3 1/2 Year Old Daughter Won't Sleep in Her Own Room HELP!!!

I don't know if this helps, but my older grandson did the same thing until they put the little one in his room in a crib. Now, he has to be quiet so he won't wake up his little brother and he gets to be the brave one comforting the little one at night.

D. Kimbriel
Grandma to 2 beautiful boys

I think it's important that you stay with her when she's scared or when she needs you. That will help her to trust you. Her fears at night are real, so don't tell her they're not or down-play them. I'm not saying that you do that. But that will also help the trust between you.

Leave a light on so she won't see shadows, at bed time sit by her bed and read a story, sing a lullaby song. Play some night time tapes. Hug her nite , nite, give her a teddy bear or doll to sleep with, and they have glow toys to sleep with that when you push on them they have a night light, and play a soft song. Any or all of the above may help. But if she is sleepy at all when you put her to bed, she should drop off with a song and a story, and after a few nights or a week, she may not feel so scared, and it wouldn't hurt to have a bed time story so she feels comfort from now on for that matter, . Five minutes of a bed time story out of your day will be a lot better than the bed time troubles. Hope these things work. When I was a child I was scared of the dark and it is a terrible feeling. My mother started leaving the light on and I was fine. Then I out grew needing it.

Does the baby sleep in your room if so that is probably the reason she wants to do the same not to be left out. if not then she is seeking a special time with mommy and daddy. YOU set the limits! Tell her she is a abig girl and a important big sister and that you need her to sleep in her room. Start a special bedtime routine, let her help you decide what to do . Read a book, mommy lay down with her for 10 minutes. or something along those lines and then te1l her after that time you will leave and she has to stay in her bed and if she doesn't she should have consicuences. BE CONSISTENT it might take a few days for her to realize you mean businees but she will catch on if you are CONSISTENT! GOOD LUCK!

We have the same problem. We tried for a few nights to just put her back in her bed and stay on the floor, like super nanny says, but it didn't work. It left us all exhausted the next day. The new baby is now 4mo. and she sleeps in her room, but that hasn't changed anything. I am hoping it is just a phase. She sleeps on a couch on the floor in our room. We use to get her to start in her bed and she could come to our room in the middle of the night, now she will cry for 2 plus hours. We just don't let her in our bed. We say sleep on the couch or sleep in your bed. I agree I miss alone time with the hubby.

My son did this from 3-4. An entire year, he slept in our room (on the floor). When my youngest son was born, I couldn't have him in our room anymore. My husband and I took turns sleeping with our oldest in his room for one week. I think he just needed to be "comfortable" in his room again and feel safe with us in there. It only took a week and then he was back to sleeping by himself again. I wish we had tried it sooner. I agree that if they are scared, then you shouldn't "make" them sleep by themselves. My son was TRULY scared. I hope this helps...good luck!

I don't know exactly what to tell you but possibly she is really scared. I know that I was about that age and started having nightmares. I slept in my parents room until they got sick of it. I used to get in trouble every night. They finally let me keep a sleeping bag in there and in the middle of the night I would go in there and sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. Then they got tired of that and thought I should sleep in my own room. I then would go sleep in my brothers room in the middle of the night.

Finally at about 10 or 11 my parents laid down the law and I had to stay in my room. What happened? I would wake up by 1 or 2 in the morning and stay awake until I heard my dad get up for work. He left the house around 5:00 each morning so I still had a couple of hours to sleep until get up for school.

I had severe nightmares. I was terrified. I tried to think good thoughts before bed but they never worked. I remember once trying to think of the ice cream man coming round in his truck (whats happier to a kid than the ice cream truck) but that backfired then I began dreaming that the ice cream man kidnapped me.

So my parents probably should have had me in counseling but that was 30 years ago and nobody really did counseling back then. To this day I have the nightmares. I sleep with a butcher knife on top or my chest of drawers and one in the bathroom. My husband travels weekly so I am home alone with my daughter then. I don't know what makes people have the dreams like that.

I don't know if this is happening with your daughter or if she is just adjusting to the changes in her life these days. But I do know how sad I was and how scared when my parents just got mad at me. I wasn't "trying" to sleep with them and be scared. I couldn't help it. My Mom knows now because we have discussed it and she is so sorry for putting me through all those years of me being terrified at night.

Anyway, I just couldn't let your message pass without me saying something - just in case this is what is going on with your daughter. Hugs to both of you. Hope this phase passes quickly.

take an empty aerosol or fill a spray mist bottle with water. in bold big letters, type monsters be gone or whatever her fears are and wrap this around the empty aerosol/mist bottle. every night before she goes to bed, "spray" her room and say monsters get out and stay out. also, might put a little night light and place a radio out of her reach playing soft classical music with a timer. good luck.

You nailed it - lots of change for your little girl. My husband always has to remind me that my older daugheter (2) is still a little girl. It is so hard to recognize when you have a baby in the house. We have an 8 month old now. Anyway, I agree that time-out is probably not the best approach in this situation. However, I understand how frustrating this can be having gone through a no sleep situation for nearly 6 months. It really makes everything so hard! I would continue just putting her back in bed without saying anything. She wants your attention. It may take a few hours or days; however, in the end I believe she will learn that she belongs in her own bed as long as you are consistant. Unfortunately, I think that this transition will be hard for her. Plus it sounds like you will be moving which will cause another transition. You may have to come to terms that sleep may not happen for a while! However, try to keep things as status quo as possible for your little girl. Good luck!

L., we had this exact problem with my oldest daughter. My deepest sympathies go out to you! It's one of the hardest things we had to deal with. My daughter was sick and I let her sleep in the bed with us while she was running a temperature so I could keep an eye on her. Big Mistake! She loved sleeping in the "big bed" with Mommy and Daddy so much we had a nightly battle of wills to keep her in her crib. I don't exaggerate when I say "battle of wills", either. She would come to our bedroom when she thought we were asleep and climb in the bed between us. My husband would pick her up, kiss her goodnight again, and put her back in her crib. This would sometimes happen 4 or 5 times before she gave up and stayed in her crib. This repeated every single night for probably 7 or 8 nights. She tried to wear us down but we knew we had to win this battle as hard as it was. After she finally realized we meant she would have to sleep in her crib she finally stopped fighting us. I've never been so frustrated and had such mixed emotions about anything. It was horrible the first few nights and got easier each night. You can't make an exception. You must stick with it. You will be exhausted and frustrated but it will work. We DID NOT yell, punish her or anything like that. We lovingly picked her up, took her to her crib and tucked her in each night as many times as it took to wear her out. She finally realized we were not going to change our minds and it ended as quickly as it had begun.Explain to her that she's a big girl and has to sleep in her own bed. Also make sure she has a nightlight, a soft blanket and a favorite soft toy with her. A nightime routine is best, read a sweet goodnight book, Like Goodnight Moon. Stay with the exact same routine each night. A bath right before bedtime was also part of our routine, which seemed to calm her. Good luck!

When my daughter was small, she would have bad dreams... We found a Bull (stuffed animal) that we told her would keep all the bad dreams and the bad stuff away from her. It worked, she slept with that bull on her bed till she was a teenager and some mornings she would tell us what the bull had chased away. She is now 30 years old and still has that stuffed bull putaway in a box. Maybe let her pick up a stuffed animal at a store, something that she knows is tough, Hope this helps...

My 3 year old had recurring nightmares and sometimes fights going to sleep at night because she is fearful. I taught her the Bible verse Psalm 56:3 “What time I am afraid, I will trust in God.” She says the verse and I personalize Psalm 4:8 and pray “Help Grace lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Lord make her dwell in safety.” God is honoring our prayers. My daughter rarely has nightmares anymore and calls on God by quoting the verse when she is afraid, day or night. I am grateful she is already leaning on the Lord, and I pray that your family will find strength in Him, too.

Its a phase. My oldest did this and we got through it. Now, my youngest is doing the same thing. I was real frustrated the first time through, but this time I am just biting my tongue and trying to remember that it will pass. I know that isn't the answer you wanted, but that is how it was for me. She just needs time.

There is a great book out there called "How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems." I read and re-read it when my kids were little. We finally got our son to fall asleep in his room, but then he would come down in the middle of the night. We kept a sleeping bag slid under the bed. So when he came down at 3AM we would pull it out and let him sleep on the floor beside us. We were all happier, and I felt like it was not as bad of a habit as letting him crawl into our bed. -- About your daughter needing you there for everything... I'm sure that is exhausting. Just have faith that it will not last forever. Good luck!

I think it is all about the new baby and her age. My son acted up very badly and sulked for months after my second son was born. He didn't act like his old self a good part of the first year. My kids are a little over 3 years apart, also. Just this past month we went through my son wanting to sleep in our room even though he has been in his big boy bed for 2 years now. He said he was scared. So, we let him sleep in the oversized chair in our room for about 2 weeks until he began to complain that his legs hurt which was from not being able to stretch them out at night because of sleeping in the chair. We explained to him what the problem was and he decided he would try staying in his own bed-so far so good. Maybe you could do a reward chart for staying in her bed and when she earns a specific number of stars or smiley faces she gets an outing alone with mom or dad, like a lunch date with dad or a trip to the library with mom-no baby around for an hour or so. I think you just have to be patient for a while longer with her. You and your husband have the rest of your lives to be together. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!!

I would explain to her that you are moving in a few weeks and I would start FRESH in the new house with NEW enforced rules no matter how rough... that she sleeps in her NEW room w/o mommy and daddy. Try an incentive sticker chart right now and for a certain amount of nights in a row w/o sleeping with you all in your room she gets a sticker and after so many stickers she gets a special treat renting a special DVD at Blockbuster/ dollar tree toy/a donut with sprinkles/a little care bear toy
good luck!

Hi!
My friend daughter has this same problem. Her daughter slept with them all night.She didn't let them to transfer her to her own bed. She bought natural product for children at www.zoneofnaturalremedies.com ("Bad dream sprinkles" and "Serenite Jr.")and they work for them.
Good luck

Right now just hang in there and don't start any new training until you move. Once you move and get settled start your night time routines. Remember to make special time for her without the baby or daddy and then have daddy do the same thing the one on one time. Do you tend to your baby's needs first or do you work with the older one so that she feels she is part of the family and not replaced? I remember when my son was that age and the imaginery bugs and smoke were in the closet. I would get up in the middle of the night with a broom handle open the closet door and beat the clothes and ask him if they were gone before going back to bed. Sometimes it would take 5 minutes other nights it would take 10. This was a three month stint and I was pregnant at the time. She could be jealous of all the time you spend with the baby. Get your daughter a special friends stuffed animal or blanket or whatever so that she feels secure and let her drag it around for the next year or so. If this does not work you might have to go the counseling route. Remember change of routine is harder on kids than we adults think. Just hang in there and your sleep will return. The other S.