3-Month-old Won't Sleep

You can read what sleep expert Dr. Weissbluth says:
http://billiediscoverytoys.blogspot.com/2008/09/sleep-beg...

1 mom found this helpful

hi R.;

i saw that one mom did use CIO w success and another mom suggested holding and rocking till the baby's fully asleep and then some; you have a wide range of advice here.

while i have heard of success w CIO very early, i would really caution you about it; some concerns about it are more emotional, but it can also be very dangerous; babies can cry till they vomit and then aspirate the vomit and choke. they can hyperventilate, burst blood vessels, and simply stop breathing. it's not a joke.

if you feel you must try to let the baby cry for a while that's fine, but do NOT go far and listen closely; you know your baby best; if you feel the crying sounds like real panic or it changes in any way you go get that baby out of the crib.

i never really used CIO but the few times i did take a swing at it my son, now 3, cried till he threw up. that was enough for me; my daughter, 19 mos, screams literally as if she is being cut up into pieces, a shrieking that is inhuman. i wouldn't tolerate that for more than a minute or two it's just not right.

but it is true that some times babies have to just let off that bit of steam, and for example, in the car, my daughter will cry in a whimpering, low-key way for a few minutes until she falls asleep. so i think the point is that you have to really listen for what kind of crying it is. don't just shut the door and walk away.

i nursed my son to sleep until he was 3, and i still nurse my daughter to sleep. as one other mom suggested i wait till they are really solidly asleep and then transfer them to the bed / crib. my son started sleeping in a bed at 2.5, and at 3 he could be cuddled to sleep for a few minutes and now that's what we do and he sleeps all night. my daughter sleeps almost all night, usually w one wakeup.

do try weisbluth if only for the issue of amounts of sleep; you might need to put the baby to bed much earlier. i was putting my son to bed at 8 or 9 pm when he was 4 mos and he was so overtired that it took a long time for him to wind down; then i read weisbluth who suggested bed time be about 6pm because the babies need about 15 hours of sleep a day, and at 6 pm i gave my son a quick bath, read a book, and nursed to sleep in ten minutes. it was much better and he was much happier the next day.

my point of all this is don't believe people who tell you the baby "will never learn to go to sleep" or any of that; it's rediculous. you have to do what gets you and the baby the most peace and the most sleep. if you try rocking the baby till he's really asleep and transfering him and that works, you can stick with that. the sleep police are not coming to your house. and you know what? it's nobody's business but yours. take whatever advice feels right and sane and real for you and then you'll try things till you figure it out. the babies change every couple of months anyway.

you can also consider co-sleeping. i did not do that because my kids loved thier cribs but many moms do it safely and successfully and get MUCH more sleep that way. check out these websites for safe co-sleeping.

Dr. Jay Gordon "family bed" (google it)

Kellymom.com

Askmoxie.com

good luck, you will figure it out and it will get better.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R.,

Have your baby boy checked for a GI reflux. Aside from the symptoms you describe, my baby boy used to spit up a little and arch his back while screaming. My doctor put him on meds and he advised not putting him down right after feeding but keep him in a vertical position for 15-20 mins after eating. Also, try to keep his head elevated (I used to put a little pillow UNDER the mattress)
my baby was on meds for about 2 months and now he is fine.
Hope your baby is fine, too.

Good Luck!

I went through this same thing- and it's so hard! I finally, against everything I believed in at the time, let my son cry it out at 14 weeks. I hated every second of it, but he was crying (screaming, really) in my arms anyway! I used the method from the Weissbluth (sp?) book- Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Babies. He recommends waiting until 4 months, but I was desperate. And it worked! He cried much less when I gave him that space, versus an hour or more when he was hysterical and exhausted in my arms. It only took a few days before he didn't cry at all. And now he is a happy, well-rested, healthy, and very trusting and attached kid! (He didn't feel abandoned, or end up distrustful, as many say will happen...)

Quick note- my son was a very large baby. He had more than doubled his birth weight at that point, which most sleep specialists believe is necessary before babies can truly soothe themselves to sleep. He had also co-slept with me for the first couple of months, and been through the process of transitioning to a bassinet, then his crib, and finally to the self-soothing stage.

Good luck getting through this exhausting time! It's such a painful process, but definitely temporary!

Dear R.,

Unfortunately your son has become accustomed to falling asleep either while drinking his bottle or being rocked to fall asleep. I know this is going to be difficult however try to put him to sleep without holding him. You can rub his back, caress his face, sing to him, shake the crib lightly as to rock him, but try not to hold him. The most difficult thing to me about being a mom is sleep training it broke my heart, however i waited until a year and after a year of no sleep I finally did the crying out method. I am not sure at what age to start it but it does work. Read up on it. I would say he is still hungry however you say he sleeps for five to six hours after he falls asleep so I think it is just because he doesn't know how to self soothe and needs you to do it for him. The bad thing about that is every time he comes from a deep sleep he will cry and expect someone to come and put him back to sleep. Babies learning how to put themselves to sleep is a tool that sometimes we have to teach. Because we cannot bear to hear our precious babies cry we do everything in our power to help them get to sleep. Who knew we were creating the problem. I know when i waited until my kids were one they cried for an hour the first night because they were older and had much more stamina. i would check with your doctor and ask for advice I think as i said he is probably still to young. Your doing a great job I feel your pain I know what it is like to be sleep deprived. You stated that you are becoming anxious about bedtime, understandable however the baby will pick up on your tension i know it is easy to say but take a deep breath and hang in there. Good Luck!!!

I held my kids and fed them to sleep at this age, and I did not end up with a problem of kids not being able to fall asleep on their own, we never ever had crying at bedtime. So while many "experts" will say to put your baby to bed awake, I say after feeding, hold him til he falls asleep, then wait 15-20 minutes to put him down, til his body is in deep sleep state. If you put a young baby down in the light sleep state, their startle reflex kicks in and they wake up. Rather than hours of crying and no sleep for you and DH, I'd just rock him to sleep and be done with it.
Good luck R.

R., first of all, does he nap during the day and does he seem to have a bellyache? Check with pediatrician about colic and they say it happens in the evening more likely. Also, he may be checking to see if he will be getting attention everytime he cries. Some people say let them soothem themelves but my third son couldn't. He throws up if you did and that method of letting him cry it out was not for him. It worked for my other two, the older two boys, but not my third. The only thing I can say is get into a group with other mothers to get fellowship and we have it at our church, but you don't haveto go to a church, it's for mothers with similar problems and get together and then have playdates when children get bigger. You'll need some of that when your husband goes away and that way you'll won't feel so alone doing everything. e-mail me if you want to or the rest of us because we all have been there and done that. I'll pray for you all and that Jesus's Wisdom will be given to you when you ask Him and hope this helped at least a little bit.

Hi, R..

Most experts will tell you that 3 months is too young to start sleep training, as some people suggested to you. I recommend you read The No-Cry Sleep Solution. It helped me understand a lot about the sleeping habits of small children. Unfortunately, it is unreasonable for you to expect a baby to sleep all night, especially at this age, but this book might have suggestions on how to get him more comfortable so he doesn't scream when you put him down. My first thought was that your baby probably still needed to be burped more.

Good luck,
R.

My son went through something like this when he was about that age. It ended up that I needed to feed him more. I don't know that it was a growth spurt, but my mother told me to try to feed him a little bit more before he went to bed, but he would never stay awake for the whole bottle. I gave him a little bit of cereal before his bottle and he would drink less of the bottle, but it did seem to help him stay sleeping. I kept the routine and the little bit of cereal turned into his snack before bed which he still has. I hope this is helpful. Good luck. Its no fun when they're not happy, right? :(

Hi R.,
My son used to do the same thing and I used to have to hold him upright for 5-10 minutes after night feedings before lying him down. He had reflux. Maybe you should call your doctor and see what he says. My son was on pepcid for about 3 months and then it seemed to resolve on it's own.
Hope this is helpful!
C.
And as far as sleep training, I followed the "Baby Wise" technique from when my son was about 6 weeks old, and it totally works! He is now 11 months, takes 2 naps a day and sleeps between 10-11 hours a night with no fuss and is such a happy camper when he's awake. I think he's starting to try to transition to one nap a day, but my doc says it's too early for that. Anyhow, babies need their sleep! NO doubt about it!

What time is sleep time? My son did this at 2 months, untill I realized 9 pm was too late of bed time, even though he was napping most of the day. He was exhusted, and didn't know how to sooth. We ended up having bed time latest at 7, and sometimes he couldn't even last past 6, and that coupled with a bed time routin did the trick. It was bath,swaddle (yes I went back to swaddeling at 2.5 months up to 4 months), bottle, cuddeling some soft music and bed everynight. He hated the crib at that age, so he slept in his swing till 4.5 months, and napped in his swing till about 6 months. He is almost three and we still have this routing minus the bottle ofcourse and added in book reading. He has loved his crib ever since, and would play in there for 30 minutes after he woke up. We just took the fromt off, and it is a toddler bed now, and still loves it. He never tried to climb out and doesn't really wonder around now with the freedom. He knows bed time is bedtime, and loves sleeping.Also, I would not do CIO, but read the Dr. Ferber's book at 4.5 months. I followed some of his suggestions and they were very helpful in establishing and mainitaining rules at bed time. It was hard for the first 3 days, but it works! Although I would not start this method at 3 months, you will need to wait till at least 4 months. Also if you are going to do his method, or any other one, I would not wait too long. 4 to 5 months is the perfect age for this, as babies become a lot more resistance as they get older. Good luck to you I remember those days. It was stressfull, and the babies can pick up on your stress as well and it does effect them.

Hi Mom, My son did a similar thing - about the 2nd month and it turned out to be really bad gas that would hit at the same time every night. It was torture - it took about 2 weeks and lots of reading to figure out. We found rubbing his back and belly were great ways for getting the gas out of him. My other thought is maybe wait 'til he is completely asleep before you put him down. My first child was a very sensitive sleeper - and it made for it easier for us and didnt ruin his ability to put him to sleep later (he is 9 now).

I had a similar problem with my little girl. I recommend reading the book Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. It helped me tremendously. It talks about the five S's. Swaddle, swing, sushing, sucking and shaking. It worked for us. I hope you find what works for you and your baby! I know how frustrating it can be. Don't be afraid to put your baby down and go into the next room to take a break. And if you have family you can call, then get someone to help. GOod luck!

Have you mentioned this problem to the baby's doctor? I think you should and have the baby checked out by the doctor, just to make sure everything is ok.

Your baby is still very young and they all go through a lot of stages. You need to find what works for your little one and hang in there until the problems are solved...

Is the baby suffering from gas? Is he being burped enough and properly after that bottle before bed time?

Maybe when your husband is away, you can find a friend or family member who'd be willing to stay with you to help out.

it reminds me of two things... one, when my son had some gas issues, even though it was hard to spot,, he wasn't hungry, etc.. so process of elimination i started using Mylicon gas drops.. yahoooo his little belly felt better. The only other time my son went thru that was when he had a little GI Virus, I had to lay off dairy until that virus passed. Good Luck

Hi R.,

The thing that worked for me is I put a small cd radio in their room and played classical music, lullaby cd's, and my personal favorite, Jim Brickman music. (new age music) The majority of his music is instrumental and it is very soothing, even for me! lol

My daughter ALWAYS used a pacifier until she was 2 1/2 and then we told her the dog ate them, which wasn't a lie, but it cost to much to keep buying new one's. It took a week for her to get over it, but we made it through!

My son, on the other hand, NEVER took to the binky either, so we had to sooth him in a different way. The music and giving him a bottle at the same time worked great for us, but everbody's situation is different.

Let me know how it works out for you. This is my 1st time writing to someone so I hope I am able to help.

C. :)

of course, this brings on the big debate over letting a baby cry or not. i would highly suggest you doing research if you are contemplating CIO. it has been proven to raise serotin levels in the brain to unnatural levels, along with the emotional impact. you do not have to let your baby cry. i have always soothed my children to sleep. aside from that, experts actually say you are to wait till 6 months, anytime before you schould answer your babies cries.

from what you describe, i would def mention it to the doctor. it may be reflux, maybe google infant reflux and compare the definition to your sons behavior. also the possibility of gas. are you able to burp him before laying him down? at his age, he def still has to get it out. for him to be that upset, it def sounds like pain.

not all babies like pacifiers, they either will or wont, although you can keep trying. BUT if he normally likes them, and isnt taking them at night, it is even more concern that something is wrong. and you are sure he isnt hungry?

its not natural for him to be up till 2 am. he has got to be exhausted, which furthers how upset he is. as everyone said, try to put him to bed around 7, make sure he gets naps, sleep begets sleep.

its interesting that you say he passes out of exhaustion, thats just what CIO does only the baby is all alone. i really would think in your case something isnt right. babys who are left to cry just want comfort, for him to be up that amount of time in your arms would def make me wonder. good luck

Get a cradle swing. Pre warm bassinet with heating pad. Lambskin works too.

Been there dome that

I have 2 boys that sleep great (now ages 4 and 2), and I really think it's because when they were around 3-4 months old, I sleep-trained them. They never got a bottle at bedtime (they say you shouldn't use a "sleep aid" such as a bottle or the baby will not learn to fall asleep on his own) or a pacifier.

I would let them cry for just a few minutes (2 minutes at first!), then go in and pat them, reassure in a soothing voice that it's time for sleep and to relax, then leave the room (don't pick them up). Keep doing this while slowly extending the time in between when you go in to soothe him.
For my older son, this went on the first night for almost an hour, the second night about 30 minutes, and the third night, not much at all. He's been good since then. They need to learn how to self-soothe and this is part of that process. Do this when your husband is home so you can each support each other through all the crying (it's so hard because you want to pick him up--my husband kept reminding me what our goal was and that helped). Good luck!