3 Yr. Old Flower Girl

Its more fun when the little flower girl does it wrong and not perfect. Relax and know that whatever she does, everyone will get a kick out of it.

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When my brother married his wife, she had a just-turned 3 year old daughter named Charlie. I was the matron of honor and Charlie was the flower girl. We told her there would be a ring pop in it for her if she walked down the aisle nicely. She did. Charlie stood next to me once we arrived at the altar. We had a friend in the front row whose job it was to remove Charlie if there was any "trouble". Just at the most sentimental and sweet part of the ceremony, when my attention was fully on the bride and groom, I heard laughter from the "audience". I looked at Charlie to see that she was holding her pretty flower-girl dress up over her head, flashing her panties - ugh! She was performing for the crowd. I whispered a few words to her, mentioning the possible loss of the ring pop, and she settled down for the rest of the ceremony. Charlie graduated from high school this year and the people in our town still laugh about the stunt she pulled at the wedding. It was the most memorable part of the ceremony by far!

Talk to the bride and groom. If they want a flawless wedding, decline. Think up a good bribe to get your daughter down the aisle. Have someone reliable ready to whisk her out of the room if need be. Do not expect her to perform flawlessly and know that flaws often make the wedding. Consider having her go down the aisle with an older flower girl or the ring bearer. Have an older alternate ready in case she balks. You do not want to force the issue, so having a Plan B is always wise. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

What a fun day for your whole family! I am a florist as well as a wedding coordinator, with a 3 year old little girl as well. I would have her practice by putting a big sheet on the floor, and having her drop the flower petals on it, so you as the "bride" can have a path to walk on. Tell her you're trying to step on the petals she drops, so she won't be tempted to pick them back up again.
Also, for peace of mind sake, if you have a close friend or family member that your little girl knows, who is also attending the wedding, you should have them sit up front to the side, so your little girl has a friendly face to walk down to, and possibly sit with during the ceremony.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi My 3 yr was the flower girl at my sisters wedding a few months ago. We had the same problem. So my sisters mother in law had the ring bearer and my daughter walk down together. They only dropped a few petal, 5 if we were lucky but it didn't matter the guest we too busy awing at how cute the kids were. They ended up holding hands and walking down the isle. Also I was at a wedding a few years ago and the flower girl ran down the isle. I wouldn't worry too much, the guset will love anything a little girl does.

Last summer my then 2 year old daughter was a flower girl for my bro-in-laws wedding. we practiced a little bit but come on she was two. ( I thought 2 was too young) At their actual rehersal after the flower girls did their part (there were 2) they didn't really pay attention to them while they went over the rest of the ceremony. It was at the beach so the girls were just playing in the sand. So what did they do at the ceremony? As soon as they got to the Asile they both burst into tears and had to be carried down. they cried w/ their mom/dad up front for a few minutes. And then they palyed in the sand. 3 is definately better than 2 for this but I just wanted to suggest you "practice" at the rehersal exactly what the should be doing for the wedding ceremony itself. And to have a contingency plan w/ someone in the front row that can help in case the little ones won't make it through the ceremony (trusted babysitter your daughter loves w/ coloring books or snacks or something). It could turn out really beautifully and work out (hopefully) but just be prepared for bumps along they way. In the end my new sis-in-law was actually releived the girls got upset cuz she needed a few extra minutes before she walked down the asile. It was going way too fast. good luck =0)

How cute that she picks up the petals!

I say let her do whatever she wants to do. At three, no one can expect her to perform "perfectly." Children that age have a 10-minute attention span at best, and expecting her to be a little adult isn't reasonable or fair to her.

Decide whether the bride is understanding and would smile at whatever a cute little girl does, or would be bridezilla and be angry that your cutie deviated from her script. If the former, make sure someone gets good pictures for you to enjoy later. Maybe she could walk with you instead of ahead of you? (And I think picking up the petals is adorable, BTW.)

If the bride has turned temporarily insane, as many brides do (including myself, btw), try to get your daughter out of the commitment. Don't expose her to such unrealistic expectations.

Good luck, and try to have fun with whatever happens.

She will be the belle of the ball - don't worry about it. she could throw the petals wildly and everyone will just think she is darling. Just let her do the best job she can at 3, and make sure you get lots of photos of her. Sounds like a fun day.

H.
My three year old was just in a wedding HE was the ring bearer-( I was the maid of honor)I just let him know who would be waiting for him in the front row with some M n m's when he finished his duty walking down. As soon as they make it down no one cares what they do and if they don't do it perfectly no one cares it adds to the wedding
My son walked down picking up all of the petals thinking the flower girl dropped them by mistake and everyone love it!
Good luck-and don't think about it too much. I don't give him much candy so the M nM's were a treat find her fave thing to "bribe " her with. In this case, it worked for me to have a reward.
Have fun!
B.

OMG let her!! That is ADORABLE!! All the people will think so too!

Wendy

Hi H. :)
I wouldn't put any worry into it. It's great that you are practicing with her at home so she knows what to expect. However, the magic that comes from the innocence of a child, the laughter and the joy that, that innocence brings to peoples' hearts is such a precious gift. I think it would add to the occasion if she did something on the whim of her spirit :) Just let her make things unordinary... it will make for more fun and more memories! Besides, no one expects a 3 year old to be perfect anyway~ especially in a situation like that. I would think they would look forward to seeing the purity in the actions of such a young child. It's just the best ever!!! :)

Have a wonderful time and smile at whatever she does that comes your way! She sounds beautiful!!! :)... and I'm sure that's all you will hear while at the wedding, too! ;)

In Light,
Jennifer

My advice is to talk to the bride. If she isn't going to sweat it you shouldn't either. Kids add charm to any wedding, I think. Whatever she does is going to be adorable.

My ring bearer was five, his sister was a mature almost three year old, and our flower girl. She took her job very seriously. When her brother refused to take her arm like the groomsmen did for the bridesmaids she got irate and slugged him one.

Their mom apologized again and again. I didn't care about their tiff, I was just bummed that I couldn't really see it from my position waiting behind the door.

My son was in my cousin's wedding when he was six. He did great. But, my aunt was extremely worried that my two year old daughter would want to be "up there" with her bro and "ruin everything". I spoke to the bride and let her know that I would tactfully leave the area if my daughter became unruly. She replied that she thought it would be cute if she joined her brother and completely did not share her future mother-in-law's opinion. The groom agreed with the bride.

I decided to go with the flow and not stress about my daughter's behavior since the bride and groom weren't worried - only my aunt. The end result was that my daughter slept through the whole thing.

Bottom line - talk to the couple. If they are sticklers for perfection and if something goes wrong will they think their special day is ruined. Or, are the more relaxed where the day will work what ever happens. Take your cues from them.

Good luck.

Hi H..
I'm a wedding coordinator. I've helped plan over 30 weddings in the past 5 years.
Your daughter being 3 is fine. She will do a great job. I wouldn't worry about practicing with her. Just talk to her here and there about sprinkling flower petals (like a princess) so that the queen can make it to her king. Then let it go. She will get to practice at the rehersal.
If she is feeling pressure, she might be resistant.
The bride and groom don't expect for your daughter to be perfect. Everything will go great. I am sure that you will get a few laughable moments to look back on.
Enjoy.
P.

I'd take a pass on your daughter being the flower girl. 3 is too young and neither you, her nor the bride need the added pressure. Perhaps she can sit with an family member or friend while you and your huband do your thing.

Here's my feelings on flower girls and ring bearers. Everyone...including the bride...needs to just be happy they showed up and looked cute for a few photos. If they actually do any of their "duties" BONUS! If not, they looked cute and everyone smiled. Honestly, some of the ways the kids don't cooperate with the whole thing end up being better memories. My flower girl was three at the time, raced down the aisle and didn't drop a single rose petal. BUT, she looked so cute and later when we watched the video, she turned to her mom and asked, "Mommy...why didn't I drop my petals?" It was too cute!

I recently got married and my flower girls were older but the lil bro of one of the girls desperately wanted to participate. My venue didn't allow me to use real flowers so the fake petals had to be picked up after the ceremony so I put the 3yr ol lil bro in charge of it. He took his sister's basket and picked up every petal, kept him busy for almost an hour! Maybe this would work with your lil girl. Tell her that after the ceremony she gets to pick up all of the petals she dropped earlier. Plus this will keep her busy but in your sight as you are taking pics, etc right after the ceremony. I have some adorable pics of the lil bro picking up the flowers! Either way I wouldn't stress about it, the whole purpose of having lil kids in a wedding is to have some comic relief. Everyone has great stories of what the flower girls and ring bearers did at their weddings. Plus it will be a great story to tease her about when she is older!

My daughter was in a wedding last summer, just 2 years old. We got some books from the library about flower girls, and we showed her a few youtube clips of flower girls. She held the basket of flower petals but didn't scatter them. She walked down with the ring bearer holding hands. My husband met them at the end of the aisle and brought them to the back to sit and watch. It worked out really well. We knew they wouldn't/couldn't stand at the front for the ceremony. We got some great pictures and it was cute.

If you can get her to leave the petals, that would be great, but whatever she does will be cute amd wonderful and precious. I would try making up a story, like something about a bear wedding and little bear and the flowers on the path and such and teach her about her little job that way.

My son, who is 2, was recently the ring bearer at our friends wedding and he did good. The best advise I can give is let her do her own thing while walking down the aisle. You may want to gently tell her that it is ok to make a mess. But for the most part let her have fun and give her a lot of praise since she is going to be doing this. Oh ya one more thing, have someone she knows sit on the end of the row so that way when she is done walking down the aisle she can go to them and sit with them. Have a small snack, I know it doesn't sound right but it worked for my son, so that way she will be able to sit there quietly. Hope that is works out for you guys.

if she picks up the petals as soon as she drops them everyone will think that is the most precious thing. my cousin's daughter was my flower girl (she had just turned three) and she "forgot" to drop the petals even though we had been practicing. she was just eating up the attention as she went down the aisle and everyone thought she was the greatest. i thought is was hillarious... :) she'll do great and everyone will love her!!!

I think it depends on your daughter's personality and how you and your husband react to it.

I have 3 girls and they have done many weddings. My oldest was 17 months when she did her 1st wedding. It got to a point that when we were going to a wedding she wasn't in, she asked, why are we going then? :)

It may be a bit more challenging since both you and your husband will be participating in the wedding. My husband and made sure that she befriended the other flower girls. She didn't even meet them till that day! She's obviously social.

We made the whole thing like it was such a great opportunity for her. We never mentioned the fact that she might feel scared. We told her to follow her friends. At the front of the church on the side, daddy was there to get her--I was at the back of the church to coach her before she walked down the aisle.

We did give positive feedback to her for doing such a great job.

If you have someone else that she's comfortable with, they can get her at either end of the aisle. But usually the maid of honor walks before the flower girls, so you can be the target she's walking to.

If she doesn't throw the flowers, it's not a big deal. Just make sure the bride doesn't have her heart set on it if she's the only flower girl.

Since both you and your husband are a part of their big day, it seems like it would be an honor to them to have your daughter participate as well.

you can tell her that she has to make the aisle fancy for the bride and brides walk on beautiful flower petals.

good luck!!!

oh, btw. my youngest was 13 months for her 1st wedding. it was my sisters, so of course she had to participate. she did walk with my oldest (who was 5 at the time). the challenging thing was that she just learned how to walk. she ended up falling and my 5 y/o carried her down the aisle (just like what happened in rehearsal:). the audience loved it. they weren't expected to drop flowers as the aisle was already lined with petals.

I had five flower girls for my wedding (yes, five) including the ages of 1, 2, and 3. If the bride is ok with it, she can consider having those flower balls for your daughter. It is a ball of flowers that hangs from a string. All your daughter would have to do is hold the string. All nice and neat! It really is adorable too. I had this for the three young ones. The two older ones were 7 and 8, so they had the flower petals.

Turned out though that the three young ones couldn't go down the aisle unassisted. Since you're in the wedding and her father is taking the pictures, you should make sure you have someone as a backup to help her if needed. She could get stage fright with so many guests staring at her. Two of my flower girls had to be carried. :P

Also, don't be surprised if she tries to run up to you at the altar. One of my flower girls was also the daughter of my matron of honor. If my cousin didn't carry her down the aisle and keep her in place, I have no doubt she would have tried to run up to be with her mom. :)

My flower girl also refused to drop her flowers and petals. She walked zigzag across the aisle delicately handing them to "pretty ladies" on either side. Of course, everyone was charmed to pieces and those are the loveliest photos I have.

It will be perfect, you'll see!

Best wishes,

M.

As long as the bride is okay with it, just let it be. My flower girl was also three, everyone said she was too young. She got bored part way through the ceremony and sat on the steps in the sanctuary, resting her head on her hand and staring at the "audience." In the video, you can see her mother on the side of the sanctuary, mouthing "Go back up there. Go back up there!" And she very slowly mouthed back, "Noooooo." Honestly, it's my favorite memory of that day!

Hi H.,

When my oldest was 3, good friends asked us if he could be the ring bearer. We said no for the reason you stated: he'd get too freaked out. What made all the difference for us, was having both the bride and groom assure us they understood and wouldn't be disappointed if our son didn't "perform" correctly.

So, my advice would be to really discuss this with the bride and groom. Some couples get really hung up on the "picture perfect" day concept and are devastated when the littlest things go wrong. Others, like our friends, were far more interested in including as many friends and family and saw the children's antics as part of the fun. If you have any misgivings, decline.

In the end, my son managed to walk sedately down half the aisle, sprinted the rest of the way, threw the ring pillow at my husband (a groomsman) and raced back to me in the audience. We spent the rest of the wedding in the cry room of the church because he wouldn't stop talking and crying (it was well into his nap time and he was wreck).

Good luck.

My 3 year old niece was our flower girl. She howled and argued through the rehearsel, but was SO ADORABLE during the actual wedding! She carefully placed the petals, even stopping so she could rearrange them in the middle of the aisle. Everyone thought she was the cutest thing they'd ever seen! Don't worry, she'll do fine.

My son was a ring bearer in my brother's wedding right after he turned 4 and we were concerned with how shy he is, even just getting him down the aisle. We just talked about it all the time, especially when my brother or his wife were there and we kept him really excited about the event and would do a quick run down and practice every time the subject came up.
When the time came, he walked in there like a pro.
Kids learn through repetition so I think if you just keep practicing with her then she will do fine.

Hi H.,
3 year olds are unpredictable. My son was asked to be ring bearer at a wedding when he was about 3. We talked to him about it ahead of time but when it came time, he refused to walk down the aisle. Both of us actually missed the ceremony because I couldn't get him to sit in a seat with me. Since you don't have that option for this wedding, try to make a game of it with your daughter so she sees it as something fun to do and hopefully she'll cooperate. Just be prepared with someone to watch her if she won't.

Good luck!

Hi H., She's young, and she may freeze. When my son got married 3 years ago they had 3 flower girls ( they could not decide) plus one of them was only 3 like your daughter, so they wanted a back up just in case, the 2 other little girls were from our church, and when they heard our son was gettng married and looking for a flower girl they both wanted it, so to keep from having to pick one and have the other's feelings hurt they took them both, sorry about all of that any way sure enough the 3 year old saw all the people and she didn't want to go out, and the line up was her first and then the 5 year olds, we were all in tears when we saw the 3 of them come dpwn the isle together, the two 5 year olds took her under their wings and walked down first hand in had with the 3 year old between them, they both looked at the 3 year old smiled and they all let go of hands and started droping the flowers, the thing about was that Laura and rebecca the 2 five year olds new each other, they did not meet this other little girl until the day before at the rehearsel, some how these two little 5 year olds loved up on her and made her feel secure, so with all of that, they should have a back up, a little girl, who's a little older, for just in cases, and who knows they may have 2 little girls wealk down the isle, J.

instead of her cleaning them up pretend like somebody is behind her and its there job, you pretend to pick them up for her, tell her when she reaches the alter a prize will be there for her, I did this with my 4 yr old daughter long ago, and she did it perfect..

Good Luck

Hello H..
How fun....
My daughter was a flower girl at my best friend wedding 15yrs ago, and it was a blast.
Keep telling her that for that ocassion she needs to drop the petals on the ground to make the people look more pretty when they walk by, and later on "she can pick them up" Just keep practicing and she'll get into it. She will do just fine & you have enjoy your time at the wedding.
D.

I wanted my 2 1/2 yr old to be the flower girl (but duh) so what I did was have my lil sister (who was 10) be another flower girl. They just walked down the isle holding hands! It's my favorite pic from my wedding! =) I think someone already said it... you have to have a heart to heart with the bride and groom! decline if they want everything to go 'smoothly'! and yes, have someone there that is going to be 'in charge' of her so if need be you don't have to take her out! Or God Forbid her father has to. =) Good luck!