3 1/2 Year Old Daughter Doesn't Eat Much

I agree with Heather A, the previous post. My daughter did the same thing and I asked her pediatrician about it and he said have her sit at the table with the family (if that's the situation), if she doesn't eat, wrap up the plate and wait until she is hungry. My doc said his son did the same thing and there were times his son went to bed without dinner, but in the morning he ate a great breakfast. I also have found that if they're hungry enough they'll eat what you put in front of them, it took me 5 years to finally have that aha moment.

good luck

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Hi G.,

When I was little, I ate like a bird. My mother figured out that if she gave me my milk with my meal, I would drink it all and not eat. So she would give me one inch of milk in a little cup and that's all I got unless I ate the majority of my food. Then I could drink the rest of my milk.

You mention syrup, honey and chocolate milk. Could it be that she is fixated on sweets? Other foods may not "measure up" if she has too much sugar. Fruits are fine because they offer fiber and nutrients, but the syrup, honey and chocolate are empty calories. I would really try to change that if I were you, if you don't mind me saying so.

I agree with the idea of wrapping up her dinner and letting her have it later if she won't eat at dinner time. What I wouldn't do is fix her anything else - you don't want to make it appealing for her to not eat with the family. It spoils kids bigtime for you to cater to their food whims like that. Although we all "dumb down" our dinners once we have kids, it's best to not fix 2 different meals just because the kids don't like "regular food". If you keep offering it, along with a few choices they do like, most kids without food aversions of some kind will eventually come around.

Good luck,
D.

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Sorry about your situation. It must be frustrating to have to deal with this. The one thing I will say is that 3 1/2 year olds probably need less food than what you think, and as long as she is healthy, that means she is getting enough to eat.

Another thing to look at is how much is your daughter drinking? A lot of juice and milk drinking will fill her tummy up and provide her with alot of calories--so she ends up getting more of her calories from liquids instead of foods (hence not eating very much.) If that is the case, you could start offering liquids less often. You could also start offering water more when she does want something to drink.

As far as the refusing to eat dinner thing, then wanting dinner later.....I think it's really your call on that. If you want her to learn to eat dinner with the family at a certain time, and if you want her to learn it sooner rather than later....then make her sit down for dinner with the family and let her know that if she chooses not to eat now she is not going to get anything later! (And don't let her drink milk and juice after dinner either to fill her tummy up.) I imagine you'll have a few days of unpleasantness, but I also imagine she'll get with the program fairly quickly.

But if you think that is too harsh, then yes, save the dinner and let her eat it later. She'll learn to eat with the family eventually, whether it's in 2 months or 2 years.

That one is really a judgement call.

I hope some of these things I've said helped, and I know it's hard, but if you have a healthy happy little girl, then rest assured you are probably doing things mostly right!

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-I agree with all of the other postings. And you're very right that trying to be the best Moms we can be is very tough.

-You already know this, but I can't stress enough, the importance of not making food/dinnertime an issue!!!!
-Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. She will wake up hungry, and she needs protein, fiber and fruit. Waffles and syrup are junk food. The chocolate milk sounds like her only real morning nutrition.
-Her snacks should only be nutritious: carrots, cheeses, yogurt, peanut butter, broccoli, eggs, whole wheat cereals and breads. Don't cut out good calories, cut out wasted calories from white flour, white sugar, corn syrup, etc.
-Eliminate all "fast food". Keep cheese, "gogurt", and baby carrots in the car.
-Her afternoon preschool snack may be interfering with her dinner appetite. Try serving dinner to the whole family at a later time. (Don't let her know why.) Make your family dinnertimes special. Dinner is actually the least important meal of the day from a nutritional standpoint. In our culture, however, it is the most important for family socialization. She should still sit there and talk with the family about her day whether she's eating or not.
-If/when you set her dinner dish in front of her at the table later on after dinner, make it "businesslike". I wouldn't sit down and socialize with her at that time. Don't make it special. She should be eating alone (maybe you could be cleaning the kitchen).
-I believe in sticker charts. Some people call it bribery. I've had great luck with them, though.
-Hope this helps! Good luck!

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My best friend went through this with her 3 year old. He was a small boy anyway, so it was a big issue! She "fixed" the problem though! It took about 2 weeks. She would give him his breakfast, and when he wouldn't eat she would say "Tristen, if you do not eat your breakfast we will not have snack before lunch." Then at lunch she would say "Tristen, if you do not eat your lunch, we will not have a snack before dinner." and at dinner she would say "Tristen, if you do not eat your dinner, we will not have a snack before bedtime." It was ALWAYS that same line. She was strong and never gave in...even if she knew he was hungry at 10am, he would wait and eat lunch at the normal time. BUT if he ate really well, then he could have a fun snack! It only took about 2 weeks of consistent effort and he did fine. Now a year later he is one of the best eaters in our circle of friends!

GOOD LUCK! I think this is one of the hardest issues we face as moms! We want our kids to eat healthy, and be strong, but when they fight us we questions what we are doing!! Again, good luck!!

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Don't give into her whims.You should contact her school to see how much she actually is eating.It could be that when she gets home she's not hungry.Cut out snacks and see how she does.Whatever you do-don't make two seperate meals.If she doesn't want to eat what you make at dinner, save it for her.She'll eat whatever you put in front of her if she's hungry enough.

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the best advice i've heard is too cut out snacks. i know you can't do it during the week if she's in preschool but you could try it on the weekend. when my 3.5 yo dd doesn't eat her lunch, we skip afternoon snack, etc. if she doesn't eat dinner, i offer it to her later (the fruit, etc) because i know she's just holding it for what she wants. our doctor said to avoid the power struggle and that she will survive a missed meal. good luck!

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I had a daughter who would eat only bread and milk all the time. I took her to the doctor for her regular check up. She was low on iron in her blood. He suggested she needed to eat more greens. I slowly and gradually weaned her from the bread and milk and started to give her little portion of different foods. I would eat with her. make it very special. To join her with her meal. maybe show her you are having the same thing she is eating. Make it fun to eat. But gradually reduce other foods that she over does with.
It is just some ideas. My daughter now is an adult and eats well of course. And has children of her own.
Take care
Vicki W.

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My rule with my 4 yr old is No snacking 2 hrs before dinner. If he doesn't want dinner he must take 4 bites (1 for each age year) of anything on his plate. If he wants a snack later and only ate his 4 bites he can have a healthy snack. I use to only offer more dinner but he would never take it even though I could tell he was hungry. Now we settle for a healthy snack like applesauce or fruit.

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Hi! I also have a 3.5 year old, and she's my third girl, so I've recently been around the block on this and have heard all the advice. I would start by cutting the pm snack to make sure she's hungry right at dinner time. If she refuses dinner (which she will if you're serving a healthy dinner that might not be her favorite), carefully wrap it up and save it until she says she's hungry. All of my girls still complain about dinner! Of course they don't want broccoli, chicken, and other healthy things. Their tastes have been exposed to all the treats in life and the healthy stuff is not their very first choice (mine either!). Definitely take the reigns here and help her understand that she cannot choose what she eats (3 is the prime time when they start trying to control, and the first time they get a bowl of cereal two hours later because mom just wants them to eat something, the more they'll use it). There are other options too, like not letting her eat after dinner time, but that's hard for a mom that's hearing "I'm hungry", so I always opt for pulling out a saved dinner. If she's still saying 'no' to dinner, it's a control issue, because kids WILL eat when they're really hungry. Regardless, maintain the upper hand and do what's best for her, which is to ensure she can and will eat healthy choices. Good luck, I know it's a hard stage, I still have this alot!

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Everybody has offered great advice, so I thought that I would mention one other thing. Find out what time her afternoon snack is at daycare and also ask them how well she eats at snack times and lunch time. Maybe the snack is so late in the day that she really isn't hungry at dinnertime, if you are serving it really early. It's a shame, but most of us forget to listen to our actual hunger pangs and eat even if we aren't hungry. Maybe she is really still listening to her inner signals, which is good. Maybe you could make dinnertime a little later? I definitely would offer her the dinner again if she is hungry later, or fruits or veggies. Good luck!

I have had the same problem with my son. He went through a spell (about 6 months), that he didn't want to eat. I would leave his lunch on the table. I figured if he got hungry enough he would eat it. The same with dinner. To make sure he was getting some of the vitamins he needs, I give him a Tbsp. of ovaltine in his milk. He usually drink 3 cups of milk a day. This way he gets a full serving during the day. The last couple of days he has been eating all of his meals. Good luck.

An article in Parents magazine addressed the issue of nutrition and pediatricians noted that a child gets the nutrition needed over the course of a week, not just a day. Hopefully she has days where she eats more than other days. A vitamin supplement may help too.

at 3 and a half she should be able to understand that if she doesnt eat dinner when everyone else does theres no other snacks later at night. supposedly it makes it harder to sleep if you eat late at night too. just make sure you stick with what you say. no food after dinner then no food after dinner. if you are worried about what shes eating or not eating give her pedisure. it can help fill her up and give her nutrients... but it sounds like she should be on something like pedisure since shes having waffles for breakfast and not eating much else. good luck!

Maybe it's an issue with sweets. You said she had a waffle with syrup, toast with honey or chocolate milk... perhaps she only wants to eat something when it's accompanied by something sweet.

I would prepare a snack of p butter on corn cake or whatever and an apple cut up. Steamed broccoli with ranch dip, or other nutricious snacks. If she skips dinner, she needs something to eat and is not hungry when you eat, so feed her.

Sounds like she is testing limits. She needs to know who's in charge, and that needs to be you and her father. Children feel insecure if they don't have solid limits. It's o.k. to assert your authority. They won't break! And they won't hate you! We have a child who is also often difficult to feed. He's not a picky eater at all, he just doesn't want to eat sometimes. We usually insist that he have at least three big bites of food at dinner. We will let him sit there for a long time if he isn't doing it. (He can't leave the table until he has done it). If it goes too long, we take away privileges (can't go out and play after dinner, that sort of thing). and tell him he will not get anything else for the evening (no dessert, or treat etc.). He tests that, but then we don't have that problem the next night. He's been getting better and better. You just have to be consistent. Hang in there! It's a lot of work, but it's kind of "pay now or pay later" - and if it's later, it's a LOT harder. You need to establish this now. The older they get, the harder it is. God bless you.

Hi,G... I,too,have a 3 1/2 year old girl that doesn't eat very much either.(As my grandmother says "She doesn't eat enough to choke a bird.") She eats small portions of food and says she's finished. So we tell her no treats or snacks and then when she gets hungry,we get her whatever she had before. (Also,she would want something to eat before going to bed and we would give her something light but healthy(yogurt or cheerios) so she wouldn't get up in the night and want milk.)Is your little girl drinking too much before meals or trying to replace meals with liquids?
We limit the amount of liquids she drinks before meals and during meals.(I also notice that if she gets lots of exercise (playing,running and jumping outside) that she will eat more at one sitting especially after she gets up from her nap. Good Luck!!