19 answers

21 Yr Old Sonn Doesn't Do Anything!

My 21 1/2 yr old step son, doesn't go anywhere he sits and draws, or plays computer or video games all of the time. He says he looks for a job but it's been 2 yrs.He donates plasma for money I take half so he gets $30 wk..He's with me and my husband 24/7. He has no friends but online. I give him nothing but 2 meals a day! He seems content with nothing. We gave him an ultimatum when he graduated, either school or work. He went to live with his mother for a year in Austrailia until the country made him leave. Any suggestions? My husband won't kick him out so I'm at a loss!

The military won't take him because he has a lousy credit rating. He got student loans, went to college for a month then dropped out! Austrailia made him leave because he was 18 and no means of support.I take 1/2 of the money he gets from selling plasma. His dad agrees that he needs to do something but he never says anything to him. I now only let him on the computer for 3 hrs once a week. I'm very hard on him but it doesn't seem to work!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Is anyone feeling like maybe this young man is depressed? I'm sorry but he's not doing drugs, he's not partying with friends... in fact, he doesn't go anywhere and he's selling his blood for money ...I don't see how you "tough love" someone out of this. This is a very sad existence. If I had a friend that was living like this, I would be terribly concerned about their emotional health. I think his dad needs to get him to a counselor and see what's up. This is a live drifting away.

5 moms found this helpful

Get some plug locks and take away the games, computer and TV access. Hauling trash, stocking shelves, working fast food, waiting tables - they are all jobs he can get. The Army or Navy will take him, too.
http://www.familysafemedia.com/powerstop_power_plug_lock....

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Is anyone feeling like maybe this young man is depressed? I'm sorry but he's not doing drugs, he's not partying with friends... in fact, he doesn't go anywhere and he's selling his blood for money ...I don't see how you "tough love" someone out of this. This is a very sad existence. If I had a friend that was living like this, I would be terribly concerned about their emotional health. I think his dad needs to get him to a counselor and see what's up. This is a live drifting away.

5 moms found this helpful

Apparently you're not to hard on him because he is still content to live under your roof. All my kids have to help out around the house and my oldest is 14. What does this MAN do to help? If I had a 21 year old living in my house for free and not contributing any money, I would have a wonderfully tended lawn, my honey do list would be complete, all my walls would have fresh paint, my car would be hand washed, the garage would be immaculate, my deck would be sealed, garden would be weed free....... All this I would expect him to do free of charge. I am pretty sure he would find some other form of work and a new place to live. Oh, and the TV and computer would be for paying customers only.

4 moms found this helpful

My cousins son is exactly like your step son. He graduated from H.S. and had two kids, but is only 20. His gf kicked him out cuz he refused to look for work, while she worked a job plus goes to college. He doesn't want to work and only plays video games. My mom gave my cousin the best advice she ever got. Quit buying the food he likes. Don't have ANY sweets, snacks or pop in the house. Also if it comes to it, if you absolutely have to, disconnect your home internet for the time being. Put any game consoles away in a storage locker if you have to. He's going to get bored and that will get him moving.
Like at least one other poster said, I;ve never heard of the military not taking anyone due to bad credit. That would be the best place for him to learn discipline, self control and responsibility.

3 moms found this helpful

If it's your husband's son, then your husband needs to be the Dad here and make the rules. Then your issue should be with him, instead of your stepson.

As long as your step son is allowed to live in your house (by your husband) then you are "stuck". Somewhere in there he got kicked out of Australia and was "allowed" back in your house, rent free.

He clearly lacks the motivation to do anything because he has a roof over his head and food on the table.

I think you need to light a fire under your husband and let HIM deal with his son.

3 moms found this helpful

Didn't read all your responses, but 'meals' is NOT all you're providing for him. Room/Lodging, water, heat/AC, telephone, garbage pick-up, access to electronic usage (and the electricity to run them), free laundry facilities, a ride if he DOES go anywhere -- all these things that mature adults have to provide for ourselves are provided for him for free. You probably Shop for, pay for, and cook/prepare the food he eats. You may even have insurance on him.

I work at a job that doesn't pay nearly what I'm worth, but it is a steady income and we are always needing workers in our field (high school diploma & driver's licence required).

I agree that he sounds depressed, but you are enabling him by providing shelter, bed, utilities and eats. Nagging him only worsens it because men need to know that someone believes in them -- that they are able, capable, and competent. Start by thanking him for anything he does do that contributes to the household workload, but don't do ANYTHING for him that he can do for himself.

3 moms found this helpful

Just had to kindly ask my twenty year old son to remove himself. He left. It was heartbreaking, I am in agony because he has problems I want to save him from- but he is trying to show the world he can do it. So I respect him for that. despite my agony.
My other son joined the military and recently got out. They help with college. It is not a happy thing for moms, but it is something that will build skills and send them into the world.
I looked at the other notes from Moms. They are right. Get rid of the internet, or oops, those games could get lost. This sounds like a depressed young man, perhaps counseling together as a family...Good luck. I know it is so hard. And you really need to get your husband to see that it is not helping him to grow up if he is permitted to live like this. (Not sure how you'll do that...) Wish I could help more.

3 moms found this helpful

When I got out of the military, the counselor at the career center said that looking for a job should be a full time job. Meaning if he isn't spending at least 8 hours a day searching for a job, he's not searching for a job!

I will say that I have never heard of the military not taking someone because of a low credit score. I'm not sure, but it sure wasn't that way when I enlisted. In fact, most people signed UP because of money issues! Call the recruiter yourself to verify this is correct information. I've also never heard about deporting from Austrailia like that but I think they have the right idea!

I don't know how to approach your husband or motivate your step son. In my house it would be...school, military, job or get out of my house.

2 moms found this helpful

Well as long as his dad won't kick him, why should he change? It may have to come to that to make him do something. I'm wondering why he doesn't have any friends except for online and why he got kicked out of a country. I wish our country could do that to a few people here - LOL. Besides all that thought as far as what you can do is - well not much if your husband isn't willing to kick him out. I would start charging him for whatever he eats there, the use of everything. But then again, what's going to happen to him if he doesn't pay? You really need to get your husband on the same page as you are for anything really to work. It's hard to help someone who refuses to help themselves. It's a waste of time. That's a tough one....I'm curious as to what others are going to say.....Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

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