2 Yr Old Will Not Lay down in Crib

Hi C.,

you've gotten some good advice. I recommend Health Sleep Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. Good luck!

No, I don't know of way to do it without her screaming. The best advice I can give is to be consistent, make it a real routine that is the same each night - including how long you rock her. If you have music, stage the rocking to the limit of one or two songs, tell her you love her, say good night and tell her you'll see her in the morning... and don't go back. The less consistent you are, the more you go back, the more you give, the more she will take.

Hi C.,
Ok...so this is a tough subject for a lot of parents. The fact of the matter is that your daughter has gotten used to you holding her every night before bed. I did this too with my 1st son who is now 11. For the 1st year of his life I rocked him to bed. Well, I, like you got tired of it and as much as I love him, I wasn't looking forward to spending over an hour each night putting him to bed. I now have 3 boys, ages 11, 4, and 1. So I can speak from experience when I give you this advice.
First, you are on the right track for establishing a bedtime routine. This is important for kids so they will know that it's bedtime.
Second, you need to stop rocking her that long each night. It's ok to hold/rock her while you're reading her a story but I would say 15 minutes max. Then put her in her crib and say your good nights. Yes, she will cry. But it won't last forever. Eventually she'll learn to go to sleep on her own. At her age she understands more than an infant. She needs to learn to comfort herself. That might mean she could use a "blankie" or certain doll or stuffed animal to help her feel comfortable.

Third, you are the mother and you need to remember that you're in control. Even at 2 children are testing their boundaries. They want to know what they can get away with. I bet you that you're having problems during the day too with her doing what she's told. She probably clings to you a lot. Its ok to comfort her and love her. But you'll be so happy when you can put her to bed and then spend some time with your hubby.

Don't worry! Before you know it she'll be 11 and she'll be dressing herself, bathing herself, etc. They grow up fast. Don't worry about the little stuff. Stand your ground as a parent. The MOST important thing is to be CONSISTENT!!! IF you don't want to fall asleep rocking her each night then don't. But don't change your mind or she'll get confused too. It's best to get her in a good sleep routine before she goes to a toddler bed. :)

Good luck & God Bless!
N. :)

C.,
This stage is burned in my brain! It's awful. We made the mistake of putting our son in the car & driving him around til he was asleep! Big mistake!
You're totally right doing the bedtime routine and keeping it consistent.
We did the cry-it-out (if you have the stomach for it) We let him cry for 10 minutes, went in rubbed the back, etc etc and it took about 3-4 nights of H-E-Double Hockeysticks for him to get it. (In retrospect much less painless than night after night in the car--which we did for months!)
O. thing I might suggest is a lullaby CD or a story CD playing in her room...it might distract her enough that sleep will overtake her while she is listening. We always played a CD in my son's room on repeat, softly all night. Or some white noise, like a vaporizer or sound machine might help.
Also maybe do the books right before you put her in the crib. Even now (my son is 6) he gets sleepy while we read to him. Good luck!

Lots of great answers here. Any habit is hard to break after 2 years, for both of you, but if you want her to sleep securely and happily on her own, you gotta walk away. Don't dwell on the crying in the moment. It's temporary. Think of the greater good to her and the whole household. Both because she will learn to fall asleep herself happily, and because she will learn she is not controlling you. Both essential gifts! Don't give up before it's solved, or you'll make it worse. You must follow through, or just keep rocking her to sleep. Good luck!

My son is only 19 months, so maybe things will be different when he's 2, but I still rock my son to sleep every night. However, he falls asleep usually within 5 minutes. He often has sleep issues, though, when he's teething, so I wonder if your daughter could be getting her 2-year molars? When my son is getting teeth, he wakes up more often--he doesn't have trouble falling asleep, but maybe your daughter has the opposite issue? Teething tends to disrupt sleep for us for weeks. But maybe this behavior has been consistent all along and is not a new thing? The other factor could be the amount of sleep. Everyone seems to suggest that sleep issues are related to getting too little sleep. But I have found that my son only needs 11 or 12 hours in a 24-hour period. And so depending on how long your daughter's naps are during the day, maybe you're simply putting her to bed an hour or two too early. And if you just started putting her to sleep at the time that she ends up falling asleep, maybe that would help. Finally, she may be so worked up about the idea that she knows you'll be laying her in the crib before she's totally asleep, that she's not able to relax. I know it may seem hard and probably is not the advice the books would give, but I would try not laying her in until she's totally asleep. After all, she's not having issues waking up. Maybe then she will start to feel really secure that she has your extra cuddles until she's asleep, and will stop being so antsy and not fight sleep. Good luck with whatever advice you try.

M.

C.,
My heart goes out to you because it is so hard to listen to your child screaming. But you MUST do what is right, and teach her to go to sleep in a reasonable manner. I think you have gotten some good responses. You don't say how long this has been going on, but if the rocking routine is basically a long-term pattern, I think you should get into a good sleep routine before you move her into a bed. Her sleep pattern is getting disturbed by you getting her half asleep and then moving her (you probably know this already). If you want to read more about it, I recommend the SleepEasy Solution book. But probably I think that the larger issue is just you being consistent about doing what's good for your child. I think a big mistake parents make is letting their child's whims, irritations, frustrations, etc. run the family routine instead of the parent being in charge. I think you are doing a wonderful job with your routine, except that you need to cut the rocking down, put her in her bed awake, and tell her it is bedtime, and leave, and do that every night. (I think it is just for your comfort level whether you do check-ins with her or not while she is crying. But do not pick her up if you go back in. Just kiss her on the top of the head, say, it's bedtime, mommy loves you, and leave. If you pick her up it just confuses her). Remember, it's hard, but if you take action now to let her know, it's time for bed, you must go to sleep, this it will be easier to do so on other things (it's time to stay in your big-girl bed, to eat dinner, to sit in your seat, to leave the playground, to go to the store, etc.) It's all the same principle. You can do it!!

Me ? I'd start the bedtime routine a little sooner, and at some point move from the rocker to an upright position in the bedroom, and bounce her and sing to her or to myself, cuz I just happen to like to sing and it gives ME something to do so I'm not so impatient. And I'd wait until she's knocked out cold before putting her in the crib. I'd also have her wrapped up in a blanket so when I put her in the crib, the cool sheet isn't hitting her face and waking her up.

You can try the "arm drop method" to see if she's dead the world -- pick up a hand and see how quickly it drops back to her body. If it goes with gravity, you're there -- if she is still controlling the downward flow, then she's not quite asleep and she's gonna wake up and cry.

Your choice -- but I'd rather hold my baby and sing and dance while she falls asleep than listen to her crying. It's just a matter of what you want to put up with. :-)

Someone asked a similar question about her 15 month old yesterday - you should read the answers to that too. My answer is there too. In brief I said I put my son in a big boy bed when we started having problems like that and it solved everything.

We had similar issues and took the front rail off the crib (we put a roll-bar on it so he wouldn't roll out). That helped for a few weeks, but we had to get a little toddler bed (they have them at BRU for abotu $99). He loves it and we haven't had any sleep issues since. Your little one may not like having the bars or being "fenced" in. Good Luck!

C.,
When my littlest was 2, we moved her to a big girl bed. At that point, my husband or (more often) I would read her books with her in bed and then lie down with her until she fell asleep. Now that she is 4, I still read to her at bedtime, but I can usually leave before she's asleep all the way without her fussing. Sometimes she still wants me to lie down with her until she's asleep, but even then, the whole routine doesn't take more than 20-30 minutes so I don't mind. Just an idea.

I agree with the other CIO posters, but with one amendment: perhaps her bedtime is too late and she's overtired. If you move it up by a half hour or so, she might fight you less.

Hi C.. Have you tried putting her to bed without rocking her partly to sleep? Rock her, read to her, say good night then put her into her crib, pat her back, tell her good night and leave her alone (with a night light) and a couple of stuffed animals to play with and fall asleep. She needs to learn how to get to sleep on her own. Independant sleep is one of the first life-long gifts of indpendance that you give your child. Find a routine that you are comfortable with and give it at least a week to work...you'll all be happier for it! Best wishes.

It will take about a week to change the habits she has formed. The first night check her every 15 mimnutes and soothe her,second night check every 1/2 hour and do not physically touch her. Calmly tell her everything is ok and you are checking her. Third night check every hour to hour and half-do not touch her or say anything. Continue to increase the time between checks nightly. By the end of the week, she should be sleeping normally again. This was advice from our pediatrician when mine were the same age. It took patience and consistency, but it worked. Thank God we were able to get sleep again.You can also give her a favorite safe item to sleep with-mine loved the Glow Worms that lit up when you squeezed them.Good luck and let us know how you make out.

I would move her to a twin size bed. Have her lay in bed while you read the books. Hopefully she will fall asleep while reading. If not you can cuddle with her in bed until she falls asleep. Then you just have to wiggle out bed, you don't need to move her.

Hi C.,

I have twins who turned 2 March 1st- they were having trouble sleeping in the crib when they were a year old because my husband and I would rock them to sleep- Big Mistake- although all children differ- we decided to stop rocking them cold turkey because the will always expect you to do so- what we did was on a friday night when we knew we did not have to get up in the morning, we did their routine with bath, reading, playing then we put them in their cribs which are side by side and we told them that they would have to sleep there- of course they cried like nobody's business at first- however we stood by what we knew would be beneficial to them and we allowed them to cry- after about three nights of screaming-(in stereo) for about 30-45 minutes- they had gotten used to falling asleep in their cribs without our assistance and we've had no problems eversince- its been 12 months and we have an occasional crying fit but they know that their cribs are for sleeping and playing when mommy has to clean up.

its going to be difficult at first and its very hard to hear them crying without running to their aid- however, you have to set boundaries now to create good sleeping habits- not only for the baby but for you and your husband sanity- otherwise you will find yourself rocking a five year old to sleep every night. if you need further tips please feel free to email or leave me a message.

tina

we had the SAME THING with our now 6 1/2 year old. I don't know who cried harder on those nights, her or me!

It came down to being a "power struggle" every single night. She knew that if she cried we'd come to her. So she cried. and screamed. And once gagged.

My hubby was against me doing the cry it out method, but desperate times called for desperate measures. When he was out of town, this is what I did:

I hate to say it, but I ended up going onto the deck with the baby monitor. I turned the volume down to zero, and watched the lights to make sure that she was still making noise, and went to her after 3 mins, then 6, then 9, then 12....I did that for 2 nights, it took an hourand a half, nights 3 and 4 took an hour or a little less then night 5 it took less than an hour, then night 6 it too 30 minutes... you get the idea.

I think that at 2 they have no control over much, and my daughter learned that she could control us with this screaming. It sucked!

Good luck, please let us know how it goes.