3 Month Old Not Napping Unless I'm Holding Him

Go for the NOJO SLING and try reading "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears and his wife (a nurse and they have 8 children). I have never seen a reason to let a little baby "cry it out." It only make me cry too! I always rocked, walked, held, sang to and strollered them to sleep. Whatever it took. I think my oldest was probably held (either by me or by his Granny) for the first 18 months of his napping life. My older two (almost 7 and almost 5) have a championship bedtime routine that works like a charm. I still rock the baby while I'm reading to them, sometimes we sing a little. But we don't have problems with what the bed is for or going to bed (outside of normal age appropriate behavior). By the way, I also had them all sleeping with me until they were several months old...breastfeeding at night was so much easier that way and I actually got rested!
So I'd advise the NOJO SLING and reading Dr. Sears to help you find the balance you're seeking. Best of luck!

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My daughter was a finicky napper too. She did finally settle into a swing it took some major effort on my part. First at three months your baby should be napping as much or as little as he wants. dependable schedules don't show up until MUCH later. For sleep I would try a Nojo baby sling. Wearing him has SO many benefits and it will lull him to sleep by your movement & the sound of your heart beat. I would get a copy of 'The Baby Book' by Sears. They have a baby sleep book too but most everything is covered in the big purple baby book and they really go out of their way to base their recommendations on experience & science. It was a life saver to me. ( I tell my friends it's the baby owners manual:) Good luck and don't let naps stress you out or neither of you will sleep
K-

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Have you thought about wearing him in a sling? I have a moby wrap and we both love it.

I'm was always looking for the first cues like yawning or rubbing eyes. Now I never let her go longer than 1 1/2 hours between naps. She really needs this routine.

My daughter was the same way. She NEVER napped unless I was holding (i.e. nursing) her. I also felt like she was too young for the cry-it-out method. I just did whatever I could and never really found the answer. Once she was 5 or 6 months old, I finally felt like she was old enough that I could do some sleep training with her.

I used the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It took about three days (and some agony, I'll admit) and then she started sleeping through the night, napping during the day, going down easily, etc. It was amazing.

Just hang in there for a couple of more months. Then she'll be old enough to learn to sleep on her own.

Good luck!

Hmmm...have you tried putting him in one of those baby carriers that you wear? (like the bjorn or something) Maybe he would fall asleep if you are carrying him around like that while you do whatever needs to get done? Or maybe a bouncer that vibrates since he seems to like the bouncy motion? We had one of those, but our daughter was the opposite of your little guy - she loved her swing and hated the bouncer. I don't think it was all that expensive and you can usually find them at the baby consignment stores even cheaper yet. Hope you find something that helps!

I agree - he's too young to gain anything from crying it out.

Try getting one of those sling-style baby carriers. Maybe being snug and close to you, and feeling your movements, will help him rest, and will free your hands up for other things.

At 3 mos babies pretty much sleep, eat, play on demand. They typically don't start settling down into a routine until 4 mos. And then it will more likely be three distinct naps that will shorten to two at 7/8 mos or so.

For sleeping, he may be a tummy sleeper. Its not PC to say, but many babies just will not sleep unless they are on their tummies. My DD slept anywhere and everywhere. My DS would only sleep on his side in a infant carrier or on his tummy in the crib. He just would not sleep on his back at all.

The only thing I will warn you about is to get the falling asleep by himself squared away now, otherwise you'll be bouncing him for a nap when he's 35# and a toddler. GL!

i co-nap with my son. lie down with him until he's asleep, sleep with him, or read a book

You're right--he is way too young to cry it out. If he likes being held or against your body, try either the Ergo or a sling. That way, you can keep your hands free, and still move around (even go for a walk)and have your baby securely attached to you. I have a very short torso, and was never able to use a sling comfortably; but I LOVE my Ergo! My kids are 2 and 4, and they both still ride in it, though now I put them on my back. The Ergo is a little pricey, but I think it is worth it!

It might not be the longer-term solution for helping him to be okay going down by himself, but here's a few ideas. Could you put him in the stroller and walk with him so he gets a decent nap? The subtle motion might help, and by the time he's totally out you could just let him nap in the seat. Or, maybe walk with him in a snuggly/sling/whatever, same idea and see how he does putting him down (virtually still in the carrier) when he's totally asleep. Another idea - put a blanket warmed in the microwave down under and around him when you try putting him down, to substitute body warmth. Also, what about putting him in the crib/your bed when it's NOT nap time, but he's well fed, diapered and playing contented by himself? And he might just drift off? Or at least get used to being by himself when he's happy, in his sleep area. Good luck!

Before I even had my baby I read BabyWise and the Baby Whisperer. Then I read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. I don't know if it was all that reading or just luck, but my daughter is a fabulous napper.
When she was little I would look for signs of tiredness....even just yawning (never letting her go 2 hours between naps). I would put her down in her crib. Sometimes it would take her up to 20 minutes to fall asleep. If she cried I would use a pacifier but try to never pick her up. I was pretty strict about naps too. I try my hardest to be home during nap times so that she can sleep in her bed. At 3 months she was taking 4 naps a day...with about 1 1/2 hours between naps of wake time. I would feed her right when she woke up to make sure that she wasn't hungry when she was crying and it was time to go to sleep. I was pretty strict about routine as advised by BabyWise and Baby Whisperer. I too have a hard time letting her cry (even now) but she never did much. You can tell when its a tired cry and when its a I need mommy cry after awhile.
Anyhow...In general the biggest rules that I followed were:
ROUTINE
ALWAYS (almost always) TO SLEEP IN CRIB (no swing/bouncy/caR)
DON'T PICK UP ONCE DOWN (I would use the nuk to soothe her which worked most of the time)

I hope this helps. Good luck! Even though when I look back it seems easy now I remember lots of frusteration.

A.,
Having 2 small boys that have always napped very well, I feel equipt to offer some advice. You may either take it or get really strong thighs (either sounds like a plus to me :) !
At three months old your baby should be taking 3 naps a day but may be transitioning more into 2. They go through different stages with their naps about every 3 months (is what I've noticed - just like with their food). Anyway, I understand it is difficult to hear your baby cry. I hated the advice I received to just let my babies "cry it out". Finally I read a book that really helped me. It's called "The Sleep Sense Program." It gives you advice for all ages and stages and how to help your child sleep. Another great one for younger children like yours is "On Becoming Babywise." What I have pulled away from these books is that it's ok, even healthy for your baby to cry... that being said, I take it about 5 minutes at a time. I lie my baby down when I know he is tired. I give him a blanky to snuggle with give him a kiss and lay him down. At first, he cries. But it only lasts for a couple minutes. I take it 5, 2, 10 minutes at a time. If his crying intensifies and he doesn't seem to be calming down I go in and burp him and snuggle him for a couple minutes. If he burps, that was the true source of his discomfort. If he keeps crying and he's not poopy or anything else then I know he is just really tired.
It's so important for them to learn coping skills without you. He will nap like a champ if you allow him the opportunity to learn how to cope on his own. Take the crying in stride. I promise it will get less and less and eventually even stop!
I have 2 boys ages 2 and 1 and both take excellent 2-3 hour naps a day! At nap time and bed time I just lay them down and they stay in bed without a peep until they fall asleep. (unless they are talking to each other!) I know this is because I taught them that they don't need me to fall asleep.
Good Luck! Take it one step at a time, only you know your baby and you!
J. B.

I'm no expert, for sure, but I also have a young one who does not live by the rules. ;-) What I'm learning about her is that she has her own needs and she's just doing the best she can to communicate them. I am in this world right now to simply try my best to meet them. If your little one needs to be held, by all means hold him. Ask others to help you by taking turns. If you haven't already, try wearing him. My baby slept well in a Baby K'Tan and a Sleepy Wrap during the first few months. It's alot of work, but this is just a season - it will pass. Your sweet babe is still so young, like you said. And still adjusting to this strange new world. You can't love on him too much.

If he's still having problems sleeping alone by 5 or 6 months, talk with a sympathetic pedi or try some different techniques. Hang in there, A.. Things will change. They always do!

He may not be getting enough to eat. I've noticed that my 7 week old will stay awake when he's hungry, but will be appeased if I hold him and may fall asleep; that is, until I put him down. This is my third baby, so I've had many different situations to deal with! Good Luck!

I agree with Alethea. Get him sleeping now or it will just be harder later. Our daughter (3 mos.), incidentally, is the exact same way. We figured out that she preferred to be with people. Today she took a nap literally in the middle of the living room floor with everyone walking around her. We've also figured out she likes to have something in her hand, so we let her sleep with the ribbon of the pacifier clip in her hand. Occasionally, we get her barely to sleep and then lay her down. She wakes up a bit, but usually goes right back to sleep, quietly and quickly. It did take some crying to get there. I think 2 or three days, crying as much as 45 minutes each time. We did check in and calm her down every 10 minutes or so. Our boys were much easier! If it helps, her schedule seems to have settled a bit to eating at 7, 11, 3, 6, and 9. She usually sleeps for about an hour before each feeding and doses on and off for a bit after. She wakes herself for the feeding. In the afternoon we can now sometimes sneak in a two hour nap from 1-3. It depends on how much sleep she has had in the morning. Sometimes she sleeps for an hour or two after the 7 feeding and then is awake until 11. That's usually what makes for the longer naps. She's pretty happy and laid back, so it seems to be enough sleep. I hope some of this makes sense and helps. GL!

my son got into a habit of only sleeping while held when he was a few months old and believe me we tried everything! thw only thing that worked was letting him cry it out. it was absolutely miserable, but after everything else had failed for us, crying it out finally worked and he slept on his own ever since. good luck

I agree with not letting him cry it out yet. 3mo seems too young for that to me too. As for getting him to nap I would say try laying him down on his tummy in a crib after he is asleep. I KNOW that they don't advise letting them sleep on their tummy but my daughter wouldn't sleep any other way. Also you could try swaddling him... I'm so sorry this is so hard for you! good luck!

Dear A., The other Mamas have all given very good ideas, but the one thing I would add is that 3 months is still very, very young, and he just needs as much holding and love as possible, so I would not try to rush things. I know it can be exhausting, especially when you are busy, but soon he will be active, and you will miss that sweet connection of just holding him. We, too, spent many hours bouncing our son on an exercise ball at that age. Putting good music or a book on tape, or singing or telling him a story helped me to not get so bored of it. Strolling him and wearing him in a sling also really helped, and then you can get things done if you need. And every baby is so different; as long as he is happy and seems rested, I would not worry about how many naps he is taking. Everything changes so quickly. Just because you have to hold him now to get him to go to sleep does not mean this will last forever. In my opinion, the more secure and well-adjusted they feel early on, the easier everything gets later...good luck and hang in there. Make sure you are getting the sleep you need! Love, C. B