3Yr Old Poops in Pull-up

Updated on May 09, 2008
N.A. asks from Santa Ana, CA
28 answers

My daughter just turned 3 and she has been 'officially' potty trained for about a year now. She still wears a pull-up at night and at nap time. The problem that I'm having is that she has recently started pooping in her pull-up. She does this after she wakes up while she is still in bed, usually at nap time and sometimes in the morning as well. She know it is "not okay" and often tries to hide the fact that she's done it. Putting her in panties usually always results in a wet bed, however she will not poop in her panties. I'm not sure how to go about this. Is this a discipline issue? Or is this normal for her age? Any experience or advice would be appriciated. Thanks.

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J.D.

answers from Reno on

I would try to get her to sleep through the night in undies by limiting drinks after dinner and having her go potty right before bed. If that doesn't work, I'd go into her room right at the time that she usually wakes up and take her to the potty right away. Good luck! :)

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T.B.

answers from Visalia on

Take 'em off. Stop the pull-ups. She's 3 yrs old now and it's time to learn it all. It'll take practice but dont quit, no matter the accidents. Pull ups are convenience for you, but not helping her learn.

Wendy

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S.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

what's wrong with pooping in pull-ups? They work the same as diapers...soak up pee and catch poop. If you can poop in diapers, why can't you poop in pull-ups? The only thing is that pull-ups are much more expensive and they "pull-up" like underwear.

Don't make a big deal out of it. Just dump her poop in the toilet and clean her behind. She'll get it in due time.

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D.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Waste of money for the pull-ups, either put her diapers or put her in underwear. I have a 3yr-3mo old boy and he went through bedwetting for a month after being potty trained. We told him that he would wear a diaper to sleep until he was ready not to pee in bed. A month later and after a week of not peeing in his diaper during sleep, he asked us for underwear during sleep. He was on his way to potty training when he was barely turning 2 (all on his own time and curiosity)... but his baby brother was born and he regressed, never wanting to get near a potty or toilet. So, the new baby has a lot to do with it. We found out from my son's teachers that at school, he wanted to go on the potty while at home it was a different story. We just waited till he was ready. As for your daughter, put her in diapers and tell her that they are "baby" diapers just like her the ones her baby sister wears. In no time, she'll want to prove that she's a big girl. And... if you're out in public only use panties - at least you know she won't poo in them.

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D.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi N.,
My second son will be 3 at the end of July. He has been peeing great with only a couple accidents in the last 10 months, but he still is not comfortable pooping in the potty. When we are around town, he lets me know that he has to go potty. I feel he just about there. Maybe it will take another 3 or so months to get the poop and overnight finished. He understands that daddy, mommy and his older brother poop in the potty, but he is not ready. He will sit on the potty and try to poop, but then gets off and ask for a diaper. I think the sticker chart is a good idea and also flushing the poop down the potty. I am going to try the sticker chart ! He still wears a diaper during the night, I have already tried overnight pull-ups but he wasn't ready. He only wears 1-2 diapers a day and that is only when he has to poop. We clean him up and then he goes right back to underwear. I honestly wouldn't press it too hard, the baby really could have something to do with it. I am expecting my 3rd this August and I am prepared for him to possibly regress at some point. Even though this is my second child, I went out and bought "The Everything Potty Training Book," it suggest not to punish or make an accident a bad thing. Every child is different and move at there own pace. I buy Target's brand diapers ( which are compatible with huggies ) and it really is inexpensive when he only uses 1-2 a day. Just be patient, maybe try some of the other moms suggestions...... You may find one that she likes. Good luck and remember to enjoy your little girls !!

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L.A.

answers from San Diego on

Why does she think it is "not okay"? It IS okay. It is perfectly fine and absolutely normal, but since she is hiding it, you are obviously making her feel that she is being "bad." . She is three. She will not be doing this when she is five. She is not being bad. It is not a discipline issue. Do not make a big deal out of it. Sounds like, because you have a new baby, you are pushing her a bit to grow up, to mature faster than she normally would. And because she is your first, she has a rookie mom to deal with. It's okay, we have all been there and done that. Ease up on her. When she is ready, she will stop pooping in her Pull-Ups. Adjust your thinking. Yes, she is your oldest child, but start thinking of her as being ONLY three. Not as being ALREADY three.

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G.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Have you tried putting the panties on and then the pull-up?

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M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi N. you can try the chart ,You get gold stars and make a chart every time your daughter goes poop in the pot put a gold star on her chart when she gets a # of stars (your choice)give her a reword (your choice).it works pretty good.They poop in the pot to get the stars.It works with old people too.God Bless M.

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M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

N.,
I had the same exact problem with my daughter who is now turning 16 (yikes). One day I told her if she pooped in her pull up she was going to clean it. Now this was very hard for me because she was so young and I'm the type of person who likes to get things done and move on. I however did stick to my word. I took her in the bathroom when she did do it again handed her the wipes and had her clean herself up. I did stay in there and tell her what to do and made sure it was done right. I can tell you that was the last time she pooped in her pull up. Good luck

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B.Y.

answers from San Diego on

How long has she not pooped in her pull-up? Once you determine that, maybe there is something that is different in her life between then and now that needs to be addressed?

OR wrap an old shower curtain or plastic around her mattress then put the sheet over, and just let her sleep in her panties and no pull-ups at all! Could be she's just getting lazy because (as mentioned before... diapers/pull-ups can be pooped in!) OR more likely, in her sleep/just getting awake she unconsciously knows she's in pull-ups as they don't FEEL like panties so that might be WHY she's embarrassed?

Anyway... hope that helps!

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

If you say she doesn't poop in her panties, then maybe it is time to put them on for nap time. Try trusting her to not do it. It may take a few tries but it might just work.
good luck!

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S.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

It sounds fairly normal. When my 4 year old daughter was just over 3, she suddenly started pooping in her underpants. She would hold it in for days and then go in her underpants. I think that even once they are fully trained, they are still quite young and are figuring things out. Maybe if you can get her to sit on the toilet before she sleeps it might help. It could be that she is waking up and very relaxed and tired but has to go, and just can't get herself to get up and go to the toilet in her sleepy state. Or get a bunch of sheets and take away the pull ups. But I think I'd rather wipe a butt that do loads and loads of laundry!

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S.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi
I think that she probably isnt ready for this yet...? She just turned three and is still very little. I would give her time and not make a big deal out of it.......

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M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

She may have pottied train too early, or more than likely is regressing due to the new addition in the home. Do not punish her, please! It is much better to have her poop in a pull up then to hold her poop and then suffer from Encopresis which could happen if you punish her for going in a diaper and she decides to start holding her poop. She is still young. I'd say if you want to keep her in panties than, how about either make sure her bed has a plastic mattress cover on it and if she will do it - put a plastic cover on over her underwear (Gerber has these and you can buy them at Target).

Best wishes,
M.

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S.C.

answers from San Diego on

I've often heard of regression in potty training when there is a new baby around. She sees the baby poop and you clean it up and can't understand why she can't. In my opinion pull ups are glorified diapers. When she poops in it, it feels more comfortable than in panties. So she just does it. My 3 year old (boy) still wears pull ups at night and I am procrastinating on putting him in underwear at night for that reason (bed wetting) but I know I'm just gonna have to do it and let him learn for himself he can't wear diapers to bed forever. I've heard of putting pads under them when they are sleeping...like puppy training pads. That way they wet the bed but don't ruin the mattress. It seems to me she might be peeing and pooping as she waking up...not in her sleep. So she knows she's doing it, so let her reap the consequence...wet poopy pants :0)

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D.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

If she is starting to try to hide it then she is feeling shame about it. Whether it is on purpose or by accident, making her feel shamed will not help her resolve this quicker. It can in fact take longer for her to resolve it. You may need to wake her up at night or make her use the toilet before bed or naps and have her stay on the toilet until she poops there (even if it takes a while) then immediately give her a reward (smiles, praise, small toy) and make a big deal that she has pooped in the toilet. If she is pooping in the toilet during awake times, then it may be a matter of not being able to control it and you should see a doctor.

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C.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Maybe try and put the panties over the pull up? I dunno. My 3 year old wears a pull up at night time too, but a few months ago did the same thing-- then just kinda stopped!

I would try during nap time to do just panties and be ready to change the sheets, also just take the pull up and (my mom had me do this) dump the poop into the potty while she watches, to reinforce the idea as to where it goes?!

Anyways, she could be doing it because the baby is around now too! I have an 11 month old and my 3 year old would pee her pants just because she wanted to for a while, then does stuff the baby does-- like take her pacifier and use it, etc...

So, good luck!!

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V.A.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Hi N.,

You're daughter is just fine. She may be going through a bit of an adjustment issue about new baby (it doesn't always start immediately when the baby is born). Anyway, don't make an issue out of it and just leave her in pull-ups while she sleeps. Relax and enjoy your girls and she'll eventually outgrow this. If you make a big deal out of it, it could become a power struggle.

V.

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G.A.

answers from San Diego on

Hi N.,

It all sounds normal to me. Our daughter had a relapse about a month after she was potty trained. She decided to poop in her panties and then tell me she had to go potty.
I found going back to the basics worked best for her. I let her watch a few potty DVD's, brought the plastic potty back out, and read books about going potty for a few days. We also stayed home for 3 days straight and I took her to the potty every two hours to make a routine out of it.
I think the hardest part is your 3 year old sees you change your 7 month olds diaper and wants the attention too. Maybe a bit of extra cuddling and tons and tons of praise when your 3 year old poops in the potty might be just what she needs.
Good luck!

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D.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Try letting her wear panties full time and putting the pull-up over the panties at nap time and bed time. They work better than the plastic pants which leak and can cause rash because the urine isn't wicked away. Good luck!

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C.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

Since you are putting pullups on her any way, what really is th e harm if she poops them? (It is probably easier to change a pull up than wash all the bedding and her clothes everyday. So I'd stay with the pull ups for a while.) Does she clean herself up afterward? Be glad she poops -- it is way worse when they get the control issue of NOT POOPING and holding it. I'd back off a while. She might be doing it because your 7 mo. poops in the diaper. This phase will pass. You can give her control, by not getting upset if she poops, but rewarding her with a book or some special attention if she doesn't poop. If it becomes more attractive to not poop her pull-up she'll stop eventually, just don't make it a power struggle.

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T.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

I vote 3 is too young.... cool that she is peeing in the potty, but she is not quite ready to poop in the potty. Both my children finally go the hang (lost their fear) of pooping in the potty between 3.5-3 yrs, 9 months.

Don't make her feel bad about it. Clean it up and let her watch you flush it down the toilet "bye bye poo poo." Most parents don't know this, but you aren't supposed to throw away poop in the in the diaper in the garbage. You are supposed to flush (the poop only) down the toilet. (Obviously that's impossible w/ diarrhea.)

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J.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi N.:
It's never been appropriate,to punish a child,for experiencing a relapse in her potty training.You will create a problem for her and yourself,by taking this route.It appears to me, that her accidents are accuring,when she is (out of it). In her sleep,or when she is drowsy and tired.She may even experience like alot of toddlers do, dreaming she is on the potty,therefore she has an(accident)May I suggest, that you calmly have her go potty (Just before her nap,just before bed-time,and imediately when you know shes awake in the morning.She will get use to this regimin and begin doing it on her own.The intention here is not to humiliate her,or make her feel ashamed, or embarrassed but to help her get passed this,so she can feel,your proud of her.The best of luck to you N.,and you darlin girl.

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P.R.

answers from Santa Barbara on

N., I'm going to go against the tide just a bit here. Your daughter is just trying to figure out exactly when she should be using the potty and when it's okay to use the pull-ups. It can be confusing for them if it's not totally consistent all the time (and my daughter, who's almost 3 1/2, is using pull-ups at night-time too, so we're sort of in the same boat). My question is, have you tried just panties at nap and bedtime yet? Because she might actually be ready and that's why she's "experimenting" by using the pull-ups sometimes. When my daughter switched to panties at naptime, we had a couple of accidents but then she learned. I did not yell or punish for the accidents, and judged by her reaction whether she was ready to continue with panties or go back to pull-ups. If she had acted upset at all about the accidents, I would have let her go back to pull-ups. But she learned and now she's fine at nap time. I tried the same thing for night time, but after 6 of 8 mornings waking up with wet sheets, I realized she was not quite ready so I gently told her we'd put her back in pull-ups just for night time, and she was fine with that.

It's worth a try. Just remember to communicate with her and try to find out where her mind is. The more you explain, the better she will understand, it just takes time.

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T.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Back to potty training mom , sounds like the new baby could of sparked it,

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C.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

You know what, fellow mommies? Not just you N. -- really, not just you. 3 is very young, 3 is a big girl, but really, still a bit of a baby in there. I'm going to veer into my own experience for a bit, and I hope you don't mind: I personally can remember going through a time when I was 4 and we'd moved and were living in my aunt's house with some resentful cousins and I needed a diaper at night for a little while. The night my mom said, "Ok honey, it's time for you to go back to your panties" (or whatever she said), I had the conscious thought, however a 4 year old thinks it, "Oh, this is it -- no more relaxing." I'm 52 and I clearly remember that feeling -- I felt sort of hung out to dry.

So imagine a 3 year old and all that developing they still have to do. I really, really believe they just aren't ready for full potty training, no matter how well it's gone up till the accidents in question. Not just because of my own experience. I've watched so many of my mom friends struggle and their kids just resist and put up a fight. A 3 year old has very little impulse control -- some 5 year olds still have very little impulse control. I know it's a hard thing to have 2 kids to diaper and 2 tushies to wipe, but I really, really hope you don't get mad at her when this happens. She's probably just so comfortable when she wakes up from her nap and it just comes out of her. Then she gets scared and tries to hide it. Imagine how she feels.

Please don't make this a discipline issue -- for her or for you (by that I mean don't be h*** o* yourself & I very much hope my letter here isn't coming off like a lecture). I think it's very normal for her age. My daughter's pediatrician said if I just relax my daughter will potty train herself. Well, I did make a few suggestions to her, but she wasn't ready until 4 -- that may sound like a crazy long time to put up with it, but I did it. She was of course potty trained by the time she went to Kindergarten, with a couple of pee accidents after that, but it was very easy, I must say.

Try to see that your 3 year old sees the 7 month old being babied. I don't know how much difference she is able to see between herself and her little sister. She may feel a bit pushed to hurry up and grow up. I hope you'll just give her some more time in the pullups, and lots of love & compassion until she's ready to get it perfect.

I wish you & your family all the best,
Colleen

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C.K.

answers from San Diego on

Don't waste your money on pull-ups. Put her back in diapers until she's totally ready. Don't worry, it'll happen.
good luck

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B.T.

answers from Las Vegas on

Buy a plastic mattress cover to put under her sheets and put her in her panties. Get rid of the pull ups. If she's got it during the day and only does it in the morning when she's awake, she's got it! Let her feel the panties at night/morning hours. Definitely reward her. Make a huge deal about getting a potty treat if her panties stay clean. Make a big deal about running to the potty in the morning or to get her treat right away when she's clean. My potty treat is one starburst candy. My older kids still think of them as "potty treat" rather than starburst!

Some children hold out longer than others, but it won't be long before this will be over! Good luck!

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