3.5 Year Old Boy Having Daycare/Pre-school Issues

I'm a big believer in handling problems with my daycare children myself. The people you pay to care for your child have WAY more experience than you do. It should be their job. I only involve parents when it's something big like hitting, biting, etc. Even then, I don't involve them unless it's a repeated problem that's getting out of control. If your director doesn't know how to teach him and get him through transition, then it might not be the right school. There may be too many children for your sons personality.

You can look at it like K is only 1.5 years away. But a LOT happens in that 1.5 years developmentally. All children develop at a different rate, but no matter what he'll grow leaps and bounds mentally and physically during that time. I look at that like it's a LONG ways away and he didn't need to be moved from a home setting just yet. You might need something a 1/2 step better than before, but not so big as a full on preschool/daycare. Many in home providers have great programs. I've cared for a great many children with language delays that were talking quite normally within 6 months of attending my daycare. I'm sure there must be many people with the same experiences that I have.

I say it's time to turn the tables and put the director on notice. If she wants you as a client she will deal appropriately with your son and make sure he is learning how to follow a long and how to feel "heard". It's HARD at first with a child we can't understand. But that's our job.

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He is definitely at an age that he must learn to follow the class schedule since he is only a year and a half from kindergarten. However, 30 minute classes for preschool seems EXTREMELY long for them to expect 3 year olds to keep attention. My son's preschool is very demanding on children adapting, but they only have 10 -15 minute sessions where kids are expected to pay attention. Also, I would inquire deeply into their schedule, and try to mold your household schedule to be very similar, and you demand the same attention/ behavior at home that they are in the school. I would tell them that you need THEIR help, not just criticism of your child. Remind the director that you are entrusting them with both his care AND discipline during the day. He won't understand if you punish him for ripping decorations 4 hours later. That's part of what you pay the school the BIG BUCKS for. But again, He will probably adapt to the rigid structure better if you implement it at home too, and have consequences at home if he does not follow instruction.

2 moms found this helpful

Speak with his service providers and request a meeting to review his program. It sounds like his difficulty expressing himself may be resulting in externalizing behaviors.

You may also want to cnsider a different preschool setting that is more accepting!

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It is probably just his maturity level and his age in conjunction with having to adjust to everything and his 'new' routines.

Have you addressed his language delays? Is he talking or really "delayed?"
Has he been actually assessed?
Is he getting Speech Therapy?

Next, just because he is bi-lingual, does not mean it is a problem.
Both my kids are bi-lingual... and they have never had a problem adjusting to any outside the home activities or school situations.

Next, maybe the school is not a good fit for him? Some schools are too structured.... and may not fit all kids.
1/2 hour "classes" is a long time for a 3 year old.
And him running off and "screaming" may just indicate he is frustrated.... and if he is really speech 'delayed' then he is probably frustrated at not being able to express himself nor be understood.

Next, what the heck, is the Director/Teachers doing to him when he does not sit still????? They should be able to handle child behavior and "redirect" the child instead of just complaining about him or using rigid expectations or "discipline." But... if it is causing a lot of disruption in class and for the other kids... then it does have to be addressed. But they should not just "complain" about your son... BUT offer solutions... too.

all the best,
Susan

1 mom found this helpful

You don't mention what his life/schedule was like before going to this preschool. I know that one of my nephews had a problem adjusting to daycare also. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that he was at home with my SIL and his siblings, and was allowed to pretty much do what he wanted. When he got into a daycare (read - structured environment), where he had to get in line, wait his turn, sit still, and generally do what he was told for 8-10 hours a day it was a HUGE culture shock for him.

Perhaps you're right too that since your son has language delays AND is coming from a bi-lingual home it's not helping him either. Imagine how frustrated you'd be being dumped with "strangers" who are making the rules of you, being with kids you don't know and having a whole new schedule imposed on you. If he's not comfortable speaking his feelings (and many 3 yr olds can't), then acting out is all he has left.

I would suggest talking with the director and coming up with a "gameplan". Perhaps you can present it as, "I know that you've said that my son is disruptive. I really want him to learn how to focus and participate in the class activities. What can we do to get him there?"

Listen to what she has to say. Understand that she may seem a bit critical of your son since "he's" not going along with their programs. However, when it's your turn to talk, I think you have every right to tell her that it's their JOB to help them in this transition/adjustment period. That she can't keep complaining about his behavior. That there needs to be some kind of sticker chart, report card, etc at the end of the day that tells you SOME things he did well on, and SOME things he didn't. Then you should have something to talk about with him...like, "I don't want to hear from Ms. Diane that you pulled pictures off the wall today. That makes Mommy and Daddy sad. You need to listen to the teachers."

I think perhaps that by having some written report to go off of EACH DAY you will see your son's behavior in writing, instead of hearing her complain to you.

Then maybe you can agree with the director to meet with her weekly to see what's working and what's not for your son.

I hope you find this helpful.

1 mom found this helpful

If you can't stay home with him, I'd find a home daycare again. It sounds like he is not ready for such a structured environment. He must be miserable. The screaming and acting out is the only way he knows how to communicate how unhappy he is. There is no reason that a 3.5 year old needs to be in 30 min. classes right now.

You and your family need to start helping him at home and speak english when he is around, go back to the bilingual when he is adjusted. Also start some practice time at home of sitting in a circle and reading, etc. and having him sit still for this. Now is the time for this. Help HIM .

S.,

These sound like more than adjustment issues, and I would suggest that you have some evaluations done to get to the bottom of what is going on. If he has langauge delays, do you think that this is because he lives in a bilingual home, or is it a true langauge issue? Langague based issues can effect behavior and many children with language based issues will also have other issues too, like attention, planning, sensory, and processing issues. From what you describe, he may do best if you invest in an evaluation from a Developmental Pediatrician. Call the nearest children's hospital and make an appointment, it will take several months to get in.

He should also be evaluated by your local school district. Because he is bilingual, he may also qualify for ESL services, but you need to contact them in writing and ask, tell them that you suspect that you have a child with a disablity and need them to evaluate. Still get the private evaluation, you should never know less about your son than any public agency, and you should own and hold the evaluation that contains his diagnosis and have know what the master plan is for his treatment, then supplement what the public servicies don't give you with private services.

I know a good advocate in Round Rock if you need one. Let me know.

M.

Hi S.,

You child is eligible for a free evaluation by a speech and language pathologist; an occupational therapist (OT); an educational diagnostician; and a behavior specialist through the public school district. if he qualifies for treatment, he can get free transportation to a free preschool program. They have summer programs as well.

Please do not hesitate to call the Special Education Dept. of Round Rock ISD and refer your child to be evaluated. You could also get your pediatrician to write a note requesting evaluation for testing through the schools.

You are wise to ask for help while he is young and before he shuts down emotionally. He is obviously screaming for help with his behavior.

Also consider getting a private evaluation (that your insurance may cover) by a Speech and Language Pathologist and an OT, outside of the school district. The school district is limited to the amount of therapy they can offer, and this will give your son the BOOST that he needs.

Go to http://www.theliveoakcenter.com. Their phone # is ###-###-####. I used to work with two of their speech pathologists in the school district,. They are excellent, and will also guide you through the red tape of the school district and insurance issues.

Bless you and Good Luck!
J.

You may find that your son will do better in a different setting. An overly structured setting (moving a child frequently to different rooms, etc) is not age appropriate. Here's a link with some tips on what to look for in a childcare center. Good luck!
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/06/21/...

You may want to try and find another daycare that has some bilingual teachers. It will take him some time to adjust, but the teachers need to be patient and understanding and willing to work with you and him on this adjustment. It sounds like the director is not willing to do that. I don't know if you have a Kids R Kids near you but with my son we tried a number of different daycares over the years and this one is the best by far. Of course daycare centers will vary depending on the staff, you may have to search around before finding one that is right for you and your family.

Good luck

Have you had him evaluated by the school district? He could qualify for free preschool through them even if his only issue is language. It sounds like he is having trouble relating to what is going on and may do better in an enviroment that is better equiped to handle whatever extra needs he might have.