3 Yr Old Won't Go to Sleep in His Own Bed...

Hi K.--

My oldest didn't start to sleep in her own room until she turned three and we had the same problem. What helped us a little was letting her pick out things for her room ( bedding, night lights, etc). Make a routine so it's not a struggle to get him to go to bed(say 7pm it's time to get ready for bed, brush our teeth, read a story, etc). We would also prasie her if she slept in her room all night. It took us a while. She is four now and still occasionally come in to our room.. We just pick her up and put her back.. We also cut her nap time as well. We didn't take it away because no one wants to deal with a cranky toddler. It's going to take some time But I think if you tell him how he is a big boy and what not he will start to sleep in his room. I read some where that you just have to keep putting him back in there. Don't give in. He will eventually sleep in there.

Hope this helps a little.

Smile,
T.

Sorry, I'm not any help on this situation, but I have basically the same problem with my 3 year old. We have always started him out in his bed, and that works out fine, until sometime in middle of the night. He ends up with us every night. I usually don't know he is there until the alarm goes off. I guess, I am asking if you find the solution, please let me know what worked for you. Thank you.

A.:)

K., I have a toddler as well and we have the same issue. My husband is in the military and gone a lot. So from birth my son has slept with me and my husband when he's home. We have tried everything (except tough love lol) as well. He does the same thing your little one does. He will cry if we say anything about him sleeping in his room and if he does fall asleep in his room, he'll wake up in the middle of the night wanting to come in to our room. So you're not alone on this issue. I have talked to his dr about it and they gave me great tips and I know they would work, but it's just that I have a hard time letting my baby cry. I feel like he thinks I'm mad at him or don't love him. I know I have to come out of it though and just do it but like my husband says (he's so wonderful) our son will sleep in his room on his own time. Until then he said not to worry about it. It's a good thing that my husband is so understanding about it too.

Anyway, I know I didn't help at all lol, but you're not alone and I just wanted you to know that.

Hugs and I hope you find some tips or advice that helps you.

Hi K.,
My 3rd child was a lot like that. We finally put a toddler bed in our room and it worked great. Eventually moving him to his own room. We also kept a night light on so he could see in the night. It worked for us!

I have to gate my son in his room. My pediatrician told me this was fine. I actually use 2 gates because he learned to climb. For the most part he goes down without issue. He does have some nights where he stands at his gate and cries. I just tell him goodnight and that's it. I still hear him when he wakes up at night and depending on the cry will determine if I get up with him. But again, I usually just try to brush it off. I have a box fan in our hallway to help drown out any noises that may keep him awake but also help my older daughters to not hear him as much!

Hey K. - You obviously know now that it was a huge mistake to allow your son to continuously sleep with you from early on. Now the battle has begun and it's no fun for either of you!! I am a mother of 6 and a grandmother of 3. So I have some experience!
I'm glad that you are trying to correct this. It will help everyone envolved, believe me. Maybe taking the naptime away will help. Start a regular bedtime routine and stick to it for at least 6 weeks. DO NOT GIVE IN! He is testing you and you are in charge, not him. Dinner, play, bath, one bedtime book, prayer, hugs/kisses and you are out of there. He will cry, but if you go in there he knows "I just have to cry for xx minutes and mommy will come back in". Each night he will cry less and less. You just assure him that you love him and that you will see him in the morning when he wakes up.
Good luck, be consistant and hang in there! Let me know how it's going...

Just keep trying. Do you have a routine - Bath, then stories, then prayers, something like that. That way he knows it's coming. Don't lay with him. Sit in his room with your back to him. Each night sit closer to the door then outside the door. If he gets up, put him back in bed - Don't look at him or talk to him. It is going to be really hard at first. Do you put him back in bed when he crawls in with you? i also did a sticker sheet with my son. If he went to sleeep in his bed, stayed in bed all night and called me when he woke up. For each thing, he earned a sticker in the morning - might help.

I did this with my oldest and at 3 yrs old this is what I did...the first two nights I told her I would lay down with her until she fell asleep and if she got up in the middle of the night I would put her back in her bed immediately and lay for a few minutes rubbing her back. The 3rd and 4th night I would sit next to her bed until she fell asleep. The 5th and 6th night I sat or stood in the doorway. On the 7th night I stood in the doorway for only 5 min. This worked for me but I didn't give in to her begging to sleep with me and told her she would have to be a big girl and sleep in her own bed.

I hope this helps....good luck and stay strong.

From a mom of 3 kids. 10,8 & 5. You have to do tough love. My 5 year old was like that. But we started doing little rewards. We would read a book together in bed and then I would tun on some soft music. And if she got up in the night to come in our bed I would put her back in bed and turn on the music and leave. With the understanding that if it happened again then there would be no book or music the next night. Mind you the first 2 weeks were horrible and I got little sleep but now it is awesome. If she wakes up she turns on her music and goes back to sleep. Then we did if she slept in her room for a week she got a specail prize. (little things I picked up from the dollar store) In the long run you will be glad you did tough love. Maybe instead of saying bed time say it is book time and let them pick out two books for you to read and then say it is time for you to rest and mommy is going downstairs. Also try not to lay with him. What I did was sit on the floor for the first few nights holding her hand and then the next few nights I would lay my hand on the bed but she couldn't touch it. Then the next few nights I would jsut sit on the floor. And then I would sit on the floor outside her room. Eventually it got to where I would read a book turn on her music and leave.

Hope that helps

S.

We went through this with my now 5 year old. I would keep doing what you are doing at bedtime and keep encouraging him. Tell him what a big boy his is for sleeping in his own bed. Then if he gets up in the middle of the night, take him back to his bed and reasure him that you are there if he needs you, but that he needs to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed. That is soo hard to do when you are really tired, but eventually he will realize that he can't sleep in your bed. The hardest part is its going to mean less sleep for you for awhile. The first time he sleeps all night in his bed I would make a BIG deal out of it. Tell him how proud you are and maybe even give him a special treat for doing it. I hope this helps.

I probably have a bit of a different perspective than the others, but we have the opinion that children are with us in our bed at night because they feel safe and when they are ready, they will make the move on their own time. All of our boys have slept with us and all of them have made the move on their time to their own bed and they have been happy and willing. Our 3 yr old still snuggles with us at night, but he is starting to snuggle in with his brothers and I am sure within a few months he will want to be a big boy and 'move out' on his own. When it comes to this issue I always think of a woman that I have known for years who allowed her three girls to all snuggle with them until they were ready to move out into their own beds. Each one of those girls has matured into a highly respectable, independent, beautiful and intelligent young woman. None of them have dependency issues, behavior issues, or problems socially in school. They don't drink, smoke, do drugs and all have good grades. I firmly believe this is all because the parents were as loving and nurturing and patient throughout their growing up years. Everyone is different and I will admit that I miss the snuggle time with just my husband, but I will continue to allow them to grow up on their time because I feel strongly that it has helped each one mature on their own. Just another perspective.......

As for your question specifically, have you tried a little bed beside your bed. We have a chaise lounge in our room and it has worked great as a little transitional spot.

Another thing you might try is a special stuffed animal that he only gets if he is sleeping in his bed. He cannot play with it or have it during the day. That gives him something special to look forward to at bed time.

My 2 yr old was having problems sleeping starting back around halloween. He would get up it the middle of the night several times and end up sleeping on the floor with our dogs. We eventually moved his toddler bed into our bedroom, so that he wasn't alone, but also wasn't in our bed. It worked great (first night in there he slept the entire night without waking up). He slept in there up until just about a month ago..when we moved him back to his room and now he does great in his own room.
So maybe moving his bed into your room for a short time might help. He'll have you close, but yet be in his own bed.

This is going to sound very far fetched, but it works! We struggled with this with our oldest two children, now 19 and 16. My husband came up with this plan, and I thought he was nuts, but it worked with NO stress.
When your three year old won't go to bed, one of you tell him, that he can stay up and watch TV, but there are rules:
1. brush your teeth and put on your p.j.s
2. You have to sit with mom/dad in the recliner (or couch)
3. Dad/Mom get's the remote
Now get all settled and start watching something he likes. As soon as he is into the program, change the channel. Continue to do this, watching sports, hunting shows, shoppoing channels--anything that is mild for before bedtime hours but boring to them. If they fall asleep, wake them up with, "Hey, your missing out on you late night up!" They will beg to go to bed, stall for at least another 1/2 hour. Then send him to bed--disappointed he couldn't stay up later.
The next night, he will not want to go to bed. Offer the night up with TV. He'll want to go to bed (Our 16 year old took two nights of this before he caved in.) Two nights, max, should do the trick. It is a favorite family story at our house now, and the kids all laugh about Dad's crazy bedtime TV venture.
DebJ

hello. You need to keep putting him back into his own room EVERY time he comes into your room. Try cutting out the nap, feeding him no later than seven, giving him a warm bath, rub him down (like a massage), have a little play time before bed & by nine he should be wore out! I hope it helps & try some warm milk, IF he'll take it. I wish you luck!

I did not have this problem myself, but I do remember hearing about something related. The solution was to place a mattress or sleeping bag next to your bed for a few nights, and slowly, without telling him, inch it towards the door and away from you. Eventually ending up at the door, and them into his own room. Like I said, I don't speak from experience, just word of mouth. Good luck.

I'm not exactly sure what my daughter did but one thing I remember is she just layed the law down & said her daughter could not sleep with them in the night (ok early morning or Sat.). She fixed a pallet next to their bed so if she got up in the night she could sleep there. I think it took awhile but just have a talk & say this is your room & your bed & you MUST sleep there. You might have to stay by the door to keep it closed till he gives up. Also maybe put a pallet on his floor. Just anything to make him stay in his own room. He will pitch a fit but be strong. When you put him back in his room or bed the first time say again this is your bed & you need to stay in here. The next time just go back & put him in bed & so on without any words. The kids don't hear you anyway except for the first time. Also when you put him to bed say you will sleep 2 minutes (after the story etc) Get a timer at the $ store & when the 2 minutes is up just say you will see him in the AM or you can say you will be back in a bit (but don't go back - guess that is after this has worked awhile) He will eventually give up. Also do you use a sleep machine. Get one they are great. Put it on Oceon & it is so soothing.