that is just what they will do is eat more. You will create a life long weight issue for him.

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Dear J.,
This has been going on for a year, since he was three years old. He is NOT a bad kid!!!! I agree with all that the previous posters have written. Here are my two cents:

Thank God for his independence when you are pregnant.
Involve your pediatrician.

His "stealing" is rewarding him with extra love and attention. He is getting wonderful, delightful attention (doesn't matter if it's positive or negative) from both of his parents, AND from God for his "negative" activities. His negative behavior is being reinforced.

Taking food from the family's pantry is not stealing. When your children are older, you will learn what "picking your battles" means. This is a "crazy-making" battle.

If I have food in the pantry, cupboards, or fridge that I am saving for a recipe or special meal, I put it out of everyone's (including my husband's) reach, view, or (sometimes) knowledge. =o)

If you and your husband still have a strong need for control in this area, try letting your son believe that he is "in charge" of the pantry. If the idea doesn’t work, don’t reprimand him, just tell him that you’ve stopped using that idea and you’re going to try something else.

Spanking teaches the child that hitting other people when you are angry is OK.

I've thought of some bad things that children might do that necessitate parents needing to pray with them and for them about the child's behavior:
Deliberately injuring or killing animals or other people.
Playing with knives, sharp scissors, or fire.
Running into busy streets or jumping off of rooftops.
Intentionally destroying property, breaking other people’s things, breaking windows.
Using foul language in front of Grandma. =o)

I’d be very, very careful about dishing out negative attention. That new baby is going to be taking a whole lot of “his” attention away. He can do some very bad things to a new baby in order to get the negative attention that he is accustomed to.

Good luck and please go easy on him.

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I'm sorry that you got so many angry comments. People can be so critical, but obviously you are reaching out for help, so you know there is something not right with your situation!!

My first concern would be that he is hungry. I agree with the posters who said to put healthy foods in his reach and encourage him to eat whenever he is hungry. We keep apple slices, etc. and cups of milk on low shelves in the fridge.

There are medical conditions that cause a person to not realize sensations of hunger/fullness. Chances are your son just has a high metabolism or is bored, but he is overweight and still eats and eats, talk to your pediatrician.

Unless your son is stealing other things, I would focus more on keeping unhealthy things away from him and healthy within reach. It really sounds like this is more of a food issue than an issue of taking what doesn't belong to him. It is true that kids can get 'food issues' that can last a lifetime if they get scared they won't have enough to eat or associate guilt and food, so I would focus more on keeping him healthy.

I wish you and your family all the best!!

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Boy, I have read through all of the posts and I hope that you, too, read them and seriously think about them - all but Vicki B. who says she is a "Christian, too" whatever that means... Your son is hungry, he's 4 and he is helping himself to snacks IN HIS OWN HOME! Please consult with your pediatrician to understand that children this age need lots of little meals. Please be careful about the guilt trips, etc... It is so true that so many people these days have such unhealthy relationships with food and you don't want to set your son up to be the next one in line. Please, also, read your own post and try to look at it objectively - maybe you wrote it in a moment of emotional distress - you are a SAHM with a baby on the way and maybe you are tired and overreacting... If he is able to reach food that you do not want him to eat then MOVE IT OUT OF HIS REACH! If it would make you feel better, talk to your preacher, pastor.... whomever is at your house of worship about it, too... I am sure they would think this is nothing to be getting worked up about. Good luck to your son.
I felt I needed to add one more thing here; this is his home. Everyone, children included, needs a place where they can feel secure and can be themselves and it should be their own home. The newest post suggests that he should have the 'manners to ask for a snack' - once, again, this is his home. I'm sure your son has very appropriate manners for a child his age and I'm sure he's not raiding cabinets at a friends house - this is his house and your job as a parent is to not just instill good manners, but to provide a safe haven where a child can be relaxed and just be themselves. I'm sure you are going to feel ganged up on from the responses, but please take my suggestion and re-read your post with an objective eye and please speak with your pediatrician about this - get a professional, not an emotional, opinion about this so that you can look at it with a fresh eye.

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Wow would I be scared to be a child in your home. Yelling, spanking, praying to god for forgiveness because your son is hungry? What type of example are you trying to set for your poor 4 year old? I am a rather strict parent and believe in teaching my children right from wrong, but I would never tell my 3 1/2 year old daughter she was stealing food from our home. In fact, I love the fact that she is independent enough to help herself to a snack or a drink when she wants. While we don't have dry goods in any of our lower cabinets that she can reach, she does know how to open the fridge. We frequently keep grapes or berries washed up for her and cheese sticks and usually a sippy cup with water, milk or juice for her to help herself to when she is hungry. We feed her 3 meals a day, plus snacks, but sometimes that is just not enough for a healthy growing child. My daughter will often eat a full lunch and 15 minutes later come out of the kitchen with a handful of grapes. When my son was first born, it was actually a blessing that she could help herself, cause her snack time was often when I was nursing our son. Heck, she will even bring me the gallon of milk and her cup to fill it for her if it is empty (she knows not to try that herself cause it will spill). I would never imagine keeping food from my child - like many other mother's said, that is just setting your son up for problems later in life. If my daughter ever wants something that is out of her reach like pretzels or crackers, she just asks and generally if it's not too close to meal time, she gets it.

It sounds to me like he either has a very healthy appetite for a growing boy or maybe he is just seeking attention - no matter what type of attention it is he is getting. I often find my daughter behaves her worse on days when I am the busiest (late getting home from work, shopping, chores, etc) and don't have as much time to just interact and spend with her. If this is the case, please, please, please work on this issue now, because it will only get worse when the new baby arrives. With the new baby, your attention will be divided, but ultimately, it is the new baby that will be the priority and if you are not careful on how you handle the situation, your son will feel left out and ignored and will probably act out even more.

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In a way, he's taking care of his needs without bothering you. My six year old drives us crazy all day every day with "I'm hungry; what can I eat?" Our three year old is a scrapper and will go find a banana or apple if he's hungry, which is fine with me. They are accessible at his level. We don't really buy "snacks", because they tend to be processed junk, not healthy foods, not to mention so expensive, so we don't have to worry about them getting into such things, or if we do have some items on hand for my hubby, we have them in a very high cupboard where the kids can't reach them (or they would be into them all the time.)

What you've been trying obviously isn't working, and it doesn't seem right to punish him if he's hungry and trying to fill that need (although if he's just getting into treats, that's different - take away the temptation). A realtor once told us in preparation for an open house, that the best of people will be tempted by diamonds sitting around, so put your diamonds away before the open house, she said, as if we had diamonds hanging around, but you get the point. It's not really fair to have such tempting things within his reach when he doesn't have the will to leave them alone.

Their brains aren't fully developed until age 5, and they're not really really accountable for their actions until more like age 8, so you don't want to make him feel like he's the devil. Remove the temptation. There must be another place for untouchables (on top of the fridge - although our three-year-old can get up there to get the halloween candy; in a higher cupboard; in your closet, etc.) I don't think that kids really think of it as stealing. They feel like it's their home, and everything in it is theirs... Have snacks that you approve of at his level, and stop stressing the whole family out. Good luck!

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My mother is a dietician. She told me that little children's stomachs are smaller than adults and they need several small meals per day. Try feeding him breakfast, healthy snack, lunch, healthy snack after naptime, supper, healthy snack before bedtime. He may just be a hungry growing child. Don't buy food or keep food in your house that you do not want him to eat and you will make everyone's life easier, your son included.

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J. -

You may not be able to lock your pantry but you can certainly move things around! Store your dry goods, canned food, etc. on the shelves he can reach. Also, what has worked with my two girls over the years is the "fruit rule". I always have fresh or frozen fruit in the house and they can have it anytime they want. (With the exception of 30 minutes before a meal). Perhaps giving him free rein in one area like this will take away the need for him to sneak around.

And like others have said before me please be careful with the message you are sending your son. I am afraid you are setting him up to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. It's not only girls who develop eating disorders.

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Hi To Both of you,

I too am a Christian.
I believe you both are doing what you can. You must continue showing him this is wrong.
Set him down and ask him why he is doing these things.
maybe he will try to tell you.
Could it be you having another child soon could be making him jealous?
I would have special moments with him. Talk to him.
Play with him.
I feel you both are doing this and are doing a great job.
He is till learning and challenging you both.
Just show him your strong love.
Maybe put some food in that pantry and tell him he is welcome to it.
Maybe in time he will see that it does not bother you both because you have given him permission.

Have a good day Today
Vicki W.

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Hello J.. A few thoughts:
1) Your son has his own drawer with cereal and granola bars but still sneaks from the pantry. What type of food is he procuring? something taboo? (the story of Adam and Eve seems applicable here...if he's not allowed to have it, then keep it out of sight because forbidden fruit is thought of as the sweetest. Is the food item(s) peculiar? If it's an odd item (corn starch, vanilla extract, etc), please ask your pediatrician about pica. Maybe have blood work done to make sure he's not anemic, diabetic or malnourished in someway. The body will crave what it needs, so maybe his body is "telling" him that it needs (whatever food item) and he's merely following the direction of his body and the food that he's allowed to have in the drawer don't satisfy what his body needs. He may not feel comfortable asking for it because of punishment.

2) your son's behavior could be his way of seeking attention. negative attention is better than little or no attention. Do you regularly read and play games with him? or is he regulated to playing by himself for most of the day? The fact that he returns to the same "crime" could mean that he knows he will get attention (again, even negative attention is better than little or no attention).

3) We installed a chain lock on our bathroom door, so please don't think it's not possible to lock your pantry door. the door will open about four inches but not enough for him to get his body stuck (I stressed that my son would get stuck but he never did). any door has the capacity to be locked in some manner.

4) examine meal and snack time behaviors. Are you/your husband controlling or demanding during mealtime? If your son is feeling diminished and powerless during mealtime, this may manifest itself as trying to use food as a control item. A child will not starve him/herself, no matter how little they seem to ingest. Back off on controlling intake and food may be less of a temptuous thing (tempting in getting what he wants instead of what you want him to eat; tempting in getting "back at you" for controlling his food intake.

5) Have you calmly asked him? In a non-threatening manner, (and not right after he's done it) ask him why. Don't interrupt him, let him explain why he is doing this. Really listen to his answer. You may be surprised how forthcoming he is when he's not feeling threatened. Maybe one morning you can give him a wet paper towel and ask him to help wash the pantry door (this gets him to the scene of the "crime" in a non-threatening manner). Start dialogue about what's inside a pantry and what, in particular, does he want?

Please don't take offense to the aforesaid, merely things to think about.

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My 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 year old snack all the time. They have a shelf in the pantry and a shelf in the refrigerator. I also find that they tend to want to snack more in the morning than in the afternoon, maybe he needs an extra scheduled snack in the morning. Although they know they are supposed to ask, they sometimes get things without asking first. We have a talk about why they need to ask first, it being to close to meal time or bedtime, but I would not punish them for eating.

Perhaps a new approach to how you deal with it would put an end to the situation, often times when we focus on something so much the child keeps doing it because they like the attention they are getting. Maybe you could try just telling him no and explaining why he has to ask first, then let it be, I bet after a week he would stop doing it because he is no longer getting all the attention from doing it.

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What kind of food is he taking?If its junk food get it out of the house now and only have good food in the house.He is growing so needs to eat.Have only healthy snack food.My boys were allowed to eat when ever they wanted..only the good stuff and they grew up fine.Not over weight and they know the value of food.

Have you checked him for parasites?If he has worms they will make him hungry has they will take the nurtrients away from him.

Is he an emtional eater?Bored eater?Attention gettin eater?These are a few thing to consider as well..good luck
S. B

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Wow, I am still trying to deal with all of the nasty things that were said to you. I have a few things to say on the subject. How you steal in your own home is the same as how you steal anywhere. You take something without permission. Would these women still be so shocked that you called it stealing if he was in you purse and not the pantry? This may sound like a stretch, but it really isn't you have to set boundaries. Whatever you choose those boundaries to be then those are the rules in your house. Anything outside those rules is wrong. Also, please know that you are not the person in the world that likes to keep track of what her kids eat. My girls are 11, 8, and 3 and all of them ask before they take anything. I do not feel the need to get up and get it for them, but how are they to know if it is something that I am saving for some reason, or if maybe we are eating early, or if I just feel that they have had enough of that item for one day(even healthy things need a limit). It sounds like he is doing it mostly in the morning. My youngest does not eat real well first thing, but she still wants to eat with her sisters, so I have started giving her 2 little breakfasts, only about an hour apart, and then starting on the snacks and such. Just a thought.
I am so sorry that so many people feel that if you do not give your child free reign of your house that you must be wrong. Just remember that you are not alone.
God Bless

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Is this stealing in his own house? If so is that really stealing? I am not so sure I would throw a guilt trip of stealing on him if it was his own house. He needs to feel like it is HIS house also. I am not sure I understand that.
If it is his house, then I would let him feel comfortable about getting something to eat, just keep the snacks out of his reach then maybe all he can reach is healthy snacks.
Unless he is an absolute obese kid, I don't know why he can't eat. They recommend eating a bunch of small meals a day anyway for health and low weight and high metabolism.
Maybe I don't understand where and who he is stealing from.
Sorry!

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Hi J.,I too am sorry for all of the angry comments from others who don't understand or share our world view. Since you've been brave enough to share, I say "bravo to you" and your freedom of speech. So, I say, if you feel this is a spiritual issue, talk to your pastor about it. Have you really prayed for wisdom for yourself? I know you believe. Trust that God will give you wisdom & understanding. This is the only way to be a good,effective parent.
Be Blessed!

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Maybe your son is just hungry. I would keep healthy snacks on hand for him to have in between of meals. I wouldn't address it as "stealing" but he needs to ask before he gets them out. When he does ask you for a snack then give it to him. If he makes a poor decision on the snack you want him to have then offer suggestions. I wouldn't always tell him no. He will start asking you, if you make it a point for him to be polite and ask first. If he doesn't ask then don't give it to him. If he takes without asking then take the snack away until he can ask for it. I personally don't think it is a big deal, however I do understand teaching your child right from wrong and doing it in a godly manner. Just don't give until he can ask for it. Good Luck and God Bless!

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I locked the cabinets so they cannot get into the cabinet (but you can't do this), I also lock the fridge. Put the snacks up high, so he cannot reach them or put them in a "snack box" where he can't reach it and let him choose a snack at certain times. (see schedule below) You can also start a chart and give him a star every time he asks for a snack and a sad face if he is caught sneaking food. Also, when my kids went through this, I took the food they snuck out of those little hands and threw whatever food they were sneaking into the trash.

I don't believe in deneying a child food, but I do require my children to have manners enough to ask for a snack.

Also remember kids need to eat small frequent meals. Set a schedule like breakfast at 6:30, snack 9:00 Lunch 11:30 Nap 12:00, Snack 2:00 Dinner 6:00. This is actually my kids schedule and works great! Hang the schedule up so he knows he is getting a snack soon. And keep only healthy snacks for him. He is also at a great age to choose. So let him choose his snack. Would you like apple slices with peanut butter or cheese and crackers!

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I dont understand why you are so stressed out about this? Maybe he is hungry!

L.

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This is normal im not sure why you are freaking out about it so much... lighten up and this too shall pass. my daughter started doing this around 2 and we got locks for the fridge and pantry... what kind of door do you have on your pantry? there are many types of locks and i have to say we use all diff kinds around our house to keep kids out of places they shouldnt be. email me the kind of door and i might be able to help you out
P.s. its great that my 4 year old gets her own food that way im not having to do it everytime she wants a snack!

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I have a 16 yr old grandson that has this same problem.
He constantly thinks about food and as soon as one meal is finished, he is asking what we will have for the next meal.
It sounds like your son is the same way. They cannot help it. It is a medical condition. I recommend you talk to an endocrinologist. From what I understand, their brain is telling them to eat. Please do not punish him, he cannot help himself.

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Sounds like your son is trying to have some control over something you like to control. Allow him to choose what foods he wants to put in his own cupboard or drawer. Even if it is something you disapprove of, like sweets. Once you give in, it'll take some of the fun away from him and you may see less of a power struggle. Once you aren't fighting him on this any longer, he'll most likely give up and it will no longer be a battle. Just be sure to hang in there with it for a bit and let him choose his own food to have in his "special cupboard." Another thing parents have tried is fannie packs for the child to carry around food with them where ever they go. Many times if they know they can have it whenever they want it, they'll stop obsessing over it.

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Try letting your son shop with you and pick out the snacks he enjoys. Then let him have 2 snacks each day, one in the morning between breakfast and lunch and the other between lunch and dinner. His body may require smaller meals more often rather than 3 big ones each day. I wouldn't punish him for eating if he's truly hungry. Rather, budget healthy snacks into your grocery bill and let him eat till he's satisfied. (I'd keep the sugary and caffine filled snacks to a minimum and keep plenty of fruit and healthy food around.) Personally I don't think it should be considered stealing when it's food in your own home and in the family pantry. It may be wasting food, but not stealing it.

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I would talk to the pediatrician. He could have some kind of medical condition making him do this. Could even be something along the lines of a tape worm. Once you have ruled that out, then go to the next step. Wish I could give you better advice, but short of putting a lock on the door, I don't know what else you could do.

My 4 yr old seems to want to eat all the time. He does usually ask first though. He has a shelf for his food in the pantry and a drawer in the fridge. I only worry about him asking first because if its close to a meal time I'll make him wait or go ahead and prepare that meal for him instead of letting him snack.

I realize that you have been criticized severly, so please hear me out. My initial reaction was...how do you steal food in your own home. But then I started to think maybe he is behaving as if he is stealing...sneaking food when you all aren't around, hoarding maybe? I am also to assume that the amount or types of food is a problem. This is my suggestion...
Explain to your son how abundantly blessed you all are as a family. And because you are blessed that he is more than welcome to the food provided in your home. At the grocery let him pick out foods/snacks that he can consume as much as he likes....fruits, vegetables etc...if they are unhealthy
foods he is eating make the sacrafice and don't keep those type foods in your home.

The more attention you give to this the more he will likely rebel. Fill your cupboard with healthy food and ignore the negative behavior. If you truly believe there is a problem, pray for guidance with your husband. Encourage your son when he makes good decisions. Honestly, he sounds like an independent kid, but this has likely become a game for him...and he is getting loads of attention from mom and dad.

Hi J.,

My first question is have you asked him WHY he takes the food? Is he hungry? Hoarding it? Does he eat until his appetite is satisfied at meals? So many questions you didn't answer. I am also wondering why it is considered "stealing" from the family to take food from the pantry? I don't understand the dynamic of that within a family? I would try to find a reason behind the behavior and see about curing that. A four year old child is after all a child. They are creatures of impulse and he may be upset about something with in the family or otherwise impacting his life. I hope you find an anwer and that you are able to find a way to heal this rift in the family.

B. B

I am lost as to why a 4 year old would have to steal food, especially your child. Have the doctors told you that he was overweight? It could be that he is till hungry and what you are feeding him is just not enough. Maybe you should try to feed him smaller portions, more times a day, throughout the day. I am not judging you at all, but I don't feel that a child should be punished for getting food if he is hungry,without asking. He is at the age where he is independent and is able to get something that he likes. Another suggestions, is to add more healthy food to his cupboard or healthy fruits and vegetables that he can snack on throughout the day and is allowed to get himself whenever he gets hungry.

There are a few options but first, I would say that he is too young to be putting all those God expectations on him. We want our children to believe in God and do talk about God, pray to God, but we do not use it as a punishment in terms of needing forgiveness for stealing food. The child might get way more upset than he should and this could carry on with him forever. I know you think scaring him would change his habits but maybe he can't control it. With that being said, I am not a "preacher" type person, just my opinion on that tactic.

You could get one of those hook and eye locks that goes on the top of the door. Even if it is a bifold door, push door, opening door, etc those hook and eye loops that the hook goes into, like some dressing room or public bath doors...those usually work on any door if there is a door. You can also put the things that you don't want him to eat up on the top shelf and get rid of or hide the stools in the house. Put the stool in the trunk of your car if you need to. You can put the food in a cabinet that is on the top shelf and then put one of the child proof locks on it where he can't reach it. Or, stop buying whatever it is that he wants to badly. Is he hungry? Overweight? If he is not overweight, he may be growing and is just hungry? Try to not leave him alone, be on him or with him so he doesn't have the opportunity to sneak the food. Keep healthy snacks in him all day. From cheerios, to crackers w/ peanut butter to carrots to granola bars, to goldfish, to cheese cubes,peanuts, grapes, raisins, etc. My children like when I make them a mix of things....the goldfish, raisins, peanuts, cheerios, fruit snacks, etc and then they have a big bowl of these things to snack on. How about popcorn? Just keep him fed if he is hungry. Try to talk to him about "why" he does this instead of the fact that he is bad for doing it. Ask him, "are you hungry?" Ask him every 30 mins if he needs a snack and keep his belly full. If he is overweight, there are issues related to this and I would consult his doctor. If he is not, get the bad stuff out of the house and only have good things so it isn't called "stealing"...it is called getting something to eat when he is hungry. Maybe if you didn't make it a big deal, he would not want to do it. Reverse psychology. :o) Good luck, remember, he is only 4.

W.

I do not consider this 'stealing' and I think by dwelling on that, you're making a mistake. Instead of automatically punishing (yelling at a four year old???), why not try to figure out the root of the problem. Perhaps he's craving attention, perhaps he's truly hungry. I do not think that any child deserves to have food witheld as a form of punishment - - that has the potential to create 'food issue' in the child as they grow up.

I have a bell on every door in my house, including my pantry door. I can hear whenever someone opens it. Of course, I am not condoning uncontrolled eating...I think you need to reasses what's going on here, though.

Sounds as if you may be going a little overboard with the 'control' and 'guilt'. Probably quit trying to 'make' him quit and just ASK HIM what makes him want to sneak food (don't say, "WHY do you steal food?"; say 'Is there a reason that you like to get your own food?) Maybe he's never really thought about it and it's the only way he feels he can get attention (children WILL seek attention, even if it's for doing something 'bad'). If this has been going on for a year, you evidently DON'T have control over the issue, so go at it more diplomatically vs dogmatically. (I'm sure he can sense your feelings of frustration about not having the situation under control, and he'll play it to his advantage!)

Try a softer approach: Have him tell you how HE thinks he could stop. Probably a reward system for doing something different when he feels like sneaking food, or if he TELLS you he wants food instead of going to get it on his own, you'll take him out for a meal at his fave fast-food place (or buy him whatever edible treat he chooses) if he refrains from taking it himself for a certain amount of time (week or so).

Also, instead of going at it from the 'stealing' tack, try the 'honoring' each other message. Tell him how you honor him by making sure he has plenty of food, clothes, rest, visits w/others, etc, and that God says children who 'honor' (respect, favor) their parents will have longer lives (according to His promise). We always feel better about OURSELVES when we esteem OTHERS and try to make their lives more enjoyable.

Hope this helps!

If you have a door - you must be able to get SOME sort of lock to put on it. I would go a hardware store and look very carefully and ask about a lock solution that will fit your door. We have special locks about 6 feet up on all our "trouble" areas (like the pantry!!). Good luck, try harder with the lock thing...

Wow, lots to be said on this subject. We have a Christian home as well and I have found that by incuring God's displeasure with certain behaviors does seem to help..but at 4 it is really hard for a child to figure that out and understand how and why it is being applied. Example, Ya don't want to compare sneaking food with hitting his sibling in the face...2 totally different areas. I would leave the God aspect out of it and everytime he sneeks food direct him to the time out chair, 1 minute for every year old.
Invoking the Lord's dissppointment when your child does something wrong could eventually lead that child to shy away from the Lord's teachings if used on everything he does wrong...make them feel that He was shoved down their throats all their life and we don't want that to happen. Plus, I'm sure all that praying and attention is confusing to him after he has done something wrong. Attention is attention to a kid, good or bad.
And Goodness Sakes, put a lock on the door!