23 answers

25 Years Old Single Mom with 2 Year Old Son and a New Boyfriend.. NEED ADVICE!!

I have a new boyfriend we have been dating for 2 months, There is a big difference in age.I just turned 25 on Dec 26th and he will be 20 in February. I am worried about the age difference, and people laughing or having problems with the age differnce, I like him, he is really good to me and my 2 year old son, in fact he came over last night and played basketball with my two year old lil boy, he takes up time with him even when his real father wont. What do I do? Do I stay with him despite everyone? Do I break up with him or what? If it were you what would you do? Does age matter to you? Does the girl older than the guy bother you or does it matter? please respond

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?™

I'm not gonna break up with him because of the age, now there is another problem, he is thinking about finishing his college courses in Florida for at least two years, i cant wait on him I am a 25 year old single mother of a 2 year old son, am I wrong?

Featured Answers

You really shouldn't be concerned with what others think if he is a good man and has the qualities you are looking for. Who cares if hes younger. Hello Demi and Ashton! HAHA.

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Hey...lets stop and think if a 20 year old is mature enough to take on a parental and companion role. Also, when you are dating, you have to think about if your little guy gets attached to people and then they just leave. He could get real issues from having men just in and out of his life. I would try to keep your son out of the relationships till you know it is the real thing. I know you are tired and lonley...don't choose men b/c you feel like you need one! You can do this while taking your time to find the perfect partner! This is one of the biggest choices you will make in your life...and your sons! You only deserve the best. Take your time. Make a list of the qualities you want and need out of a mate. Make a list of the qualities you want and need for a father figure. If someone can meet and exceed the list...you can be confident. Take your time to get to know the people you date. You are still so young. At this point in your life, you can afford to take time to grow as a mother and a woman. You and your baby need a solid healthy future, and you can do this for the both of you. BE STRONG! I would be here for you if you ever need anything. You may email me privately whenever you need a shoulder...
____@____.com
You have to consider your future! You can grow into a professional, independant woman...you are the object of desire! You should be able to be confident enough to pick your mate...don't feel like you have to look or wait or long for a man! Be the woman that men dream of marrying, and the woman who can always depend on herself to provide for herself and her baby! YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!

Hey Tiffany,

First let me tell you that age doesnt matter at all. i used to have a BIG thing about not dating men younger than me until one day i opened my eyes and realized that the ones my age and older are just as immature as a young man could possibly be. i am 35 and am always being told that i look younger and seemed to really attract younger men for some reason. i gave it a try and was amazed really how much respect and maturity this guy i knew had. he was 24 by the way. needless to say i don't discriminate anymore. if they are the one for you then let it be. good made all of us so there are no mistakes. the only mistake would be to stay in a bad relationship/listen to gossip.

If you like the guy stick with him a while. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and there is 17 years age difference! It works great for us. Yeah, we got looks when we first started dating and my family wasn't all that thrilled at first, but after a short time they saw that he (1) made me happy and (2) was good to me. He is older than I, but I don't think age makes a difference. Most of my husband's family has one spouse older than the other. They've all been married several times to people their own age and it didn't work, then they marry someone older and they seem to be able to communicate better, work things out, and be more willing to work through the rough times. I'm not against same age marriage, don't get me wrong, it's just that it doesn't work for everyone. I have family where the girl is 10+ years older than the guy and they have a great marriage. Like I said earlier, what really matters is wheather or not you like the guy and he treats you (and your son) with respect and dignity. Hope this helps :)

Hello, Tiffany S
Hi, My name is D. and yes I understand. I'm 35 and my boyfriend is 30. But, when we first got together was 31/2 years ago. And man were the family talking. I have four children 3 boys-19,14,12& one girl-16. He is good to us and the same with my children. Their father is not around as well.
I just moved there to Gillsville, Ga from Indiana last June 2005. He stepped up better then I thought he would.
And if he is good to you in due time your family will see. Some will let it go and some will not. But, don't let them change your mind about him just keep your eyes open to see things that may slowly come out. So from me to you. I wish you the BEST & good luck.
D.
P.S Happy-B Day /Holiday

Tiffany,

It doesn't matter what others think. If this young man is good to you and your son and the two of you feel comfortable with the age difference outside of being concerned about other's opinions then you should strive to make you and your child happy. I am also a single mom with 2 kids. I have interest in a young man and he is interested in me but he is 10 years younger than me and I had concerns/issues like yours in the beginning. He and I talked about it and we don't worry about it now.

Hey Tiffany!

First I want to agree with all the other moms that said not to worry about what everyone "thinks"! As long as he treats you right and your little boy, it shouldn't matter how old he is! With that said, I just want to warn you that he hasn't entered his "party" stage yet! I saw this exact situation with my sister a short while ago. Although every man is different, they do usually experience a party stage. When he started partying, he didn't want to be home with her and her little boy anymore! (The only differnce...the little boy is his). He decided the family life was not for him. Just be conscience of that. He may not care about partying, and that is great! But, I do want to warn you about it.

All the best to you and your little boy, and I hope everything works out for you!

My Hubby is younger than I am by 3 years when we got married his parents had to come and sign the paperwork he wasn't yet 18. We have been married for going on 6 years now and have a great relationship. It is a joke between us that I am old I am in reality only 25 so that really isn't the fact! I think age is really just a number if you are comfortable with this guy and he is comfortable with you, age should be measured by maturity which doesn't come with a number. Some people are just older mentally than others.

I married someone much younger than myself. I am 33 and he is 26. We were married for 6 years and had 2 kids. Everything was fine untill he became bored with married life. I dont know about your boyfriend, but I would be very careful. And I would be very careful about your son. He may decide he wants to party and have fun, you wont be able to because you take parenting seriously and your son will be the one who wont understand. I am newly separated, I have met someone I really like.... I wont introduce him to my kids because if he decides to leave my kids wont suffer. Good luck and be careful!!!

Tiffany, my husband is seven years younger than I am. It doesn't matter the number, it matters the maturity of the person. I was 31, divorced the month I met my future husband, and pregnant with another man's child. He was 24, working in a book store, and living with his sister. We've now been together ten years and actually content and happy.

Unless he beats you, does drugs, or hurts your child, then stop listening to the people that make fun of you (are those true friends anyway?) and go with what feels right. If you and your baby are happy, if he's good to you both, and his maturity level seems enough to help with a solid relationship and a baby, then tell everyone to shut up. Even if it is a mistake, it's still yours to make. Sounds like it isn't, and if you've found someone to love your child and you like an adult, then hold on to him. Younger men can be just as mature and responsible as older men. Sometimes more so. My ex-husband and the jerk that got me pregnant were both around my age.

Age is just a number. Look at the person's heart, not their driver's license.

Hi.

I am a single mom with two girls, 5 and 3. I have been divorced for a year.

I am a big believer in keeping my dating life separate from my "family" life. I grew up with a mom who didn't do that and it was really hard for me seeing all these men come and go in my life. I would get attached and then they would be gone. My mom didn't do anything wrong. She just didn't understand how her including me in her dating life affected me. Now that I know, I don't bring men I date around the kids. Of course, I have only dated two men since the divorce. One was a very short time. The other was already a family friend that my children already knew. So, he did hang out with us as a family. It didn't work so well because the children were confused when he no longer would be aorund us after our "romance" ended.

As far as your situation, I think that if this man (no matter his age) is kind and loving to your family, I don't see why you would end it. If you need to end it at some point, that's okay too. It sounds like your son is getting a lot of positive attention from your boyfriend. So, keep it up! Age is relative. Follow your heart AND your head but don't let one rule over the other.

Your boyfriend's age is no one's business. Be happy. Enjoy your son together. You never know what might happen!

Good luck!

Dear Tiffany,

My husband and I have a 12 year age difference. He is 40 and I just turned 28. I totally understand your concern about the age difference since we had people ask us all kinds of crazy stuff like was my husband my uncle or wasn't I way too young for him. It really bothered me at first but as time went on and we fell even deeper in love, I realized who cares. All that matters is that I found someone who loves me for who I am and treats me like a queen! Whats most important isn't your two ages but how you make each othr feel. So many people never get to experience real love so I say don't count out your new boyfriend yet especially since he's been so good to your son!! Good luck and Happy new year! M.

I am in your situation...sort of. I am 23 and 3 years ago began dating a single dad with two boys then ages 3 and 6. Mark is 35. At first it was awkward being around family and friends b/c they didn't approve of our age difference. They got over it when I proved to them that this wasn't just a fling and I really cared about Mark and his boys. I say go for it!! If you love him and your son does too, nothing else matters. You and your childs happiness is the only thing you have to worry about everyone else will have to get over it. Thats what we told everyone and we now have a son of our own, Chase is 9 m/o!! Goold luck and let me know what happens!!
K. and Chase : )

Age is not a reason to walk away. However, guys in their 20's tend to be very very very immature. Once the "dad" thing gets old he may want to walk away. Proceed very slowly and carefully. Especially since your liitle boy will be crushed if he gets too attached.

Hi Tiffany,
First off let me say please dont leave him just because of his age..i am married to a wonderful man..we have been married going on 6 years now..we have a beautiful 5 year old little girl..i went through the same thing with him for so long before we even got married..i am 6 years older then he is..he is 37 i am 43..the age does not matter..and i truely mean that..and it sounds like he is wonderful with your son and that is such a good thing..give him a chance dont do it because of age..i was so worried about the age with me and my husband and how everyone would feel..most of his friends dont even know how old i am unless we tell them..somethings are just not other people business..but i will tell you one thing you have to be comfortable with the age difference before this will work out for the two of you..i know for a long time everytime me and my husband would argue about something i would be the one to blame it on the age difference but that is so not true..anyway i know from experience that age does not matter no matter what anyone else has to say.if you are happy and he is happy just forget the age..L.

Hi Tiffany!

Don't worry about what other people say. What matters most is that you like him and he is good to both you and your son.

Good Luck!

Hello Tiffany. My name is J.. I am 23, and my fiance is 38. I don't think that you should stop seeing him because of what everyone else thinks, but you need to examine things closely. He is 20. What if he decides he is too young to be a surrogate father? What if he changes his mind about everything? Your little boy will be crushed. I am not saying he is like that, because I don't know him, but look at it deeply. If you really feel that he is the one, then go for it. Whatever makes your son and you happy, go for it.

Im kinda in the reverse situation. My husband 6 yrs older than me. We met when I was 13 and he 19..Long story short and after him beating a child molestation charge to be with me we got married when I was 15 and he 21. During that rough time his dad instructed him to marry me temp. to get out of the charge but my husband not only offended but he told his father that if he didnt accept me then he'd lose his son. The rest of his family thought if we did get married we'd make it no more than a couple of yrs together before it would sink.Now 7 yrs later and 2 beautiful boys together our marriage has withstood everyone elses relationships and their opinions.I think they finally got tired of wondering if they were gonna be right or not and just gave up. His family has always liked me but didnt want him marrying a young girl for several reasons. Bottom line...if u care for that person and its going good then stick with it...just remember to try not to push him into being the father of ur child. Some young guys get spooked and worry ur trying to clasify them as the father just b/c their with you. B/f's are always nice to the kids at first..their wanting you so its a must. Just dont let urself or ur son get into believing that this guy could take on the role of his father UNLESS he offers it up, dont assume.About the age...really doesnt matter unless it was outragious like a 35 yr old man with a 13 yr old girl or something.And if you go around worrying about what someone might say then u are going to have a hard and miserable life.Like I said though, just dont think that b/c this guy is playing with your son (lots of guys play with my son). Taking on the role of father to a child u just met is not only scary but down right crazy and unrational.You have to make sure that this guy could take on that role (on his own decision) and do it well.And 2 months just isnt enough time to know if a guy is in it for the same reason or just interested in dating you rather than taking on the role of father for the rest of his life.gl

You really shouldn't be concerned with what others think if he is a good man and has the qualities you are looking for. Who cares if hes younger. Hello Demi and Ashton! HAHA.

At your age (and you bf's) 5 years is a lot.....you both have an incredible amount of gowing to do. Be careful...and wait until you are sure where this is going before you let you son become too attached to someone who may just be wandering through his little life.

BTW age differnces are ok -- I'm 13 years older than my hubby!

i'm 34 and my husband is 30. theres so much else to seek in a good, lasting relationship. age shouldnt be anywhere near the top of your list of concerns. if it doesnt bother either of you, then you wont tend to let it bother you if anyone makes a comment. which by the way, is none of their dang business anyway. ;) no one has made any comments to me tho. i even make the comment somtimes about having a younger man. lol. keeps things light and lets people know you arent embarrased or ashamed. my only concern is that i have laugh lines and wrinkles around my eyes and he has none. now THERE'S something to worry over. lol

You are old enough to realize between 20 and 24 worlds of experience accur to mature a person. To no fault of his own, he is prob doesnt have the life experiences that you have learned. Im sure its too late to say be friends for a while.

As for your kid, LIMIT their time togetether. Kids latch quick! I know this from my own son needing a paternal space filled and hanging out with my boyfriends. NOT A GOOD IDEA..and even harder to do. Have your time with him after your kid goes to bed. If you hang out all day together, be sure he leaves before dinner. NEVER let the kid see you two in bed..even if you are just sleeping.

Everyone says it is hard dating when you are a single parent. You arent just shopping for a boyfriend, you are shopping for a partner to raise your kid. Be picky. YOu cant afford not to be. You have that maternal instinct for a reason. Don't doubt it and do what it says, even if your heart tells you different. Eager hearts are fooled easily.

Hi Tiff! You two have been dating for a short time and now he's moving. If it were me I would not put my life on hold for a relationship that hasn't had enough time to really get started. Stay in touch with each other and time will tell if it is worth trying to hold on to. In the future I would give my relationship enough time to see if he's the one before allowing him to spend time with my child. You really don't want your son to get close to someone and then they leave as quickly as they came. As far as breaking up with someone because of what people say, DON'T! If the person is close to you listen to what they have to say because they might notice something you haven't, but you make the decision for yourself and your baby. Stay encouraged!

Age is not a problem if you like/love him. But make sure he is MATURE Enough to take care of you and your son. As for the college thing, that is up to you. you have to decide what is right for you and your son. I hope everything works out. Good Luck.

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