3 YO #2 Regression.. Advice and Help Please!

Keep using the stool softener/laxative and make sure she understands that will make her bottom better and that it won't hurt to poop. Call it a magic potion. If her stool is soft enough without but she is just remembering the trauma, give her an M&M or Tick Tack saying it is a magic pill so her bottom doesn't hurt. Do it everyday, first thing in the morning and remind her that she took her magic medicine so that it won't hurt. Use witch hazel wipes or babywipes. Also, if she has to go and you have time, put some ointment on her bottom to prevent fissures and pain.

I don't see this as a potty training issue, it's more of a how to get over a traumatic experience issue.

Also, get a childrens anatomy and physiology book and show her how her body works. Explain that drinking water and eating certain foods will make it easier to poop.

Good luck

I would not take the new toys away from her because she did earn them. Just give her more raisins, prune juice, apple juice, whatever. Don't make a big deal of it. Nature will run it's course and this will go away in time. Good luck.

Dear L.,

I agree with Sarah completely this is not a situation for punishment its just her trying to avoid something that hurt her. You do not want this turning into a situation where she holds back so much it effects her health. I would see if you want to go more natural diluted prune juice daily and keep her drinking a lot of water so her stool will stay soft and not hurt her. Go and buy the cheapest undies you can find this way if she has messy accident you can just throw them out. I would not do the diapers then she surely will regress. A diaper is not going to take away her fear of going because its not the toilet she is afraid of. I know it is hard to stay patient when you think you have already conquered potty training, however I think her fear is real and until she is comfortable with it not hurting her. I would try to not make a big deal out of it. If she has an accident change her no conversation and go about your business. Sometimes when kids do not get a reaction they respond better to what they need to do. She knows what is expected of her and will come around again. Do not reward her for going and do not scold her for not. Just try not to make a big deal out of it and hopefully the situation will correct itself. Attention weather negative or positive is still attention and sometimes when you don't react they will come around. Have you ever seen the Supernanny episodes when she is sleep training or using time out no conversation just put them back in bed or back on the naughty step NO TALKING no reaction. It's worth a try. I wouldn't take away her toys, as hard as it is this is just a minor setback.

I have to say that I truly appreciate you asking this question because I am going through the same thing with my 4 year old son. My son takes zyrtec for his allergies, it prevents asthma attacks, but it's drying and can cause constipation. Our pedi has given us the green light to give him benefiber to help, even though he eats plenty of fruits and veggies. My son often goes once he falls asleep. I'm going to try the recommendatin of sitting on the potty the same time very night to try to train his body,and I love the suggestion about the visual too. So I just wanted to say that you're not alone and thanks to all the suggestions!

you should ask your pediatrician but i remember using a suppository when needed. they are easily inserted, she won't even feel it as they slip right in. and within 10 or so minutes they go and can't stop it. it's lubricated so it doesn't hurt. they feel better and so do you.

I have been having the same problem with my son since he was one year old. He is now six and we are still having problems with him holding back his poop and not wanting to go. I have tried all of the laxatives and when he was smaller even had to use a baby enema. They do work but you can’t rely on them forever. Also, once the laxative starts working he still tries to hold it, but then he ends up pooping a little in his underwear. One thing that seems to be working lately is having him go to the potty every night at the same time and reading him a book. I read to him or he reads to me until he has a bowel movement. Once he has a bowel movement we make a big deal of it. He gets a reward. You can decide whatever you want that reward to be. It can be something really small like a cookie or maybe going to a movie at the end of the week if she goes every day. Just keep track of it with a chart or something like that. I know this sounds so simple and I can’t believe that it is actually working, after all these years. Also, I just recently went to the dr. and she suggested giving him a teaspoon of mineral oil (in juice or pudding) when he needs to make his poop come out easier, but she did warn me to try this over a long weekend so that he won’t have any accidents in school. Check with your dr. to see if it would be ok if you try it. I have not tried this so I do not know if it works. I am not going to do it since we are having success with the books right now. Definitely do the book or magazine reading on the potty every night. This might do the trick.

dont take the toys back, as they are hers for what she has already done successfully.

i disagree with the idea of using laxatives and suppositories. those are to be used when a person is truly constipated. your daughter isnt constipated naturally, she is not allowing herself to go, which then leaves stool in the body longer where moisture is taken out causing hard stools. what im getting at is you dont want to use a medication for something that is caused by her actions. besides, there are the natural healthy things we have to help with the situations. keep up the fruits and veggies as much as possible, remember the majority of fiber is in the skins. blackberries and raspberries are very high in fiber. get flaxseed, its a wonderful thing that we should all use, great with omega 3s. add it to cereal, peanut butter, yogurt, applesauce, ect. get fiber breads, no white flour items likes cakes or white bread.

stay away from prunes, they are a laxative more than a stool softener, you want things that soften the stool so each and every time she goes, there is no pain. lots of water.

does she feel ok pooping in the diaper? if so, explain to her she must ask to use a pullup when she needs to go and shouldnt hold it. make sure you dont make this seem as a negative. your main focus should be getting her to go when she feels the urge, doesnt matter whether its on the potty or in a diaper. she may feel more comfortable standing. also, make sure her feet are not dangling on the potty, her feet up on something will help her go.

honestly, my friend and i both agreed, #2 was one of the hardest things we had to deal with as parents. we both went thru exactly what you described. take your time, and stay calm. its one of the most confusing things for a child to understand. she will get thru it once she has no pain for a long period of time. good luck

I'm sorry to hear that you are both going through this. I have always found it helped when I talked to my children about a problem such as this and fully explained everything.
You might want to just start by first telling her you love her and giving her a big hug then gently asking her why she is so afraid to poo (even if you've done this before, say "let's start anew..."). Really listen to her fears then point out the facts that when you hold it in and get tense that makes it back up and hurt.
I remember showing my child this by using my hand. I put my hand in a loose fist where you could still insert a finger into it and explained that is how it normally is when you go, but if you get tense and nervous the opening will get tighter and almost close up thus making it pretty hard for the poo to get out and thus hurt.
By "seeing" that it helped her by having a logical visual to think about. When you tense your fist you can really see how the entire hand gets tense.
Then, I suggested that the next time she felt she had to poo that she should go to the bathroom with a book (and pointed out that adults do that all the time), or even to just think of a happy thought...walking on a beach (which she loved to do), I told her she didn't have to rush but relax.
I also put my child in pull ups and told her that that was just to make it easier on both of us until her fear went away and then she'd be back in her undies.
I also for a few days added an orange flavored fiber, citrucel I think, to her orange juice and she had no idea and it just aided her elimination (my pediatrician okayed that).
This all helped ease the stress we were all feeling, and by starting "new" it let her feel a bit better about the situation. Very quickly the problem was solved.
I would not reccommend taking away any toys as again I think
that sends out more stress and negative signals.
She is potty trained and you've said she is mortified when she has the accidents, it just seems that the fear has overtaken her.
I hope this helps.

I had the same experience with my daughter. She was potty trained and going 1 and 2 on the potty. Until once she had a painful poop, and that started the holding it in because she was afraid it would always hurt. I never put her back in diapers or pull ups though. By the time this started we didnt even have any in the house and I just refused to go buy any. I think it sends a mixed signal. You dont want her to use that diaper as a crutch, she'll be MORE likely to go in her pants than on the potty knowing she's wearing it. There were a lot of accidents for a few weeks there when I didnt catch her in time. I got frustrated but like one response said, try not to shame her or get angry with her. a couple times she even did it in the tub by accident. And in her sleep once. I would notice when she was holding it in because she would squat down, kind of hide in a corner or behind something. Then I would bring her to the potty and put her on, and give her some books to read, I would stay with her and help her relax by teaching her to take deep breaths and I would lightly stroke her legs, it felt good to her and take her mind off the pooping, let her body do it for her. I gave her juice during the day which kept it soft for her. Eventually when she did go it didnt hurt as much as she thought it would so eventually she did get over it. It takes a lot of patience I know. I wouldnt take those rewards away because she did earn them for learning to go on the potty in the first place. This is different, she has to learn that it isnt always going to hurt and not to be afraid. 2 different things. Just be patient, positive, encourage her, use calming voice to relax her,This too shall pass!

Don't pick up the big girl toys as she had already earned them.
I would stick with keeping her in a diaper...she's having a real hard time now and at some point will forget and will get over it and will return to the potty. Be patient.

I know you are so frustrated right now, and you've done so much great work with your daughter on this! And I don't have specific advice to give you, because my son isn't old enough to be potty trained yet. (I almost didn't write anything!) But I do want to share one thing with you:

I had huge problems as a 3-4 year old with wetting my pants. I made this "mistake" constantly, and just when I thought I had it down...I'd wet my pants again. I remember it vividly. I got in trouble a lot, then I'd do ok and get praise and sometimes a toy. Then I'd mess up again and get back in trouble. No more praise. Which feels like no more love, to a 3 year old. It was an endless cycle, and I felt horrible. My family finally took me to the doctor, and like your little girl- there was a medical issue! Even once it was resolved, it still took quite a while to trust myself, my parents, and the process. Obviously I had no idea about any of this at the time. I just felt ashamed of myself, and it really bloomed into a larger insecurity about my body as I got older.

So whatever you decide, stay positive with your little girl! And stay patient, even though it must be so aggravating to imagine going through this whole process again. Your daughter isn't choosing to feel this way, I promise. She's not disobeying you, and she really did earn those toys. It's just that she needs more patience and love right now.

If you give her those two things, I really think she will work this out. So to speak! :)

Hi! I have 2 girls - 4 & 10 - my 10 yr old was the one that had problems w/going #2 on the potty - right up until she was a little over 8 - we had to go to a ped gi for a number of years and the best thing the dr ever suggested to us was our daughter training her own body. She was asked to sit on the toilet for btwn 10-15 mins each night(around the same time) and she'd just sit and flip thru magazines or books. By doing this she would strain down on the parts of her body necessary for her to have a BM. I can't tell you the countless trips we made to the E/R where her entire x-ray was full of poop. Samantha would let out screams like someone was doing some horrible things to her. Once we got things situated with the laxatives we were fine because the dr's don't want any child to really become dependent on the enemas or even the laxatives but with things being monitored it was much easier. My daughter's problem began just before her 2nd b-day - I had potty trained her at 18 months which I know now was way to early, but thankfully things have worked out. Our ped told us that it is very common for children to hold it, especially when they know it is going to hurt. One suggestion I can make is maybe to just let her soak in a warm tub b/c sometimes that brings on a bowel movement and just be ready to get her on the potty. Good luck!