4 1/2 Year Old Lying (A LOT)

Yes it's common. My son does this, not to keep himself out of trouble but to try to have things be the way he wants them to be. It's more like wishful thinking out loud.

there's a great book called Nurture Shock (by Po Bronson) that has a whole chapter on lying. You can search the internet and find a large excerpt from the chapter to read. The basic concepts for dealing with lying are: don't lie yourself. This includes white lies. And point out that you know that was a lie, say that lying isn't okay and then go on from there with the truth.

p.s. His book is a national bestseller and was based on a great deal of scientific research on what kids & families do and the results from their actions. He then gives some good (and maybe surprising) guidelines on what "works". It's VERY informative and an easy read. (or listen via audiobook)

Its very common for his age. My daughter is 5 and my niece is the same age. My niece gets in trouble a lot at school because she will say that someone did something to her, and one time she picked a classmate that wasn't there. Last night my youngest daughter said from the kitchen no don't do that, and then started getting mad. We asked what happened and my oldest daughter said her sisters cup tipped over and all her milk spilled into my oldest daughters cup. Its just something you have to work on. I remember in preschool towards the end of the year, the teacher said that was something they tried to work on to prepare for Kindergarten. In Kindergarten they work with all the kids telling the truth and owning up to what they did wrong.
I keep telling my daughter that lying is not acceptable in our family and if we catch her lying then she will get time outs but if she comes forth and tells the truth she will just have to for example give the milk back. Kinda get what I'm saying. So that she feels as though telling the truth won't be a punishment all the time.

There have been many studies to support the theory that kids can't differentiate between "truth" and "lying" until later than 4.

he may well not be 'lying' per se, but creating elaborate scenarios in his head that he can't actually differentiate from truth at this stage of his development. it's a tough thing to deal with. but i really think that going too far in the punishment direction would be counter-productive with a fellow this young.
listen to him carefully, repeat back to him what he has said so he knows he's been heard, and of course don't accept any of his accounts as gospel. when his stories are verified to be true, praise him (briefly!), not so much for honesty (he's still figuring that out) but for accuracy. if it turns out to be fabricated, just say something along the lines of 'i see that what you told me isn't actually what happened. i need you to be more careful next time to tell me the truth.' but don't make him feel like a bad kid, when it's not at all clear that his motives were nefarious.
well, other than blaming his brother for the mess.
;) khairete
S.

Smart 4-year-olds do this. The only real problem is that your son is making up stories that aren't totaly unbelievable (usually we got things like "an elephant came in and made the mess").

One way to handle it is to ask HIM questions when you aren't sure. "Oh yes? What did you and Alyssa play? Was she nice? Is she 4 like you?" (I bet she would be:)

I would be more concerned about example #1. If it were me I would be talking to the doctor about it. It could be him just wanting attention-and QUITE enjoying the kind of reaction he gets from these major lies...or could be sympomatic of something more serious.

My daughter was the same way - she is 5 1/2 and I'd say we are approaching the end of it. I talked to her therapist (at the time she was in therapy when her dad and I divorced - she was 4) and she said, she was making up stories and sometimes wants to talk to someone and has nothing to say, so makes up a story and tells it -not intending to "lie". We talked a lot about telling the truth and lieing.