4 1/2 Year Old Starting Mother's Day Out

Hey D., Do you plan on sending him to public school? If you do then I would say that no matter how it seems keep going forward! My sons are 2 n 1 and I started takign them to a mdo program as well. We don't have the privlidge of the grandparents so willing to take them on, since there are two of them. When we first started, they cried so much. Almost the whole day this went on, then for about 4 wks. They did only go one day a week as that is all our budget allows for. It is much better now. They do still give me a little fuss when I leave, but as soon as I am out, they stop crying. So, there is really no real way to prepare them I don't think. It is just something you have to go through! He will do fine and this will help him to be prepared for all day several days a week soon!!!!

D., I can totally relate to your situation! My daughter is 5 and had horrible separation anxiety. She went with me to the Mother's Day Out that I work at for 3 years ( in a different classroom than the one I teach in) and this year she attended the four year old program at our public school but she still had some rough days although it finally got better toward the end of the year. I think she cried every single time I dropped her off at her room at MDO (for 3 years!)but since I was in the same building I had the advantage of peeking in on her and guess what...she calmed down every time and had a great day! Her teachers told me that she only cried for a few minutes before she decided to get on with her day and have a good time but it was nice to be able to verify this for myself.
Having said all that here are a few things you can do to make it easier on both of you. Definitely talk about the school and visit it before he starts. Keep drop offs quick and simple...a kiss goodbye, reassurance that you are returning and then hand him over to the teacher. I can not stress this enough! Do not show any hesitation because he will definitely pick up on this. Also, if he gets upset do not give in and take him back home with you because once you do that you have entered into an area that is almost impossible to get out of and you aren't doing him any favors. Talk with the teachers and express your concerns and set a time limit of how long you will let him cry before they call you. I know even a few minutes is tough for us moms to take! If you haven't heard from the teacher in this time limit you know he has settled in and you can breathe a little easier. This transition may take several weeks but it will get better. Be prepared for tears of your own because it is heartbreaking to hand your child over to someone else no matter how nice and trustworthy they are.

Find a keychain or something like that where you can place a photo of your family in it so he can look at it during the day...I am always amazed at how well this works with the children in my preschool class.

Also, some schools will work with you and let you gradually increase the hours that he spends there. Maybe you can take him in the morning and then pick him up before lunch and then continue extending his time there until he can do the whole day. I would use this method as a last resort though but it may be an option to look at before you decide to completely toss out the whole school idea.

Your son is lucky to have such a caring mother! Good luck and remember to let us know how it goes.

D.,
Thank goodness that he does have a late birthday. My son is 2 and is starting MDO program in the fall. He is the same way. He stays home with me and some with his granmother. Children are scared when they are in a different settings and no parents are near for comfort. I'll be honest, when you take him, he will cling to you, cry and it will upset you to no end. Take him in, tell him you love him and leave immediately. The worst thing to do is cling to him as well. It will send him a sign that you are scared too, then the rest of his day will be miserable until you pick him up. My son is going early in age so that it will be no big deal when he's 4 years old. Your son will adapt within a few months. Stay strong and don't let it bother you until you are away from him. You could always call the program during the day to check on him if that would make you feel better. If you do take him out of the program because he's terrified, and it's been three months and he still crying then that also will send a sign to him that if I keep on crying, then my mom will change things for me to make me feel better. Keep him in no matter what because you don't want his school calling when he's 6 saying, he's disruptive with his screaming. It's better to get him use to it now to make it easier on you later. My son also is a little behaved angel at home and with us, grandparents and relatives, but once he's taken out of that setting? The crying starts. That's why he's starting sooner than later.

It's going to be hard for both of in the beginning, but take solace in knowing that it will get better. My son started pre-K this past August at 27 months old and it was really difficult. We live with my parents and outside of them and my grandmother or my sister, he had NEVER stayed with anyone. The first few days were horrible. He cried as soon as he saw the school, and I thought for sure he would not make it through those days. But HE DID!! By the second week things were much better, and by the third week he was ASKING to go to school. At his school parents are NOT allowed to linger on the first days. I simply walked him into school, gave him a hug and a kiss, told him I loved him, and that I would be back to get him. It was hard to walk away from him when he was screaming and crying, but I knew that if I satyed he would never have adjusted. My best advice is to not spend too much time there with him on the first days. Let him get used to being with his teacher and being comforted by her. That's the only way he'll be able to get through not having mommy around. Good Luck and don't worry, kids adjust well to just about everything!!

Maybe talk to someone where the MDO is and see if they know any parents who are SAHM or dads that would do playdates with you and him, so he can get some friends he knows. I think he will adjust just fine. I am a SAHM and my son only goes to Bible class. It was hard for me to leave him at first but he loves his class. He knows the routine. Right now he is adjusting to being moved from the 2 yr old room to the class where there are 3-5 yr olds.

I taught preschool for over 3 years before I became a mommy, and got aggravated at some mommies who you thought would never leave! So don't stay too long when you drop him off, now that I have kids I understand why those mommies stayed so long, but it is better to let him cry. We had kids who literally cried off an on all day for weeks (they were only 2) but finally adjusted and were great kids. Just tell him where you are going and that he will be there for awhile to play with other kids and mommy has some things she needs to do by herself, but mostly focus on fun with other kids. I also liked the suggestion of finding out if there are kids you can set up playdates with that will be attending the same MDO with him so there will be a familiar face. Also don't sneak out of the room when he starts focusing on something else this can create distrust, let him know you will be back and after a few visits he will remember that mommy always comes back and he can relax and have fun.