3 Year Old Son Refuses to Potty Train

Hi J.,
I have twin boys who are now 5. One of my boys trained easily, the other took almost 7 more months to master #2 on the potty. My one son was trained by 3 yrs. 10 months, my other son- 4 yrs. 6 mos. I found what advice most people were giving me was true...not to force them or push them, that they have to master that task for themselves. A very helpful tool for us was a video called "Potty Power" that really tries to empower kids and uses music, song, and play-acting to help the kids make sense of things. And, we still sing some of the songs to this day!!
Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,

In my experience it is best not to push the issue. I heard from our pediatrician that if the child is only going pee but not #2, they are not ready to potty train. Several of my friends had this same issue and one of them just stopped the potty training all together and went back to diapers. Then within no time, it was suddenly the childs idea and he potty trained in a day.

In my sons case, he was clearly not ready when he was 3 1/2 so I did not push the issue so as to not make it a power struggle. Then one day (about a month before his 4th birthday) I suggested the we not wear diapers. He literally trained #1 and #2 in a weekend. We had maybe 2 accidents and it was super easy and I think it was because he was finally ready. In my opinion, there is no reason to make it a big issue and rest assured that he will not be still wearing diapers in grade school.

Also I found that encouragement and praise worked wonders!

Good luck and best wishes!
J.
Mom to a 4 1/2 year old boy and an almost 2 year old boy

When my daughter, now 7 1/2, was younger, she refused to EVER use the potty for a very long time. We tried EVERYTHING including going back to cloth diapers (which was a pain in the neck for me!), all kinds of incentives and positive motivation all to no avail. She had total control even through the night for a very long time but still would never go in the potty. She would "practice" meaning sit on the potty seat or the toilet but even if she really had to go, she would hold it. We made her "practice" before she could have a pull-up but she just wouldn't go. For a long time she wouldn't even go in the shower or outside or anywhere besides in a diaper. She did finally get the hang of going standing up with her legs spread wide so would take her pants all the way off and go outside to pee or stand in the shower-it was actually rather comical. OK, long story here, but you get the idea. Anyway, my husband was very bothered by the fact that she wouldn't potty train and I felt that at least part of the issue was that he'd engaged with her in a power struggle. By the way-she was 4 yrs. old at this point. I got him to agree to as much as possible totally ignore the issue and say as little as possible about it-just be very matter of fact about getting her cleaned up when need be. She was in a 3 morning a week pre-school and the only one not using the toilet although she did "practice" there too. It didn't seem to bother her that all the other kids wore underwear & used the toilet. It was only after I got my husband to (reluctantly) agree to totally letting it go for a period of time that she finally decided she was ready. It was at preschool-I came to pick her up one day and she'd peed-2 days later she pooped at school in the toilet and she's never worn a diaper since. It was when she was 4 yrs. and 3 months (probably some sort of record!) Of course I don't know your little one but my daughter's personality is such that she's really into mastery and waits until she's very competant AND very ready on her own terms before she'll do many things. I was quite sure that she would just decide one day and she did. It would have been a lot easier if we hadn't fought her so hard on it because I think that just prolonged things and made it harder.

It takes patience but it may be worth trying to just let go of pushing and wait til he's ready. My husband now says that he learned a real lesson from all that and that he trusts her own timing on things more than he did.

Good luck! By the way-we live in Seattle, I see you used to.

Twenty years ago when I was facing 3 kids in diapers (two of them boys 2& 4 at the time) I ran away from home for 5 days (took my 5 mos old daughter because I was breast feeding).The mini vacation with my bestfriend and her mom recharged my batteries and I got some great parenting advice. They asked me if I'd ever seen a normal healthy 5 year old show up to kindergarten in diapers. My answer was no and their reply was "then relax til the first day of kindergarten". I got home refreshed and then found playgroups for my boys. The 4 year old didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his new friends (all were in underwear) he was away from diapers/training pants within two days and the 2 year old followed big brother's example. My daughter trained herself at 18 months she informed us she would be wearing underwear. As for my current "baby". He was past three when he finally left diapers and pull ups behind. There was alot of change in his world and the one thing kids can control is their poop. Learning from the past our family just stayed very relaxed about the whole issue and whenever he pooped his pants we'd wash his behind in cold water. Before he started pre-school he was out of diapers and pull-ups completely. Peer pressure is a powerful thing at any age, so having friends that are using the potty will encourage him to do the same. Good luck.

Ok well first of all dont push him, because that will push him further away from the potty. His world has been changed so much, that this is something he has control over. I learned this with my son because he was 3 when I had potty trained the first time, then we had some major changes happen that were actually beyond even my control and he reverted all the way back to diapers. I had to start all over again with him. The key is they need to feel secure, and with schedules and things he can start to predict. Maybe even give him some choices about what he does,wears, or eats. This will help him feel more in control of his environment,and it may help him loosen up about going potty. Good Luck

J., my name is S., I also have a 31/2 and 2 year old son and am struggling with the same scenario. I don't know much on how to solve the issue. I just wanted to respond to give encouragement. You are not alone! And don't give up. I know it's easier said then done but I'm right there with ya. My son will only go when it is convenient for him or when I promise a reward if he does so (although everytime he goes I praise and congrat him on a job well done, as well as a prize from our "treasure chest" so I'm not sure how that works for him) The babysitter says he does well for her most of the time, but then we come home and its like he doesn't care. I've just about had it too, but we can't give up. All kids learn things at their own pace. Hopefully it won't be much longer. Keep the faith. And if you hear any good ideas let me know :-)

My ticket to potty training was to use cloth diapers for a while. It helped my son feel when he was wet (and he didn't like it) and after a short while was aware of when he went (he never even noticed with disposables), and then we were on our way. Summer time helped too, so he could pee outside (what fun!)

I had this same issue with my son who is now 10. I have an 8, 10 and 12 year old and I am also a SAHM. I read all the books that felt a child was worried he was losing a part of himself when he had a BM and tried everything. Then, I followed the advice of my pediatrician. He told me to keep my son in underwear and if he had an accident in them to not make a big deal about it. He told me to take him up to the tub and wash him with cold water ( not freezing cold, just a little uncomfortable) I thought it sounded mean and I was very skeptical but it only took two accidents for my son to be completely trained. We have never looked back. Good luck!

Hi J.!

I live in the southeast hills too. I have 2 boys, oldest is 22 (this week), 19, and my daughter is 16.

This worked well for my 2nd boy, but then he had an older brother and wanted to do everything he did. You might try ignoring the poo issue by not making a big deal out of it, but praise him when he goes pee in the potty, and then say something like "Just think, when you go poo in the potty too, you can go to school!" and if that works be sure to follow through by taking him to visit a preschool or some place that will let you stop by for part of a day (or even sign him up for preschool if you want). Sometimes these little guys just want to do things on their own terms.

Hope that helps - good luck!

D. C.

J.,

I think the best thing for him right now is to wait. My son is 4 1/2 and not totally potty trained, yet. We also started when he was 2-ish. We got him nearly there and that summer his best friend (my dad) start driving semi-trucks again. He was totally put off for nearly six months. Then we started again when he was 3-ish because I didn't want two kids in diapers. Well, that didn't work. My daughter was born last year and he was totally put off again. Now, he's 4 1/2 and almost there.

The moves have turned your little guy's world totally upside down and sideways. Give him time to adjust, 2 months isn't enough in my mind. Right now I'd ask him if he needs to go potty, if he says no, say ok and leave it at that.

I know how frustrating it is to have a 3-4 year old still in diapers, even when he knows how. Hang in there, eventually it will happen.

Hope this helps,
M.

As with my son, it took a while too - 3 1/2 before completely trained - and only after I finally quit pushing him. My advice is this, try to stop making it an issue and forcing him. It may be that this is the one thing he can control, especially in light of the fact that you've moved, he can't control that, but he can control where he goes potty. Quit talking about it all the time, and just kind of take a step back and not make it an issue. It will be less stressful for you both in the long run.

Hi J.,
First, know that little boys will do things in their own time. All three of my boys trained between three and four - the first was almost four. Don't get frustrated. There is a great book called "potty training in 24 hours" that really helped. It is very rewards oriented. It was a nice way to get the little guys to pay attention to their bodies and feel proud of their accomplishments.
Hang in there!
N.

Relax and let him have some more time. I felt frustrated at times pottly training my little guy, but he eventually caught on. It seems to take boys longer and definately the moves have effected him.

Make it fun..we used hot wheels as incentives for number 2's and gummy vitamins for number 1's!

Good Luck!

Hi J.! I have gone through what you're going through with all 3 of my sons. RELAX and just wait until he's ready while continuing to talk about it and make it seem exciting. If he's not ready and you're pushing it alls you do is cause stress and frustration on yourself and your son. Choose your battles; this is not one of them yet. My oldest was a little older than 4 before he was finally potty trained but was completely potty trained day and night in 3 days. He just had to be ready. Good luck and be patient. L.

My 3 year old is having trouble, too, especially with #2, since he likes standing up to pee. To get him used to sitting on the toilet (on the padded seat from his potty chair that comes off and sits on the toilet seat) I started having him sit for one minute. I set a timer for the minute, let him push the start button, and he just sits until time's up.
He doesn't have to accomplish anything, but it allows him to get used to sitting again. Most of the time, nothing happens, and we're still waiting for #2 to happen, but he does pee sometimes while he's there and is more comfortable sitting up there. Now I want to set the timer for an hour or so in between so I remember to have him do a "potty sit" for one minute every hour to avoid any accidents and figure out what time of day he will do #2.

I had the same problem with my son and i got him one of those potty chairs that makes a car sound if he goes #1 or #2. he was potty trained in about 2 weeks. And of course we did the fruit loop cereal thing...throw some fruit loops in the potty and tell him to hit the green ones but dont eat them yucky. Good luck

PLEASE do not force this issue. Our daughter, now nearly 9, became constipated on a trip back east when she was 2 1/2 and the pain that resulted caused a major disruption in her potty training. She then started a pattern of 'withholding' where she literally refused to poop, and would only go once a week, always with tremendous pain and tears (from both of us). She had to undergo x-rays to ensure there were no physical causes, and finally to a specialist in these things (an encopresis clinic). It took us nearly a year of special diets, medications, reward systems, and remarkable patience, and all the while I was pregnant with my son. But it all worked out and now she is fine. when it came time for my son to potty train, I was the model of patience as I know what the toddler body and will are capable of. I actually allowed my son to poop in a pull-up until he was 5. He wore them at no other time, and he had to handle the entire process. finally one day we were at a friend's, and without a pull-up, and he pooped on the potty. He's never looked back. I understand my situation is extreme, but it can and does happen. good luck, and be patient.

Your son is absolutely right on schedule. Many boys have problems coming to terms with pooping on the potty, but will pee in it no problem. If you eventually would like to see him out of diapers, then you really need to lay off the insisting and pushing as well as trying to convince him daily. Relax, and for the time being, just focus on the fact that he is peeing in the potty. Tell him how proud you are that he kept trying until he figured it out. Try not to say it in a way that puts pressure on him to poop in the potty too, or a way that makes him feel like he failed in that area. Admire his bravery to try, and his permistance to keep trying even when he had accidents. If he is on a pooping schedule, then put him in underwear for the rest of the day. Take him to the store to pick out the coolest ones he can find. The idea is that he will love wearing them soooo much that he will decide he wants to be in them all the time. Instead of trying to be convincing, try to play up the natural consequences. "Doesn't it feel nice to wear your Baseball underwear? I'll be so nice when you can wear them all the time." "I bet that diaper full of poop feels really icky. You're going to have to wait to be changed though, Mommy is busy with dinner". Suggest and even plan together a party with your immediate family when he can go clean and dry for 3 days. Buy nice gifts for the party and everything. Let him see what the gifts are and get excited about all the decorations and such. You can make a sticker chart or something to help him keep track of 3 days.

Good luck! Just remember that he is not at all behind for his age, and pressuring him will not help, but may ensure you have a 5 year old still messing his pants.

Hi J.! One thing I would strongly suggest is to put him in underwear. At 3.5 he needs to know that it is time for "big boy pants". It will have to be a commitment on your part not to go back to diapers or even pull-ups. Diapers are okay for naps and bedtime but not for long. You will have to manage the #2 messes he will make but it will still be giving him the clear message that he is big enough to control his body. If he does have a mess don't make a big deal about it. I would make him help you clean it up (run the water etc) not the poopy part. If there is an accident use words like, "Oh looks like you have an accident, it is your poopy so you will have to help clean it up. Not a big deal, we will try the potty next time. It won't be so messy. I am still very proud of you for trying". You can also suggest that when there are less accidents than it will be easier to go do fun things, like the park. Sounds weird but you can also let him run around naked. It works! There are several books about this method as well. Naked at home of course. Sometimes toddlers are to lazy to get undressed and just go in their pants. This really helps. Remember, once you switch to underwear there is no going back. Even car rides. Have him go before you leave and whenever you arrive somewhere. Also, I would start potty training the 2 year old at the same time. My son is 2.5 and was potty trained at 2 years one month. Best of luck to you. One more thing....in addition to the recent moves (which of course can be fun) he also has a little brother. My daughters are 13 months apart. The little one ended up doing everything the big one was doing. We just did it together. I did not want my older one to regress rather the little one to advance.

S.

Hi J.,

It's funny how much we have in common. First I have a 5 year old girl and a two year old boy. My husband is in the navy so we have also moved twice since september. I potty trained my girl at 18 months and got her completely off off diapers ( even at night ) by the time she was two and a half. I started to potty train my son around the same time and he loved it and was doing so good but then we had to move so I decided not to push him and wait till we got settled. When I started to potty train him again he was upset and did not want to so I tried to make it silly and fun for him and made up a silly song. When I wanted him to try to potty I would ask him and he would say no and then I would say come on and sing the song so he would get so excited and want to go then I would give him a treat after he went potty. After three days of this he started telling me on his own when he needed to go and last night for the first time he slept without a pull up. My suggestion for you is to start potty trainning both your boys now and as though as it might be don't let up because they will see that. The older they are, the smarter they are, and when they are smart they figure out own there own that it's easier to be on a diaper than to take their little butts to the toilet and have mommy do all the work. I hope this helps.

During my last holiday I saw a 2 year old and a 3 old get potty trained with a sticker book: they got to choose 1 sticker with a pee and 2 for a poop, to stick into a booklet (but I'm thinking it may as well be the bathroom wall, if the stickers are the type that come off). There's different schools on rewarding for good behaviour, but it's worth a try!
Good luck
(my daughter is 6 months, so don't have experience with potty training myself)

You should get some books about the potty. It sounds like he is afraid of the toilet and these books will really help him see that there's nothing to be afraid of. Also, have his dad take him when he has to go and make it a game. They can see who can make the most bubbles, or who can beat the other going. You can also try cheerios as targets. Toss some into the toilet and let him try to "shoot" them. He may be afraid because kids think that even though it's in the potty, it's still a part of them. So, help him understand that after it comes out, it needs to go bye-bye because it is all of the yucky things from his body. I hope this helps! H., mom to Ethan(4) and Emma(3).

I have lots of friends whose children were not potty trained unitl almost 4 or even after-both girl and boy, and three of my own.(Two of mine are potty trained , my boy wasn't until 3 1/2 and my girl was 3) You might want to take a "break" from potty training for a couple of weeks. Just don't mention it, if he does then go with it. Otherwise let him do his thing, get established in your new place and surroundings. He is still so little even though they can act so big at times. :) It has to be a little stressful with all the moving for you guys, even more so for your little guy. Don't let other people stress you out with their comments on how you better get him potty trained or else....Just remember, he won't be 15 and still in diapers. He will get there.:)

I had issues with my twin boys, I swear I thought one day they would get married in a diaper. At my wits end a friend told me to try a treasure chest under the counter in the bathroom. We put a lock on it and when great things happened they would get to unlock the box and pick something (little cool 3 year old dollar store stuff). It worked and at 16 they are doing great.... Good luck

Hi J.,

I didn't read all the responses you have gotten, so if this is a repeat, then just ignore it! :o)

I have 3 boys, 5, 4 and 8months. My oldest potty trained like it was no big deal. My second child wasn't that easy. He fought me pretty good. You would think that with an older brother going, he would have wanted to as well, but NO! If I let him run around naked, he would go potty every time, but as soon as I put undies on him he would have an accedent. So I decided that he wasn't ready. Then one day my girlfriend told me about the potty chart. So I made a little 10 x 20 grid on the computer and typed "Connor's Potty Chart" at the top and printed it out. We taped it on the wall above the potty and then headed to the dollar tree for stickers. It worked! I couldn't believe it, I was soo shocked. I was certain that it wasn't going to work, but it did!
So it's always worth a try! Good luck and hang in there, he won't be in diapers forever! :o) Oh and if that doesn't work, you can always tell him that he can't go to school if he is still in diapers.

S.

3 1/2 is the average age but if he's a little behind the average it's ok given the changes you referenced. I've read an article from our ped's office which suggests daily reminders ect. only serves as a form of pressure and they will naturally resist it. The article suggests having one last conversation explaining mom and dad do it then leave the potty seat out and maybe put up a little sticker chart or other incentive but then close the subject. Eventually he'll miss the attention and want to please and will initiate it on his own (so they say!).
My son is almost 3 and holds it (#2) if I don't let him use a pull up and our Dr. said not to do that because their rectum could stretch and cause damage. So we're in the "go when you're ready but Lightning (McQueen) doesn't want to be pooped on" mode now!
Good luck.

Ok, I am totally not an expert. My son is 3 and we are just getting started on the process. However, we have made some major strides this week so I will give you the combination that seems to be working for now.

First, I got some bubble solution so he can blow bubbles on the toilet. He loves this so he doesn't fight going as much. He also stays on the seat longer when he gets there, so we are more likely to have success. When he stands to tinkle, we put cereal in the water which he can "try to hit". We are trying to make this more like a game time than anything else.

Because he is stubborn and was sort of resisting us, we also gave him an incentive. We bought a 10 dollar toy he REALLY wants and then we told him he has to earn it by going in the toliet for 10 days. He gets a star on the chart for each day he is successful. So far he has earned 3 stars in 5 days. He has not had perfect execution on any of those days, but when he makes a consistant effort to tell us he needs to go and actually succeeds as much or more than he doesn't he gets a star. When this toy goes, we will probably get another and raise the bar a little.

Little boys are very strong willed, and need to be allowed to do the toilet thing at their own pace. My son became unwilling along the way as well, so I let it go and one day he was ready. It will happen. Just be patient.

Try the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day", and follow every step to the letter.

Hi J.
Oh that would be nice to have him out of diapers HU.
The fact is that it is up to him.. It looks like he is still feeling not safe and learning the potty has not been a good experance for him. Give him a little time like 6 months along with finding out what is bothering him. When he starts playing with other children that do not use diapers, the pears will chainge his mind to want to go on the pot and out of diapers. Growing up is not as easy as it looks.

I hope this helps.

have you tried the video Potty Time? it was the most successful thing for my autistic son (indigo child) who went through the same thing. i'm not sure of your spiritual beliefs, but you could always ask his angels to help too if you are comfortable with that. know that it IS going to happen :)

Hi,
I'd put it off until summer. It is much easier to potty train during the warmer months.
They have less on and seem to be more aware of their bodies. Good luck!
S.

I am in the same boat as you! I feel like the harder I push him the more he resists. One thing that has worked for my 3 year old is I got a potty prize box and put little trinkets in there, and every time he goes #2 he gets a prize. It sits high up on a shelf and whenever he sees it (which is not on a regular basis) he will ask to sit on the potty and he will usually poop. I don't push it too hard though, I'm letting him set the pace. good luck

Hello J.,
My advice it to let it go. Your son has had some major transitions and just may not be ready. He won't wear diapers forever and when he feels ready he'll do it. It is common for children, especially boys, to potty train after 3. I taught preschool with Head Start for years and I learned that there are two areas children have control over in their lives at preschool age; food and potty. So, if you enter into a power struggle it could get really difficult and end up taking even longer. If you want to nudge him along gently, you could try using cloth diapers. They generally will help a potty training toddler move along a little more quickly. Best of luck to you! ~ L

My son is 3 and we started a sticker chart last week. He gets a sticker if he goes on the potty. If it's self-initiated then he gets two stickers. If he has so many by the end of the week, he gets a small inexpensive toy (Car, whatever). We just started doing this. Some days are good and some aren't, but he is all of a sudden self initiating. He said he wants this one particular car, and I said OK if you go potty this many times by the end of the week you can get it. So it was motivating. But I also noticed that the less I pressured him to go the more interested he's becoming. If I suggest that it's just practice time on the potty, sometimes he says, I can go potty by myself! Sometimes I tell him we have to sit on the potty before we go out, but other than that, I've started to not pressure him and ignore it. Sometimes he's still too distracted. I think part of it has to do with independence and them wanting to be in charge, and part of it has to do with the attention they get from being changed or something. Also, I really do think that some of it may be a coordination thing with their brain and their nerves interacting together, and they're really not quite ready. I know that boys generally speaking can tend to take longer to be ready. Most people I talk to have said that often, they'll just all of a sudden be ready and do it on their own if you don't force it. I hope that helps. Just know, there are many other kids the same age doing the same thing!

Hello J.,

I too have moved to Spokane in the last 2 months. I have a little girl named Raygan who was potty trained at home but not at daycare. When we moved here she also had a setback. She started having accidents in bed everynight. She did not want to wear panties anymore, she just wanted pullups. Almost like she was planning to wet her pants. We decided to just drop the whole situation. We didn't talk about it or ask if she had to go (it was hard). THe only time we mentioned anything is when the girls were asking to go to the pool at the gym (I also have a 10 yr old). We explained to Raygan that pull ups can not be in the pool.

She came around in a couple of weeks once we started getting settled in our new life.
Good luck... he'll come around. Summer is coming and I am sure he will not want to be in diapers when its hot.

give it up for now.... and look for signs of when he is ready ... let it become his own idea and it will be much easier for him.. he will be self-motivated. Something that will help is if he can see his friends going - it worked for my son when he regressed somewhat. He really does need some time to adjust to the new home too.. so let him get used to that and when he expresses an interest in using the potty - encourage him.. but I believe forcing the issue will only cause him to resist even more. and another thing to consider. think about how much attention his little brother gets..and he still wears a diaper full time... hmmm...... try to capitalize on how he is the big brother and how once he has mastered it he can help train little brother. that might motivate him too. I'd be willing to bet that little brother will be easier since he will have his older brother for an example... there is something about it for little kids seeing other kids their size and age - it did not help my son to see his dad use the toilet at all.. it was his friends and cousins his age that did it for him.. then it was a piece of cake for me to work with him on it after that!

good luck

J.

My advice is to decide when his last day of diapers will be, talk to him about it to prepare him, then make yourself stick with it. Take all the diapers and let him help you "throw them away" into a large garbage bag (you can set them aside to give to a friend or save for your younger son). Put him in underwear, or loose pants with no underwear, stay around the house for a week or so, be prepared for some accidents, keep the potty always nearby, and let him figure it out. Use pullups only at nap and nighttime - take extra pants and underwear with you in case of accidents when you go out. He is definitely old enough to learn, but may never "want" to do it as long as diapers are an option. Just take away the option of diapers and don't go back, no matter what. I did this with my son (also three, also resistant, had peed on the pot a handful of times but never pooped anywhere but a diaper) and he was completely trained in 3 days. It was not stressful at all (well maybe for me, because I was really worried it wouldn't work, but I tried not to show it) he really seemed to enjoy it and was SO proud of himself being a big boy. He asked for diapers a couple of times, but I said no, and reminded him that he is a big boy now, and diapers are for babies, then encouraged him to go sit on the potty if he needed to go. He now (2 1/2 weeks from the time we started this) does everything in the potty on his own, and even stays dry at night, getting up to pee sometimes early in the morning, then going back to bed. I was so nervous to take his diapers away, but in hindsight I'm so glad I did it, and he's proud of himself too. He never would have wanted to use the potty as long as I made diapers available and continued to change him. I finally realized that this was an area that I, as the parent, needed to make the decision on, not him, the child.

I roughly used the Potty Train in Less than a Day method, if you want to follow some guidelines. The book is available in the library.

Hi J.,

They are doing a free potty training class at the Kirkland Library through a parent coach/mentor. I don't have the exact date, but I am sure you can call and find out. Also, my younger son also had a difficult time with potty training because of a move, and we found we had to give him a little more time to settle in- two months is still a relatively short time. Are all your boxes unpacked and put away? He might think if there are any still out that you may be moving again?

Good luck!
C.

Good variety of responses so far! My advice...let him pick out some big boy undies ( I would get a couple of packages for the first few days he is ready to try...you can go through quite a few.) Keep them where he will see them daily and ask him if he is ready for the big boy undies maybe once a day.

I agree that as soon as he is ready, go for it fully. Only diapers at nap/bed times. The real question is if he is really ready. Does he hide when going in his pants? Does he want changed when he does go?

If you try any "potty time" keep it really fun with his favorite toys or books and pretty short. It is frustrating when you are ready and he isn't but hand in there.

Well, you might not want to hear (read) this, but here goes...
My son Jake wanted to start potty training about 20 months- then decided he didn't. Regardless of all pressure, familial, social, marital, I let it go- completely. It was too stressful, our relationship was reduced to these battles and the tension was there all the time. when he was 3 1/2, I got the real deal flu- I was on the couch, where he could see me, and talk to me, but I really think he decided if he pooped in his diaper, it might be awhile before he got out of it.
I ran into the bathroom to vomit (again) and there was one of his books lying face down next to his potty chair, with poop and added water (?) a "dead" diaper, he was commando, playing with blocks in the living room. I cried and vomited and told him good job, and dozed off again. When dad got home shortly afterward and I told him to ask Jake about what went on in the bathroom today..Jake said OH! I'll show you- he ran into the bathroom, flipped up the seat on the toilet and made vomiting sounds. After that he chose underwear when getting dressed and other than a few night time accidents, it was all good.
The short version of this story? LET IT GO..

I think you are smart to realize that the moves have probably disregulated him temporarily. You might try completely dropping the subject for the next month or so as he continues to settle in. A friend of mine, whose daughter was also 3 1/2 and not using the potty, decided to spend as much time naked (just the kiddo :)) and outside as the weather would allow. She figured it out pretty quickly. Know it will happen eventually.

Hi, J..:)

Getting to go into the play thing at Ikea was great motivation for my kids (ages 12, 9, 7, and 7). Their rules are 2 or 3 y.o. AND totally potty trained: no pull-ups or anything. My youngest was very reluctant to use the toilet, though his twin sister had no problem with it. His friends were also using the toilet. So, we all took a road trip to Ikea (siblings and friends), and everyone was able to go in but him. I got to be sad with him that he couldn't go in, and it put the responsibility on him. It was great, and worked, because it wasn't me putting pressure on him, it was the rules of the play thing. He became very motivated after that! Once he used the toilet regularly (which was pretty soon after that trip), I made sure we went back to Ikea so he could go in with the rest of the kids.

Good luck!
K. J.

I went through this with my son as well. I've seen a few parents that have come on to this site with the same problems I had. I never knew it was that common. I started potty training my son when he was 2. He'll be 5 in May. It was very hard and tedious. We had many set backs during this time.
I learned with all of this comes patience, routine, discipline...and lots of love and understanding. ;) NO PULL UPS! That's just for starters. I realized that children need praise, not rewards. They aren't animals nor are they expected to get rewards for going potty when they get older. They need to be taught that this is just something that you must do as you get older.
I realized that children have to go to the bthrm at least 15 to 30 min after they have consumed food/drink. I started watching my son's cues to see when he had to go. Then I planned around all of that. I would have him go first thing in the AM, right before we left the house, before a meal, before PM...etc. This way he had something to work his body towards. Try to stay calm during all of this. If you get upset or angry, so will he. I also had to stick in my head that he's only a young child. I may think he can hold it in, but his little body is half the size of mine. If by now he knows when he has to go and just simply refuses it, I would have him clean up his own messes, unless of course it was an accident. (You told him to go and he just didn't make it in time, but had tried to.) Then I would help him clean up. This way he understands that when it's an accident, he can get help.
After you managed to get him fully day trained, you can work on to night training. One thing at a time. :D I would purchase a plastic fitted sheet for his bed. NO PULL UPS! I solely believe when potty training, putting on pull ups is like condoning potty in the pants. I would make sure that he doesn't have anything to drink about 1/2 hr before he goes to bed. Have him go potty before HE goes to sleep, then wake him up and have him go before YOU go to sleep. This seems tedious, but then wake him up a few times to go in the middle of the night. This helps his body find a routine. Eventually, he'll go by himself in the middle of the night should he not be able to hold it in. All of this took some time for my son and I to do, but the end result was worth it.
I'm not sure any of this helps. My son and I went through so many probs before he turned 3 1/2, that he kept fully having setbacks. I tried all of this when he turned 3 1/2. Took about 6 mo and I had him fully potty trained. Good luck! ~B.

This is advice have heard many times, put cheerio cereal in the toilet bowl and tell your son to sink them by peeing on them, they will sink. Ive heard this from many who had boys. I have a girl, so never got to try it. My niece said it really works.

Good luck,
D.

I was so stressed out about this potty training thing...I had a baby then my son turned 3 a couple months later. We were holding off on potty training until after the baby assuming the new baby would be a setback for him. Eventually, I was so flustered with the whole thing that I signed up to attend a potty training class at my Pediatrician's office. Here's what I took away from the class and it made me feel 500% better. (1) Boys aren't really ready to train until 3 or 3 1/2. (2) Major life changes will absolutely cause set backs. (3) Watch for signs of "readiness" to train...these are listed on most potty seats or training pants. (4) To help induce #2 use pear nectar to keep the stool soft because the last thing you need is a painful BM to completely scare them off the potty. (6) Potty training is a LONG process...over several months (not days like many people try to make you believe...give it time it will happen with lots of love and encouragement)(5) STOP LISTENING to everyone who is telling you your kid should be potty trained. (6) Don't put pressure on yourself...this is a human being you are dealing with and he has free will. (7) The harder you push him, the harder he will push back. (8) This is a LEARNING process and everyone learns different things at different rates. We always like to take credit for our good parenting and pat ourselves on the back when our kid does something extraordinary...that is why you hear parents bragging that their kids potty trained themselves. What the parents don't realize is that they had very little to do with it...their child with their free will decided on it. Don't let these people make you feel like you are an inadequate parent. Most of us have children that don't potty train themselves. Be supportive of your child and it will happen. My son just turned 4. I don't recall when he was finally potty trained. I took all the pressure off myself and off him and it happened at some point between 2 3/4 and 3 1/2. He still wears a pull up to bed but I think he is ready to get rid of that now. He hasn't woken up with a wet pull up for about a month now. However, he is not ready to give it up so I'm going to indulge it for a little longer. The pediatrician also said that night training could last until they are 7! I don't think that is common, but that is what she said!

Dear J., When my now grown son had a tough time potty training, my Dr. told me to buy a yello duck big enough that it wouldn't fit down the drain of the toilet. And have a little stool, tell your son to squirt the duck. And give him a treat or prize sticker or ??? for his reward. Make a game out of squirting the duck as often as he can in one day. God bless and good luck, Mollybleu :)

I had the same problem with my son. It took watching my daycare providers son who is a year older than my son. My son was finally potty trained at the age of 5. My husband and I tried everything. Our daycare provider let him watch her son go potty and we think it finally clicked. We could get him to pee in the potty but #2 was always a fight.

A little about me. I am a working mother of a 6 year old special needs child. We just recently found out that our son is special needs.