3 Years Old and Not Listening

I have to kick in my 2 cents. any early child care program worth their salt WOULD NOT kick a child of 3 out of a program. They sound ill equipped to manage the situation and not very skilled in early childhood development.
I would definately take her to a different program that works with families to foster solutions.
My 2 yo was a biter/hit the teacher in the face (yikes!) and I thought that he would get "kicked out" the director said NO! that does not do the child or you any good. so we worked together to find solution and their guidance and support acutally gave me things to do at home to deter the issues.
My suggestion, find a quality program that has been trained at director and teacher level in development and behavior modifcation techniques.
good luck!

Right when my daughter turned three she also went into this phase of not listening, acting out, throwing tantrums and so on. She just turned four and we are still struggling. Like you, no discipline seems to work. We placed her in a pre-k at 2 1/2 years of age and she does love it so we don't think it was because of school. After talking to the teachers of whom have been doing this for years, they do say that the 3-4 age is worse than the terrible two's. One thing we did start with our daughter is the Star Chart. It is almost like an excel spreadsheet with the days of the week and columns that represent activities during the day such as getting ready in the morning, bedtime, bathtime and so one. If she does well in each category/activity she get a star. At the end of the week we reward her with something small. Not a new toy necessarily but say a slushy from QT or a sucker or a trip to McDonalds . . . something like that. It does work and the school is also on board as well. If you want to forward me your e-mail I can send you the spreadsheet and you can tweek it as you need. We also give her a lot of praise when she is nice to her younger brother or she helps me with something and this is great encouragement for her. Good luck and please let me know if I can forward the spreadsheet to you.

Your stress is causing her to stress. Kids pick up on all these things and not only that she is 3 yrs old, partly normal

Hi A.
I know its easier said then done but maybe trying a different approach might work.If disipline isnt working try the more gentle approach,plenty of cuddles,kindness,support,nice chats,asking how her day went ,positive reinforcement.Try to break this cycle of her misbehaving,her teacher punishing her and then home for another lecture
As you said you have gone through a difficut year. She might be feeling insecure as a lot of changes have happened in her little world,her mimi being sick and starting school .She doesnt have the verbal expression at her age so she is communicating with her behaviour.
Tell her teacher to try a different approach with her as it is not nice for a child to be getting these frowny faces all the time. I find with my three year old that the more we praise and encourage him the more he wants to impress us with good behaviour.
Children get used to a certain way of behaving and she might act out like this because she thinks in some way that what the adults in her life expect of her.
Saying that ,children thrive on having boundaries so you should have certain lines that she cannot cross without having time out etc.
Sorry about the stressful year you had and wishing you all the best with your little one.
B.

your poor little girl. If stress makes us regress and she is only three she could EASILY regress to act like a two year old or 18 month old. Now she is like a two year old in a three year old class and the expectations are just more than she is ready for. Can you find another school for her? My son's preschool did not use time out or smiley/frowny faces or anything, toddlers and preschoolers are expected to act like very young children and should be dealt with using re direction, repetition , positive reinforcement(praise whenever they are caught being good!) and appropriate expectations! Punishment, and lectures are for mature five year olds and up. I'm not recommending no discipline, of course she must learn appropriate behavior, but it sounds like this might not be the right school for her

Does she have to go to school? Maybe she is just not ready? From what you said before the school issue, sounds like a lot for a little girl to be going through. You did say she is close to her “mimi” so punishing isn't the answer.

Did you explain, to the Teacher, what she and your family is going through?
THAT is what I would do.
A Teacher, has to be aware of any family life things, that is affecting the child. SO THAT, the Teacher does not just think your girl is being a pain....

When my Daughter was in Kinder... her classmate's Dad was in bad health and was in the hospital a TON... the girl was having a hard time coping and was not the best behaved. The Mom, EXPLAINED to the Teacher, about what was going on..... and ONLY then, was the Teacher understanding... and actually helped the child.... and not just label her as being a trouble-maker... but gave her compassion... instead.

Also in Preschool.... if it is highly 'rigid'... not all 3 year olds will 'succeed' in that kind of environment. 3 year olds, are naturally not able to just sit and listen like a 10 year old.

Also, no matter how much you try to 'block' all these things/stresses/her Mimi's condition from her... a child KNOWS that there is stress and worry... and it affects them. Talk with your child... comfort her etc. Sometimes, pretending it does not exist, makes it harder for a child to cope.
A mere 3 year old, cannot cope with these things alone. They don't even have fully developed emotions yet. So it is doubly hard for them.

My daughter turned 3 in February and started acting like a crazy person. Terrible tantrums, severe moodiness, yelling at me... I never knew what was next. I was seriously pulling my hair out and crying by the end of every day. I wanted to give her away. :-) And there was nothing at all unusual going on in our lives. So I wouldn't rush her to therapy quite yet. It may just be her age or some weird growth spurt they go through. What finally worked for us was a responsibility chart-- we used the Melissa and Doug one. I thought, no way is this going to make a difference. But it did. Within 2 weeks, she was a different person. I SWEAR to you. This was 6 months ago and we almost never have tantrums anymore and her behavior has taken a complete 180. We devised a whole system for using the chart and we stuck with it no matter how hard it was to discipline her. And we rewarded her like crazy when she deserved it. She has turned into a really sweet 3.5 year old! So there's hope. Consistency and patience is the key to this chart working.. give the discipline time to work and stick with it. Involve her teachers at school and have them tell you specifically what she has done so you can award the tokens on the chart appropriately. The chart is only $13 on Amazon and will grow with your daughter. Go on Amazon and read the other reviews and what worked for other people, or email and I can tell you what our system has been. Don't get too discouraged by the negative reviews. Every kid is different and I think it's better than trying therapy or spanking! Good luck and here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Deluxe-Magnetic-Respon.... And no, I do not work for Melissa and Doug. :-)

My son went through a similar thing at school, getting "red lights" for many days in a row, and that was without added family stressors. What we did for him that helped a lot was to use positive reinforcements rather than focusing as much on the discipline (we really got caught in that trap and wondered why nothing was working!). At his preschool, they offered pizza on Fridays, but it cost $3, so I never let him get it because I didn't want to spend the money - and he was always mad on Fridays because EVERYone but him got to have pizza! So we told him each day he got a "green light," we would give him $1, then at the end of the week, if he had earned $3, he could pay for his own pizza. That worked almost immediately - once he got that final reward of pizza, he was hooked and did great (most days) for the rest of the year. So maybe for the "normal" acting out, it would help to offer a reward of some kind at the end of the week if she has, say, 3 out of 5 days with a happy face (depending on how many days of the week she goes) - I certainly wouldn't expect perfect behavior every day for ANY child, but it might help to give her something to look forward to at the end of the week.
I would also second the opinions of those who said to explain your circumstances to the teacher in hopes she would be a little more compassionate and patient with your daughter. Good luck!

I didn't see this answer, but have you thought about therapy? Your daughter is under an unusual amount of stress for a 3 year old. Maybe all of you need some professional help in how to help her and you deal with everything that has been going on the past year.

I just wanted to say that I feel for you with all your family has gone and is going through. I have a very head strong 3 year old that sometimes leaves me confused on how to direct this strong quality into something positive. Whatever approach you take just continue to show your love for her every moment and be very consistent. Also, have you just sat down and talked with her about her behavior and why she is acting out? Maybe it is time to be honest with her about her mimi. Not all the details, but just the facts that she is mature enough to hear.It is a lot scarier to be in the dark about something and worry about what's happening than to know what's going on. Good luck!

I read through the replies quickly, so i may have missed it, but I didn't see a recommendation for your daughter to have regular exercise or stress-releasing games. Balloon hit, pillow fights, yelling outside .... sock toss or sock grabbing. Something she can funnel her feelings through.

Some kids like art as an outlet. They can draw 'angry pictures' or poke around for another description, even drawing a pix of grandma or of the illness -- something to get it out and on the paper. (or playdough, or whatever)

Maybe a home version of play therapy. Sit with her and have a sick doll, see where she goes with it. Guess on some emotions she may have and let another doll act those out and see how she reacts. It may help to hear her feelings verbally or to see another "person" going through the same thing.

I agree she may have some stress about the situation and also may be picking up on your stress, even though you don't do anything in your actions to show it. My son is an amazing barometer in hidden stress-detection and will act worse whenever one of us is stressed.

Blessings to your MIL and family.

This might be a long shot, but considering all the changes and challenges recently, but what about helping her to write a letter/picture for Mimi? Let her tell you what she wants to say and you write it down for her. Maybe she needs to express her anxiety?

you and your husband can change this behavior! Remember you are the parents and you are in charge. The punishment you are administering is not working. Time to step it up. DO NOT let one thing slide. Jump all over her every time she doesn't listen. We are spankers and we didn't have to do much of it to get the results we wanted. My kids are 18 & 16 now and are responsible respectable young adults.
You need to up the ante. Every child has a hot button. Take away a fav toy, time out, etc... she needs to feel the consequence for bad behavior. I'm sure you are tired dealing with your mom's medical issues, but your daughter knows she can capitalize on this now and get her way.
Raise the bar and expect great behavior ALL THE TIME!!