2Nd Time Labor

All of my children were there for the birth of their siblings, except for my first since there were no other children to be there ;)
Having a baby is a family thing, I believe the family should be there. My mom was there to watch the other children so I could do what I needed to and my husband could be there for me. My oldest was almost 3 when his brother was born. He was in and out of the room as he wanted to. He just happened to wander out moments before his brother was born. My sons were 8 & 5 when their sister was born. They were right there and saw her being born.
I would be livid if I was told they could not have been there!

My only thought is that even if you bring your son with you, you will not be in any position to watch over him and keep him out of trouble or from getting hurt while in the hospital. Nurses and doctors won't take kindly to it either because they are very busy with their jobs. Do you have a parent or in-law that could travel to be there during the delivery? Maybe find a friend who you trust that could keep him while you are in labor.

My husband was deployed when my daughter was born, and my son was 16 months at the time. If you need anyone to talk to, please let me know. I've been there!

I agree with everyone who said that you can't bring your son with you, because you will be in no position to care for him. The doctors and nurses can't watch him. What happens if he decides to run screaming down the hall just when you start crowning? What if you're pushing and he's standing by your bedside, screaming for food? There just isn't a way to make that work. You'll need someone to watch your son, either at the hospital, or somewhere else. Also, as one other person said, some hospitals don't allow kids under 2 in the hospital, due to the health risk they can pose to a newborn. I'm sure that this isn't what you wanted to hear, but since you are planing now, you'll have a chance to figure out something before the big day.

Definitely line up a sitter or friend to watch your son. Consider doing trial runs with a new babysitter now to build familiarity and trust. There will be no one to care for your son at the hospital.

The doctor can't predict your labor. I'd heard second labors were quicker but mine was exactly the same as first time -- 12 hours. Yours could be two hours, it could be 20 hours. You just don't know. In any case, you'll need some form of childcare for your oldest while you focus on labor and delivery.

Good luck! Hope all goes smoothly.

We had lived in a new town only 3 weeks when I had my second (2000 miles from where we'd been), so we had my mother-in-law come from 7 hours away about a week before my due date. Thank goodness, because Baby came just a day after she arrived! My second labor was actually longer than my first, so I wouldn't count on it being short. We are due with our third in December, and we have my family coming out about a week before Baby is due, and my inlaws over the holidays, and we have four different sets of friends that can and will watch our children if we go into labor before that. My oldest is in school, so we have friends in our neighborhood that could take them so he can continue to take the bus.

We do not leave our children often and they are not used to being away from us, but I KNOW I do not want them with me in the delivery room. I am loud and in pain when I deliver, and I do not WANT my children close to me; I am very focused on ME, and not on them. Moreover, if your husband won't be there to watch the child, YOU would be responsible for the child--I frankly think it's unreasonable to think that the nurses would care for your child, and you probably won't be able to, especially if something goes unexpectedly. Moreover, while some children and parent combos deal really well with delivery (the other mom who posted that birth was a family affair), I think *my* children would be really concerned about the blood and the pain and the fact that they couldn't ask questions and get snuggles from mom to reassure them I was ok--that would be very upsetting to my children. So, I have explained to my 6 year old that labor is hard, and I don't feel good when I'm in labor, so they won't be there to see it, but we'll be thinking of them and call when Baby arrives--and that they will be the first to know.

I would also think many hospitals would even have policies about children being there while mom delivers; it might not even be an option. Depending, though, on how you feel about it, would a homebirth be an option? We had arranged for a doula, and she had suggested that part of her job included caring for our other children, distracting them so my husband and I could work on my early labor. For a homebirth, you could at least know your child is there, watching tv or snoozing.

Hi there! Congrats. My son was 20 months when my other son was born, and I did not bring him along. I was lucky to have my parents close by, so I didn't even think about it.

I'm pregnant with my 3rd now, and I considered bringing them along, but my midwives reminded me that the last thing I'm going to be wanting to do while giving birth is making sure my kids are not running around wild, or getting into something dangerous in the birthing suite. And at 1 & 3, there is really no benefit to them being at the birth as they will barely remember participating in it. So I'm choosing not to. Again it's a somewhat easy decision since my parents are here.

I would try to arrange overnight care with a friend if at all possible, because you want to concentrate on the experience you are having, and not feel stressed about watching your little boy. At 21 months old he probably is a bit of a wild child still, and having him run around the room could get overwhelming for you!

Also, for what it's worth, my second labor was expected to be short too (I was dilated to 6 cm before I even went into labor), and it was still 10+ hours! SO you just can never predict it.

GOod luck and congrats :)

K

Ask a friend (one who's also a mom, if you've got one) to be on call for you. You'll be amazed how willing people are to help. The military is also great about providing resources for these things - ask around! Ask for help. It is very hard for an 18 month old to delay his needs (sleep, food, attention) for the benefit of someone else, and bringing him with you - especially if your husband is not there - will likely result in the L&D nurses trying to keep track of him (which, honestly, they may not appreciate.) Ask other Air Force spouses. There are resources for you. While second labors are *often* half as long as first labors, they are sometimes longer, or the same, there's no way to know how its going to go. I agree that having an older sibling present (who can be prepared and can articulate their response to the experience, so they can leave or stay as they need to in the moment) is fine, but I agree that your son will not understand what's happening. Ask for help. Ask a family member (mom, mother in law, sister, cousin, whatever) to come stay with you. Pay for their plane ticket if you need to. And ask local friends and military spouses for help and advice. Please don't feel like you need to do this alone. Best of luck -

i understand where you are coming from. my oldest was 4yrs at the time i had my second son. we had NO family close by 2+hrs one way was the closest. we lived 20 miles one way from town and i was the only female so to speak during the day time on the farm. i was lucky enough that one of my friends was off the day i went into labor. other wise my husband would of been in the waiting room with our oldest. i went into early labor/ 2 days before scheduled induction. any ways i started having contractions the night before. just real light nothing to be concerned about. husband left for work, they started getting stronger. about 10am i couldn't take it any more and i called him. it took another 30 minutes of calling before i could get any one to answer. i wound up calling one of his coworkers.he passed the message on and it took another 10 minutes for him to get home. then it took about 30 minutes for us to get to town and drop the oldest off with instructions on meds(health problems). i would NOT allow my husband to speed or anything because our oldest was already worried about mommy. i was admitted @ 11:30am had 2nd son @ 2:14pm.
long story short: expect the unexpected ALWAYS. have a sitter or a friend watch your oldest. if it means paying for your mom or some one to come out and stay with you DO IT! my hospital will not allow kids under a certain age in the delivery room while in labor. good luck and congrats.

You can't bring him along unless you have someone there to watch him. The staff can not and will not watch him. And if you are in labor you'll have no way to watch him, change him, get him something to eat, to sleep, etc. There is no way of knowing really how long labor will be or what might happen during that time.

We lived 2 hours + away from family when we were expecting our 2nd. The moms in my moms group were very gracious and helpful and we put together a list of those moms I could call on daytime, nighttime or day or night. They agreed to come stay with our son until my mil could get to them and take over.

Do you have any family member or friend that is in a position to come stay once it gets close to delivery time?

I would suggest talking to family, joining a moms group, looking at professional sitters/nannies that you could use for short term or seeing if there is a support group for other military wives in your area. They would be a wealth of information. They have been down this road and would have amazing ideas for you.

I brought my three and a half year old son with as we don't have family close by either. It worked out fine. Since your son is fairly young and if your husband may not be there, it might be better to have some one watch your son or be with you and your son at the hospital. My husband was with so he took care of our son and me during labor. Our son who is five and a half still likes talking about when his baby sister was born.
Good luck mama!

I did not bring my son along. I thought it would be to scary for him and i just dont agree with that. some do some dont. I would try to find someone who could watch your son for one night at least. What if something went wrong and you needed an emergency c-section or had complications. That could be very tramatic for a little one to see his mommy go through that. Does he go to a daycare that could maybe watch him for the night or a friend? If not i would start looking into it. You still have a couple months to figure it out but i would definatly try and find someone. Congrats on the second baby!

I would not count on 6 hours, and you can not care for your toddler while in labor either way. My son was 20 months when I had my seconds, and he would never have understood why mommy was in so much pain, ect. It would only scare him, and I saw no need to do that to him, so I got a sitter, one who understood that it could be an all day all night kind of thing, and was happy to help. I would have loved it if it could have been family, but we were stationed in the UK at the time, so it was a close family friend. My son was fine, and he loved coming to the hospital when it was all over to meet his baby brother.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I have 4 children. I'm a bit baffled that your doctor has estimated your labor time. My labors varied with each child--16 hours, 5 hours, 10 hours and 5 hours. As for bringing your son along, it sounds great in theory, but your 18 month old will most likely not understand what is going on and could get upset seeing you in pain. You could end up in a situation where your husband ends up out of the room and taking care of him instead of taking care of you. Plus, he could miss the moment! Good luck!

I am also pregnant with my second and my doctor says there is no way to telling how long or painful any labor is. Each one is so different.

Try and find a good sitter now. Have them watch your son a couple evenings and even have the sitter put him down for bed. Sinc eyou have time, you can get to know them and hopefully trust them to bring him up to the hospital so you can see him.

I agree with the mom that mentioned about you being in pain and your son not understanding. They may know that you are having a baby, but they do really understand... that could be hard for him to watch and then what are you going to do when you are pushing and he is throwing his crayons in the toilet?

PS- my hospital doesn't allow anyone under 2 in the labor and delivery part at all so make sure if you do go that route that you know he is allowed in.