3 Year Old Doesn't Play Alone....

My daughter was our first and would never play on her own. No matter what I tried to do, she was always right there wanting me to play with her. I had our son when she was 2, which solved the problem. She pretended to feed him, talked to him and gave him kisses, and generally fussed over him practically from the first day he came home from the hospital. Ironically, our son, as he grew older, was just the opposite. He could sit and play on his own for hours at a time. When he wasn't playing on his own, she dressed him in her dresses and swimming suits and generally bossed him around like you wouldn't believe. But he loved it, and they were the best of friends. He eventually became more independent, and her using him as her doll ended. Today, they're both college graduates with good jobs; my son is married (he's 27), my daughter is not (she's 29). I'm sure it will all work itself out.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think you should expect him to play in his room alone...he needs interaction with you...even if it is just knowing that you are there and are interested in what he is playing with or pretending. Playing is how children learn...they are exploring their world. My daughter has a "learning tower" in the kitchen (http://www.mylearningtower.com/) her 19 month old gets right up at her level and "helps" her cook and wash dishes...they talk and learn things together in the kitchen the entire time she is in there.
You don't have to "get down on the floor" let him bring some of his toys into the living room where you are...let him play on the coffee table...or the two of you play at the dining room table. He needs to be able to watch how you do things...and learn from you.
Don't look at it as a "job" or something you "have" to do...just enjoy your son...he will be grown so soon and you will want those wonderful memories to look back on and enjoy!!
God bless
R. Ann

1 mom found this helpful

I went through the same thing when my second was on his way. My first son and I were always together since I am also a SAHM. When I was pregnant I was less and less able to do the things we used to do and luckily it was summer so I recruited my neices to play with him since they had no school. (plus I was SO gigantic I could barely move so I needed someone with me incase he took off running or something!) After the baby was born my husband was home for a full month and took my older boy out to a park everyday and kept him him entertained while I tended to the newborn. That was all well and good, but once he had to go back to work my oldest was then left all alone and school was in session so my neices couldn;t come to his rescue like before. Our living room is our playroom so I woudl sit on the couch and breastfeed and tend the baby while I coaxed my older son to play with toys on the floor and play games and stuff. Eventually he got into a groove to where he had his games he would play alone and I could leave the room, or I'd have him play and then come "show me" what he had done. I think the key is not so much that you have to physically be right on the floor with him, but that you have to at least seem interested in what he's doing and that makes him feel important. .....I did recruit the help of videos at this point as well, desparate times, desparate measures... You will need your alone time, and the new baby will need you and your older son still needs you as well, but you are only one person, right?! It will all work out. Bringing home your new baby will be a transition for the entire household, and eventually all of you will get your mojo going and soon it will feel like the baby has just always been there.

I have a 3 yr old daughter that doesn't play alone either. I experience the same thing. Glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm not expecting another baby. I am a single mom so it is hard to get anything done when they expect you to entertain and play with them 24/7. You also don't want to sit them in front of the tv when you need some down time. I understand.

You're going to have to get started now or he may resent the baby because she is going to take up most of your time. Find games that he can play by himself...puzzles, building blocks, coloring books, and encourage him to "build you something" or "color you something" on his own. When the baby comes, get him invovled. Stress that he is the big brother and that he can be a big help.

I'm throwing blind advice here because there is a gap between our middle child (now 17), and our youngest (now 6), so jealousy and not being able to self entertain wasn't really a problem. I wish you this best on this one, but the best thing I can tell you is start now, be firm, and be sure to let him know that even tho the baby is coming (is here) it doesn't make him any less of a priority. You might even try "weaning down" his playtime with you. Play with him a little, and then make him play on his own.

It's probably not what you want to hear, but I think it's a personality thing. I have one who is not so good about playing by herself, never has been, while the other two are better. And my nephew, who could never play by himself when he was little, still insists on hanging out with the adults whenever we get together, and he is almost 15.

Hi A.,
I definitely think this is just a personality thing. My 4 year old still rarely likes to play by himself. Luckily he's had his 2 year old brother for awhile now so I don't have to play with him all the time! I don't think you should feel guilty at all about not feeling like playing all the time, I'm exactly the same way. Everyone parents differently and anyone that criticizes you just has a different way of doing things. As long as you play with him some each day he should be fine. Kids are very good at adapting. I'm betting in a year or two you'll be left out while your son & daughter play together instead. (Then you'll just be there to break up the fights! Good luck with everything :]

I would not expect him to play in his room alone. Many kids don't like to be alone at all. Why can't he play with these things in the same place where you are. Here's what I suggest.. Put a little table or picnic table of his own in the living room, kitchen, and even in the babies room. Allow him to sit at those tables and play with his toy when you are taking care of the baby, meals, etc. He won't be alone.

I totally understand how you feel about the getting down on the floor and playing. I actually feel fine about being on the floor. But I am not a natural pretender. I didn't like to pretend when I was a child and I don't like to pretend now. But I enjoy watching the kids do it. When a small child hands me a cup and tells me to drink I feel silly pretending to drink. So I smile at them and say in a silly way, "NAW, you do it. You drink". I say the same about making vrooom noises with cars or pretending to talk on the phones. They are fine with the fact that I don't want to do it because I am always near and I smile at them and make comments about how nice they are playing. I force myself at times to ask them who they are talking to and I am very complementary about their play and how proud I am of them. But I don't like to play.

However...I do have to say that if you are a stay at home mom that feels this way about not wanting to directly play with your son, he belongs in daycare or preschool as much as possible. I run a daycare and my kids pretend all day long with each other. If I was home alone with a small child I would expect to play with them some or make sure they have that outlet. You are right to assume he will feel alone and when the baby comes, even more so. If you can't afford to put him in a playschool, then maybe you could offer daycare to another child around your sons age?

S.

GOod Morning A., Never feel guilty about not being a get on the floor playing mom. Geee who could when preggers anyway. If its not you don't sweat it. I am not the cookie baking nana, I am the lets play kind or lets read a book Nana.

I think A. once his sister arrives he will be willing to help you with her, get diapers or wipes, etc.. Our daughter in law, Gen, before Zane arrived, would drop off Corbin and he always hugged his mama's tummy and kissed his brother bye bye said Bye Bye Zane. She told him from the start he was getting a baby brother and they were going to be great friends. They are, they still fuse at each other, but the other day COrbin got time out when we were outside. I had him sit on some wooden steps. Zane walked over hugged him and patted his head. Corbin couldn't get up to play so Zane sat with him....lol
Keep reinforcing how much he is going to Love his baby sister and will such a wonderful Big Brother and Mama's big helper.

Don't pull your hair out trying to fit in the so called
"Norm" of Mother hood, everyone is so different, and handles each thing how it works best for them. If it's not broken Don't fix it.

God Bless you and have a wonderful easy delivery, with a Beautiful New little Princess as a Gift from God.

K. Nana of 5

You worry to much, let him learn on his own. Feeling guilty is a useless feeling. It is normal for him to act this way. Start by bringing the toys or books where you are. The new baby will bring joy and confusion to him, but worry not, the "big brother syndrome" will take effect soon there after. I have dealt with this sort of thing with my own children. dont worry so much, time is all that is needed. You love your son, I see that in your words, but anyone who says you HAVE to sit on the floor and play with your child all the time, should concider therapy! Smile honey, you are doing just fine! From; R. Tatum!

you can set a time each day where he plays on his own quietly. Since he isn't used to this you may start with 20 minutes and let him know that he needs to play in his room for a while and that you have some mommy things that need to be done. It may take a while but you do need to encourage him to find some time to do things on his own. All 3 of my kids had alone time from the time they were born. When they woke up in the morning I wouldn't go in their room right away. They would coo and play a while in their crib before I went to get them. I found it so cute to listen to them on the baby monitor talking and playing. They had a mirror hanging in their crib and they would look at themselves and talk to the face in the mirror. When they got out of the crib, they would have some playtime in their room. Baby monitors are great because you can hear everything that is going on and not have to be at their side all the time. If they got too quiet then I would go check on them because quiet usually means they are into something they shouldn't be. Sometimes I would find them asleep on the floor right where they were playing but did check on them to make sure they were ok. When the boys were around 2 they quit taking naps but I would put the baby gate up to their door during their old nap time and they knew this was my quiet time so they would play in their room for those few hours, sometimes they would actually fall asleep but they didn't have to take a nap. Since that naptime was already part of their routine it didn't bother them to play for those few hours in their room. I would do most of my housecleaning during that time and did walk by their room and peek in often to see what they were doing but most of the time they were involved in their playtime that they didn't even notice I was there.
Kids do need some time alone as this teaches them to be independent. Working at the school with small children it is easy to see which kids had independent time to themselves and which kids are used to being at their parents side all the time. The ones that are with their parents constantly tend to cling to the teacher a lot and think the teacher needs to give them undivided attention all the time. It is good to teach kids young that they can do some things on their own and be away from mommy part of the day. They will be more creative and use their imaginations more when they play on their own. It also helps them when they get older as they will find things to do on their own and won't get bored as much.