21 Month Old Won't Stay Still for Changes

I have had similar experiences with this.
Sometime during the day both of you sit infront of a mirror and tell her you are going to play the silly game. THis is to teach her what silly looks like and what selfcontrol looks like.

She is being "silly" when she is not cooperating with you at diaper changing time.

When in front of the mirror say, okay let act silly and act the way she does when she is getting her diaper changed and do other irractic movements - have her do the same. THen say okay let's be self-controlled. This is what self- control looks like. THen sit or stand very still and fold your hands.
Then repeat doing those two things a few times.
Then when it comes time to do something and she is out of control reminder her - show me what self-control looks like.

See how that works.

Note: it is fine for you to speak firmly with your child. YOu need to rise to the level that they will be a little nervous and learn to respect and listen to you. You are entering the stage wher this will happen more and more. If you don't do it now, she will only be deeper ingrained in thinking that she can do what she wants.

A great resource I have found is the book Toddler Wise by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. They also have Baby wise, Preschool Wise, Child Wise and Pre Teen Wise. See if your library has it.It is well worth buying but if you just want to check it out first try your library.

Take Care

Visit my 'helping moms parent' blog at
www.shapinglittlesouls.blogspot.com

1 mom found this helpful

I did the "pin down" method as well...held them down with my feet just by their armpits!! gently of course...and the songs are a great help too....smile alot and do silly things, don't let them know you are frustrated...i would laugh and tickle them as well if they were getting really squirmy...it almost worked like a reverse psychology thing...because they'd stop squirming to prepare for the next tickle! haha
it does help to establish authority by making sure they sit there and get changed, however you have to do it though...that really is the age where their little independence starts to shine through, and you do need to show them you are the parent and they are the child. if it's time to get changed...it's time to get changed. I had a relative that believed in letting the child decide...now our kids are teenagers...and hers has been in a lot of trouble...could just be coincidence...but i believe it has alot to do with the with way they were raised

My 9 month old son has been doing this for months. We give him a toy to play with/chew on while we change his diaper. we also sing him a song we made up called "We're going to change, change your diaper" so he knows what to expect.

Hi again L.,

You are the mom and sometimes it takes being firm with your child to let them know what is acceptable and what is not. You may have hurt her feelings but it's your job to teach her. The real world doesn't care about her feelings (sorry) so it's also your job to teach her how to cope when things don't go her way. There is a generation of parents out there who are afraid to tell their kids no for fear that they may hurt their childs feelings...and in return those kids are truly 'spoiled brats'.

Okay...off topic, sorry. I think every kid does that diaper change thing at some time in their toddlerhood. I myself have resorted to a small swat on the bum because after all, the diaper isn't optional, right? :) I don't really know how to make the anti-diaper changer stay still...but Im sure every one of us feels your frustration! You're not alone!

~L.

I had one that I usually had to change standing up as she got older - but that's the only thing that worked!

Oh boy - mine is only 7 months and rolls all over the floor and can't stay still for anything!

This week I've been learning how to put on his diaper "butt side" up and he's started kicking everytime I put some pants on him....so I have to roll up the pants until they seem like shorts so I can get them on easier....

Distractions are always good, but it might be easier if you make it a game that she and you could play since she's old enough to do more things like that.

You could try distracting her with a toy or even a cartoon. You don't want this to become a control issue with her. As long as you are kind but firm, and there are consistent natural and logical consequences for lack of cooperation, her feelings may be hurt, but she WILL get it. Oh toddlers....!

Hahaha, at least you know it's normal! I think every child goes through this at one point in their life...they do grow out of it:) I, like others, use toys, books, tv, etc, but lets be realistic, that doesn't always work. I have actually mastered pinning down my child. I know this sounds bad, but he doesn't get hurt and has learned to hold still. When his is on the floor I put him between my legs and use my calves to hold down his arms and that also craddles his upper torso (which he likes to arch to became free). I can then hold his feet together with one hand and change him with his other. Like I said, he doesn't get hurt, and he stops trying to get away after about 10 secs. As far as clothes, I do that to get pants on him, and I put the shirt on him later when he has calmed down. Good luck with it. If you get into the routine of doing it, he won't struggle, but lay there, or he will learn to play with a toy:)

I always distracted with a small toy or board book... Whatever we had close by.

At the same time I would stop when my son started up, and ask him to "hold still, it is not easy for me to change you when you wriggle like a worm!".

Using the humor helped loads with our son, as well patience!

Good luck!

L.,

I know exactly where you are coming from! I have a 20 month old boy and he is such a wiggle worm. He is busy busy busy go go go and that includes diaper changes! Sometimes it is such a pain to change a messy leaky poopy diaper when they are rolling around and trying to get up or worm away, I have to admit that sometimes I literally hold him down on the floor with my legs while I wipe him off and remove the soiled diaper as quickly as I can before it ends up all over everything else. One leg gently laid over a torso of a wiggly toddler can be a very effective way to get the job done.

When they are uncooperative I generally try to get whatever it is done as quickly as possible. Don't worry too much about hurting her feelings, sometimes you have to be firm with them to let them know you mean business. There will always be things in this life that HAVE to be done, whether we like it or not or whether we feel like it or not. If at 21 months old being uncooperative gets her her own way, what kind of precedent is that setting? Sometimes we have to step up and be the mom (the boss) and take charge of the situation. I truly believe that when we do children will end up feeling more secure, because deep down they know that someone is making them do the right thing.

Kids will push us as far as we will let them. Its their job, its how they learn how the world works, but its our job to set limits and boundaries. If you had to get firm with her you did your job. You let her know that she was crossing a line. We shouldn't be "buddies" with our kids, they will have plenty of those, they NEED parents. You did the right thing, and even if her feelings were hurt she will still love you, count this as a valuable learning experience for you both. God Bless you.

Oh I remember this stage well. You are right it can be very frustrating.
Here are some things I did to manange the sitiation.
I would give my son a toy during diaper changes to ocuppy him.
I hung a mobile over the changing table. I put a poster on
the ceiling right over his changing table to capture his attention. On the wall next to the changing table I cut out and hung cardboard letters of the ABC's and painted them bright colors. During changes I would point to a letter and talk about about it and words that started with that letter.
Of course you have to become a pro at changing a diaper in two seconds flat with kids like this.
Good Luck.
M.

I've had the same trouble with my daughter since she was 12 months old. We kept small board books and toys on the changing table shelf to occupy her with, and when that didn't work we just had to pin her down. It's gotta get done and she needed to learn that she can't always get her way.
Now that she's almost 2 and wants to try things herself more we've switched to training pants and let her try to put them on herself. We get a lot more co-operation when we ask "would you like to try"? Then while she's trying we can sneak in and help. She's also been able to put her pants and training pants on all by herself a few times!

Oh do I feel your pain! My daughter is so wiggly. I swear, if the government could tap into her energy supply we could power the entire state and she STILL would have enough energy to play and grow! ha ha ha

She hates diaper changes. She basically hates anything that interrupts her regularly scheduled program of PLAY! :-)

That being said, distraction is my BEST friend!

When she is extra wiggly and very uncooperative for diaper changes or getting dressed or something, I give her something 'forbidden' to play with. Something that is not harmful, but that I wouldn't normally let her play with. The forehead scanner thermometer, the nose sucker thingy (seriously, aspirator just isn't as fun to say), The medicine dropper (ours is really large), stuff like that. Most of these items are kept close to the changing table, so they are in within easy reach.

I have found her curiosity is so high that if I give her something 'fun' to play with then she becomes so intrigued with her new play thing that I can quickly get the diaper or clothes on with no issues.

My son is the same age and HATES changes too.... I usually let him watch a video while I do it and then turn it off right after. I'm not fond of TV watching, but it usually helps. Otherwise I just tell him I'm going to do it quickly and try to do it QUICK! We use cloth diapers so it takes longer too.. it sounds like from other moms I know it's a NORMAL phase, but frustrating..

I just try to keep in mind that he's not doing it deliberately to frustrate me he just would rather be doing something else and has a one track mind PLAY MY WAY

I have unending options for my little love to entertain her, anything from stuffed animals, to musical animals, to even her grooming kit and baskets with the items I use. I have her help pull out the wipes for me which can calm her sometimes. When she's really hairy and uncooperative I just take a step back, stand there and patiently wait emotionless until she is ready. She's knows what's inevitable. Good luck, I've seen some sqirmy kids!!!