3Rd Grade Homework

I have no idea how normal kids do homework... but that is EXACTLY how adhd kids do homework. Especially since most adhd kids are gifted, and most homework in lower grades is busy work / repetition-practice work... it's easier to pull teeth than get an adhd kid to stay focused on their homework.

The completely disorganized in the morning / at other times is another "Huh." sort of moment. AS IS the lateness issue. Apparently for other people time is linear, and one time sort of naturally follows the one previous. Those of us with adhd just sort of work on "adhd-time" which in no way resembles normal-person-linear-time. (Ours looks more like a london tube map... or family circus cartoon). Again... I have no idea how normal kids are in the morning... since I'm adhd as is my son.

If your son was adhd... these would all be SO totally "normal" and I would have tons of coping mechanisms to toss at you ((like turning on music while doing HW, getting rid of all your hangers and drawers for clothes so he could "see" literally everything he owns and grab top and bottoms from appropriate hooks (takes 2 seconds, instead of 5 minutes just *staring* at an open drawer), etc.)) But most of the tips and tricks that help adhd'ers are the exact opposite of what you would do for someone who isn't adhd. Because things that are overwhelming to typical kids are soothing for us (like music during HW), and vice versa.

On the possibility he IS adhd (h,i, or c) check out the following site:

www.additudemag.com

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A third grader who takes three hours to do homework has a school issue. You may not like my suggestion, but if I am right, you will end up doing this anyway. Request that your son be evaluated for a learning disablity at school and make an appointment with a Developmental Pediatricain to find out exactly what you should do to help him, based on good, hard, data and standard care. Unless you think he has an allergy, that won't be food related. If you really think it is food, see an allergist ASAP.

This issue will not get better unless you find out how he functions, what processess he has difficulty with and what his relative weaknesses are so that you know how to negotiate for appropriate school interventions, what interventions you are going to have to provide yourself, and what the best care will be for him. There are many strategies that will work for you with hard work in therapy, behavioral and educational interventions, and approriate medical intervention. You will feel much better too.

Right now, you are stabbing in the dark. If he has a visual motor or visual perceptial issue, what you do will be much different than if he has a working memory or fluid reasoning issue. You need to know. Find out, both publicly, and privately (you need both.)

M.

That he makes straight A's would be no surprise to me, I would have predicted that, which is why I said "relative weakness." He still has a school issue, and this will not change without help. A very bright child with a visual motor or visual perceptual issue may look exactly like your son. If he is brighter than you think he is, he may be compensating for something quite well, but finds it frustrating to do self regulated activites, and the homework may be playing into his weakness, so they argue, dawdle, prograstinate. You will be refered for an evaluation evalutally, it would be better to do it now, rather than to wait for the issue to cause him to fall behind. It is a classic presentation, I see kids like this all the time, who started off just like your son, who have to fall behind and fail something before anyone noticices that it is really a problem that can be helped. It will save you a whole lot of argument and frustration if you just figure out what it is. I would suggest two books for you, both by Dr. Mel Levine. All Kinds of Minds and The Myth of Layziness. If you don't find these helpful, maybe your son is the excption, and this will just improve on it's own, but I would not take that bet. You are providing a function for him that he cannot produce himself, and that is going to catch up with him.
MR

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My third grader has a tendency to procrastinate as well. I physically sit down with her until all her homework is done. In that manner, not only am I able to help her if she needs any but it encourages her to know that I care and am willing to take time away from myself for her. I'm not saying she has the capacity to actually say that she's grateful for me being there, but deep down inside children need and crave discipline and direction. I don't think I'm babysitting her with her homework because I don't go through every problem with her, I sit back and let her do her own work until and if she needs any clarification. Sometimes you have to let kids face the consequences themselves though. Experience is a great teacher, even in 3rd grade. Good luck to you.

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I let my third grader suffer her choice to practice spelling on the computer and for the first time, she did NOT get all A's. I told her she is going back to the boring, write the words twice daily routine and she better not complain.
Spelling is something she can memorize and have an A in.
I have let her be totally responsible for the Accellerated Reading things and she is not up to where she should be. I want to make sure she is taking responsibility and learning to do what she needs to do without me constantly being involved. I learned that 3rd grade is a big change and she needs me to help her still.

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Better he learn now what happens when homework is not done than in high school. His third grade "record" will not haunt him in college considerations. Let the teacher know about the issue and that you plan to stop reminding him constantly. Ask the teacher if the amount of homework might be too much for him or if there's the possibility of ANY other issue. If not, you need to make this HIS problem. Right now it is only YOUR problem. Stop nagging completely. Try to let go.

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My second grader messes around all of the time, too. She goes to before school care in the morning, and I hate running late. I have turned off the TV in the morning and now pack her breakfast in a sandwich bag, and she eats it at before school care. To get her out of the house on time, to get her to do her homework on the first request, etc., I have made a point chart. She gets one point per thing she does on a daily basis. Once she has 10 points, she can draw an item from the prize box. It has been working better. I just got tired of nagging. As far as her homework, I will sit her down at the table, and if she is taking forever, I will finally tell her no more talking or getting up until the homework is complete. She also does better when I am in the room. Give him the option of sitting down and working on his homework, or going to bed. No TV. No games. If he continues to get up, mess around, etc,, just put him to bed. No arguing or accusing, just, "Wow, you must be really tired because you can't seem to stay focused. You had better go to bed now." The purpose of the point chart is to give a positive focus and to put the responsibility on him. My daughter will ask how she can earn points, and she sometimes does extra chores. Some days she only gets one or two. It is not perfect, but it is better. Good luck!

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I just wanted to add a couple of things that I think might help. Try to make sure that he is doing his home work right after he gets home and after a snack. No t.v., no toys or playing outside until it's done. My son 6 year old is doing 2nd grade work and he is home schooled but we had a hard time with him writing just a couple of things down and then fiddling or doodling. When I saw him doing it right a way he I gave him a blank sheet of paper and he had to right down the alphabet with out stopping, with his left hand. I know a another woman who also homeschools and she uses a jar with 4 rocks in each jar per person. If her children get out of line a rock is taken out of the jar, If at the end of the week all the rocks are in the jar they get a reward. It also sounds that it's not just his school work that he is procrastinating with. I would also suggest to get a book TO TRAIN UP A CHILD by Michael Pearle. It shows great training techniques that will get train him to do what is asked of him right when he is asked to do it. Good luck.

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I would establish a homework routine. Always do homework in the same time period every day. I have a 3rd grader too. For us, it always works best for homework to be done right after snack, and maybe sometimes after 15 mintues of downtime playing with the dog or in the backyard. DD is NOT allowed any TV, video games, or play time with friends until homework is done and checked. I try not to harp on her if she dawdles, the natural consequence is less fun time for her. I try to remember that some days she needs a little more down time before starting than others. She starts when she is ready. Almost always, she is anxious to get it over with so she can have her fun time. If distraction is a big issue, you could try having him work at the dining room table until he finishes, so there isn't a temptation to get up and start playing. Whatever his favorite thing to do is, make it a condition that homework is done first.

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Is he able to do the work?
How is he doing IN class?
Ask the Teacher...

3rd Grade... is a BIG jump in complexity and expectations, from 2nd grade.
Then, in 4th grade, it changes dramatically in complexity as well.
Per my Daughter's 3rd grade Teacher.... in 3rd Grade the kids REALLY need to get down pat, the basics.... otherwise, they will flounder in 4th grade....
If they don't understand something now, now is the time to address it with the Teacher... and provide any extra help he needs...

Sure, by this age/grade, they should be able to be more independent with their own homework responsibility. Not all are. So in that case.. then yes, you have to help him... which you are doing or trying... but he is procrastinating. So maybe he does not understand the work real well... or is not good at it.... or he is just not doing it.
If that is the case and he is just lazy... let him go to school, with it as is.
Write a note to the Teacher... so she knows, that as a Parent, you are 'aware' of your son's unfinished homework... and are trying to get him to complete it... but it is a difficulty. See if she has any suggestions...

My Daughter is in 3rd grade... they get a ton of homework daily. Math worksheets, reading & comprehension worksheets, they have to do AR reading for their daily log, and also spelling and sentences, and/or studying for some test the next day etc.

For my daughter, Homework is done... after coming home from school. I let her unwind as she wishes, have a snack because he is HUNGRY after school... then it is homework. She knows that, and at least does it. I help her or clarify things... when she asks. If not, she does it on her own. Then I check it after she is done.. to make sure it is all completed.

all the best,
Susan

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Try using a timer. Have him work on his assignment for five minutes, then give him a ten minute break. Then, do another five minutes. Sometimes chunking an assignment can really help.

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If you've ever heard of Fly Lady (she has a free program to help people get organized by decluttering and having routines) she has something you can download for your kids to help them be in charge of their own school work and routines and helps them become responsible for themselves in an organized way. Here is the link. Click on the "Student Control Journal" http://www.flylady.net/pages/control_journals.asp

I am a big fan of Love and Logic parenting. The approach is all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world.
So I would let your son face the consequences and make sure you communicate to the teacher that you support her administering consequences, so she's not worried about you getting mad (a surprising amount of people don't want their kids to struggle or ever be uncomfortable -- not good preparation for coping in real life).

I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic classes. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful). Or if you're in Arizona, go to www.keriparentcoach.com for our local facilitator. I loved taking Keri's classes.

If classes aren't available near you, check out some Love and Logic materials at the local library for free ("Parenting with Love and Logic") or buy them at www.loveandlogic.com. They also have some great DVDs and CDs full of wonderful advice and real-life applications that you can listen to in the car while driving. If you take Keri's class she lets you borrow any of her materials for free.

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I sit and read next to my son while he does homework and it seems to keep him on track. I give him 5 minute breaks in between pages as well. Make sure there are no distractions in the room he does his homework in as well as no TV or music playing in the background.

I too was frustrated with this, but my son also has Asperger's Syndrome and Sensory Integration Disorder. I have to do special things to get him to focus such as chewing gum and a weighted vest.

D. P.

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I think that he does have ADD.I have been babaysit a child that have that exact problem.Thank god that his parents also know about the issue.They have him sit in a room with no TV or Phone or even other breathing human except me.Then we just kept a quiet hour until he gets so bored that he ended up every day wanting to get the homework out of the way.He also have a regular tutor that he have to go and see every other day and that drove him crazy.To the point that just to be able to finish his homework as fast as possible help.Also the parent won't let him go to sleep over or BD parties until he can do it on his own without me being there.It's been working great but he still side track here and there.He is a smart kid and from what you are saying,I have the feeling that helping hime like this will only make this harder for him to learn to do by himself.Also remind him that if he can't do it on his own then he might have to stay behind another year.Most kids find that embarassing.THat might give him something to think about.Good luck.

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Yes, let him suffer the consenquences from the teacher at school. They learn quickly that way. I am a teacher and a Mom and I know it is really hard to let them do this and not to help them at home, it takes all of my restraint, but it really has worked for us. I reminded them once and said if you don't do the homework then what happens at school? They tell me and I don't remind them again. It only took one time and it worked. They have to learn that they are the ones that make the choices and if they make the right choice they get privelges and if they don't make the right choice there are consequences. We present it that way to our children making them be in control of their privelges taking away the fact that we are the "bad guys". I remind them, if all of your jobs and homework is done, you get privelges (T.V., video games, playdates, etc.). If they don't, I say, "You did not make the right choice to do your homework, so you may not have your privelges today". Tomorrow is a new day, you can make the right choices tomorrow." By third grade, they start to be independent, but it helps to list their jobs/responsiblities on a chart, so they are reminded of what they are.
K.

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My oldest is only in 2nd, but I'm finding pretty good success with pushing homework back closer to dinner time. I had a fight everyday, with long whining and grump and yelling, when I forced homework to come right after school, before any play or TV or fun. Then a friend heard a study that said kids did better after dinner, which gets too late for us so we are doing it before. But I find that if I let them (2nd grade son and 1st grade daughter) relax after school and play/watch TV, then when I'm starting to get ready to cook dinner, they wander in to the kitchen table to start homework where I am. They've had a snack, they're not exhausted from school, which is mentally demanding all day -- they do need downtime. Then they are ready for quieter time, we're reading and talking about our days while I cook dinner and it's pleasant. Bottom line: try changing up the schedule and rules about homework... another study I heard was that it's actually beneficial for kids to study in different places every day. So let your kid take his worksheets on a clipboard onto his bed, or read in the bath... take some of the external constraints down a notch and it might make it easier if he has some control over how his homework gets done.

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yes, i would step back and not get yourself frustrated. let him fail and see what happens. i would also find out if this happens at school or is it just a homework issue. is it because he gets distracted (add) or is it because he doesn't want to or doesn't know how to...all this information will help you make better decisions...check out love and logic homework advise!

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My daughter has the same problems. And what seems to work for her is a reward system. When the problem first started we would reward her each week if she stayed focused at school and at home. Now, we reward her each month. If she stays focused in class she gets a sticker on her calendar and if she stays focused at home then she gets another and at first she had to have like 70% of the possible stickers she could get in a month in order to get a reward and we have slowly uppped the percentage.

Also, different kids work differently. My daughter actually does worse when she has a daily routine. She gets bored and sometimes she might be more tired so we have to do things differently. So some days I will make her do her work before she can play, but if she is tired and cranky I know she's not going to focus so I'll let her watch a movie, play or just relax (and sometimes she'll nap) for an hour or so and then have her do her homework later before she goes to bed. She really struggled in the 3rd grade but now that I have finally realized that about her she is starting to do well in 4th grade.

What I do know is that it doesn't do you or your child any good for you to get frustrated and angry. I was the same way. For a SAHM, who has a lot of free time on her hands I would be completely exhausted and frustrated to tears at the end of the day and would end up taking it out on my hubby. So trial and error in dealing with my daughter and a lot of prayer finally got me out of my funk!

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Ty My oldest I used to take to Mcdonalds and we both would sit down and do our homework when she was done she could play while I was finishing mine..we looked forward to those special moments she now a junior in high school and we have no problems with school work. Now I have a forth grader I let her have a snack once she cleaned up and we sit down together to go over her homework! She has since switched school and for some reason they do alot of class room work and not home work so it not as much. I would share a snack and pull out the homework while your sitting there you pull out a book to read sit there with him so if he has questions .. Also I only let my daughter choose one night a week to watch her favorite shows that is all the tv they are allowed during the week.

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You could try having small rewards for parts of the homework. Like an M&M for each sentence completed, or getting up and stretching. This sometimes works for my son, but only if he's involved in choosing the reward. This week, it was getting to try on each piece of his Halloween costume and getting to switch pens after each sentence.
We tried the gluten-free diet, which helped only a tiny bit. He takes an omega-3 supplement. I can't tell if it has any effect but I figure it can't hurt. Now my son takes Concerta, which helps a lot, but starts to wear off a couple hours after school. I try to let him relax and have a snack when he first gets home from school. If it's longer than 20 minutes before he gets started on homework, he'll get involved in a fun project and have trouble switching back to "school mode".

Because my son struggles with writing, it takes a lot of creativity for me to get him to do the homework. I will photocopy the spelling words in larger print and cut them out, let him type any part of his homework he wants, use tape, glue, or paint even when unnecessary, and check out tons of books from the library in order to find one he's excited about reading.
I always find a way to get him to do the work, but if it took an unreasonable amount of time, arguing, and coaxing- I will put a note on the work to let the teacher know. In 2nd grade it was taking 4 hours a night, so they decreased the amount of work he needed to do and set aside some time during the school day to help him with some of it.

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