M.W. asks from Minneapolis, MN on August 15, 2009
3 1/2 Year Old Daughter Still Insists on Wearing Diapers
We have tried the potty party, stickers, rewards, the timer, treats, had Tinkerbell 'call' her and talk to her about being a big girl. We have changed our attitudes from clapping and cheering to letting her being in control and not making a bog deal about it. I think she just doesn't want to be a big girl and be like her little brother who is almost 2. The only thing we haven't tried is to train him and see if she will follow suit even though he is not near being ready, he does like to seat on the potty. HELP!!!!
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Well my daughter has been wearing panties for one week tomorrow. She doesn't ask for diaper anymore and has peed once in the potty. She has either had an accident or held it the other days. So I feel we are on our way.
Y.L. answers from Milwaukee on August 20, 2009
My son was not interested either at that age. Daycare recommended putting him in underwear with those plastic cover sheild underwear on top. This would help them feel uncomfortable after having an accident. He still didn't care. He just took a wider stance when walking. I stopped after that. How do you train someone that doesn't even care if they have a load in their pants. After a few weeks I tried again and he came around. I've heard others tell their child that they will make the character on their underwear sad if they dirty their pants. It worked for them.
C.L. answers from Minneapolis on August 16, 2009
This can be a really hot button topic on this website. Just so you know your daughter is not the only one, both of my boys were both between 3 1/2 and 4 before they were completely trained. Like you, we had tried almost everything. I even sought professional advice from a child psychologist and was told to "back off." You will get a lot of advice to just take away the diapers and pull-ups. Someone from one of my ECFE classes did that and ended up with poopy underwear to deal with every day for several months. That wasn't worth it to me. She will be trained and it may even happen suddenly when you least expect it. Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
T.M. answers from Madison on August 16, 2009
My son was the same way, he would have a complete fit if we even tried setting him on the potty. My son turned 3 in May and after 2 other failed potty training attempts our doctor recommended we just do it with no turning back, so thats what i did 3 weeks ago, i put him in underwear and got rid of the diapers, it started rough and it sucked, but after 3 accidents in 20 minutes someone recomended putting him on the potty every five minutes for five minutes and forcing him to sit their and soon enough he would realize it was easier to just go when he had to, he had a fit the first time i did it but only took the one time and after that it was the end of diapers and hello underwear. No accidents since. I thought that was good advice for my son, he is stubborn and would have stayed in diapers until 40 years old if I let him LOL.
Good Luck and I hope it goes well for you and your daughter.
L.P. answers from Des Moines on August 16, 2009
I would say train him and get all diapers out of the house.
A.W. answers from Omaha on August 16, 2009
M., I think that few things are as frustrating as potty training! Don't you just wish you could push a button and make them do it? With our 3rd child, nothing worked! He was 2 1/2, but I'd tried everything you have, too, and those things had worked with two other kids, so what was the deal now? Finally, we simply told our child that I would no longer be buying diapers and he would have to be a big boy and learn to go on the potty otherwise he wouldn't be able to go do all the fun stuff we get to do outside the home since his clothes would be wet. It was a tough week, and sometimes I felt like I was taking steps backwards instead of forward. But after about 3 days of sticking with it, he was trained. Day and night trained! He still has the occasional accident at nighttime, but I think when he realized he had no choice but to do it, he decided it was more important to choose to go on the potty than miss out on the fun (going ot the zoo, to the park to play, to swim at the neighbors house, etc.)
One more thing -- I know lots of moms are advocates of pull=ups, but I have found that they simply hindered our training efforts. <y kids would use the pull-ups as a "crutch" -- they weren't something special. They were just still a diaper to them. So I will not use them with my 4th child for that reason.
Good luck and hang in there!
M.W. answers from St. Cloud on August 15, 2009
Have you tried putting her in the training underwear with the plastic over the top??? That would at least make her a bit more uncomfortable when she goes.... I agree. I HATE pull-ups. They only confused our daughter. She was potty trained for a month by the time she was 2 and went completely backwards. (Around the time her baby brother was born.) We completely quit and tried again when she turned 3. Only underwear. Worked really well! She was trained in about a week.
Set the rules. Tell her every time the timer beeps she needs to go sit on the potty for x amount of time or till she goes. Set the timer for EVERY 30 MINUTES. Forget treats. Forget stickers. None of that worked for our daughter either.... And if she has an accident (either make her clean up OR you help) and just forget about it. Don't beat yourself up. If you chose, make some sort of "punishment" (lose tv time, take away toy, time out, etc.) if that works for her. Some kids it does, some it doesn't.
And if you are TOTALLY done, just give up for another month or two and try again. I doubt any healthy regular child has went to collage in diapers. LOL!
A.W. answers from Minneapolis on August 17, 2009
Hi M., With my son he showed interested at age 2 to go in the potty. But even though we had tried working on it using the stickers, etc. he just wasn't there yet. So what I decided to do was to tell him that we were no longer going to buy anymore diapers. He had to start wearing his underwear. That seemed to help. He was a little bit younger then your daughter is. With her being a little older, she will probably understand this better. So far I haven't had to buy diapers yet. I had enough here. But I am now faced with needing to get him staying dry over night so I can leave him in underwear. Every once in a while he wants me to put them on. But I don't. Just make sure you have a lot of underwear on hand. She might come around. I wish you luck!
K.M. answers from Minneapolis on August 17, 2009
I have all boys and none of them trained until they were close to 4 years old. They simply were not interested. One thing that really helped for us was to let them pick out their new underwear themselves. We went to Target and they all got a pack of underwear that aligned with their passions at the time (Madagascar, Spiderman and Thomas). So, that was a great incentive.
We also got one of those seats that fit over the toilet and didn't have a separate "potty" for our kids. So, they learned from day one that the toilet is what we use. I think that helped a lot. I have a lot of friends who are struggling with the transition from the potty to the toilet with their kids. We didn't have to worry about that transition.
I agree with the previous posters that Pull-ups were just confusing. I used Imse Vimse cloth trainers (http://www.cottontailbaby.com/item_40/Imse-Vimse-Training...) and they were much better. The trainers won't stop a deluge but will stop a small accident and my kids DID feel wetness. I think that was super important. I think when they don't feel wetness they don't really get what is going on.
Good luck. They are not going to go to college wearing diapers!! This will happen for you. You just need to hang in there.
C.S. answers from Minneapolis on August 15, 2009
M., hi. I have to say I will be no help to you at all on this subject, because I am in the SAME EXACT BOAT!! My daughter is also 3 1/2 and I have also tried everything I can possibly think of, and she just won't do it. She will not tell me that she has to go until she has already gone... I also have a son--he is 1 1/2, not 2 like your son. I had posted a question about this a few months ago saying I did not know what else to do and I felt lost...and people attacked me--so, I just want to say that you are not alone in this situation, I also am having this dilema...I will be checking back to see your responses to this question also....although this situation is not ideal, I am glad to hear I am not the only one dealing with this. :)