2Nd Pregnancy - Gardner,KS

ah yes mommy guilt.. I have 2 kids . .18 months apart.. so if you were me.. you would already have a newborn and a toddler..

I will not lie.. it is hard to have 2 very young kids... but it gets easier.. and the kids grow up together adn play together... it is so cute to watch.

the second child will not get the attention that the first child got but that is normal and it doesnt mater the age differnce. The second chidl gets more relaxed calmer parents who have experience and also has the joy of having a ready made playmate.

I got pregnant with my second when my daughter was 17 months and I remember feeling the same way. But it turned out to be just fine. When my second was born I just made sure I still had special time for just me and her. The good thing out babies is they sleep a lot. I would still have time in the morning with daughter while my baby was sleeping. Then when my infant took her morning nap around 9 or 10 I again had just alone time with my 2 year old. They took their afternoon nap at the same time but then my hubby was home around 6 and she had him to give her attention too. It really was fine. She adjusted great to her little sister and loved to help me take care of her. She loved to help with her bath, turning on her swing, getting me her diapers etc. So try not to worry things will go a lot better than you think.

I got pregnant with my 2nd when my first was only 12 months old! They are 21 months apart. At times I felt the same way you do, but It was still so amazing! Kids adapt easily. And if you include your daughter in taking care of the baby or going to ultrasound appts to see the baby, she will become excited too. When the baby starts kicking have her feel it. I just had my 3rd and boys Loved feeling their sister kick! And honestly having kids that close together isn't as hard as you think it will be. Again mine are 21 months apart, and the worst thing was having 2 in diapers for a few months. Your daughter will be about 2.5 yrs old. My friend has her daughters about that far apart and her oldest Loves the baby! She is always wanting to hold the baby or change the babys diaper or wipe the baby, feed the baby lol. Its cute! If your daughter sees that your concerned though instead of excited, she will be concerned and it will start off in the wrong way... Be positive and make sure she knows its a good thing. She is going to be a Big Sister

You are not the only one who gone through this!! You will love your new baby as much as you love your first child. I felt the same way, had the same thoughts and feelings. My oldest child was 6 when I became pregnant with my 2nd child. I now have 5 children, (2 are adopted) and love them all completely. Do not worry, you have more than enough love to give to both children, and any other children you will have.

I'm in your same situation right now - pregnant with #2, another girl. My husband and I have talked about this feeling as well, and we really think it's because our first daughter is all we know right now. Our minds can't conceive who this new baby will be and how much we will love her because we haven't met her yet.

I also remember watching a Dr. Phil episode years back that dealt with sibling rivalry and parenting. While I'm not a huge fan or "quoter" of Dr. Phil, this one thing stuck with me: think of your love for your children as bank accounts. You don't have just one bank account that all the children draw from and thus compete for your love. Each child has her own, and gets her love out at different times and in different ways.

For us, we haven't had the chance to "open" that second bank account yet, so we can only think about how this pregnancy will draw from the first child's account. When #2 arrives, we will have a new account that we draw from. Hope this comforts you a little!

My first baby was premature so born 6 weeks early. Then when he was 4 months old and tiny I found out I was pregnant again. Can't begin to explain my husband's face when I told him and he kept saying 'but we have a tiny baby already'. Well, when the second was born the older one was 12 mo and 5 days and not walking yet and such a chubby, cute little baby still. It was hard to not feel like I was cheating him out of being a baby and having time with us, etc. But on the other hand he and his brother were so close, almost like twins, and although they kept me on my toes all the time they were so cute and loved each other so much. If anything I spent more time with the older as the baby was a perfect child and never cried much or anything. That made me feel guilty sometimes as he didn't need me much most of the time but he'd watch his brother and you could tell his goal in life was to be down walking with him. Love grows and each child we had after that just made us love them all more. Sometimes giving them all they want, everything, spoils them and so maybe it will balance out with two to love and share and teach them to share and give too. I hope you will not compare them to each other and just love them to pieces. They grow up so fast. I think the friendship of the closer age will be good for them too.

You are SO normal!!! :) I totally had all kinds of whacko thoughts when I was pregnant with our second. Mine are exactly 2 years apart and it was (is) hard...but worth it! I worried about EVERYTHING! But the minute your second little one is born your heart just opens up and you love this baby so much too. i promise it's true!!

Also, just like other people mentioned, a sibling is really the best gift. The love that my two kiddos have for eachother, even at 2.5 and 7 months, is amazing. My son just watches his older sister play and smiles and smiles and giggles everytime she even looks his direction. She is so sweet and protective of her little brother and is always eager to love on him and help him. You will be amazed and the second it happens you will know all is right in your world! Congrats!

You will give the baby and daughter the same amount of love... I have 2 kids 12 1/2 months apart! Both my kids were unexpected gifts from God :) I know how wonderful my kids are now, but I worried so much when I found out! We worry about adding another one (which we can't decide if we want another :) We feel we couldnt give anymore love bc the girls have all our love, but I know if we did that our hearts would just grow and we would be able to give them the same amount of love no matter how many kids we have! Smile and enjoy the love of your toddler, give her all the love you can so she doesn't feel left out :)

I have a friend who felt the exact same way.
I believe that a sibling is the greatest gift you can give your child. Children need someone to share vacations with and to make fun of their parents with :) Some day you may not be there for your daughter but the hope is that a sibling always will be. Besides, she needs someone to help take care of you in your old age :)

Its funny to hear other Mom's feel the same way I did....12 years ago. We got pregnant with our second when our first was only 6 months old. I was sad. I felt like our first deserved more time alone with us and us with her. Our first two girls are 15 months apart and best friends. They are 11 and 12 and have been stuck together like glue since the day the second one was born. Only our first daughter is the only one that could make her sister belly laugh. They have a bond that is so special. As for my husband and I, love really has no boundaries. We love all of our girls equally but different. There are 4 of them and our hearts overflow with the love, pride, and joy that they bring to us. Congratulations and don't worry, the love is there and your daughter will feel it too!

Hey! What you are feeling is completely normal, so remember that and don't let it overwhelm you. When I found out I was pregnant, my daughter was only 6 MONTHS OLD! Obviously, it was unplanned....I was completely devastated because my first pregnancy was a surprise also, and I hadn't even adjusted to taking care of her yet. I didn't even tell hardly anyone for the first four months. I didn't even tell my employer until I was 6 months pregnant because I didn't want to talk about it everytime I saw someone and was bombarded with all those pregnancy questions you get. You'll be amazed at how much your daughter will love it. I remember when my daughter hit 20 months old, she really started getting into her baby brother. He was about 5 months old at that point. Before then, she was too young to notice anything to be jealous about, and actually started wanting to help. She wasn't really able to before then, but at that point she'd saying "diaper mommy?" and want to get me the diaper, wanted to pull out the wet wipes, wanted to hold the bottle...it was really cute. It's definitely tough having kids close in age, but you'll have over 2 years between, and that's a huge difference in how much easier it will be than you think. As far as feeling guilty about taking time away from your will be 2 year old, remember that in the beginning, the baby will sleep most of the time, and you'll still have special time for your daughter. When the baby's starting to stay awake longer, you can sit on the floor with him/her while you hold him so that you're still able to play with your daughter. I think the hardest part for me was having to make my 15 month old walk into grocery stores. I couldn't carry the infant seat, diaper bag and a 15 month old, and she was so tiny to be walking through the parking lot with snow on the ground (2nd was born in December), but she was too young to mind, and I'm being honest when I say that there was no transition for her. You may be hesistant about your feelings throughout the pregnancy, but just know that you'll be able to deal with things just fine once the baby comes. And in a few years, you'll LOVE that they're close enough in age to play with each other. My kids are now 6 and 7 and are best buddies. They play together ALL THE TIME. It's cute because people ask if their twins all the time since they're pretty much the exact same size!

I completely understand. I am 22 weeks pregnant with my second, and this baby was, well, we'll call her unexpected. My son will only be 19 months old when she is born, and I felt devastated when I found out. He's my whole world, and I feel like he deserves more of me than he is getting even now (because the pregnancy makes me weak and very tired all the time). It has been very hard - you're not alone! But I know I will love this baby, too, and she deserves as much of me as I can give her, as well. I suggest you check out thebabywearer.org, which is a forum not unlike this one for people who wear their babies. My hope is that, by wearing this second child, I will be able to follow after my son and bring her along for the ride.

Give yourself time to get used to the idea. The hormones make it hard, and scary, and stressful, but remember that you'll love this child just as much, and your daughter will be too young to remember life any other way. Good luck.

You sound just like me with my second pregnancy. It is not crazy hormones talking. It is natural. You will find you will love them all equally. I worried so much that I loved my first one soo much that I wouldn't have room to love my second.
Well you know what? I went on to have 3 children and I love them all just as much. They are my world and I would do anything for them.
It will all turn out.

Hi D.-

Do not feel bad about your concerns. It is very overwhelming right now, but remember, when your new baby is born your daughter will be about 28 months old, and completely different. She will be more indepenent and will want to do things herself.

It always amazes me how you think you could not possibly fit more love in your life, then comes another person to love. I was a Nanny for many years, and every time I left a family, I was blessed with another family and loved the next set of children just as much. There is always enough love.

Once you feel it's time to tell your daughter about the baby, choose your words carefully. You want her to feel a part of the new baby, not that the new baby is a replacement. This will help her transition too.

Congrats!!

R. Magby

I am also pregnant with my second. I have 6 weeks till D day and our oldest is 17 months. I felt and still feel the same way. I have been afraid that we made a bad decision. I have talked to lots of people that have two kids close in age and they have all assured me that I will love the new baby just as much and our oldest son won't be neglected. I'm hoping this is true because I worry about it everyday.
Hope it at least helps to know that you are not alone in your feelings.

Yes, yes, yes, you will have enough love for the second child. I don't know how it happens, but the love is always there. I have four, and one was a big surprise, but I love them all with all my heart. It's hard to imagine ever loving anyone as much as you do your first. But, you will. Each one is unique and brings so much dimension to your life. Congratulations!

D.,

Yes, yes you will have enough Love to go around. I felt that way when I was pregnant with our 2nd child. Our daughter was 19 months old when we found out we were pregnant. It was a little crazy in the beginning, but it all worked out. I wouldn't change a thing. Now they are 7 and 5 and play great together. I am not saying they don't battle at times tho. That is normal though. I Love them both so much. I just made sure I had "Mommy and Daughter" time when our son was born. Each child is a blessing to your life. Congrats!!!!!!!

I didn't read all of the responses so this might be redundant... but... my kids are now 22 & 24 and are best friends even across the country. They didn't always get along but they always watched out for each other. My son, 24, lives here in MO and my daughter, 22, is in college in CA. He even drove her out there when she moved. My older kids are 6 weeks apart in (we are a blended family) and are now 29 - they shared everything growing up - even text books if the school was short. While they had different friends and activities they were very much in the other ones corner.

A couple of years ago we adopted a 9 month old - trust me your heart just opens up and loves - no matter how many and how close they are together.

I know exactly how you feel. When our daughter was 18 months old my husband and I decided to start trying for another baby thinking it would take 4-6 months. Well three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited when we were trying but when I knew I was pregnant I was terrified. I didn't think there was any way I could love that baby as much as my daughter. And I kept telling myself how selfish I was to have another baby. As time went on I realized just how excited my daughter was about the baby. I started thinking mabey this is going to be okay :). Today my daughter is 4 and my son will be 2 next month. I cannot even describe to you the joy that little boy has brought to all of our lives just like my daughter did. My daughter and him are the best of friends since they are so close in age. I don't think they would be so close if we would have waited any longer to get pregnant. It is such a joy that we are think of a #3 soon! It is just your hormones making you so upset. Everything will seem better once that baby is born. It is a blessing having your children so close in age. Have fun and good luck with everything. :)

My kids are 8 years apart and I still had the same fear. When your second baby is born it will all work out. I make sure to spend alone time with both my children and she will love having someone to play with. My oldest says its great having your best friend at home to play with whenever you want.