3 Yr Old Is "Holding It" So She Wont Have to Go Potty

Hi! I am a nurse and I would yell out so strongly now that you DONT give a 3 year old laxatives and suppositories. THAT IS SO DANGEROUS!!! Please ask her to stop NOW!! The child can become dependant to that routine for life if she isnt careful!Let her sit on the toilet for 15-20 minutes everyday AT THE SAME TIME. This is called bowel training. Give her a book to "read" or something to watch like TV. After several days, the body gets the idea that its time to sit and poo. If she wants to give her something...steamed prunes, baby food prunes, prune juice with a wee pat of butter in it warmed, and WATER WATER WATER. Try to get her to eat more veggies, and some juice every day. She might be holding it cuz it is too hard and dry to come out comfortably. But STOP the suppositories and laxatives NOW!!

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My son at age 3 1/2 did the SAME thing and what worked for him (per his doctor) was to give him a drink of 1/2 prune juice and 1/2 apple juice. We called it "poop juice" and our son got a kick out of it. Anyway....with this mixture, he will not be able to hold it. With my son, I have him the juice on an afternoon and it did not affect him till the next morning. All of a sudden, he started asking for a Pull Up. I said, NOPE, you have to sit on the potty. He didn't want to, but he didn't want to go in his pants so he agreed. He pooped in the potty once and then he realized it was no big deal. We kept giving him the "poop juice" just to make sure he got over his fear of the toilet. The same thing happened again and he had to sit on the toilet to poop and after that, he was trained! Took 1 day, after 6 month of torture trying to het him to go on the potty. Good luck.

Hi there. I don't have much advice, I know my little girl had issues with that for a long time, even until 4. But she started getting UTIs becuase she would hold it and then when "some" came out in her underwear, it would get in the "wrong" place (girl parts) and she would get an infection. I learned that she was just very irregular, and I had to focus on lots of real juice, fruits, pistachios are great for that...but one of the best things a friend told me was she won't be 21 and doing this...so, if it's not her time, you know her time will come. Tell your friend to ease up on herself. None of us have all the answers, we just try it day by day! Best of luck.

There could, obviously, be several reasons why she is having a problem. One is that she may not have a problem - maybe she just doesn't go very often. My daughter & I don't. Another is that she doesn't have enough vegetables in her diet so that the poop is too big and hard and it hurts to come out, so she keeps it in... but with her taking laxatives, it should be okay (but I'm not sure it's good to give laxatives to a 3-yr-old often). Another could be that so much attention is paid to it, that it is a way of getting attention. Or, she is afraid to go because of the attention. I would try giving her more vegetables, and expecting her to be okay (good attitude). Tell the child that if she has a problem, she should let her mom know, but she should be okay (reassurance). And, of course, you could ask the doctor. Good luck!

I have a 3 yr old and we go through this sometimes. Exact same thing. What I found out from doctor and others is sometimes kids at this age believe that they are losing apart of themselves when they poop. I know it sounds kind of wierd, but who knows. So what they do is hold it and they end up constipating themselves. Which makes it even harder for them to go poop.
There are a few suggesting I can make that has helped us and she can try. First, ever time I/husband have to poop we bring him in there and tell him that we have a tummy ache and we have to poop to feel better and it's okay to go everyday. Then I noticed that my son usually has to go poop around noontime, so after lunch every day i'll sit him on the potty to poop. Now he doesn't usually have to go everyday unless we give him a laxative everyday. When he doesn't go everyday he goes every other day. One last thing we do is give him one extra glass of juice a day to help him and make sure he eats all of his vegetables, along with less breads and crackers and such. With all of these things combined most of the time he tells me his tummy hurts/is full and tells us he has to poop. When he does get constipated(usally because someone else was watching and wasn't monitoring his intake of food and vegetables) after we use the suppository I hug him while he poops and encourage him to "PUSH IT OUT" and advise him that mommy can't help him push. These are the only things that have helped us. If anyone knows anything better, please advise. :-) I really hope this helps your friend! Feel free to contact me for more info if you have questions at ____@____.com of a 3 1/2 year old and 11 month old.

my nephew was the same way and the doctors told us to let him do it on his own time. Let her have pull ups and when she needs to go she can put one on and go and her mom should not fuse at her.. She might be scared who knows why but let her go as she pleases let her use the pull up diaper ect and soon she will start on the toilet...

Hey K.,

My niece had the exact same problem and I'm pretty sure it was because her parents were so determined for her to be potty trained that it became a power struggle. She's 6 now, and they are still obsessed with her pooping "issues." Maybe it's not time for this little girl to poop on the potty. Maybe her mom should sit down with her and ask her if she'd like to poop in her diaper for a while. Honestly, no kid went to college unable to use the toilet unless he or she had some physical issue. Tell the mom to relax and her daughter will relax,too. Tell her maybe she should follow her daughter's lead on this one. Constipation is a stress response in a child, again, unless there is some physical malady to consider.

Good luck to your friend and her little girl!

Al

Wow - 'lots of good advice & ideas.... We had a similiar problem & seemed to try it all. However the ONLY thing that worked for our son was to stop talking about it. It seemed to comsume or lives because we were so worried about him not going (sometimes for a week!). As long as she is getting enough water & fruit have the mom just back off & not say anything about going poop. It was really hard & my husband & I had to keep reminding each other to not talk about it but it worked! It really worked & I believe it was because it was a behavioral thing not a diet thing. Since we talked about it so much, gave rewards, talked about eating & drinking the right things, feeling better if he pooped, blah, blah, blah. It was something he could control. Make sense? She will go when she is ready. Good luck!

My daughter is 27 months and has suffered from constipation since she was 3 months old. She started holding her poops around 12 months and it's made life miserable at times. I told my husband that when we started potty training her at 23 months we were not going to pressure her to poop on the potty. I told her that when she needed to poop she could ask for a diaper and that's exactly what she does. She will pee on the potty every 20 minutes (I've never seen a kid drink as much as she does), but as soon as she has to poop, she will ask for a diaper, run to her poop spot, then tell us when she's done and we flush it down the toilet. If she has to go to school for the day, she will hold it until she comes home and usually within the first hour of being home she will ask for a diaper. Please tell your friend to relax and that when her daughter is ready, she will let her know. We did start to give our daughter Miralax after exhausting all natural remedies like aloe juice, probiotics, etc., etc. and it seams to be the only thing that has helped. Like I said, she drinks no less than (8) 8 oz. glasses of water with 1 to 2 oz. of white grape juice added to each cup and (3) 6 oz. glasses of milk per day and pee's every 20 minutes so I know she's not dehydrated.

We had this same issue. We had to set aside a time or two each day where our son would have to sit on the potty. We set the timer for 10 minutes and he would go. He has to be on laxatives just to go but setting aside time each day where he must sit on potty made him understand that he had to go. We now have no problems with him.
We also offered incentives in the beginning for going #2. He got a matchbox car each time he went. That sure made him go too!
Good Luck! Potty Training is the hardest part of parenting, thus far, for me!

Hi, K.,
What a good friend you are:) Has her diet changed? If she is getting constipated she might try and hold it back because it hurts. Try to give her some cantelope every morning and some for snack everyday. This will make her poo softer and easier to pass. Laxatives are not the way to go, it can cramp her up and make her dependent on them. Increase her water. If she has truble getting her to drink water, here is a tip. Get a cold regular water bottle then take a push pin and poke 2 to 3 wholes in the lid. When she squeezes it into her mouth it will tickle and she will want to drink more. Water water water!!!
Also, a small jar of her favorite thing ... small treat, special stickers, anything she loves. Place it on the back of the tolet and when she goes she gets to pick a reward. If you need any more help just let me know.:)
R.

My son had a similiar problem. We started him on a mild laxative MiraLAX. It is a powder we added to 4oz of orange juice (or any other drink you prefer) every morning. What it does is basically adds water to your intestines to help pass things along. Same theory as Citracel however Citracel is a fiber. I would speak to your doctor before beginning this, as I am no doctor. However, it is now an over the counter powder.

In addition to that, we watched Once Upon A Potty dvd and read books. We also had a bucket of toys (I bought him from the dollar store: matchbox cars, cards, remote control anything). When he went poopy on the potty he received a present out of the bucket. We also had a reward sticker chart in another bathroom. It all worked great. He was potty trained in less than a week.

Good luck to your friend!!

Could be previous constip pain...avoiding pain again...so then the holding it. Or some psychologists talk of the idea that losing poop may seem like losing part of your body. Kinda spooky concept, but kids don't have logic yet..so a lot of things can be spooky.
My daughter is just 2 and trained, but I used Natural Infant Hygiene, but even I still wonder if, despite this success, she may go through a phase like the above.
I'd hold off for a while, to let pain with pooping associations fade and try again later.