3 1/2 Yr Old Who Hits Our Dog

I don't know how much help I am going to be, but telling my daughter that she really hurt the dog and showing her that the dog is uncomfortable seems to work. I also make her tell the dog she is sorry for _____ (what ever kind of hurt she did) and give the dog a hug. She is much better now with the dog, it is a rare time that she is mean to the dog now. I also tell her that what she did was really mean. She hates to be told anything she did was mean. Now if I could just get her to stop picking up the cat, she tend to pick him up with at least one arm around his neck. She is trying to hug him, and can't not figure out why it hurts him. (she is only 2 though)

My dogs were the epitome of patience and understanding when my toddler would climb on them.
But M., there's always a breaking point. You need to break this habit now. You'll be a lot more upset when the dog is through being mr. nice guy.
Find a picture of a dog with its teeth showing, like it's angry. Show it to your son and emphasize how scary it is but that it probably got hit too often or its tail pulled. I mean bring it home. "You wouldn't want our sweet dog to growl and bite you and run away from you would you?" It might sound really mean, but so far nothing else has worked and when something continues like this, it often requires a harder step up to get the point across. Apply a little pinch if you need to and ask if he liked it. If not, 'the dog doesn't like it either when you do that. and he won't be your friend either'. Whatever it takes to break this.
I don't care how typical it is for a kid that age. If it were a cat, he'd be scratched to smithereens! You may need to enforce a no touch policy and then teach him how to pet a dog, ruffle the ears in affection, etc.

My son will be 3 in May, we recently adopted a 2 year old pug and our son really likes him but once in awhile he kicks him! Our pug is great with him, and we have never shown that type of treatment to our dog or anyone. I tell my son not to kick the dog, and I don't know why he does it...must be the testosterone! LOL

Both my kids do this to our dog, who we have had longer than kids. I tell my kids that the dog won't stay at our house and it will run away or go live with someone else if they continue wiht this. Our dog has also started to growl at the kids, which means I have two problems now. However, since my dog has growled my kids are starting to understand that the dog doesn't like it. My kids have been spanked, time outs, and punished in a million different forms. I think the biggest thing that got them beside the growl was I didn't allow them to touch the dog at all because they weren't nice to it all the time. I don't know if this will help or not, but mostly it will take lots of time.

M.-
I see that you already have a lot of responses, but I figured I'd put my 2 cents in too.

I have a 2 and 1 year old little boys that tend to be mean to our animals (1 dog and 3 cats). What the problem is, is that my 2 year old is short, and our beagle is just the right size for him to try and ride him like the dogs a horse. Luckily for us, the dog just gets up and walks away. When we see our children being mean, we tell them "awww...that makes luke(the dog) sad. You should be nice. Pet him nice like this" we also tell them to give the dog love, then when the dog starts wagging his tail we tell them oh look you made him happy. He loves you. They are usually so excited to get this kind of reaction from the dog, that they won't be mean, and can't stop petting him. We also let him give the dog treats, and things like that so that he gets excited about the dogs happiness, and doesn't want to be mean. After continuing that we have had very few problems with him being mean. Next we are going to have to work on the 1 yr old, who unfortunatly is a little to young to understand what is going on. Hope this helps and good luck!!

Since he's at an imaginative age, I'd try to get him to see this from the dog's point of view through a story or puppets or acting it out. He needs to develop empathy. He likely has mixed feelings about the dog but, you are right, he must stop hitting the dog. You may have to keep him away from the dog until he can learn, and that will be extra motivation for him. I wouldn't hit him to teach him not to hit - that doesn't make sense, though I understand your frustration.

When she gets older, friends won't play if she is mean, so do that. She is not allowed to be around the dog if she is going to be mean. Tell her, today, you need to play nice with the dog. If you don't, then you she won't want to play with you and I will put you in your room to ply by yourself. Then make her play alone in her room for at least an hour. Shecwill get the message real quick.

I too had the same problem a few months ago. My son who is also 3 1/2, was very cruel to our new dog. Fortunately, things have calmed down tremendously. I was at my wits end as I am sure you are. It had gotten so bad that our dog was starting to growl and even nip my son. He had simply had enough. I started giving them both time outs. My son in the corner and the dog in his cage. I was about to get rid of the dog and explained this to my son. He slowly started to comprehend that he would no longer have a dog. I still have to constantly monitor him around the dog but his cruelty has since subsided. Once the newness of having a new dog in the home wears off, I am sure things will get better...... good luck!!

M.,
Remember that you have introduced a new member to your household and it has effects on everyone. It sounds to me like this could be an attention thing. We brought home our golden lab when my middle son was 3 1/2. We saw the same issues. He pulls on her legs though. I dealt with his acting out as I would with another child. I lavish attention on the Dog and comfort her and talk to her about how it must have hurt her to get her tail pulled. It worked for us.
1. Now if the kids start bothering the dog, she is conditioned to find me, cause she know I will love on her.
2. My modeling has diminished my son's acting out.

Also, you might consider involving your son with responsibilities for the dog's care. We also have taught them both games to play together, like hide and seek and fetch. You might ask your vet if they have suggestions or a training person you could talk to.

This will get better. Just have patience. Good Luck.

Even though you are disciplining your son, I thik you need to take a stronger stance with him. He has to udnerstand that what he is doing is 1) wrong and 2) cruel. It doesn't matter if his intentions aren't curel, his actions are and the dog doesn't know the difference. Make the punishment strong, such as taking away something, and having him earn it back. Every time he is nice to the dog, reward it with a star, and when he reaches enough stars he will get his toy (or whatever) back. If he isn't nice then he will lose a star and get a time-out. Be consistent, and if you can't watch him constantly, then the dog needs to be in another room, outside, away from your son, for the dog's protection.

I have a son who just turned 4 and he does the same thing. I think he is just too immature to understand that dogs and pets have feelings too. It's hard for him to comprehend. Just be consistent with whatever method you use. I tell my kids it makes the dog sad. Redirection works well too (redirect your child to an activity away from the dog.)

Always make the child apologize to the dog. With my kids, it was a kitten we got when my daughter was 3. When she was bad to it, I would take her beloved stuffed donkey away. Explain to your son that animals feel just like we do. 3yr olds may not know that. He will grow out of it and learn, in the meantime, don't leave him alone with the dog.

Hello M., This is a normal stage for a 3 year old. Reasoning is not going to get through to this age, and consistancey in disapline is very important. Stick with one way so that your son can predict with 100% accuracy that A equals B. Cause and effect. Time outs work well at this age, but only if the approch is done correctly. Simply say "Time out, you hit the dog again" pick him up, put him in his time out spot, do NOT say another word to him, don't look at him, touch him, etc. Attention is the most important thing to him, and negitive attention is still attention. Set the timer for 3 minutes, one minute for each age of the child. If he gets up, put him back and reset the timer without saying more than "we are in timeout for hitting the dog". When the timer goes off after he has stayed in timeout, go to your son, get down to his level, and say " we don't hit the dog, you need to say sorry" and have him pet the dog nicely. Give him huges, lovings, and lots of attention at this time. Then REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT,.........He will get the idea very fast, and will figure out that this is not getting him the attention he so desires. I hope this helps.

I'd get to the bottom of this issue with your son. The dog might put up with it longterm, but then he might not. The highest bite rates with kids are with labs and retrievers. This shocks people, but since these dogs are naturally good natured, many families have them when they have kids, and kids tend to push these dogs to their limits. So, it is certainly a risk, and as you stated bad behavior on your son's part. He must be feeling some jealousy either toward the dog or something else and is taking it out on the dog, mostly because he can get away with it (dog has not bitten him). I'd up the consequences with your child, but also figure out what is going on with him as well. Being mean to animals is a sign that something is wrong. Best wishes!

well... I hope this doesnt sound bad but my step-son used to hurt my cats when I started dating my husband. Whatever he did to the cats I did to him, for example.... If he pulled her hair i pulled his, pulled a tail, I pulled his ear. one day he picked up the cat and threw her so obviously I couldnt do that but What I did was picked him up about a foot and just let go. Obviously not intending to hurt him but to make him understand what it was that he was doing. He was so shocked with this and the explanation about thats how the kitty feels that he never did anything mean again. he was 4 then and is now 9 and still no problems. Now obviously You dont want to hurt your child but to give them just enough to where they are understanding that what they are doing to the animal is not ok and hurts them too.

Its almost like kids this age go through a "puppy stage" when they think they're just playing but are being too rough. We have an older chow/rot mix, so we've always been cautious when it comes to time between our son and the dog. My son is four and runs this dog ragged. What has helped (when talking and time outs don't) is to give the dog a time out from the kid. We still have a baby gate up that separates the kitchen from the rest of the house. When my son is being to hard on the dog, we put him in the kitchen and close the baby gate. The dog will usually go in there when he needs some "alone time" and this is usually my cue to lock the kid out. It also helps that I tell my son that the dog needs a break from all the rough housing. It lets him know that if he's being mean to the dog, the dog will chose to leave him to his own devices. Don't know if this is an option for you, but it may just do the trick.

Ok, don't know if it will help either, but I would probably do a timeout with my child if they were doing that at 3 1/2. I use the timeout method when they are misbehaving and put them in the corner (3 min or a 3 yr. old, 4 min. for a 4 yr. old, etc.) I would let him know that he is hurting the dog and that is not ok, put him timeout and then get down to his heigth, eye to eye and talk with him about why he was in time out, and then he has to apologize for what he did and say he isn't going to do that anymore. I like the idea of having him say he's sorry to the dog too and make him give the dog a hug.
I believe that even the little ones need to know that when they do something wrong, they will be punished (timeout) and that it's a NO-NO.
C.