13 answers

3Year Old Not Wanting to Sleep Alone

Ive pretty much been alone with dad very little in the picture, however my soon to be 3 year old has always been clingy to me and still refuses to sleep in his own bed. I have just stopped all together on trying to make him sleep alone I either sleep with him or he sleeps with me. I know its so bad to keep allowing him to do this and Im being selfish for I have to admit I like the security myself. The problem I have ran into now is that he will not get in his bed with out me. He thinks were suppose to go together every night. I have things I need to do and cannot do them if I have to go to bed with him. I say I will lay with him to he goes to sleep but then I always fall asleep too.. He also has this thing where he has to have his feet under me or between my legs. Its like a comfort for him. Kinda strange I guess, but he has to be touching me to know Im there. Not to get into my relationship with his dad but he has seen things when his dad and I had faught, maybe things are stimulating from that which that has been earlier in the year nothing too recent. Im sure he hasnt forgotten but maybe he has .He hasnt seen his dad in a few months now and never ask for him. He knows who his daddy is but never ask about him or wonders where he is at.

I need help for when I start dating I would like for my son to be in bed at a certain time and be on a schedule . He thinks were suppose to go to bed at the same time.I had to once lock the door so he couldnt get out. I felt like a horrible mom ,when he doesnt understand what Im doing and hes screaming for me and crying ,he cries him self to sleep on the floor in front of the door. I dont want him to think Im being mean .I can only explain so much why Im doing what Im doing to him.

Im so aditment about him having blankets and stuffed animals as a security and having to have those things for I want him to be independant and not rely on those things just to go to sleep. However , I did try this new pillow like thing but it didnt work anyways. Please help !!! The chair beside his bed doesnt work. We do however have schedule at night dinner, bath and book reading to calm down but he knows when its bedtime and throws a fit that Im not going to get in the bed with him. How do I explain to him that he needs to go to bed??

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Ok. Its not going so well.. He literally refuses to sleep without me. He will not stay in his bed he comes out of his room crying at the tops of his lungs.Im tired.. I have now decided to let him sleep with me, but before I started this back I tried putting on a movie for him and told him to lay in his bed and I would let him watch a movie if he laid there. He would agree. I was thinking he would fall asleep.NOPE ! He would watch it and then want to watch another one this went on til 11:00 at night til 12:00. I now have created a moster. He refuses now to even go to his bed unless I put a movie on. I want him to get adequate sleep for we have to wake up at 7:00am. I dont want him to have bags under his eyes. UURRGGGGG..Now what !!!I guess Im not going to fight it, but I cant get anything done during the evenings because he wants me to go to his bed with him. I want him to go to bed a certain time and mommy have my time. He doesnt have a bed time , he will stay up and fight it til I actually go to bed.

I want to thank everyone for the advice and opinions. They were great.Iam however understanding things and looking at things from a different perspective and learning my son, I feel all over again. I know they go through stages and hes not quite to the point where he can really explain how he is feeling I try to talk more about expressing his feelings . There's no doubt him and I are very close and both need each other. I definitely will not be dating any time soon until I feel him and I are comfortable with how things are going. I do not want to have any other worry or fear he may have of losing me or me getting hurt. Thats what drives me crazy not knowing what hes thinking or feeling about what he saw or maybe heard. He doesnt act out though or show aggression to get me to understand ,hes very loving and well mannered. I do try very hard to be patient with him but typically, he is 3 and never wants to be told the "no" word and boy when he hears that its on.... :) Thanks again for all the women who have shared their voice .Please continue to share for this will not overcome over night. I will still keep everyone posted on what has worked the best for us.I have learned alot about myself and realizing what I could change within me.
We love the Lord,please keep praying for us. Til then, God Bless.

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Try to read "the no cry sleep solution". I addresses this issue. I am still in the beginning of the book. My daughter will be 2 in January, and my husband has had enough of not being able to roll over. I am new to Wake County and would be up love to have play date if you are in the area.

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Children all handle change differently. If his daddy is gone your little one may need reassurance for awhile that mommy is not going anywhere. Children at his age can't verbalize their needs. I would give him what he seems to need from you right now and not fight it. Relax. He will eventually want to sleep in bed without you. It's a developmental stage. Older children do not want to sleep with mommy. So eventually he will outgrow it.

As for dating. I would take it slow. If you have been in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship you may want to get a book called "Getting Free" by Ginny NiCarthy. It will really help you identify abusive personalities in men and help you not hook up with another abuser. Take dating slow. It sounds like your little one may not be ready to share mommy yet.

1 mom found this helpful

First thing I will tell you is when my husband who is in the army has to leave, both my little ones are so stuck to me I cant even go to the bathroom by myself. They are a girl 5 and a boy just turned 4. We have been married for almost 7 yrs and it is the same every time. I think they are afraid that I am gonna leave them also. I tell them that daddy is at work and he is doing an important job. Work is a bad word at our house becasue it means you are gone for a long time. He has been gone for 16mths. Maybe your son is afraid you are leaving also like daddy. Kids are smart little things that know more than we think.

I was a single parent of a daughter for 8 yrs. For that 8 yrs we pretty much slept together most nights. She would sleep by herself for a period of time but then come to my bed. I didnt mind because my rule of thumb was my daughter would not see anyone sleeping in my bed that I was not gonna marry. She is 14 now. I married when she was 8. I made a deal with her even then that she had to sleep in her own bed but when my husband was gone she could sleep with me or I would sleep with her. I dont find cosleeping to be bad.

I really wouldnt lock him in his room because then he will not like his room. This may be why he is afraid to be in there. Being alone at the age of 3 is scarey. There are so many shadows and somehow they always seem to hear about the boogy man or monsters. I dont know how it comes about but it does.

Unless you are planning on bringing people home then I would not worry about it. If it absolutely bothers you that much then you should tolerate the crying for a few days and do what he nanny suggests. Put the child to bed and let them know that it is time for bed and he is sleeping in his bed by himself. If he gets up remind him that it is time for bed. After that each time he gets up just put him back in his bed not speaking to him. It may take a while but they will get the message that it is bedtime and they are sleeping in their bed.

Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Dear T.,

It's going to take more than you just wanting to change this. Asking for a referral from your doctor to get the help of a willing child psychologist now is the best thing you can do. It's going to take putting together a program, with your doctor's help, to get you and your son through this. I wouldn't do this without professional help of some kind. Your son has seen some difficult things when you and his father were fighting, and they are affecting him in the way he thinks about his place in the family. You don't have a father figure at home sleeping with you, so I believe from your description that he has put himself into the place of the father figure where bedtime is concerned. T., it's not going to be healthy for him as he grows older to do this to himself. He doesn't have the capacity yet to talk about his father, and as he grows up and his father continues to disappoint him, he may not learn to talk about it in a way that helps him get past the hurt. That's probably why he won't ask about his father. Depending on what he saw, he may think he has to protect you, thus sleep with you during the whole of bedtime, not letting you go elsewhere in the house while he's in bed, and making sure you both touch while you're in the bed. This is the only way he knows how to cope.

That doesn't mean that he should continue to sleep with you. You might feel guilty when he cries, but you'll feel even more guilty if he is such a mama's boy later on that you can't get him to separate from you in the normal way. It's important to do this at some point so that you can have a normal relationship with someone else that he will accept, and so that he'll have a healthy relationship with his wife later on.

I would not continue to be adamant with him about not sleeping with stuffed animals and blankets, if I am understanding what you said correctly. Kids with and without problems need "lovies" in their bed. Depriving him of that isn't going to make him independent. It's okay for them to use lovies to help them sleep. If I didn't understand the meaning of your sentence, just disregard.

T., lots of parents still sleep with their kids at this age, though that's something I didn't do with mine. However, I really and truly think that your circumstance is different than the "regular family bed". I wish you all the best in getting through this.


1 mom found this helpful

I don't have any advice about the sleeping issue - I do feel for you about it, though - sounds very difficult. But I noticed in your "about me" section that you are looking for other single moms to build friendships with. If that's still the case, I would highly recommend Charlotte Mommies to you (if you live in Charlotte - if you live outside of Charlotte, there are mommies groups for those areas too - just go to www.themommiesnetwork.org to find the appropriate group). The address is just www.charlottemommies.org. Membership is free, you just have to sign up and wait usually about 48 hours for them to approve your application. There are literally thousands of moms on there, I'm sure you could find lots of single moms who'd be happy to befriend you. Hang in there! God bless.

First of all, I don't think it's strange that he would want to sleep with you, and it's OK for you to want to change the set-up. It's going to take time and there are loving ways to do it. I think you could get some good ideas from a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" by Elizabeth Pantley. Good luck!

Try to read "the no cry sleep solution". I addresses this issue. I am still in the beginning of the book. My daughter will be 2 in January, and my husband has had enough of not being able to roll over. I am new to Wake County and would be up love to have play date if you are in the area.

I wouldn't want to sleep alone if I were him either! ;-) If there's no Dad in the picture, I would just let him stay there for another year or two. Europeans do the family bed thing for years. I would like to know where he is and know that no one could snatch him out of his room without me knowing it. In this day and time, nothing is out of the question anymore. I hope you find something that works for you. Take care.

you know my son just turned 3 and is the same way but im not actually single mom i live with my kids dad not married but he works out of town alot and my sons the same way sometimes if hes really tired hell go to sleep without me but he ends up in my bed in the middle of the night and i also have a 9 month old son i live in shelby

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