We are throwing my son a party for his third birthday, and I'm seeking advice about whether I should invite this one little girl. Her mom and I are in a close-knit group of other moms, but she and my son do not get along at all. She is about a year and a half older than him and very aggressive. I'd have no problem not inviting her if it weren't for the fact that I know it would hurt her mother's feelings if she were to find out and potentially cause some drama within our group of mutual friends.
Part of me thinks that I should just invite her and hope my son will be distracted enough by his other friends and all the excitement of the party that he won't care that she's there. But another part of me thinks that it's his day and I should only have people there that he really wants. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
Thanks for your advice, everyone. I've gone ahead and invited her. The mother is not a close enough friend that the situation really warrants a conversation about her daughter. I think she knows that her little girl is aggressive, and she's doing as much as she feels that she can. I'm sure my telling her that I think her methods are ineffective won't be helpful in the slightest. I think there's probably going to be enough going on at the party that one more person is not going to make too much of a difference to my son. I'm sure it will all be fine. Thanks again.
I would invite her. He's three. Most of his friends were chosen by you anyway. Think of it this way, if she was a cousin or something, there'd really be no way around it and he'd just have to deal.
He's only three, it's not like he'll remember later in life and have issues over it.
It's kind of a good lesson for him in inclusion if you ask me.
I'd invite her.
I don't like drama. I have a pain in the butt kid, and I have not been invited to many things because of him. It is hurtful. If your son was older it would be easier. but, at 3, the parents choose who is invited. at 3 playdates are as much, if not more, about the moms as the kids.
Hello, Maybe you could try to invite only boys to his party. If that's not possible, will it be a big deal if you just tell the other mom that? If there is no way to avoid having the other child there, I would make sure that she is not a bully during the party and if she is I would make sure that she understood that it is not okay.
Good luck with your precious little son.
K. K.
I think you have 2 different things going on here -- one is the longer term issue of an aggressive child. I think you need to talk with your friend about her daughter (outside the issue of the birthday party). Ask her for her help -- tell her you want your son to be able to play/deal with the girl. How would the mom like your son to handle it when she gets aggressive?
This is a gentle way of getting you and the mom on the same side. You both want your kids to play well together. This is only the first of many friend issues and a good opportunity to show your son how to learn to get along with all kinds of people.
As for the birthday, I think you have to invite her. Your son can't begin to understand the hurt of not inviting her. Again, I think this is a good time to demonstrate inclusion. And as someone else mentioned, kids act very differently at birthday parties.
If it's a relatively small party, just let her know that you're keeping the guest list small to "5" friends of his choosing, etc.
If it's a big party, with lots of people and kids, then just invite her. no big deal.
I believe that you should invite the girl and her mother to the party. Especially being that you and her mom are friends and have mutual friends. It would be a horrible thing if the other friends were invited and this lady was not. Because one of them would likely talk about it to her.
As a parent, it can be a very hurtful thing to watch your child be excluded from things. Think of it this way: if the situation were reversed and your child were aggressive toward another child, would you want your child excluded from things? How can a mom go about explaining to a young child that they are being excluded because of a potential to be aggressive?
Just because it is your child's birthday does not make it okay to be insensitive to others. (I have seen people who are adults really making a super-huge deal about their birthdays...it is not pretty.) Children who are toddler age need to be taught about acceptance and kindness. What a wonderful opportunity you would have to teach these things to your child. That is better than any birthday party or any material gift you could give him.
At the party, if you witness this girl being aggressive toward others, then tell the girl and her mom that it is not acceptable. I think if you have some type of activity at the party and other adults are there to help you supervise, then all of the children will have fun.
A very happy birthday to your son and best wishes to you and your family.
When my daughter had her 3rd birthday, I let her choose the guest list. By this age they have a definite preference for certain people - and since it's their day I think they should have a say in it.
I would invite her. Children at that age change moment to moment. Yesterday's enemy is today's best friend. Also, as I know from my own daughter's 3rd birthday party, she acted very differently on that day. She's usually outgoing and that day was very shy and clung onto me. We never know how they're going to react. So I wouldn't hurt an adult friend's feelings for a child's whim.
As long as she's not a problem with all the children, then invite her.
Explain to your son that she's coming so he's not having a fit about it right there in front of her, but you can also explain that we have to be nice to people no matter what, even if we don't like them, even if their not always the nicest.
He'll be so busy and excited about everything he'll probably barely notice her or remember her at all.
I would say talk to the mom about it, openly and honestly. I'm guessing by now she knows that her daughter and your son don't get along and if she's hasn't noticed the bullying, this is a great opportunity to bring it up.
you're right, it is his day and he deserves to have only people there he wants and enjoys playing with, so I say don't invite her but talk to the mother about why, honestly.
the hard part is how to say it without the mother getting defensive and angry; we are all mothers who see the best in our kids and will fight for them so if she feels attacked or you are talking badly about her child, she might not react well. In the long run, talking about it might solve the bullying problem...
Good luck to you
