3 Year Old Testing Everything!!

Hi,

It sounds like it is time to get your 3 year old in line! First of all, never ask her if she will do something. If you ask her a yes or no question, she has a right to answer accordingly. Instead, tell her to do something. There is a difference.

WRONG - Will you put your shirt on please? = Question
RIGHT - Put your shirt on please. = Statement

The right way is to give her a direct order.

At 3 years old there should be no warnings. Say it once, it should be done, end of story.
Automatic time out if she does not do what you tell her to do immediately.

Be consistant and put up with no backtalk. Time out should be in a chair with no visuals. No TV, no toys. Absoloutly nothing. When timeout is over she needs to apologize to you and proceed to do what you told her to do in the first place. If she doesn't, she goes back in the chair. Do not yell! Stay completely calm! I know that it is difficult, but if you remain consistant, her attitude will change quickly.

Sending a kid to their room is a waste of time. There are too many fun things to look at and play with.

When my son was very little I had a problem with him running away from me in the store. I purchased a harness. A few times to the store with one of those on did the trick. He stuck with me the whole way.

I hope this helps.

D.

There are a lot of things that I can say which is mostly that this is normal. So that being said make "orders" dont ask questions. There is also a very strong way to end a statment that doesnt end with ok. Dont ever say it. it is like your are asking for them to agree with you. You are not asking you are telling. I saw it on 60 min. or dateline years and years ago and it works. Also try an have a little talk with her before you go somewhere. Tell her what you expect and even though she is 3 it will eventually get in her head what is supposed to happen.

Ahhh, the 3's!!! Nobody tells you that 3 is worse than 2 do they??? Well, it really is. I started reading ALL KINDS of discipline books when my daughter was 3. You are not the only one who has this problem, believe me. The important thing is CONSISTENCY!!!! Also, you might try reading this book, "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka I found it to be very insightful and it really helped our family. Please try reading it. Also, just say what you are going to do if she doesn't listen and then DO IT!! It is so important that you follow through with your actions and leave the playground/birthday party, etc. And she will be SOOOOOO mad at you, but it will only take one or 2 times, and then it will start to get better (on that one issue only) I think it took us over a year before she would really embrace the "rules" and behave without challenging. I also gave her some responsibilities, like clearing her place at the table, putting away her laundry. I think I gave her 3 jobs to start with. Experiment with different reward systems for good behavior and completing her jobs. It takes a lot of patience, but this is your opportunity to really shape her attitudes and behavior for school years. This is where the rubber meets the road. Steel yourself for a child who will get really mad at you for your actions, but you know that you are creating the boundaries of your relationship. It is helpful for me to write this, because my precocious little 2 1/2 year old is starting on the same path as my older one, really challenging my husband & I. Good luck to the both of us!!!

Hi! I am having the very same problem with my 2 1/2 year old. My 6 year old was the same way and for me it seems that consistancy is what works until they are almost 4 and just seem to grow out of it! It's frustrating now, but it's actually hard for them, too, since they aren't able to communicate their feelings well enough yet. Just hang in there, and she really WILL grow out if it:)Until then, make sure to be consistant and don't let her get away with something just because you don't want to have to punish her.

I truly sympathize, my daughter does this to me and she's only 2 years old! I believe your daughter is mimicking someone's behavior, possibly yours or your husbands. When someone asks you to do something do you respond with a "No, I don't want to" or have you ever told her to do something, when she asks you why do you say "because I said so!". If so, that's the first thing that needs to change. Try listening to her, sit down and have a talk with her. Explain to her that her reaction is frustrating you, i'd even explain to her that it hurts mommies feelings when she yells at you. When my niece started reacting this way my sister would begin taking things away, does she have a favorite toy or tv program? If so my sis made a chart, every time she did something bad she marked it on the chart and put the punishment up there. When it was tv time (she used to get about an hour per night) it was either completely taken away or reduced (usually by 20 mins for each "outburst"). She'd also take away her toys for a certain number of days, put it in plain sight where she couldn't get to it and then daily explain to her that the toy is still gone for 1 more day (or how many are left) because of her actions (she explained again what she did to hurt/frustrate mommy). She kept everything blunt & to the point. If she acted out in public she immediately left, even if it meant leaving a full cart of groceries in the store. When they got in the car she'd explain the punishment and act on it as soon as she got home.

She also used the chart for praise. If she did something great (like help mommy w/ dinner or laundry) she would mark it up there and return some tv time or a toy.

This seemed to work for her, not sure if it's much help.

What I do w/ my daughter (since she's still young) is take Dora away. When she throws a fit at that I literally ignore her, Initially I explain to her that she cannot act that way, boom, on the floor she goes. I leave her there until she can act civilized.

Again, not sure if this is much help - I do sympathize w/ you, however, i'm sure it's a phase and will pass.

Good luck!

My son is the same way right now. He just turned 3 a few weeks ago. He's also started scratching and biting (OUCH!) and throwing awful temper tantrums. I'd love to read the advice from other moms.

My 3 now 4 year old did the same thing. It's the age and development they are in. Magazines will tell you the same thing. (Parents magazine had an article on it), oh and they get sassier too from this age. Again, boundaries and consistency in the main thing. My daughter listens to her father more than me too. She sees me all the time and sees that I'm her 'play-mate' and she tests my authority more. You have to stand your ground, if they tantrum, don't 'debate' or argue with them, just tell them the consequence and stick to it, and actually do it. At this age, they are more apt to argue and debate about things, it's the development of their 'self.' And they need to learn about proper interaction. When I'm out with her and she acts up, I will call my Husband on the phone and (right in front of her), tell him that she is mis-behaving. Then 'we' give her a consequence. This gets her to calm down and listen. I don't mince words with her, and if she still won't calm down or behave politely, I remove myself from her 'circle' and tell her I won't put up with it anymore and walk away until she 'reflects' on her behavior. She understands this and will actually think about her behavior and then she will come to me and apologize. I tell her even grown ups act this way sometimes, but we are a 'team' and a family... and we all have to 'try' to get along. I tell her if she's in a bad mood, it's okay..... it's human.. ..but she has to at least try to be nice about it. She can be grumpy to herself, but not to others, and I put her in her room (for timeout). It works with her. She understands. I tell her to just try her best, i don't expect her to be perfect.. but at least try, and she will. Gradually, she has improved. And as the child gets older, they will 'mature'...and other phases will come up. But for now, this has made her understand. Or i teach her to say 'no' in a more polite way and in a nicer voice...I tell her it's okay to have opinions, but she must learn to say it nicely. We are a team. And she will try. Like "mommy, i don't want to wear that please." Instead of just yelling "no!" Teach them to say things in a more polite way, not in a demanding voice. Then, this way, she has learned 'respect' for others feelings. Good luck!