3 Year Old Development

So What Happened?™

4/30/09 **** JUST WANTED TO ADD... ****

My son had his first gymnastics calss last evening. This was really his first time in a structured environment, where he has to listen to a teacher, and I was not participating. I fully expected him to wander, and just want to play, since he is such an active boy, coupled with the fact that he has never experienced anything like this before...

Well, he exceeded my every expectation. He did WONDERFULLY. He paid attention to the teacher, he did what he was told to do, and was basically indistinguishable from the other children in the class who had been enrolled for previous sessions. My son was the only new student. He appeared very physically capable, and had no difficulty performing the skills that the kids were being taught. And the little stinker never even looked my way until the class was over and he ran over to show me his stamps for a good job listening!

I was SOOO proud of him for doing such a great job his first time in an a structured learning environment. I asked him what his favorite thing was that he did, and he starting listing all the things, and ultimately said, "all of them!" What a great experience. We both felt really pleased when we left there last evening. It's reassuring to see him taking things on and being successful.

Just to give some props, we went to BG's Gymnastics in Monessen, PA. They have a preschool gym, and the faciliy and the teacher, Miss Cindy, were wonderful. If you live in the area, check them out. :)

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First of all, thank all you moms for your thoughtful and gentle words. I do have to say that I do feel much better having read all your responses. And I certainly will take the wise advice of many of you - I will relax.

After taking all this in, I just wanted to mention a few things. Donna asked why I am so focused on my sons academic development, and that bothered me a little. I knew the nature of my question would suggest that I am "pressuring" my son to achieve. That couldn't be farther from the truth. It's probably worth stating that by nature, and with exponentially increasing intensity since my son was born, I am a worrier. So that alone predisposes me to over analyze everything. I do have the insight, however, to keep my obsessions and fears in check enough to protect my son from them. Yes, I do expose my son to the academic concepts that I think most parents or caregivers of pre-schoolers do these days. And yes, as I stated in my original post, we have/do the whole spectrum different ways to learn, i.e. games, dvd's, counting as we do things, foam letters in the tub, tub crayons that we write letters with, books, we do crafts, we sing silly songs, and numerous other toys and tactile things that facilitate learning using all his senses. And yes, I do understand that "intelligence" is not defined solely by one's ability to memorize the alphabet, or on academics, even, and that "intelligence" is a far broader concept incorporating one's propensity for music, art, etc. And that learning comes in an endless number of ways, and we all learn differently and have different strengths. Lastly, I certainly sense when he is feeling pressured by me about something, and accordingly, I back off.

All that said, I feel strongly that I just need to say that it doesn't matter to me one iota whether my son is at the top of his class, or at the very bottom, as long as he is healthy and happy. My singular reason for asking my question, and worrying about his development, is simply that I never want to look back and think, "I could have done something for him and I didn't."

Also, I feel like I need to share that I am not missing the forest for the trees. I am keenly aware of the precious nature of each and every day in our lives. We explore everywhere and anywhere we are. We play, and play, and play.... imaginative play - not just play to teach him his letters and numbers. I sit with him in his fire truck even though my butt barely fits, and we have adventure after adventure, rescuing things... We cook masterpieces in his play kitchen... we dress all his animals for night-night, and read them stories... We talk about everything we see, and hear, and do... and I probe him to think about the things he sees, or hears, or experiences, especially those things that seem to spark his interest. He loves animals and knows many names of even some of the most obscure... and yesterday, he informed me that kangaroos live in Australia. We do a lot of things to facilitate that, from collecting a wide array of stuffed animals that he plays with religiously, to frequenting the zoo... We read all the time. And while I do sometimes show him the words and tell him what they are, I am more interested in what he is thinking, and we take that opportunity to explore and share our thoughts. Sometimes, I look at him, and he will be deep in thought about something, sometimes even chatting quietly to himself, and when I see his wheels turning, I often ask him, "what are you thinking about, baby?" And in his three year old wisdom, and with a foreshadowing of the teenage years to come, his standard response is "nothing, mommy." And it just makes me smile.

I am not absolutely certain at this point that my son will be my only child, but at 36, it is looking more and more like that may be the case. So I am painfully aware of how fleeting these wonder-filled days are. I treasure them and relish them with every ounce of my being. We are terrifically close and have a deep bond that I believe he feels as much as I do. I get my hands dirty with him, we share many sensory and creative experiences, I encourage him to do anything and everything that he finds interesting, and I hope and try desperately not to limit him in any way. And most of all, I just love him to pieces. So while my post focused on one of my many fears, you all have solidified for me what I really already knew somewhere deep down... that when he's ready, it will click for him. I guess I just needed to hear that its 'OK' that he isn't ready to memorize the alphabet or know his numbers yet. I knew that, but it just helps to be reminded of it.

My son is my greatest pleasure, joy, love, accomplishment, and fear in this life. I do know how fortunate I am to have a happy, healthy, normal little boy and I am enjoying every minute, even the worry filled ones. Thank you all for listening.