2Nd Baby Due in a Week--scared!!

I know...it is kinda scary...but my best advice would
be to sit down and talk with your husband and just let him
hold you and comfort you.
As cheesy as that sounds, as a mom of 5, somedays
its good just to have Patrick hold, listen, and comfort me!

In the end it all really does work out. I love each of
my children with ALL my heart as I am sure you will love BOTH of yours!

God Bless!

1 mom found this helpful

I have been through some of the same feelings, so understand what it is like to feel overwhelmed, anxious, etc. My son was 3 when my daughter was born & I wondered how I would take care of two little ones, nursing, etc. My advice to you would be to take a deep breath, let it out & just go with the flow. Most of the time our anxieties are worse than the actual reality!! You will find the energy you need, when you need it. Keep in touch with good friends, take help when offered, keep your husband involved with both kids. Relax when you can & just enjoy both of the new ones. It is amazing how you can love two (or more) even though the bond may not be exactly the same with each! The best advice though is to take it as it comes & not worry about the future--there's plenty of time for that when they become teens!!LOL. Best of luck with your new little one. Congrats.

1 mom found this helpful

Take a one day at a time. (though plan when you can).

You can Change the Things you can, You can't Change the Things you can't and be Wise about which things you Can Change and which you Can Not. AAA

Silly, but "Don't Worry Be Happy", Billy Joel

PS practice taking Deep Breaths as that ALONE can cause such Feelings. I Used to suffer from Panic Attacks! Yechh!
(not had one for about 6 years) Yeah!

Also should in short breaks take adult "time-outs" for Your needs. But someone... watching that new baby expecially "24 hrs..." in a day... Using a Sleep Monitor and or using a bassinet right next to you bed is great! My wife had only One child.. but still getting back to her work that was one of the Best things we did. Instead of sitting in the "baby" room rocking the baby to sleep and sleeping in the rocking chair from exhaustion that helped us much! We also learned to bottle the milk and freeze for when the baby could NOT be breastfed but still could get Mother's Milk! And the Dad can feed the Baby that too at 2 A.M. ;-) if needed.
When the baby is old enough if you did not use a Sleep Sack for the first you definetly should get one they are a best thing we learned about from a Good Corporate Daycare.
The Company PS is Award winning for its consideration for and of Parents with young kids and babies. And yes your Hormones could be acting up...

Congratulations!
And Best of Luck.
Steven

I'm sorry you feel this way! It's only natural to have fears, everybody does! It is a bit crazy to have 2, but it's not all bad! What's helped me recently is watching the TLC show called "Jon & Kate Plus 8". It's truely amazing how this woman can handle 8 kids all day long while her husband is at work! Wow! And it's not always perfect, but somehow we all manage to get through it! As long as you have faith, it will all work out just fine! Stop worrying so much or you will have that baby sooner than expected! Good luck with your soon to be new addition!

It WILL all work out. And so what if everything's not perfect? You roll with it, just like you have with everything else in your life up until right now.

I hope the other mama's don't all yell at me for this, but if you were my neighbor I'd bring over a beer and we'd have a good laugh about all this. I'd make sure you have a belly full of nutritious food first, and I'd split the beer with you. I wouldn't make you drink it though. I happen to believe, like most midwives I've talked to, that it's ok to have an alcoholic beverage (or 1/2 of one) every now and then. Others will say you shouldn't and will list all the reasons why. It's totally up to you. :)

By the way, my midwife told me a trick and it worked for me as I neared my 43rd week of pregnancy. There are two spots that will bring on labor if you're on the cusp. One is on the fleshy part of your hand between the thumb and pointer finger. Squeeze where it feels tender, but don't do it so much or so hard that you bruise yourself. The second spot is about 4 fingerbreadths above your ankle. Find the tender spot and press it. This will only work if you're close to going in labor. For me, it worked within 2 hours.

To put your mind at ease about the flu, I heard that pregnant women have more immunity to diseases. Apparently your body does that to protect your fetus. I'm not sure if it has been proven, but it makes sense to me!

I don't think you'll lose the bond with your first born. Take it from someone who IS a first born. It's probably the second child that you'll be struggling to find bonding time with. You'll love baby #2 just as much as baby #1. It will be great and looking back, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. ;)

S.,

I think it's just your hormones talkin' Hang in there!

It'll be fine! I can admit, I went through the same thing you are going through now. I had more anxiety with my second one than I did with my first. Just because I knew what I had to go through to have her (pain wise). The pain, the being out of work, the labor part, the being in the hospital instead of at home, etc. and then on top of that I was now had to try to figure out how I was going to add her into my little routine when we got home. I worked 3rd shift and my hubby worked first. I barely got enough sleep as it was and to add another schedule in, I was scared out of my mind that I would never be able to put it all together. But I did. It's a lot to take in.

My daughter is as precious as the day I had her 18 years ago. My son is 21. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Anyways, I have a feeling you will be fine. Just know that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. And we are women! Think about it this way, He made women especially strong! if men would have to have babies, we would never have a second generation! LOL!!! You have family close by, a husband that loves you and is willing to help out. I know men that don't help out at all. So you are truly blessed in that department.

You have all the women on this site that read these things. We love you and are here for you.

being scared is normal. If we weren't afraid of things, the good stuff that happens when we face our fears and do it anyways, wouldn't be so sweet!

Just keep your faith, believe in yourself, the love of your family, and the love of your hubby and know that in your heart you are a child of God and he would never give you anything you can't handle!

God Bless!

J.

First of all let me say congratulations to your soon to be addition to your family. Now on to the other things. Relax first of all. We all have fears in life. Being a new mother no matter if it is your 1st time or your 10th time you will always be scared. Each child is a challenge and will create new things in life. They are all different and unique in their own special way. As for you not being close to your son I'm sure there are plenty of things that you and your son enjoy doing together and alone. Think about those things. He may know that mom is going thru stress right now with his sister coming soon and clings to daddy a bit more. Believe me yur first born will always be your "baby." Don't let him forget it either! As for your job don't worry if the other person will be better than you. You just need to think about your family and your little bundle of joy coming soon. Enjoy all of it because before you know it they will be walking off to school for the first day! Good luck with the labor and c-section. Just remember to get up and walk slowly afterwards. Enjoy your new addition.

Hi S.-
Trust in yourself and your husband! Everything will work out and you have the strength to do it! Having your first child has prepared you to handle your second. I am a single mom of a 4-yr-old and a 3 1/2 mo-old, both emergency c-sections. I am still scared about money because not only do I not have any fathers in the picture but I do not get child support either. However, because of the strength and know-how I possess due to being single with my 4-yr-old, having my 2nd son and knowing I have really good girlfriends has really made things easier. So trust in yourself, if I can do it by myself then you can do it with what sounds like an awesome husband!

What you are feeling is totally normal! It will work out, I promise! I had all those same feelings and you just have to go minute by minute. So many say day by day but a day is a LONG time :) It is hard (having 2 IS harder than having one) but after awhile you look back and see that you did great with two kids!
Don't worry, you are not falling apart! Pregnancy hormones can do a number on anyone's outlook!
Blessings on you and your growing family!

As a mother of four I have agree with the previous response, you will have plenty of room in your heart! It is very normal to worry about a whole bunch of stuff the closer to due time. Hang in there, you'll be suprised how easily everything falls together once your bundle of joy comes along!
Congrats on the new addition.

RELAX!!!! I had a 4yr old when my 2nd came 4.5 wks early. So much for a scheduled c section! Now I am glad that I expeienced both deliveries.(Great epidural, tho!) My work scedule was completely thrown out of wak, but it all worked out fine. My daughter adjusted fine, yes there were a few times I could tell She was jealous of my time with the baby, but it sounds like your husband will be a great help stepping in there. Don't worry about the housework, it will always be there. Concentrate on enjoying the new baby and your son(do special little things with just him,....I take just my daughter grocery shopping, It's our time together.) Get as much sleep as you can,( my son is now 9.5 mo. old and still not sleeping thru, and I'm still making it work, altho really crabby at times so sleep is very important.) Iv'e been able to nurse longer than the first time. Just remember that it all works out, don't fret the days when you are pulling out you hair, because even tho you don't think you'll be able to do it, you always are able! God gives us an extra measure of what we need to accomplish. It helped me to remember how many people out there have done it already, and alot of them successfully, so you can too! Just remember to RELAX and ENJOY the ride or you'll miss it!!! Good luck

You will do great! When my daughter was born my son was 26 months and a huge handfull. Somehow it just works out and it was not nearly as stressful as I had imagined. You forget that newborns really do sleep a lot. I found my son didn't have any issues with having a 2nd child in the house until way later...not until she was walking and really trying to play with his toys. Take any and all help that is offered and try to enjoy that new baby. I promise it is not as bad as you would think. The second baby is actually easier. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised how well it all works out.

Oh, my heart goes out to you! I am the mother of three (all C-sections, by the way, so I know about repeat C-sections and recovering from them when you have kids to watch). I sincerely hope that you don't get the stomach bug that swept our house in the last few weeks; but if you do, you'll live. You will never love your child less because there is another child in the house. I was terrified when my second was born, but I find that as the mother of three, I am capable of more love than I ever knew. My bond with my first hasn't been weakened by the others coming along; it's just changed. And since he's 5 now, I see that it was destined to change anyway. He's just started school, and his world is growing, which it would do with or without siblings. As far as the nursing, don't set yourself arbitrary standards to live up to. I nursed #2 longer than #1 because I was home doing day care instead of returning to work. So that's the way it worked out for us. Maybe you'll find that it works well for you to nurse just as long as you did with your first. Maybe it won't. But you'll do what works for you and your family and your relationships with your children, and it will be right, whatever works for you.

So take a deep breath, know that my heart goes out to you when you're so stressed, and you're going to be a great mom to two kids very soon!

I feel for you! The best thing you can do now is RELAX (easier said than done I know!). Everything will work itself out in the end. The best thing about humans is their ability to adapt: pretty soon you'll be wondering what it was ever like with just one kid. Don't worry about losing the bond with your 1st. He'll always be your 1st, and that's a special bond all on its own. I'm sure you'll need recovery time, but your body already knows what to do! Don't sweat it! Your job will survive while you're gone. And just nurse her for as long as you can and then move on. I nursed my first (pumping) for 2 weeks and my second for a whole yr. They are both great, healthy, well developed boys =)

Honey, I guess I'm just trying to say just do the best you can and you'll do fine. If you need anymore support, we're all here for you!

Hi S.,
I have a 3 1/2 year old son and an 8 week old son. I wanted to tell you that it will all be ok. It is hard with two but it's definitely worth it and definitely something you can do. Just remember to take some time out for you and to ask for help when you need it. It's kind of funny because when when were expecting our first son my husband was a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy. We switched with the second one, he was calm and I was a nervous wreck. I worried the entire pregnancy about various things (if I would have to have a c-section or if he would come on his own, if we could afford it, how I would juggle it all, getting things settled at work, etc), but in the end everything worked out great and we had a beautiful, healthy baby and that is the main thing. Hang in there and try to get as much rest as you can. Good luck!

Don't be afraid! The second c-setion is easier then the first because your body knows what to expect. My friend and I both have had two c-sections and we both thought the second on was easier and recovery was quicker. Just stay in the hospital as long as the insurance allows, don't go home early.
The first six weeks is the hardest part of having two kids because you have no schedule but it is still a fun time because you are getting to know the new baby and watching your son getting to know his this sister.
As far as your work you just have to get as prepared as you can and if you are not completely ready it will be ok. I have several friends who have gone early and their subs did just fine. Everyone around understands the situation and is helpful.
The bond with your son will always be there. He is your first born and there is always that special bond just like you will have that special mother/daughter bond with your new baby. When you come home with the new baby there will be some hard moments but you have room in your heart for two kids.
Hope this helps!
J.

I have a 2nd baby due in two weeks and have a lot of the same scares as you. I am most worried about taking care of a 2 year old toddler and a newborn! But remember it will all work out. That is what I keep telling myself :)

It will all work out and yes there maybe some days that you don't get all the stuff done that you want to, especially recovering from a c-section...don't push it (I know I've done it..I've had 3 c-sections and have a issues when I did more than I should have) but you know what your kids are only little once and enjoy the time you have with them now. The housework will always be there and it sounds like your husband is a big help. Don't be afraid to let him know that you need help. As far as the bond with the first born it will always be there, once you start feeling better take him and do some activities with just him...let Dad have bonding time with the baby....he is your first, you have experienced everything for the first time with him and that is so exciting. Don't panic you'll be fine...think about it if Moms for many years would have stressed about having more than one child, many of us wouldn't be here.
Good Luck

I am five weeks away from my third child and I am scared too. I had c-sections with my first two and it will be bumpy in the beginning, but it gets easier and you will get into a routine with them both. Give it 2-3 months to get used to having another child around and also to get your breatfeeding established. Have no fear, you will have time to breatfeed..you have too, you just do it when you have to do it. I breatfed my second one til he was a little over two and I was pregnant with my third. You can do it, but like everybody else said......take advantage of any and all help that you can get.
T.

I know how you feel. My two boys are 18 months apart and both of them were by c-section. The second one was not planned but we were very happy to become pregnant again (and overwhelmed!).
First of all, take a deep breath, let it out, relax. You are so lucky to have family near by. Use them. Use them, you neighbors, the 12 year old that might love spending time with the 2 year old, anyone who might be able to help give your son some one on one time now, before the baby come, to get him used to people helping around the house, and set some of the up to come over, take him to the park, whatever a couple times a week or however much you end up needing, so you can have time with your new baby and your son doesn't feel ignored, but special that these fun people want to do special stuff with him. This will also allow you to maybe rest, start the laundry, give a good feeding to your baby...
Also, go out for a date with your hubby before the baby comes. You both need it, even if it is during the day and someone comes over for an hour while your son is playing or having that special time with your family member or friend.
The C-section thing really scared me too, who new what to expect. I found, and this of course can be different for everyone, that the second c-section was easier on my body and I healed quicker because I knew what to expect. I didn't skimp on the pain medicine, that helped a lot since the first time I tried to not do so much for the baby's sake and breastfeeding (even though they assured me the medicine didn't get into the breastmilk) and I got up and walking much sooner the second time which helped me heal quicker and feel better.
Feeding your second shouldn't be too hard but try to not be upset if you can't feed her for as long (my second only breastfed for 4 months but then I pumped for a lot longer so he would still get the healthy mild he needed-if you need to get a great electric pump, they are faster than breastfeeding and can be free or mostly free, check with your lactation consultant at the hospital). Be sure to either have some special things set aside for your son for when you are breastfeeding that he can play with meant only for when you breastfeed (books, playdoh, hand held games or music, a new toy) that he can bring out when you need a few minutes to sit beside him and nurse.
Things were a lot different with the second child, but knowing things will be different and knowing that was ok made me feel better. I may not get to devote my whole day to my baby like I did my first but they were both loved, nurished, taken care of and healthy. I did my best and that is all that matters. You will do a great job, use help from those around you, don't feel bad asking for help especially those first few months, you will need help, set it up before you need it. Good luck, K.

Oh S. !!!!!!! You are about to have a beautiful baby girl and she will be a wonderful addition to your already wonderful family. It is natural for moms to go through these nesting types of things before the baby comes. But really all you need to be thinking is "I am having another child and I am not going to ruin it by worrying and being scared." God will get you through what ever comes your way. Enjoy the time being pregnant because when this baby is here everyone is going to want to have thier time with her too. I worried that I would not have the time for the previous child especially when I had my twins but you know, it did work out fine. I have had 7 children. I can say that I have a very good bond with each of them. I worked on making sure that I tried my hardest to make time for all of them. Some of them needed me more than others but that was fine because it all worked out well. So try really hard to sit back and take it easy and enjoy your pregnancy and the one on one time with your little boy. I am sure that he is excited for this baby as well. You sound to be good mommy and you will make it work out fine. If everything is not the way that you want it to be everyone will be ok with that. They all know that your pregnant and you know, what if it is not done? You will get to it later. Best of Luck and congradulations to you and your family with this beautiful blessing of having a baby.

I understand your feelings, I was in the same boat too! My second was born when my first was only 14 months old. Everything is going to be just fine. You need to relax and not worry about it. Many many many people have children close in age. In my situation, my husband works 2nd shift so I had his help a little bit during the morning, but then I was on my own for the rest of the day. It was a challenge, I am not going to lie. But I loved it and now with my kids being 3 and 4, I love it even more. You won't lose your bond with your first, remember that babies sleep a lot during the first 3 months so you will be able to spend ample time with your first child. It also sounds like you have a lot of help, which I didn't have, so you are very lucky. And some days, yes it all you can do just to keep up, but remember, you don't have to do it all. We are not wonder-woman, we don't have to do everything there is to do in one day. Just relax and enjoy your time with your son, your daughter, your husband and just forget about the rest. It will all work out just fine, you'll do just fine! Just a quick example of another situation to help reassure you, one of my best friends has twin girls, who are 2, and she just had another baby boy. She has the help of her parents, but her husband works so much to support the family, and she is doing just fine too. Everything works out, you'll see. Just relax, the stress and worry isn't worth it.

Sounds like you need to take a deep breath and relax for a minute. Everything will work out fine. To help keep your bond with your first born, after you recover from your c-section spend some alone time together. Go somewhere for lunch, or to the park just the two of you. Try not to worry so much, it's all going to work out just fine. I have four boys it's crazy at times, but i wouldn't change a minute of it. Good luck to you.

I think that its completely normal to be scared, worried, etc. for another child to enter your family. I remember many days when my oldest would take a nap and I would cry looking at her knowing that any day now it wouldn't be just her getting all the attention from her daddy and I. After our second arrived, I remember telling my husband that I missed our oldest, even though I was with her all day! I just missed her and to tell you the truth, it took almost a year to get over it and accept that I can't be there 100% for just her anymore. It was like I had to grieve our lost relationship - it was no longer the same.

It all works out and you just do it and soon enough you adjust into this new family and develop a new "normal."

Congratulations and don't be so hard on yourself!

It is normal to be scared when you are adding a new addition to your family. It is normal to have all those thoughts of being scared. You are normal! You are also lucky to have a husband who helps so much and to have so much support from family. Look at how many people have multiple children in their family...are any of those children less loved than the others?? You can do this! Take one day at a time. Don't look ahead AND don't look back at what you and your first did. This is a completely different person you are bringing into the world! You may not be able to nurse her for as long as you did your first...and that is okay! AND, she may want to nurse longer than your first wanted to....which is also okay! Take each day as it comes. Think positive, be happy! You can do this! They are little for such a short period of time...which unfort'unately, this is the time when they are most dependant on you. As they get older, things will get easier! So, enjoy that they are dependant on you for now, because it won't last forever!! Good luck! You will do great! I am a mom of 4 children...ages 7, 6, 2 & 1. I love each of my children exactly the same! I would like to give each of them more of my time...and I know I can't do it...they are growing to learn that. I do have a wonderful husband and family and friends that help make each of them feel special! I had the same scary feelings you are having. You will do great!

First of all, breathe! You are just anxious right now, it's definitely the fear of the unknown. I was freaking out when my son came along. He was born 13 months after my 2nd and 2 1/2 years after my first, so I had 3 under 3 when he was born. He decided to come early and spent a week in the NICU. During that time, my girls' worlds were turned upside down. It was chaotic and miserable. BUT, things were fine when we were all home and settled. You will do great, you will love your kids more than you can imagine and you will do the best you can. Don't worry if your house is messy, what matters at the end of the day is that you did your best to care for your kids. Soon enough you will learn to manage it all. Now, my 2 oldest (3 and 18 months) preoccupy each other really well. Yours will do the same and in time you will find time to do other things, maybe even have some YOU time! For now, you need to relax, enjoy your son and just get excited to welcome your new little baby. That's what this is all about, right? Good luck and as far as the c-section, it will be fine. I had 3 and I thought they just got easier each time!

I have 4 kids......and I wondered the same thing each time a new one came along! First, my reassurance--everything will be just fine. Count the blessings you have--a great husband, a great son, supportive near-by relatives. Second, a few words of wisdom--we are hardest on ourselves as wives and moms. If I would encourage anything, it would be for you to have fewer expectations on YOU! Your replacement at work will be just fine, with whatever you leave for her/him. Your house will survive, even if it doesn't get swept as often as it might have before. Laundry gets done, eventually! lol And you'll be able to breastfeed just as long as she needs you to--however long that might be. My four were all different! My first was six months, the second was 19 months, the third was 12 months, and the last was 17 months. So be easy on YOU! Let the baby tell you what she needs. You'll know. Don't worry, dear S.. God's watching out for you.

I was scared too when I was going to have my second baby- I think a lot pf people do. But trust me you learn how to juggle things and make things work out. You will get a routine -just give it some time.

Hi S.! First of all, I just want to send you an online HUUUUUUG!!! :) The last few weeks of pregnancy (or for some women like me, their entire pregnancy!) can be such an emotional time it's no wonder you have a million thoughts running through your head. I would just like to encourage you to focus on the positive, you already brought up so many in your search for help. 1-you have a wonderful husband who has been helping you--what a blessing! 2-you have parents nearby to help--this is and will continue to be HUGE for you when the new baby arrives 3-you're having a baby girl! That's gotta make you smile :) It sounds to me like you have everything going for you. Sure there will be sleepless nights, frustrating moments and raw emotions, but what part of life doesn't have that? With the help of your husband, parents and friends, I know you'll pull through and come out of it beaming :) You've obviously done a great job so far! God bless!

Love, K. :)

I too am going to have our second baby (boy) in 7 weeks and I have a 2 year girl at home. I feel the same way you do! These last few weeks I have so many aches and am so tires I do not have the energy to play with my little girl. I feel guilty and scared and "what was I thinking" is a common thought these days. It does not help that everyone keeps telling me how much harder 2 is than one. I seem to be losing my patience with my little girl a lot quicker than before but I can not imagine loving another child as much as I love her. I do not feel like I am as prepared for this one as I was the first one since last time all I had to do was prepare for the baby where now it is still all about my little girl who is not an independent child . Anyway I have no advise for you accept that you are not alone. I have 2 friends that just had their second babies and they both said the 1st two months were very hard but now they are a happy functioning family. I figure even if the next year is hard in the long term giving my little girl a brother is a great gift. I would be a different person if not for my siblings and I wanted her to have that same experience. Good Luck with everything!

I had similar thoughts when I added #3 and she ended up being a c-section where my older two were not. Long story short. You will be able to nurse as long as you make that decision to nurse. Have your older one bring books to you when you nurse the baby and read to him while you nurse. Just tell him to hold the book and when to turn the page. Another tip I heard was to take pictures of your oldest's favorite toys to play with and make a book out of it, a photo album would work fine. when you are nursing and he wants attention ask for the book and have him choose an activity to do and say you will come and join when the baby is done eating.

Next take 200 mg of vitamin B6 daily. I take mine at night with supper. It really helped to takes some of my anxiety away because I feel like I should be able to get more accomplished and I just can't so I was stressed about that too. Also take a nice warm bath to relax and get out and take a walk or excersie it really helps with the stress.

I have heard the second c-section is easier, especially if you labored before you had the first one. What I had to do was just take the baby in the bedroom and shut the door and stay there for a couple hours dosing with the baby. Then I couldn't see what needed to be done and feel helpless because I couldn't do anything. Ask for the help and let yourself be ok with getting help. Take your time to recover well.

In the end it will all work out but you have to give yourself the room to not be the super mom we all feel we have to be. Oh, and the amazing thing about a mother's love is that all of her kids have all of her love. Don't ask me how but it is just the way it works. Remember the baby wont remember not being picked up right away or sitting in a chair for awhile when you play with your oldest. But your oldest may remember more. I often just put the baby in a bouncer and did other things with my other children and would let the baby fuss a bit before I went and got her. The baby forgot as soon as I picked her up but my older two remember mom playing with them.

First, inhale and exhale. I see your concerns but does it help to worry about something that hasn't taken place yet? You need to roll with the flow and I don't know if your Christian or not but God doesn't push us to an extreme where we can't handle it. Things always work out. Your heart will grow and yes, things will change.

I had two c-sections and my first was 25 months old when #2 was born. I can tell you that my first c-section recovery was very painful and seemed to take several months before I could move out of a laying position with out it hurting. My second was fine and I hardly felt any pain. You're already numb! I also didn't have staples with #2. I was visiting my employer when she was a week old and I wasn't in pain.

The time you have with your first will change and it will decrease and that's just how it is. You have a baby to care for which requires more of your time than he does. Involve him in tossing diapers in the trash, getting a burp rag or diaper and he can help wash the baby. It'll be quality time for all of you and you'll still be caring for the baby.

Things will work out. It won't be the same because there's a change happening and you just have to relax and things will come together. I woulnd't stress too much.

try not to worry so much--things take care of themselves--just go with the flow and enjoy your new gift from heaven!!!
Certainly don't worry about work--that will always be there, and they can do the job just fine for awhile without you--I have 2 kids, both by c-section---take advantage of everyone who wants to help you--so you can take some time with your newborn--cuz you know how fast that time goes---and also rest and take some naps when you have help, too--you need to keep up your health--otherwise you won't be anygood to anyone!!
Say your prayers--let the Lord help carry some of the burdens you seem to have---enjoy this time with your little ones--soon they will be getting married like mine did 3 weeks ago--
trust me it's just a blurr--so enjoy all the little things--cuz in the big picture--they are the important things---
you sound like a nice gal trying to do the right things--relax and let your hubby help you along the way--
God Bless you and your family--good luck and have fun!!!!
S.

God wouldn't give you another if He didn't think you could handle it. Take a deep breath, thank him for the blessing of children and count yourself very fortunate to have a loving husband to help you. Forget about keeping house, trying to make life the same after the second comes (it will never be the same again, but it can be better!) or worrying about your bond with the first child. If you don't play favorites or give voice to your fears, you firstborn will have no reason to think anything but the best about having siblings. The more the merrier is a truism, if you relax and roll with it. I found that the real "humps" in work load and stress were at two and then three children. After that it's all old news...you will be tired and wonder how to handle things at first, but that imbred maternal instinct will kick in soon enough if you let it. God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of victory, if we call on Him. Do so every morning, and thank Him every night for getting you through the day. Don't fret about the spills, pains or bumps in the road. And don't borrow trouble - tomorrow has enough of it's own without our dwelling on what "might" happen. One day you will wish for a whole house full of kids and they will all be off on their own. Revel in your exhalted position now! Blessings!

SAHM of seven, 23 - 2 years, they all get along great with each other and with my husband and I

My friend told me this once when I needed to hear it:

If God brings you to it, God will get you through it.

Take a deep breath and remember you made it through your sons birth, you will make it through this one too. You adjusted to one child you will with two. You love your first, you will love your second and it will all work out. One day at a time S.. It will be okay.

Blessings to you!

I completely understand where you are coming from. My daughter was born via c-section (also my 2nd) when my son was 2 yrs 8 months. I had the same fears and anxieties! She was born as scheduled, 2 days after my last day of work, in mid-June). I won't lie, the first summer was hard. I felt a little like I couldn't handle everything. I had help, my parents took my son a couple days a week. I came to realize you can do it all, especially with a c-section. I just found ways to bond with my son, and my daughter, and kept remembering why I wanted two kids in the first place. Now everything is going well, a little chaotic, but I have a good relationship with both kids. Involve your son in your daughter's care, that will help him continue to bond with you and to bond with your daughter. From my experience, the 2nd c-section recovery is much easier and faster, because you won't have had the labor. Hang in there, the anxiety is normal, rest assured it will work out and you will find a way to balance!

I have a 2-yr-old boy and a 4-mo-old little girl right now. I was so scared too. But now everything is fine. I didn't have c-sections, that's the only difference. And also, on my 2-mo maternity leave, my son went to daycare 3 days a week still. So that was nice. My husband stayed home with me the first week, then my mom came and stayed with me for a week. That really helped! It was scary being alone with both kids for the first time!! But it went okay. I was scared of losing my bond with my little boy too, but I spend as much quality time with him as I possible can. And I talk to him all the time, even when I'm feeding her. He's a good little helper. I still breastfeed her, and it's going just fine! I didn't know how that would go either, but if you think about it, you have to feed her either way. It's easier to breastfeed her than to have to get out a bottle, heat it up, etc. etc. And my son has learned that when I'm feeding the baby, I can't get up and play with him, but I can still talk to him. He's okay with that now. Don't worry, S.!! It's hard at first, but then you get a routine and get it all figured out, and it'll be okay!! I hope you don't have the baby too early. Good luck!!

S., I completely understand your feelings. All I can say is don't worry! Things have a way of working themselves out in the long run. We had our second daughter 22 months after our first and I was fine all along with it (for the most part) until we brought her home. I cried when we came home from the hospital thinking "what have we done?!" I felt so bad for our older daughter that we short changed her in some way and how was I going to be able to handle two?! But, you know what? it worked out fine. Sure there were some tough times, but you get through them and things are great. you will have this new little baby to love and you dont' lose any love you have for your son, you just get more love! God just gives you more to dish out! So your parents live by, great. Enlist their help when you get home. First thing you need to do is take care of yourself. Without that, nothing else matters. Take naps, rest and get help. Once you are up and feeling better, take the time to think things through. Can your mom or dad come over once or twice a week to play with the kids so you can do your stuff around the house? Have them come when the kids are awake (or at least your son), and when it's nap time, you take a nap too! Are there any neighbor kids who you could have come after school to play with your son so you can either nap or do stuff? You are worried about alot of things you can't control. The flu, nursing, etc. Let go of it, give it up to God (if you have faith) and trust that things will be fine. You can't predict these things, so try and not stress over them. You may spend a lot of energy on things that may never materalize! Enjoy these remaining weeks with your son, look forward to the birth of your daughter and take care of yourself. That's the most important! Good luck!

S.,

All that you are feeling are natural late pregnancy fears. These are thing that most women fear with second babies. the best thing that you can do is to let the fear and anxiety out. I suggest taking a warm candle lit bath, and let the tears or the screams come as they may, let ALL of these emotions out. Having a repeat Cesarian birth or labor naturally sometimes these fears can hinder the process of birth and/or recovery. I am not trying to give you more to worry about. If you would like to talk one on one I would be happy to speak with you. I am a trained Birth Doula and sometimes it really helps to have someone who is not a direct family member or close friend to talk to. If you decide not to call that is o.k. but please let these fears out it is really important.

Blessings To you
S. Blevons
Langlade Co. WI.
www.lhdoula-service.com.



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The beauty of my body is not measured by the size of the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, "We grew a child in here," and breasts that say, "We nourished life." My hands, with bitten nails and a writer's callus, say, "We create amazing things."
-S., from I am Beautiful: A Celebration of Women in Their Own Words
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I just wanted to let you know that everything will be fine. I am a mother of 2yr old twins and I felt that way before. It sounds like you have a good support system with husband and family-take advantage of it. My mom and dad come over every Tues. night and help with dinner. Sleep when you can, rest when you can and enjoy every minute of it! Even if you can't breastfeed for 17 months, try and do it as long as you are physically and emotionally able to. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you've been through this before, with your first child, you can do this with your second-you're a pro!

M.

You are going to be just fine! I gave birth to my 2nd child last August and had a lot of the same feelings you are experiencing. I was really overwhelmed wondering if I could possibly love my sencond child as much as my 1st. If my then 4 year old would feel I loved her any less. If I could keep up with the house and my job. Not to mention recover from a c-section as well.
I am happy to say it all worked out. I learned that there is always enough love to go around and that sometimes you just have to let the little things go. There are days when my house is completly trashed. There are times when if one child isn't crying, the other one is. And there are certainly times where I am so tired I can't see straight. But the good news is somehow our family carries on. I'm not perfect, but I do what I can and I think that is all that is expected of us by most people, even if it doesn't seem like it now. You will be o.k. Do what you can, take things one at a time, and celebrate every load of laundry and sink full of dishes that gets done.

Hope this help a little.

Good Luck

K.

I have just two pieces of advice. First of all, you will be amazed how much you can do/handle when you are faced with another child. I have four and each time a new one was added I just did what I had to do and it has worked out. I won't say it's easy, because kids never are, but, somehow, you just do what you need to even when it feels like you can't do one more thing! That's what being a mom is all about. The second piece of advice is to let go! (And, just so you know, this is coming from the world's biggest control freak!) So maybe your house won't be as clean as you'd like or your son might go a little longer without a bath than he used to or whatever. It's okay! Maybe you won't have everything perfectly laid out for your substitute at your job - they'll manage! Take the fact that he's become a "daddy's boy" as a blessing. It'll give you opportunity to focus on the new little one. I know it's difficult now, but be glad you have such an involved husband who has such a good relationship with his son, and, trust me, your son has enough love for both of you! All in all, just relax. It's what is best for you and the baby now and once she is born. You will do great!

S.,
I feel for you! This response is going to be long. When I read your request, I thought "This was me a year ago!" So I want to offer you any support I can.

First, just breathe.....

Second.... let go of your work worries. I bet that your sub is a professional and competent to do the work that will need to be done. You don't need to leave it all perfect, they will be able to figure it out. YOU are the most important thing right now, not work.

Third.....I know about the fear of losing the bond with your first born. I cried and cried over this when I was pregnant with my 2nd. It was very difficult for me to visualize this new human entering our cozy little family. Somehow, our family and our love expanded, and the new baby fit right in. It's almost like she knew our family already, from being in my belly, hearing my daughter's voice, feeling the rhythm of our days. She asserted herself into her place... I can't even describe it, but it happened! Just trust that your family and your son will expand, too. And if he needs to lean more on daddy, it's OK. It's good for you to bond with the baby, and it's so great for your son to have two parents who are there for him!

Fourth....it IS hard to take care of a new born and a toddler! But somehow, I did it, and I KNOW you can too. Let the days flow, and feel the rhythm of them. Put them all in your bed with you and books to read while you nurse. Have a few toys for your son that are nursing toys, so they seem special. (we had a small basket on the fridge of a bunch of toys I got at the thrift store). Use 1/2 hour TV shows for your son to watch so you can nurse in peace. My 2nd is 15 months and still nursing, and I was afraid of the same thing you are.
It worked out. She has just had to learn to nurse in chaos, and how to drink FAST!

Fifth......Enlist your parents to make you a ton of food for the freezer. If you have neighbors with kids your son's age, ask that they take him for 1/2 hour-hour play dates.

Sixth.....Keep yourself well fed and hydrated, and mostly be gentle on yourself. You are in a very precious place right now...about to give birth! About to give your son a sister!

I know it's so overwhelming. The feelings from having my second are still really fresh for me. My biggest advice is to learn to let go.....its a really scary free-fall, but the days I can do it are much more enjoyable than the days where I try to stay in control!!!

GOOD LUCK. YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS IN YOUR GENETIC MAKEUP AS A WOMAN!!!!!!

S. -

The fear is normal!! I had panic attacks the last month of my pregnancy wondering how on earth I would ever have time to give both boys the love and attention they needed yet alone keep the house together! Oddly enough it all worked out, just like everyone said it would! My boys are now 3 years and 5 months old - they each get special time with me and Dad and seem to thrive off of having each other!

I've learned to let go of some things and found that I could do things I never thought possible (like make lunch for the older one while breastfeeding the younger one and making it look easy!) I've actually been able to BF my youngest longer than I did my oldest - the key to feeding time is to make it a special time for the oldest as well - I found that having special toys or a short video that ONLY came out when I was feeding the younger one or pumping really helped!

Best of luck to you!
K.

You will be a great Mum of two ... try not to worry too much.

However facing a c/s and a repeat one! I hope that you REALLY REALLY need it.

read www.a-little-wish.co.uk to make an informed decision ... I was not able to and have paid a heavy price!

http://pph.a-little-wish.co.uk/research.aspx

Oh you poor girl, take a deep breath and know it will all work out. I think I speak for every mother out there that it is perfectly normal to have these worries, especially with loosing the bond with the oldest. It won't happen.

I have two chldren 20 months apart, I worried about how my first would feel having to share Mommy with a second, she adjusted great, I just kept her involved with helping with the baby, I would make nursing time, reading time and read to my oldest, she loved it.

Work will handle your maternity leave.

You will adjust to two kids, this time next year you will have a hard time remembering what it was like to have only one child, and you won't be able to imagine life with out you daughter.

Good luck:)

Aww S., you are having panic attacks. I had 3 c sections and all went fine. My first two were 17 months apart. I know it seems that you will be overwelmed with 2 children, but the great thing about being a mom is being flexable and we deal with what we have. Yes, your daughter will take up time which your son had all of your time now, but he will be ok with it. If you let him be the "big brother" and get you the diapers, the wipes and all that where he feels he is included, he will mature right before your eyes and there won't be the jealousy problems. You just have to make sure you look at it as gaining something for him (more love in the family, a baby sister is wonderful and how lucky he is to get to be the big brother) instead of losing something, like time alone, attention, being the baby. I use to ask my kids "who is my favorite boy in the whole world?" Or "who is my favorite 2 year old in the whole world?" and with doing it with ages, it keeps from the "you love her more" fights. They knew that they each were my favorites.

So relax and enjoy the next week with your son, preparing him for the addition to your family. Breast feeding will be good and you could read to your son while you are feeding the baby. Be prepared though, your daughter will be much more independent then your son since she will be wanting to keep up with her brother as soon as she can move around, so you might not get to breast feed as long.

Congratulations and good luck :-)

Hi,
I have a 9 month old and both my husband and I work FT, so I can understand where you're coming from. I have days where I feel completely overwhelmed and like I'm not doing my best anywhere- bad mommy, bad spouse, bad cat owner, bad employee, bad human being... and I'm not even pregnant or thinking about a second baby. It always helps me to just acknowledge why I'm stressed and then somehow when it's out it seems more manageable. Keeping it bottled up makes it mushroom.
One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that there's only so many things I can control in life. My labor with my daughter was not one of them. Likewise, if you go into labor early, your replacement will figure it out. The most important thing right now is to enjoy your last fews days before the baby arrives and the sleep deprivation sets in. Congratulations on your second!

the second baby is much easier to take care of because you already know how to do it...yes, you will be just as exhausted, but you already have mom experience and things will come much more naturally this time around. my suggestion is to realx these last few days and get rest. also, take time to snuggle him and hold him on your lap...it is a cool feeling that you are holding both your babies at the same time.

Just hang in there, you have to because there is no turning around at this point. I also have 2 kiddlets. My boy older, now 6 and my girl 4. They are 20 months apart and that is so perfect. But, I also had all those same fears. The only difference is I had no family close by. You are a mother with powers you have no idea you have. You are strong and the love you have for your family is all you need to make this work. Your little one being two will truely be a huge help. For him to feel important, put some item closer to the ground so he can be your helper, like extra diapers, wipes, spit up rags, you know-little helper safe items. He will feel empowered to know you could not have "changed another diaper" without his big help. I also had a "special" toy bag he could play with just when I was nursing. He really looked forward to that special time, just put it up high when you are done nursing to keep it special. Your life will change so fast, but you will just keep moving forward and all will work out fine in the end. I still worry about not giving one of them enough attention or missing something important. I think that is part of being a concerned parent. You will be totally fine and your kids will grow up happy and healthy. Take one day at a time and don't stress over the small things.

Good luck with your new little adventure.
K.

You are going to be okay!! It may not be perfect 100% of the time, but it will be okay!!
You have a wonderful husband who will be there. I hope you have some wonderful friends & family to call when you need them. Family & friends will be there for you & it's okay to ask for help.
Work will be okay also. Leave you phone number for any questions.

Best wishes!!!

First: (((HUGS)))!! These feelings are normal. Take care of yourself and family first (in that order :). You are obviously a very responsible person and are concerned for who takes over for you while on maternity leave and that is good, but don't stress out over it (atleast try not to;). Go in and focus on doing the best you can with the time you have and realize that it will not all get done and that is okay. Again you and the baby come first and your family. If you can, get a little extra rest, short nap or whatever you can manage this last week to conserve your energy. Spend less time worrying about all that needs to still be done and a little time thinking about what is most important to you to still get done and what can wait and focus your time and energy on what matters most to you (again, remember it will not all get done -- there are only 24 hrs each day no matter how many more we feel we need or would like-- and realize it is still okay). C-Sections are exhausting for new moms, enlist any family or friends to help (meals that can be frozen and reheated quickly, housework, watching your older child, watching both so you can catch a nap or shower:) and to give you time to focus on healing and the new baby.

Wishing you all the best and congratulations!

T.

I just recently went through exactly what you are going through, and it will be OKAY! My daughter will be 2 in a month, and I just delivered my son 3 months ago via c-section #2. There are days that are REALLY busy, but at the end of the day you just have to remind yourself how wonderfully lucky you are to have 2 beautiful children!

As far as recovering from the second c-section, I thought it was easier than the first. I was lucky that my husband was able to stay home from his job for 4 weeks, so that I didn't have to lift my older child. Since your son is already a daddy's boy, that should work out just great for you! The longer you can wait to pick him up, the easier your recovery wlil be!

Nursing will go just fine, too! I've found that if I give my daughter an activity to do just before I need to feed my baby (coloring in her high chair, building with legos, etc) it is much easier.

Just remember, not every day will be easy, but it doesn't last long! Spend as much time as you can with each child, and don't let yourself stress out! Best wishes for an easy delivery!

Hi S.,
I have a just-turned 2 year old and am due with my second the end of October. I'm sorry but I laughed a little when I read your question because I, too, have many of the same worries :) Mainly about not having enough quality time with my 2-yr old son when the new baby comes, and about being able to breastfeed for as long as I want to. It IS scary to add another one to the mix, but I think its one of those things that will just come naturally you know? One day when I was feeling like I coudln't possible love another child as fully and as much as I adore my son...my cousin told me a simple thing...she said, you don't have to worry about having enough room in your heart for another child..your heart will just grow bigger! I guess we just have to know that things will work out, however they work out..and even if its not exactly like we'd planned (the birth mainly :) that it will still work out. Because we'll have that second child to love and to add to our families. Good luck with your birth! I hope that its everything you want it to be. And have no fear about adding that other child..I'm sure you will be surprised how quickly she will blend your family together :)
G.

Dear S.,

Everything will be all right. I empathize with you because you are not just having another baby...you are most likely having another Major Abdominal Surgery and this is an extremely difficult hurdle we mothers have to overcome as we take on the task of mothering our small child(ren) and a newborn simultaneously. It is hard to recover from a Major Surgery and at the same time have to be alert enough to mother...having a C-Section is brave and serious stuff--don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I had two babies by C-Section 2 1/2 years apart from one another and my worries were very much like yours. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and telling my husband how panicked I was and how I just couldn't fathom how everything would work out. I was scared about having another baby. I already had too much work as it was and I couldn't believe the huge amount of work and labor (no pun intended) a newborn was going to require from me and only me. As happy as I was to be welcoming another child to our family, I was pretty freaked out about it. I was also pretty amazed at the natural consequences of having a second child for me as a mother; I knew that as much as my husband was willing to help me, it would still be me who lost sleep for many months on end and me who would have painful/bitten/cracked/screaming nipples and despite all that and more selflessness, it was me who wouldn't get to play with my two year-old because my baby needed me. But you know what? Everything worked out. I saw first-hand that Mother Nature has a way of making us mothers equipped for our job of mothering. I learned a lot about the parent I was which, as it happens, turned out to be more prepared than I thought. You are going to be just fine. No doubt you are going to totally amaze yourself with your natural mothering skills. You will be surprised at how a little baby can and does fit into your family so well at this stage. Do what you can to let go of your stress and take time to visualize the successful, painless birth of your baby girl. Get yourself a baby sling (or email me and I'll happily send you a brand new & free one from our Extension office). It is perfectly normal to be scared. I think we have all been there. You are going to be just fine. I hope a few years from now when your two children are playing together quietly and nicely that you get time for yourself regularly like I am getting now. Having a second child was a great decision for our family and I am really happy for you and yours! Congratulations!

S., you are so lucky to have family near by. Its normal to be scared, but take heart that all will pass. My two are 27 months apart and a boy and girl and I felt the same way. It IS busy and chaotic at first - here is the good news. By the time your youngest is 18 months, you will be SO glad they are close in age. They will be able to play so well together and then you will get so much time back! If you have one child, or a big age gap, you then have lots more "entertaining" to do. But your way, you have playmates always on hand. It's great. Trust me.

Hi, S.!

Well - one thing I can tell you is that you can stop worrying about not having enough time or love for both children. I was soooooo close with my firstborn and I was scared to death to share my time with my second. But, amazingly enough, I love her absolutely as much and somehow find the time to give to both of them. That is one thing you don't have to worry about. I was actually just commenting on this exact thing. I was watching them play the other day thinking how lucky they are to have each other to play with. I was just remembering how silly it was that I actually felt guilty about having a second.

Relax - it'll all work out. And take it one day at a time.

I can totally understand being scared about adding another child to the mix. I have 5 year old twins and would, at some point soon, like to have another baby. When I really think about it, though, I just don't know how I would handle it - now I'm working full time (as an OB nurse) & I feel like there's too much going on for me to get everything done.

Regarding your fears about the c-section: have you discussed the possibility of a VBAC delivery with your provider? I have attended several VBAC births in the few months since I started working and if you meet the requirements (low transverse uterine incision) it can be a great option. You have such a quick recovery time with vaginal birth, which might make it easier for you to concentrate on breastfeeding and integrating your new baby into your family. I know it's late in your pregnancy, but you can certainly do a little research & discuss it with your provider - it just might help ease some of your concerns.

The best of luck to you with your new baby!
J.

S.,

It is overwhelming, just take it a moment at a time, a day at a time...

The thing you have on your side is experience! Think of all the things you had to learn with the first baby that you will already know. This baby also knows that you are not a new mom and she will act possibly more calm because you have confidence in your skills, the way you hold her, diaper her, nurse, etc. They really do know when there is a rookie in charge.

Another thing is your life is already calibrated for kids, you have equipment, knowledge etc. and don't have to get a new car seat out of the box and read directions or figure out how to do other things.

I would also suggest, no urge, enlisting the help of anyone near you who is willing, supportive and not critical.

One of the nicest and most helpful things anyone did for us when we had babies was to prepare a meal. Can you call friends at church or a group you belong, to have a weeks worth of dinners brought over, or frozen?

DO NOT feel bad about saying no when you are not up to visitors or activities. The magical time when your baby is so new is fleeting, please enjoy it, as you know they are not babies very long!

If you are a person of faith, try leaning on that faith a little, take some prayerful time for yourself and this growing family.

Trust that the people at work will carry on and figure out whatever it is that you may not have told them. It will be a good time of growth for that person who has to now do some things he or she needs to figure out for themselves. Someone else may not do it they way you would have, but will get it done in their fashion.

Here is another thing: LET GO! You don't always have to be the one with all the answers or solutions.

When our first was born a little early we were very ill prepared and I look how overwhelmed I was and when I finally took a breath and let go of some things and let people help, the situation and my outlook improved a lot.

This baby won't care if the nursery is painted, what color clothes she is wearing or anything else except about you. Enjoy this time, you both will appreciate it!

I hope you can start to relax. Take a breath and then take another. Do something for yourself today and realize that your children and husband are very blessed to have you for a wife and mother!

J.