24 answers

2Nd Baby Shower and Don't Know the Sex

A friend of mine offered to throw me a baby shower for my second baby. I have a daughter who will be 2-1/2 when the baby is born, so we still have most of the basics. In fact, all the things we truly need or want are too expensive (all the bedroom furniture for the 2-1/2 year old b/c the baby will get her crib, dresser, bookshelf, chair, etc.), and a double Bob stroller, and we aren't finding out if it's a boy or a girl, so if it IS a boy, we will need clothes, but we won't know until the baby is born. My question is two-fold:

1. Should I refuse a shower b/c it's my second baby? Some of the people knew me when I had my first, but not well enough to attend the shower. A handful attended my first baby's shower. Or should I just tell the hostess to ask people not to bring gifts?

2. I know most of these ladies would love to pick out baby clothes b/c they are older than me and their kids are teens or older, so I feel bad depriving them of this since I don't know the sex of the baby. We actually tried to find out SIX times, but the baby always had his/her legs crossed or together, so then we decided it wasn't meant to be. Should we find out now (I'm OK w/ it, my hubby is not) so they can at least enjoy themselves shopping for gender-appropriate clothes?

Thanks so much Mommies!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My friend and I decided to have the shower after the baby is born so that people can actually meet the baby and enjoy him or her, and it won't be about the gifts (which I don't want it to be). And this way, if people want to buy baby clothes, they can! Thanks so much for all your advice and opinions!! Love you mamas!

Featured Answers

you could wait until after you have the baby. and then the clothes thing is answered. and if it is another girl, maybe you could have a book shower, or a diaper shower, or just a lunch. or people could contribute to a bob stroller. I have no problem, as a guest donating 20 bucks (or what ever) to a group gift.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. For me personally, I wouldn't have a shower for the 2nd baby if they were close in age (And this may sound mean of me, but I don't like when I'm invited to these showers either.... it's kind of like being invited to several bridal showers for the same person ). However, when friends are adamant... you can't say no. With that said, I think a cute invitation that just invites everybody over for a "get together" before you become a busy mommy of 2. Those who really want to buy you something will bring something and those who share my opinion, will appreciate that they are not goign to yet "another" shower.

1 mom found this helpful

I requested gifts of diapers (various sizes), wipes & onesies when I had a shower for my 2nd & didn't know the sex. I found that most of the onesises from the 1st were not in great shape & those come in such cute designes that are unisex but stil fun for the giftgiver to buy.

More Answers

We're one of those couples that chose not to learn the genders of our children before their birth, so people really had to wait until the babies were born to provide gifts if they wanted to do something gender-specific.

I personally didn't want a second baby shower. It's traditionally against etiquette, though it appears the rules are beginning to bend a little. If you'd like the opportunity to get together with these people and celebrate your new baby, I'd not refuse it. If it were me, I'd say that gifts are optional, and that you don't know the gender.

There's nothing wrong with people getting something cute, putting a gift receipt on it and allowing you to exchange when the baby arrives. We found that there were a plethora of gifts after the births of both children to accommodate gender (we have one of each).

As far as gender neutral items - most of the clothing really ended-up not being so cute (4 years ago at least), but we still used it as pajamas, etc. It was nice stuff, but it was so much more fun to dress a little girl in ruffles and a boy in gender specific items as a new mom.

However, there are always things that you need for babies regardless of gender. My standard baby shower gift is a basket with the necessities (even if they've registered elsewhere or gender specific) - bath wash, infant tylenol, lylicon, wash cloths, safety swabs, diaper rash ointment. I make a list of all the items, why I included them and a funny story. For instance if I give petroleum jelly, I might say: "helps keep baby's skin soft, diaper rash away, and controls fly away hairs as a bonus". I put it in a practical bin that they can use for storage or baby items that I may or may not decorate, and I always include a gift receipt for anything they may want to exchange.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

What about gift cards? or having a shower after the baby is born? I had a baby shower with both of my kids, I had one of each and I knew what I was having but if I got pregnant again and needed the help, why not have a baby shower? If you were having a boy would you have bedding for a boy? would you have bibs for a boy? bottles? diapers? etc? you can buy those things in yellow that way it can be gender appropriate if you have a boy or another girl! Plus since you dont know the sex of the baby maybe it will give everyone a little bit more shopping fun in finding something that would be good for a girl or a boy! :) I say if you need the help and since your friend offered then why not? Enjoy and congrats! :)

1 mom found this helpful

First congratulations on your second blessing!!!!
When I had my children it was when they would only do one baby shower, but I see now that people are more open to do one for each child ;)
So in other words it's up to you, this is a baby "on the way" and still a blessing in your life. So, your host could just tell the guest to bring diapers! just kidding, but since you have most of what you need, I think you only need toiletries and clothing. Remind you there is so much out there to pick from that they could fill a closet for you and it doesn't have to be pink or blue.
Now a days they have so many colors, you can do white, yellow, lavender, mint green, and both it can be worn by both boy and girl.
You are also going to need lotions, powder, diaper rash cream, etc. Just let them be. So you don't need to find out the sex of the baby to get wonderful gifts, especially if your husband is not okay with it. Just go with the flow and enjoy a day with family and friends. And you can tell your family and very close friends that you are willing to accept hand made "coupons" with "babysitting services" for those nights and days you need to get away with your hubby. ;)
Blessings

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. For me personally, I wouldn't have a shower for the 2nd baby if they were close in age (And this may sound mean of me, but I don't like when I'm invited to these showers either.... it's kind of like being invited to several bridal showers for the same person ). However, when friends are adamant... you can't say no. With that said, I think a cute invitation that just invites everybody over for a "get together" before you become a busy mommy of 2. Those who really want to buy you something will bring something and those who share my opinion, will appreciate that they are not goign to yet "another" shower.

1 mom found this helpful

you could wait until after you have the baby. and then the clothes thing is answered. and if it is another girl, maybe you could have a book shower, or a diaper shower, or just a lunch. or people could contribute to a bob stroller. I have no problem, as a guest donating 20 bucks (or what ever) to a group gift.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think you should refuse the shower. If they want to throw it, it's nice of them and they will have fun with it. You could do a little celebration after the baby comes so that they can buy clothes if they want.

Why not wait until after the baby is born, that way if it is a boy, you will receive much needed baby boy clothes. With my second, I was not going to have another shower and after she was born my neighbors threw me one anyways. It was very sweet and she now has pictures of her babyshower to look at.

I requested gifts of diapers (various sizes), wipes & onesies when I had a shower for my 2nd & didn't know the sex. I found that most of the onesises from the 1st were not in great shape & those come in such cute designes that are unisex but stil fun for the giftgiver to buy.

In a cute poem on the invite have her put like let's shower her with diapers-wipes-lotions ect things you will use daily and they will get you outfits that either boy/girl could use and register for stuff like that at target and include in the invite. Also put giftcards in any amount to go towards the big ticket item welcomed.

Forget the shower. If you want a party, why not just go to a spa and all get your toes done? That is pretty fun, my sister did that for her second. You don't have an obligation to find out the sex of your baby just so your friends can get him/her a new outfit. They will probably do that anyway after the baby is born. Especially if your husband does not want to know. I personally did not know the sex of either of my kids before they were born and I thought it was pretty cool to have that surprise!

I had a similar situation. I had a 3 year old daughter and didn't know the sex of our 2nd baby-in-progress. I decided to wait and have the shower after the baby's birth. It's a good way to introduce the baby to everyone. It really worked out well for us because the 2nd baby was a boy. Good luck!

I love going to the showers, for first babies, second, third and even for the forth. They are so much fun. Do not refuse it. Maybe people would be willing to give gift cards towards your big items you need +something little to open. I have done that for some showers. I can never understand when people complain about getting a gift for somebody who already had a shower before.....goodness, they should not even go then. Giving is much more fun than receiving:)

Have the shower!

I just don't get people who think you should only have it for the first...to me, it's a celebration of each new baby. We don't only have birthday parties when we turn one!

Enjoy it, have fun and let people buy you gifts. It's fun to buy baby stuff!

-M

I just had my second child in February, my oldest was also 2 1/2 when the baby was born. I was kind of against having a second shower but my sister and my mom really wanted to have a celebration for me (and the baby). I have 2 boys so I really already had everything that I needed. I wanted a video monitor and a double stroller but I figured that my husband and I would just buy those things on our own.
So I requested that people just bring books for the new baby and no other gifts. It was great, the baby has his own collection of books (my oldest son benefited as well).
I did get a great surprise! My sister and mom asked everyone to contribute $20 and they bought us a double stroller, I was really surprised when they brought it out at the end, after I had opened all of the great books.
So anyway - since maybe you (or whoever hosts your shower) can ask that everyone contribute to one of your big ticket items. Buying clothes is nothing compared to furniture and strollers...
Congratulations!

If someone is offering to throw you a shower, why not enjoy it? Since you don't know the sex of the baby, register for gender neutral things. If the baby will have a nursery, there are some cute neutral bedding sets. Examples:
Bears: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3009964

Winnie the pooh: http://www.amazon.com/Pooh-Days-Hunny-Bedding-4-Piece/dp/...

Frogs: http://www.amazon.com/Lambs-Ivy-Zippity-Crib-4-2dpc-2e/dp...

For clothing, pick pale greens, tans, yellows, etc.

You will need certain things regardless: diapers, wipes, washclothes, diaper bag, bassinet....

Congrats.
M.

Hi M.- my sister threw me a shower for my second baby. Instead of a traditional shower, she had it at one of those dinner preparation places. The guests gift to us was contributing $$ to making the meals. Each couple that came made 4 or 5 meals, so we left the shower with months worth of dinners to freeze. I didn't even have enough room in my freezer for all the food, and had to borrow space in my parent's fridge. She had a cake, and played a couple of games that were couple friendly and she had all of the guests write funny notes on newborn diapers with sharpies. When I changed my baby's diaper after she was born I had a good laugh each time. The idea for this shower stemmed from when she asked me what I wanted as a gift. I told her I didn't need any gifts, but that food after the baby was born would be awesome so I didn't have to cook. She took it from there. Congrats

Hi, can you ask them for the basics such as powders, nappies, creams, nail clippers, singlets etc. These always add up in cost and are handy to have as gifts?

As for finding out the sex, I think that if you haven't been able to after 6 times, then it is just meant to be a surprise for you both. I found out the sex of my last, now 5, and after nearly an hour of the specialists trying, she finally told us it was DEFINITELY a girl. After a emergency general anaesthetic caesarean, our 'little girl' turned out to be a boy. I didn't mind as I already had a 7 yo boy and he really wanted a baby brother, but it was a shock. I think unless you can get a definite 100% answer, the surprise is a better way to go.
Good luck with everything. Ang.

My sister wanted to have a second one for me and I refused. I thought it was too greedy. I still do.

That being said, there's no reason you can't have a clean-out-your-garage party* or an introduce-your-new-baby party**.

*Other mom's might have used stuff for their kids who are now older and they might like to pass them on. Have a celebration for the new child, tell them gifts are NOT necessary, but if they have stuff they no longer want/need you'd be happy to have it.

**2 months after the child is born, have a party where everyone can come meet her/him. If they choose to bring clothes then, they'll know the gender.

Good luck with #2!

I'm not a big fan of baby showers for a second baby. However, babies are a blessing and should be celebrated. I would not try to find out the sex of the baby, especially since hubby is against it.

A few suggestions....
You could have the shower and request necessity gifts like diapers and wipes, shampoo, etc.
You could wait until after the baby is born and have a meet the baby party.

Congratulations!!

Let the shower go on! There are a lot of neutral stuff for your baby. Create a registry with all neutral items and essentials on it. You will have fun too. :)

I would have a "meet the baby" party instead. I agree with the other poster that said each baby deserves SOME kind of celebration. I like Erin's idea about asking for donations for a pooled gift of the stroller. I wouldn't be offended if I was asked AND I would probably not be able to refrain from buying a cute little outfit to bring with me to the party either! Congratulations on your coming new baby!

I just had a baby shower for my second, but we know it is a boy. My first was a girl so all we had was pink stuff. I would have the baby shower for sure! There are some cute gender neutral clothes they could buy. You may even get gift cards.

My friends were the same way. I said I didn't want one...but they wanted to. I didn't register any where, but when people called to rsvp they asked what I needed. I ended up get lots of amex and baby r us gift cards....and that worked out great. Jenn

The shower is less about the presents, and more about the excitement of a baby to me. Even if you are having your 10 th baby (okay maybe not 10) you can still enjoy a party where everyone is gushing about your little one.

Put on the invitation that gifts are not required, you just want to enjoy everyone's company. There will always be people who bring a gift when you DEMAND that they don't!

They can always shop and find the cutest thing their hearts can find, and if you have the other gender then just return it. I was returning clothes months into having my daughter because she grew out of stuff so fast! They even let me return (unopened) diapers that were too small.

Try to not think too much and let people spoil you if they wanna :)

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