3 Year Old Will "Pee" but Won't "Poo" on the Potty

We had this exact same problem as well. What worked is we like another mom mentioned were out of diapers---and he went naked for like 3 days in the house--I didn't leave the house--and when he needed to go poo he ran into the bathroom but started to whine/cry b/c he was afraid of pooping on the potty but he said he needed to go--so I immediately scooped him up--put him on the toilet--held his hands and he went--and once he did it--he was done. Every time from then on. That's the one good thing about potty training over--there are usually few setbacks.

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I would give him the diaper and have him sit on the potty to go at first. Then cut a hole in the diaper and have him do the same thing. Have him wave bye bye to his poo poo. Eventually take the diaper off and have him go on the potty. I hope this helps!

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My son did the same thing. For some reason I think it was easier or more comfortable for him to stand or squat. I just gave it time and kept working with him. If I knew he was going I would quickly grab him and try to get the diaper off and get him on the toilet to show him it was ok. After a while he started to go. We would give him little rewards such as a cookie if he did. It seems that Boys just take longer. I have a daughter and she was no problem. Good luck!

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Hi J.,

Has your son ever been constipated? Sometimes kids will hold their poop because they remember a time when it hurt to poop. My daughter started this around 2.5 and didn't poop in a toilet until last December at 5 years old. What she had is labeled as Encopresis. Google it and read the description. I'd say if it doesn't fit your son yet, it will if he keeps holding his poop. Our Ped. originally told me to just let my daughter poop in a diaper, to not force going on the toilet. We did this, obviously for years. Along with a very clean diet of whole foods, fruits, veggies, flax oil, you name it she ate it but our problem wasn't that her poop hurt anymore, it was that she would hold it for so long that her colon stretched out and she wasn't able to push it out anymore. I knew her poop was soft and I knew she was making plenty of it, it just wasn't coming out. After approx. 18 days of holding we finally found someone that was able to help us. Since your son is 3 and can probably communicate pretty well, talk to him and ask him why he doesn't want to go on the toilet. Is he scared of the toilet? (probably not since he pees in it). Is he afraid it will hurt to poop? Feels like he is loosing a part of himself?, etc.. With this information you should be able to find an approach that will work for him.
Best wishes,
M.

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I had the same problem with my third little boy. I finally solved it while we were on a road trip. I had packed some diapers for over night but he was wearing his new underwear for the trip (I know...insane). I had made sure to bring a portable potty with us so there would be no accidents, so when he asked for a diaper after going pee I poured out the pee and lined the little pot with the diaper and told him that the diapers get car sick and it did not want to make him sick (he had just getten over a cold) so he was very happy to do his business that way. The car trip was 15 hours long but my son was completely potty trained by the end of it.
H. Stanley

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I can't speak from experience, my son was the opposite for a while but now perfect. But a really good friend of mine her son would not go poo poo in the potty and would do the same, ask for a diaper. She stopped giving in to his request and use tv as an incentive to put his poo poo in the potty. she told him that if he went poo poo in the potty he could watch tv. He held it for 3 days and on the 4 day he went on the potty. Every day she would sit him on the potty for 20 or more minutes several times a day and you could tell he was trying NOT to go. He cried but she knew she just had a stick with it and break the habbit of going in his diaper. She would kneel down and let him hold onto her for comfort. He ended up going on the 4th day and then got to watch tv!! but then he held it again for 2 or 3 more days and did that for about 2 weeks. But now he is perfect and has not had an accident in a while.
Maybe an idea?!
Good Luck

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J., I have nothing to suggest! :) We had the same problem with our son. His fear did not appear to be falling into the toilet since he sat down to pee. He was going regularly this way and even wore "big boy" undies already. So we didn't even have diapers for him to use - after using all those various methods, I just let him go in his underwear and then had him stand there with me while we flushed. Yeah, extra trouble with the undies, but I didn't know what else to do. You know what? He finally went on his own when my friend was here to watch the kids. He told he he had to go (and she know what was going on) and she went in with him.....he did it! So they celebrated and she didn't flush so I could see and celebrate with him (funny, the things we do as moms!) He was about 3 years and 5 months..........so, be reassured it happens! You just never know when........good luck.

Cathie
Mom to a 5 girl and now 8 year old boy

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My son skipped the "ask for a diaper" part and just went poo in his pants for the longest time. (He's 4.) He still has the occasional accident. When I asked him WHY because we were both so frustrated, he let me know that he was afraid of the potty. So now he pees in the big potty, but still poos in the little potty.

I have no girls, and thus no first-hand knowledge, but I think the fact that they have to do all their business on the potty gets them over it faster.

A friend of mine said that her son did the same thing yours does (ask for the diaper). She said she weaned him of this cold turkey by telling him for a couple of months that on his 4th (or 5th?) birthday he would not get a diaper any longer. She was encouraging, but on that day she said "no." He wasn't happy but he was okay.

For us, when DS1 poops in his pants, we make him responsible to clean it up (supervised). This has helped make the "accidents" fewer.

Good luck and hang in there.

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thank you thank you for posting this and thanks to all the mommys who responded. my almost 3 year old daughter is going through the exact same thing. it is so reassuring to know that she's not the only one :) thanks!

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We had the same thing going with our daughter. She loved to poo in a diaper. I tried to withhold the diapers but she begged so pitiful that I would give in. Finally one day I was firm and didn't give in. It took her about 2 hours going from toilet to toilet in our house. She cried and begged and I soothed and loved. Finally, she let go. We celebrated and went for ice cream. It was a glorious day!! After that she never considered going in a diaper again. Good luck!!

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All I can say is When they are ready they are ready. my daughterpeed in the potty for 6 months before she would poop there. She never asked for a diaper to poop in-just only pooped when wearing one! one day she just went to the potty and pooped! There is alot on this topic at Mothering .com forums.

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Hi, J. Like maby of the other moms that have responded I went through the same thing with my son. Boys are just harder. I tried buying special underwear, potty seat etc. I tried praising and he even got to the point if he went in his underwear he would rather wash his own underwear than go on the potty. I was very frustrated, especially because people made me feel bad by saying things like "your son is 3 and still not potty trained!" But then one day he all of a sudden just decided to start using the potty. When they are ready they will do it..I think being around other kids that are poty trained helps too. My son was an only child so it made it harder..Good luck..It will happen soon.

D.

www.dalex.myarbonne.com

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My son (now age 9) had the same thing. He was trained "out the front end" at 2 years, 3 mo. But he didn't want to go "#2" in the toilet. He'd asked for a diaper, do his business, then immediately want to be changed into regular underwear. My husband and I had visions of him going off to college and having to explain to his roommate why he had a box of adult diapers. Then Bob the Builder came to the rescue. My son got a Bob the Builder sticker book for his 3rd birthday. He really wanted to have it and put the stickers into it. We told him that he could put stickers in it when he pooped in the toilet. At first he still went in a diaper. But after a couple of days of seeing the sticker book in the bathroom and really wanting to put stickers in it, he finally pooped in the toilet. After the first time of going #2 in the toilet and getting to put a sticker in the book, he never asked for a diaper for going #2 in again. Of course he also got lavish praise for being a big kid who didn't need to wear diapers anymore during the daytime (he still needed one at night until he was 3 years and 3 months old).

The main thing is to find a good incentive and use it to full advantage.

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Hi J.,
I have two suggestions that might help. First take your son to the store and let him pick out his own potty seat that goes on the big toilet - we had a sponge bob seat and bob the builder. That may motivate him to use his new seat. The 2nd thing is something I used - you can create a calendar/sticker chart. You son would get a sticker for each time or day he used the big toilet. After a certain number of days, he would get a small toy or book, or whatever you agreed upon. First do maybe 7 days, then 10 days, then 20 days. I did this for only about a month and it stopped my son from peeing in his pants. HOwever I left the chart up for about 3 months just in case.

Good luck! The good news is that this will pass eventually - you just have to get through it.

L.

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http://www.mamasource.com/request/17295055990210691073
That was a recent thread (similar issue) and I posted on it. My experience is there. I also practice AP, co-sleeping, BF till they were 3, etc... Anyway both my children had this issue. Yes, they fear sitting on the toilet (will I fall in?) I tried bribing, no luck. Fine, I let it go and just waited till when I knew they could handle it. Around age 3 and 3/4 I was out and did not have a diaper on me (when in the past I always had on just in case). Since she had the urge at the moment, she went.
The thing that solidified the issue for them was taking a picture to show daddy. I remember my son feeling so proud, he wanted to keep the poop in the potty. No, but we can take a picture. My son still went back to the diaper and slowly got used to the idea and felt more comfortable with it. It just got easier and easier for him (over time) to make that mental leap. With my daughter it only took one photo and she never went back to asking for the diaper. WOW. Be patient. Don't push it. It will happen. Just be supportive.

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ok this sounds really gross, but my pediatrician told me to about it and it worked great. The poo-poo has a home with a mommy and daddy and you have to flush the poo-poo to get it to go home. Remember when we went to _______ and we had to take the car to get home? The toilet is the poo's car and it wants to see its mommy and daddy. Just like we use the keys to turn on our car you use the handle on the toilet to get the toilet moving, you hear it start up just like you hear the car right? CAn you help him get to see him mommy and daddy? I even took my son out to the car and got him to turn the car on all by himself to show him its not scary. Tell him that he is doing such a good job about getting the pee pee to his home, and its time to let the poo poo go there too. I also did that "wouldn't you be scarred if you were away from mommy and daddy for a long time?" My son picked up great on that, and was excited to send the poo home. Hope it works! My daughter had no hard time with it at all, but my son wanted to keep the poop in the diaper too.

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Maybe have him dump the poo in the toilet and make him sit on the toilet to wipe, instead of using wipes.

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My son did the same thing. I tried incentives, just letting him sit there, but nothing worked until I realized that he was terrified of the toilet and thought that if poop goes down the toilet, he could too. After I re-assured him that he was too big to be flushed down.............which took quite some time, he went and we made a BIG deal of it. It took a lot of re-assuring and mommy or daddy always sitting next to him while he went. Maybe your big boy just needs some extra re-assurance that he won't get flushed away like the poop.
-J. C

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Ok, this is totally gross but... My son, when he was 3, would pee in the potty and ask for a diaper when he needed to poop. I accommodated, because everyone says let them get there when they're ready. Until we went to an amusement park and I forgot to bring diapers in with us. Between every line and ride he was crying to go to the bathroom but then we would get there and he wouldn't do anything. He would just sit on the potty and whine that he needed a diaper. I begged, pleaded, cajoled, nothing worked. He would get up and have done nothing. We would go back out, meet up with everyone, stand in line and he would start crying again, that he HAD to go! So back to the bathrooms, repeat chorus. Finally, he couldn't hold it in anymore and he messed his pants, but just a little bit. So back to the bathrooms, clean him up, beg him to go in the potty, rinsed out his undies, dried them under the hand dryer, back out again. We did this for HOURS. I swear, that child pooped across the entire park. Finally, FINALLY, he had released enough to be done, near the end he got some of it in the toilet because my dad made him sit there while he cleaned his underwear again (me & hubby were on a ride at the time). But, this seemed to break the diaper cycle and he never had a problem again. So, it was ugly, and very hard, but not having the option of the diaper was what finally put him pooping on the potty. ---suggestion? carry a change of undies & pants and then take him out for the day without diapers. Then he doesn't have an option except to go in the potty and you have a spare set of clothes if he messes his pants.

My daughter on the other hand, was fairly easy. When she decided to start going, she just went. She peed on the potty for a week, and then I took her to the store for a "good job" present for peeing in the potty. I let her pick out a second gift too. When we got home, she only got to open one gift. The other went up on the shelf and I told her when she made poop in the potty, she could have that one. Within a couple days, she yelled for me to come to the bathroom and sure enough! Success! There was much celebrating and hoopla, and she got her special toy and we've not had even one accident since. ---suggestion? reward for positive behavior.

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Hi J.,

My son did the same thing at 3yrs. It took him some time to finally go poo in the potty. When he did we made a big deal out of it, which encouraged him to go more. Just wait it out. Boys take a little longer than girls. Good Luck!

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Hi J.,
I had the same problem with my 3 1/2 year old boy. What worked for me was when i noticed that he always went to the same spot to poop when i gave him his diaper. So i moved his portable baby potty to that spot (with lots of towels under it). The next time he asked for a diaper, I showed him where his potty was. It took him about 15 minutes of sitting and standing and checking the potty before he went. Then we transitioned him into the bathroom and finally to the big potty. One thing I did wrong was teaching him to pee standing up. When he sits to poop he usually pees in the air too and gets embarrassed. We are now working on holding it down while pooing.

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I think this is pretty common. Check out the book, "Potty Training Sucks." It has a lot of good ideas about how to deal with these situations - in a lighthearted manner. What finally worked for my second child was to do nothing. Focusing on it only makes things worse. Eventually that poo is going to come out and eventually your child will get bored with all the effort it takes to hold it in.

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I had a similar problem with my son. I got one of those baby potties that you can sit on the floor in the bathroom.
this is a lot less intimidating for a little one than a regular toilet. I told him if he would poo in the bathroom with his diaper on, he would get something he wanted. This moved him one step closer to the target. After a few times doing this, and when he was comfortable in the bathroom I offered another incentive if he would poo in his little potty. The next step was to make it safe enough for him to go on the big toilet. I got one of the potties that sit on top of the toilet and a step he could use to walk up. By that time it was a fun game and a natural transition. One important thing is we never made a big deal out of it or anything that happened. We also praised and acknowledged him for even the tiniest steps.
Good luck!

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My 3 year old did the same thing. He would request a diaper and then go to a favorite spot and take care of business.
Just before he turned 3 and just after, he had bouts of diarrhea, which upset him very much and I believe that extended his time, concerning going #2, wearing a diaper.

Just be patient. He'll go on the toilet when he's ready.
By 3 years and 7 months, he was totally out of diapers, even at night. When he felt ready, he even by-passed the potty and went straight to the big toilet.

Good luck

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My son was 3 1/2, same thing. I finally bought a small toy he had been wanting and put it on a shelf above the toilet. I told him when he poohed in the toilet he would get the toy. (Also told him, the toy was only for the first time, he would NOT receive a toy every time) He immediately pulled down his pants and did he business in the toilet. He actually went 3 times in an hour. He was so excited!!!!

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My son went through this exact thing. When he had to poo he would tell me he needed to poop in his diaper but I was consistent in offering the toilet every time. I wasn't sure if this was the right way to deal with it but I just gave him that option every time. Unfortunatly sometimes it would turn into a battle of wills. I would insist that he try the potty, at least sit on the potty and look at a book or sing songs for a bit (just to relax and distract him). All said and done, he pooped in the potty when he was good and ready. There was something he wasn't comfortable with but once he felt comfortable (at about 3 1/2yrs) he did it on his own! Sorry if I wasn't much help, but know that you're not alone and this too will pass. Good Luck!

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