3 Year Old Touching Herself

It is a normal thing to do...she is discovering herself. I think it is so sad that a religion surpresses a total natural and normal thing to do and you don't even know why! Gives me one more reason to NEVER be a part of that religion, I am soooo grateful for my beliefs and open mind. I feel sorry for you!!

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I would not make a big deal out of it. Regardless of your religious beleifs, she is only three and is discovering her body. She will not understand if you try to address your beleifs with her and it will only increase her curiosity. I would just leave it alone and not draw attention to it.

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I have a now almost 7 year old daughter. She did the same thing about that age but during bath time. We had many talks about how our bodies are sacred. We talked about how there are many wonderful feelings we can experience through our bodies but they are sacred. I shared the whole...baby, mommy responsibility. I think it's important to explain the why...within how much she can understand. We are LDS as well. She knows that to "tickle" and touch herself is wrong. Those are powerful feelings and will be good at the right time. It opens up other sexual issues in later years. The Lord teaches mastering our physical bodies..letting our spirits rule, not the other way around. She still likes to push limits...being naked and silly, normal young girl kind of things. It's a constant lesson we teach...we just keep on it and stay consistent. Anything additional you can add to the spirit of your home is always helpful. Bodies are so fascinating and fun! :) Not easy to keep it all in the right perspective...best wishes!

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In my experience simply telling a child "it's wrong, don't do it" will not produce desirable results. Ending in making the behavior more attractive, possibly turning the situation into a power struggle.
I suggest, if you're spiritual path dictates that masturbation is wrong, make the connection for her. Teach her why it's considered taboo. Does masturbation take the focus away from the intimacy of marriage? does it waste valuable life energy that should only be used for procreation? Children don't learn these things unless they are taught, and you might consider waiting until she asks you about it or wait until another opportunity presents itself to talk. I also suggest addressing your "struggle overcoming" masturbation such that when you speak with her you will be more at ease.
Lastly, it IS normal for children to be curious about their bodies. This too shall pass.
Good job mommin' A.!

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our daughter does this occassionally as well, with the same "smell my fingers bit".... we have just talked about how privates need to be kept clean and healthy. I remind her that she may have germs on her hands and she doesn't want to put them in her body. Sometimes she has irritated privates (red and itchy) that is mostly due to not wiping well, so we tie it in to that...trying to keep them clean and healthy. She is just very curious. She wanted to look with a mirror, so I went in the bathroom with her to do that and we talked more about keeping it clean, and when she is a grown up and married that's where the baby will come out. all this seems to have answered her curiosity and made her feel more comfortable about her privates. I agree that just saying "no, don't do that" makes kids want to do it more....they need to understand. (but a 3yo is really too young to talk about masturbation...really. I think parents that do are actually teaching their kids to masturbate, not just helping them with the natural curiosity of their bodies).

First of all, I wouldn't freak out because she surely is just doing some innocent exploring out of curiosity. I think being matter-of-fact about it is the best course. She was open with you about it, so watch, and if it happens again you can explain that our bodies are special from Heavenly Father, especially our private parts, and we treat them reverently and just touch them to get clean or to use the bathroom for now (don't you think you could expand on healthy marriage relationships when she's older than three?) My son is three, and he just went through a little phase where he was putting money in his bottom (nice, huh?) Kids are just curious, and it's true you don't want to shame them just for being curious. They don't have a clue.

That being said, I'm in awe of some of your responses as well. Stay strong. You know what is right. Masturbation is wrong because it encourages the fulfilling of every desire of your body rather than having mastery over your body. Now that doesn't mean it isn't common, and a huge temptation for a normal person with normal feelings.

It's also wrong because it is using our God-given sexuality ALONE, apart from our spouse, which is not the way Heavenly Father intended it. It is addictive, producing chemicals in the brain that are powerful. Sometimes it is connected to pornography, which is just the most poisonous and destructive thing ever, to say the least. Sometimes it becomes a substitute for a couple's healthy relationship. And it always fosters selfishness.

Now, do most kids try it a few times? I'm sure yes. Does that mean they should give into it? Embrace it? Just because it's common or challenging not to doesn't mean it's right. Pray for strength and pray for guidance with your daughter. The Lord will know what to say.

Bless you and good luck!

Very normal for toddler boys and girls!

I have a daughter that would lay on her tummy with her hands on her privates and stimulate herself. It started about age three and didn't really stop until age six (with constant kind and vigilent teaching from mom and dad). Also LDS, I told her that our bodies are wonderful and special, but to "play" with our private parts is not right. Figuring things out is just fine, but "tickling" ourselves or playing games is not something that we should do with these special parts of our body, and WE SHOULD NEVER LET ANYONE ELSE EITHER!!

When she got older we talked about how the rule changes later in life with intimacy in marriage, and then it is the right "time" and right "way" to share those private parts of our bodies.

This is completely normal for little children of both genders. It is a stage they go through when exploring their world. The more attention drawn to it, the more your child will do it. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

I haven't read anyones responses so sorry if I repeat what the other momma's have said.

Your little girl isn't really masturbating, she is most likely exploring her body, which as woman we should do. Not for sexual reasons, but so that we can acknowledge any changes in our anatomy. Maybe try looking at it a different way.

While it is ok, it doesn't mean that you should encourage it. I would simply tell her that she needs to keep her hands off her privates, and explain about germs and how thier little hands aren't always clean.

Don't make it a bad thing, keep it along the same lines as to why we don't let them eat dirt or lick off the floor. I hope this is making sense!

but good luck, you can teach hands off with out making it a bog deal.

I understand your perspective. I would chalk this up to exploring and let it go. At age three, she is not accountable and she is just discovering things about herself. There is a fine balance between teaching self-mastery and not inducing shame in normal body responses and parts. If you're concerned, you can have a Family Home Evening discussion about various body parts and how our bodies are temples. There are some excellent layered puzzles that are anatomically correct that would be age-appropriate to use with her; I do not think respectful conversations about the body in an informative and scientific way are at all immodest or inappropriate, and might cut down on some of the mystery as she grows. I think I saw those puzzles at www.rosiehippo.com or maybe www.oompa.com; I believe they were Selecta brand. There's also a book by Brad Wilcox about intimacy that is written for young children from an LDS perspective.
Best wishes!

A.,

You have some wonderful ideas about how to approach this! I haven't had too much of an issue with my now 5 year old touching himself. He is an "itcher" and I have told him that scratching in public is inappropriate, it is something to do in private. Also we have gone over how it is very important to not show his privates to anyone or let anyone touch him there. I really never thought of explaining about it being against what God wants! But like I said, he's not a toucher, so now I have some great ideas if this happens. We are Christian, and I believe that is very important to instill morals in him.
I commend you for keeping true to your religious beliefs. I am just commenting to say shame on those that felt the need to belittle you and what you believe. Also, was it necessary to say THIS is why you refuse all religions and would never raise your child in one? I find it amazing that people can be so rude. God bless you and your family, A..

V.

You should be proud of her for washing her hands!

There are several good touch/bad touch books. Find one at her age level, explain all of the parts & leave it at that. Keep the book on the shelf, but not openly out. If she needs to check something out in there, have her bring the book to you so you can look together. I like the idea of lableing the parts, as one mom suggested. That puts it in scientific terms & not sexual ones-there's nothing hot or sexy about a science book!
Obviously keeping with your religion is important to you. Ask your pastor/minister if there's something on her age level that you can read & then discuss together. Or something not on her level, but that will give you an idea of how to word & approach it, then write it out (that's key so you don't forget what you're going to say) on her level.

It is very normal. It is just a stage, but I feel that the more attention they get the longer the stage lasts. Children, especially, like to do the forbidden. I just tell my young son, "I don't want to see it."

I am sorry that there are those few people out there who in spite of what you said still feel that they have to put you down because you do not believe children should be masturbating. I personally feel that it is part of the pornography problem we have in this country. Masturbation is NOT normal, NOT ok, and dont listen to those people who want to convince you that thier choices are the only right way.

That being said, I want to say that I, too, am LDS, and I have struggled with this type of problem with my daughter as well. I think at your daughter's age it is appropriate to tell her that her Heavenly Father created her a beautiful body, but that she needs to keep her hands out of her private parts. Maybe the experience of her fingers smelling funny is enough to deter her from doing it again. As she gets older you can explain why, but for now I would just let her know that it isnt appropriate if you see her doing it again. Good luck, and thanks for standing up for what you believe! I know it gets hard sometimes!

I suggest ignoring it. It is a natural thing which goes away on its own UNLESS she's exposed to any pictures or conversation about masturbation, in which case those ideas could easily encourage her interest. (Even instructions NOT to do it will encourage her interest.)

I had one child who did this briefly at that age.

It is normal for a child to touch ANY part of her body. She is a little human being who's exploring her world. There is no built-in part of the brain which tells her "you can touch anything except your vagina." So please don't worry.

My heart is sinking just reading some of your responses! I guess if you don't know why we believe it is important to teach our kids morality (which INCLUDES masturbation) then you'd think it's "normal". I agree with another lady that believes it is linked to pornography. I'm grateful for your desire to make sure your daughter doesn't go down that difficult road that you've been down and have had to face. What a great mother she has! Why people feel like they have to put you or your religion down is beyond me. It is a hard subject because you don't want them to think their private parts are "bad" when they are older and married. And you don't want to make them more curious. I have 2 little girls 4 & 1 and have had a few discussions with my 4 year old as well. I try to keep them as open and positive as possible so she knows her body is a gift from our Father in Heaven and so she will feel free to ask me questions. I don't think anyone has all the answers, I guess that is why we have prayer : ) I have no doubt that you will figure out exactly how to handle it and be prayerful about it. Good Luck!

I watch the show the Doctors. Their advice was not to make your child feel like they are doing something wrong, b/c that can lead to problems in the future if you make them feel shameful about it. Many of my friends have had similar issues with this and all have just told their kids that they need restrict this behavior to the privacy of their room.