24 answers

2Nd Baby Shower and Don't Know the Sex

A friend of mine offered to throw me a baby shower for my second baby. I have a daughter who will be 2-1/2 when the baby is born, so we still have most of the basics. In fact, all the things we truly need or want are too expensive (all the bedroom furniture for the 2-1/2 year old b/c the baby will get her crib, dresser, bookshelf, chair, etc.), and a double Bob stroller, and we aren't finding out if it's a boy or a girl, so if it IS a boy, we will need clothes, but we won't know until the baby is born. My question is two-fold:

1. Should I refuse a shower b/c it's my second baby? Some of the people knew me when I had my first, but not well enough to attend the shower. A handful attended my first baby's shower. Or should I just tell the hostess to ask people not to bring gifts?

2. I know most of these ladies would love to pick out baby clothes b/c they are older than me and their kids are teens or older, so I feel bad depriving them of this since I don't know the sex of the baby. We actually tried to find out SIX times, but the baby always had his/her legs crossed or together, so then we decided it wasn't meant to be. Should we find out now (I'm OK w/ it, my hubby is not) so they can at least enjoy themselves shopping for gender-appropriate clothes?

Thanks so much Mommies!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My friend and I decided to have the shower after the baby is born so that people can actually meet the baby and enjoy him or her, and it won't be about the gifts (which I don't want it to be). And this way, if people want to buy baby clothes, they can! Thanks so much for all your advice and opinions!! Love you mamas!

Featured Answers

you could wait until after you have the baby. and then the clothes thing is answered. and if it is another girl, maybe you could have a book shower, or a diaper shower, or just a lunch. or people could contribute to a bob stroller. I have no problem, as a guest donating 20 bucks (or what ever) to a group gift.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. For me personally, I wouldn't have a shower for the 2nd baby if they were close in age (And this may sound mean of me, but I don't like when I'm invited to these showers either.... it's kind of like being invited to several bridal showers for the same person ). However, when friends are adamant... you can't say no. With that said, I think a cute invitation that just invites everybody over for a "get together" before you become a busy mommy of 2. Those who really want to buy you something will bring something and those who share my opinion, will appreciate that they are not goign to yet "another" shower.

1 mom found this helpful

I requested gifts of diapers (various sizes), wipes & onesies when I had a shower for my 2nd & didn't know the sex. I found that most of the onesises from the 1st were not in great shape & those come in such cute designes that are unisex but stil fun for the giftgiver to buy.

More Answers

We're one of those couples that chose not to learn the genders of our children before their birth, so people really had to wait until the babies were born to provide gifts if they wanted to do something gender-specific.

I personally didn't want a second baby shower. It's traditionally against etiquette, though it appears the rules are beginning to bend a little. If you'd like the opportunity to get together with these people and celebrate your new baby, I'd not refuse it. If it were me, I'd say that gifts are optional, and that you don't know the gender.

There's nothing wrong with people getting something cute, putting a gift receipt on it and allowing you to exchange when the baby arrives. We found that there were a plethora of gifts after the births of both children to accommodate gender (we have one of each).

As far as gender neutral items - most of the clothing really ended-up not being so cute (4 years ago at least), but we still used it as pajamas, etc. It was nice stuff, but it was so much more fun to dress a little girl in ruffles and a boy in gender specific items as a new mom.

However, there are always things that you need for babies regardless of gender. My standard baby shower gift is a basket with the necessities (even if they've registered elsewhere or gender specific) - bath wash, infant tylenol, lylicon, wash cloths, safety swabs, diaper rash ointment. I make a list of all the items, why I included them and a funny story. For instance if I give petroleum jelly, I might say: "helps keep baby's skin soft, diaper rash away, and controls fly away hairs as a bonus". I put it in a practical bin that they can use for storage or baby items that I may or may not decorate, and I always include a gift receipt for anything they may want to exchange.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

What about gift cards? or having a shower after the baby is born? I had a baby shower with both of my kids, I had one of each and I knew what I was having but if I got pregnant again and needed the help, why not have a baby shower? If you were having a boy would you have bedding for a boy? would you have bibs for a boy? bottles? diapers? etc? you can buy those things in yellow that way it can be gender appropriate if you have a boy or another girl! Plus since you dont know the sex of the baby maybe it will give everyone a little bit more shopping fun in finding something that would be good for a girl or a boy! :) I say if you need the help and since your friend offered then why not? Enjoy and congrats! :)

1 mom found this helpful

First congratulations on your second blessing!!!!
When I had my children it was when they would only do one baby shower, but I see now that people are more open to do one for each child ;)
So in other words it's up to you, this is a baby "on the way" and still a blessing in your life. So, your host could just tell the guest to bring diapers! just kidding, but since you have most of what you need, I think you only need toiletries and clothing. Remind you there is so much out there to pick from that they could fill a closet for you and it doesn't have to be pink or blue.
Now a days they have so many colors, you can do white, yellow, lavender, mint green, and both it can be worn by both boy and girl.
You are also going to need lotions, powder, diaper rash cream, etc. Just let them be. So you don't need to find out the sex of the baby to get wonderful gifts, especially if your husband is not okay with it. Just go with the flow and enjoy a day with family and friends. And you can tell your family and very close friends that you are willing to accept hand made "coupons" with "babysitting services" for those nights and days you need to get away with your hubby. ;)
Blessings

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. For me personally, I wouldn't have a shower for the 2nd baby if they were close in age (And this may sound mean of me, but I don't like when I'm invited to these showers either.... it's kind of like being invited to several bridal showers for the same person ). However, when friends are adamant... you can't say no. With that said, I think a cute invitation that just invites everybody over for a "get together" before you become a busy mommy of 2. Those who really want to buy you something will bring something and those who share my opinion, will appreciate that they are not goign to yet "another" shower.

1 mom found this helpful

you could wait until after you have the baby. and then the clothes thing is answered. and if it is another girl, maybe you could have a book shower, or a diaper shower, or just a lunch. or people could contribute to a bob stroller. I have no problem, as a guest donating 20 bucks (or what ever) to a group gift.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think you should refuse the shower. If they want to throw it, it's nice of them and they will have fun with it. You could do a little celebration after the baby comes so that they can buy clothes if they want.

Why not wait until after the baby is born, that way if it is a boy, you will receive much needed baby boy clothes. With my second, I was not going to have another shower and after she was born my neighbors threw me one anyways. It was very sweet and she now has pictures of her babyshower to look at.

I requested gifts of diapers (various sizes), wipes & onesies when I had a shower for my 2nd & didn't know the sex. I found that most of the onesises from the 1st were not in great shape & those come in such cute designes that are unisex but stil fun for the giftgiver to buy.

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