3 Year Old Uses Potty to Maniulate My Husband and I. Help!

I don't recommend you make your child sleep in urine as a previous commenter suggested you force your child to do. That's just disgusting and cruel.

Food and potty time are classic "power struggle" grounds.
Don't turn the toilet into a power struggle, and don't force an
issue regarding the toilet that could, and usually will, blow up
in your face. Parents tend to get caught in nasty power struggles
with their children when they feel like they have to control every
breath the child takes. Take a step back and ask yourself if it's
really worth the argument.

My daughter went through a similar situation. She'd try to avoid
going to bed and would ask for food. I would humor her. She was
simply trying to exert a little control over her life and her body. Not
worth fighting her over. So she'd stay up an hour later- big deal.
She's back to going to bed without much hassle.

All children will go through spurts of trying to exert personal control
over their circumstances. I would caution you to be selective in the
battles you choose to fight. If you turn everything into a battle your
life and your child's life will become very unmanageable.

3 moms found this helpful

Asking to go potty and actually going is NOT a manipulation....it is a natural body function!

For goodness sakes simply set up your environment so that she can use the potty on her own when she needs to.

1 mom found this helpful

With my daughter (who's currently 3 and a half), we let her get up as often as she feels she needs to at night. She goes potty as part of her bedtime routine, then we ask her again if she needs to go/try right before laying down. When she started doing what your daughter is doing, we started a new rule. If she had us get her up and didn't go, then she lost a stuffed animal for the night (she has a bunch in her bed with her). For our daughter, this was a pretty minor consequence, but enough to make her think before getting up. This removed the power struggle for us, because we all knew what would happen ahead of time. It really hasn't been much of an issue after she lost her first animal. It's been coming up a little more lately and we just remind her of the rule. That's been enough to stop it. Good luck!

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I also believe that it would be both cruel and inappropriate to have your child sleep in her own urine as another commenter suggested. What about continuing to take her everytime she asks but without any dialogue so perhaps decreasing any chance extra time with you is reinforcing.

1 mom found this helpful

My 3.5 year old son was doing this same thing. My husband and I told him he could go as many times as he wanted, but we weren't coming to help him or to tuck him back in. He was on his own. He still gets out of bed sometimes to go potty (and we know he doesn't really need to), but he doesn't get out multiple times any more because he isn't get any attention from us for it.

1 mom found this helpful

She may just have... anxiety about it.
OR, not want to have any pee accidents in bed... because she is not ready yet... to stay dry ALL night. But she doesn't want to make a 'mistake' and have a pee accident... and then she is then scolded for it or something.

Night time dryness, is actually something that is not attained, BIOLOGICALLY until even 7 years old. Until then, MANY even older kids, still need/wear a night time diaper, to bed.

When I was young... I in my mind, would think I always had to go pee before bed... or BEFORE I actually fell asleep... because, I did NOT want to have to get up to go pee, during the middle of the night, because I was scared to. So... it would take me a long time to fall asleep... thinking that one-more-time.... if I go pee... then I would not have to, get up/wake up during the middle of the night to go pee.
I was NOT doing it... on purpose.

Your child is so young.... at this age, 'impulse-control' is not even fully developed yet, and it is certainly not fully at-will yet. Nor cognition, nor at night.

A child this age... WILL HAVE pee accidents at night... it is childhood. It is normal... and certainly in a child... this young.
As I said, daytime and night-time pottying are 2 different things... and 2 different time-lines. Night time dryness.... is not yet, developed at this age, nor fully, nor perfectly.
My daughter, when even 7 years old, had pee accidents. NO biggie. It was not on purpose.
I simply use, with both my kids, waterproof bed-pads which makes clean up super easy.

all the best,
Susan

Make sure she uses the potty before bed, one free pass then it's diaper time.

i think she is trying to delay bedtime, my 4 year old son does the same thing, and YES he is FULLY night time trained and hasnt wore pull-ups or anything to bed in almost 2 years....i tell him he goes potty right before bed and thats it, unless he really has to go then he can get up and go but then its back to bed...shes just trying to be in charge of her bedtime....

No more potty breaks after bedtime - that's how you deal with it. If she wets her pants, she sleeps in it. I know that sounds mean, but it will stop this manipulative behavior.

D.

she's only 3. she's not manipulating you, she's both figuring out what she needs (peeing is a natural bodily function, and 3 year olds don't have complete bladder control yet) and where the boundaries are (which is intelligent exploration of how the world works, not manipulation in a pejorative sense.)
you can easily decline this dance.
set up her world so that she can get up and pee by herself. there's no need for you to go in with her multiple times after bedtime, and if she's truly doing it for attention, this will fix it pronto. if she really is peeing, then she's doing what she should do and should simply return to bed with no comment. either way, limiting the interaction is appropriate (and far more so than making her sleep in pee as has been suggested.)
no 3 year old manipulates parents who don't invite it.
khairete
S.

Back up bedtime to an hour earlier and explain that this will allow time for those potty breaks.

My son did this and I swear he could squeeze a drop out after 10 times! We put the little plastic potty in his room and told him he had to use that after we put him to bed. He wasn't to come tell us; just use it and go back to bed. It stopped the interaction with us and quickly he stopped using it - took only about 2 weeks.

my 3 year old son does the same thing. we make sure he goes right before bed (and doesn't have too much to drink an hour before his bedtime), so when he comes out to tell us he has to go to the bathroom, we tell him no and send him back to bed. he has yet to have an accident.

No liquids 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime. Deliberately give her liquids prior to that, then tell her at intervals she must go "potty" now because once in bed and tucked in she is not allowed to get up. Stick to the rule no matter what.... she may actually wet the bed but it will be a learning experience for her and she may have to learn a workable method before this problem goes away. If she continues to wet the bed, then I recommend pull-ups because she must learn the rules and getting up repeatedly is not good. Many parents make the mistake that when the child is in bed or is warned that it is bedtime, then the child says "I am thirsty, may I have some water?" But limiting liquids prior to bedtime, and making sure they have plenty of course but with a cut off point, will assist with this particular bedtime issue. Hope this helps.... let us know!

Is she going frequently during the day as well? (Repeats not long after). If so... check for a UTI.

I have this issue with my daycare kids at nap time. Drives me nuts!! What I did was offer a reward to any kid that stays in bed after they get hugs and kisses. Getting up for any reason means no reward. So, I remind them of this and the reward each day and there are some that lose it once or twice a week. I don't CARE if they have to pee, they JUST sat and need to learn to get it all out or suffer the consequences.

My daughter did this at 3 years old and it started with naps. She has never liked naps (even when she needed it) and with potty training came the excuse to not take a nap. She would repeatedly call on the moniter that she had to go pee (knowing that was the only thing I would come back for) and then sometimes she would go and sometimes not. And she would do this up to 4 times before I would lose my temper and tell her I'm not coming back down, then she would cry herself to sleep and sleep for 2 hours. Now when she started doing this at night too (about a week into potty training) I just let her give up the nap and she never pulled that again. I know what you mean about feeling manipulated-that is totally what she was doing. She knew I really wanted her to pee in the potty and that was the perfect excuse to not go to bed. By giving up her nap, I think she felt better (and more tired) at bedtime. Sorry so long, but that is what I did to stop the constant trips to the potty at the bedtime. She continues to be a very demanding and very lovable little girl a year later at four.

Best of luck.
C.

This is what we did when our daughter started doing this. I bought 3 artificial flowers from the craft store and let her pick them out. At night I would put the 3 flowers next to her bed and tell her she could call for anything she wanted (potty, another hug and kiss, another tuck in etc). I would take a flower with me each time I came in her room, but once the flowers were gone I could not come in anymore.

This worked like a charm for us because, in fact, she didn't like this "game" and didn't want the flowers in her room at all so she stopped calling unless there was a true need. Now if it seems she is testing us, I just have to ask her if I should get the flowers and it stops.