2 Year Old Won't Listen

I've got 4 children ranging from 10 to 1. All can be difficult at times. The thing that has worked the best for the younger ones is narrating their lives. Talk to them. A lot. And not using baby language. Tell them what is happening now and what is about to happen. Let them know what the schedule is going to be. Tell them what is expected of them before time.
A lot of times parents have things to do and they get so caught up in what they've got to do that they will, at the last minute, get the toddler dressed and tell him "ok, let's go". His mindset is not there yet. He thought he was going to be playing with his toys or whatever.
It goes along with the family routine theory (that works). They like to know what comes next and what is expected of them. The only way they will know that is by you telling them. Not only will it help with discipline and behavior, but it will also strengthen their vocabulary.
He'll only be 2 for a year! ;o)

My suggestion is if he wants to "do it himself"... tell him he can do the chest buckle himself while you do the rest. This might make him feel like he still has his independence but you are also taking control back. My boys are the same way though... they want to do it themselves but when you have places to go you have to compromise sometimes, but if he still takes too long, just reinforce that you will let him do it himself as long as he doesn't dawdle, if he dawdles you have to do it. Hopefully this helps. =)

Don't forget that your 2-year-old is still a baby too. It is developmentally inappropriate to expect him to be capable of following your voice commands. He still needs your hands-on help to do what you need him to do. Try to use a baby carrier or sling so that you can have your hands free more to help your 2-year-old. Also, toddlers respond quite well to singing. If you have a carseat song and just start singing it, he may just respond to that.

T.-

I witnessed a family having the same carseat problem on the television show, Nanny 911. The nanny suggested bringing the carseat into the house for a few days and letting the child make thier own way over to playing on it. The parents didn't believe that the child would play with it, but within a few hours he did. It seemed to really help when they were putting him in the car afterward becuase he wanted to "play" in it some more.

Good luck! I also have a two year old that doesn't listen!

I feel your pain. My 2 1/2 year old son does the exact same thing. "Let me do it" are his favorite words right now. Every simple task turns into an ordeal. One suggestion: When I have the patiance I ask him for his help and suggest that he do it himself. That way when I don't have the patiance I simply say "No" Mommy is late for work and I will get in trouble- or something like that. Then I gently force him in the car seat. Sometimes he gets upset but I just ignore him and he moves on to something else within minutes.

from:Heather

Hi T.:

I bribe mine to get in, offer a treat or something he likes if he gets in without a struggle. You can try this for other things also. Good luck.

V

Hi T.,

I also have a daughter who is 2 1/2 and a 9 month old so I can relate. Try making it "fun". When my daughter would take her dear sweet time getting into her seat I would say, "Ok, let's see how fast you can get in your seat and buckle your seat belt" in a very excited voice. She would then try as fast as she could to climb up and fasten herself in. Boys for sure like a challenge so that may help.
Good Luck

I have a son who is turning three. We are very familiar with the "listening" skills of a toddler. My suggestion would be to embrace his new-found independence and mix it with what you need to do as a parent. I have a box of toys on the floor below my son's carseat. He uses this box as a step and gets into his carseat by himself. Once he is sitting Mommy or Daddy belts him in. Now, if he is fooling around--then he is placed in his seat. This consequence helps him realize that he needs to listen.
It is important to remember that a toddler will not naturally listen the first time, or even the tenth. It takes constant repetition before rules and routine are learned.
Othere things that work for us:
explaining what will happen before it does
choices (you can get in quickly by yourself or Mommy can put you in your seat, which one?)
pointing out when he does something well
make it seem like he is helping you rather than just following orders (Can you help Mommy by sitting in your carseat nicely?)

Good luck!

Maybe you could make a game of it ""Let's see if you can get buckled bfore the baby gets buckled in his seat". Make it a race. Might be worth a try. :)

Well,
It's hard to know unless your there, sometimes. I will assume that you have done everything I would have done by now and are still not managing to get him to Cooperate.

Why do I say that? Well, there's certain mood you set by EXPECTATION. I am sure you have set the mood already. That is that he doesn't commonly get away with being disobedient. I will assume that he just REALLY likes to do his car seat himself, which will be great when he's good at it.

So, assuming that this is what drives him, what about bringing the car seat into the house in between runs so he can "practice"? You can practice taking turns and create a common language about who's turn it is like it's a game....pretend to buckle it in. Make the buckling part funny? When you take him to the car. show him how hard that buckle can be and struggle against it like you can barely manage it yourself while talking to the buckle? I know it sounds crazy.

Like "OK, watch this, I can buckle it! EERRR UUUHHH EEERR OOOHHH OOOOO uuugg.....eerrr" He's laughing at you because you can't do it. A few faces would be good here. If you're funny, he'll want you to do it all the time.....maybe.

You know, you make a game of it when you're not in a crunch.

I may be way off base here.

Then you are in a hurry. He wants your funny struggle, you don't have time....he anxiously gets in the seat anticipating his show....you snap it in quickly and act amazed! "WHAT! Did you see that! Oh Man! ...Hey buckle, are you awake? Hey buckle...answer me!" Your'e driving the car well on your way and still acting amazed that the buckle was asleep.....or maybe it's sic...hey buckle, you OK?

My son thought it was funny when I talked to the road. Now you're on your way and your talking to the seat.

It wouldn't last forever. He would get out of the habit of the struggle.

Again, I could be wrong. If I have a real problem, I try humor. That's just me.....unless of course it's one of those days when laser beams are shooting out of my eyeballs. Then it's totalitarian rule.....usually not pretty.

T.,

You've gotten advice, so I'm pretty much adding to the "you are not alone" catagory. Choose your battles...have more patience....it's all true. I have no patience so it is very hard for me, but I have noticed with my son, he takes about 3 extra seconds to process requests, orders and demands. I, too, end up counting the three and that usually works (along with "the look"), because if I have to come over there to make him do something, it won't be as nice or as gently as it would have if he just did it in the first place. The dawdling drives me crazy, too, and I am finding that I need to take a lot of deep breaths.

I have had that battle again and again with my 3 1/2 yr old little girl.. I understand your frustration. The thing that I have found that works for me is making a game out of it. Tell him its a race, and lets see "how fast" he can do it! This age seems to be the age where they start to show the world "how grown up they are" and it is always nice to reinforce that there are alot of things they CAN do by themselves. It may take a few extra minutes, but it is well worth it. Let him start to get into his seat at the same time you start to put the little one in. Go mommy go!

Your son is having some major life changes dealing with a new baby, and being at the "age of independence". It's normal, what he's doing. What's important is how you respond to him. Be firm, but don't show your anger. He WANTS your attention. You are probably busy with the baby now, and a toddler will get attention in any way, whether it is positive or negative.

Be glad of his independence and praise him for working hard to do it by himself like a big kid. I had the opposite issue with mine back then. My "lazy" little boy wanted Mom to do EVERYTHING for him. It was a struggle (and still is) to get him to do for himself. Ugh. Good luck!

I knwo what I am about to advise is not popular with most mothers. However, I also know it works so I will share it with you.

If you want to train your child to "listen", then there has to be cosequences for "not listening". For example, when you say "come clean your room with me" and he doesn't come (right away, I might add), then later when it's time to go outside, say to him "we can't go outside because we have to clean your room". Cpmsequences come to us our whole lives and it isn't fair to our children to protect him/her form them now. Here's another exaple: before you walk out the door to leave for an errand, sit him down and say to him "we are leaving now. If you want to buckle yourself into your carseat, you ill have to do it right away. No playing, no stopping to look at somwthing on the floor. Walk straight to the car and get inm yuor seat. If you srop to play, I will pick you up and o it myself." The consequece of not listenning here is that he will not be able to buckle himself unless he listens and does what you said to do (get right in). If you are consistant and serious with him adn don't get into a battle, it will work. Don't make a big deal out of it. When he doesn't listen to whatever you've told him, just quietly and matter of factly explain, "i told you I was going to do it if you didn't hurry. Next time you can do it yourself if you listen." This is easier to say than to do, especially when you have a screaming baby to deal with also. But at that particular moment, you setting boundaries for your toddler and enforcing them is more important. So if the baby is safe, ignore the crying for a few minutes while you deal with your toddler. The baby will be fine.

Another thing, make sure you aren't inadvertently rewarding bad bevavior. For example, on the days he threw a major fit to gt in his seat, DON'T buy him something at the store when you get there. Sure, the moment is passed and he is his sweet self again, but he doesn't deserve a treat when he didn't even want ot get in his car seat to go in the first place.
Here is a scene I actually witnessed: A dad and two kids were in the store. They were about 1 and 3 years old. The one yr old had a toy and was walking along following dad when the older sister came up and took the toy form her hands. Lil sis threw herself on the floor and started screaming. Dad walks over and takes toy from big sis and gives it back to lil sis. Well of course the older child started screaming then. So dad said "Shhh, it's okay honey. Let's go to the toys and find you something." I saw this whole thing out of the corner of my eye. He didn't know I was listening, (how could I not hear his kids?!). I was thinking in my head, "oh yeah. THAT'sS the best way to handle it. REWARD her for being mean and then throwing a fit!" He probably didn't even think of it this way. He INADVERTENTLY rewarded her bad behavior. Next time this happens, when he sais, "Give he toy back to your sister", she won't LISTEN!! I mean DUH! Mhy would she listen to him if she knows that the last time this happened, her dad bought her something, adn now he wants her to give it back?
The "consequence" in this case would be something like this. Dad tells her to give it back (instead of taking ot out of her hands himself, giving her the chance to use self control). If she listens, then he just gently reminds her why we don't snatch toys away form others. End of discussion-no consequence. But if she doesn't listen, THEN he takes it away and DOES NOT but her a toy. Lil sis get's one, big sis doesn't...consequence.

The only way this works is if you are CONSISTENT. The same everytime. I know it works, I have 5 kids and I see the results of good discipline. I'm not saying my kids always behave. Not a chance. But they know I'm serious when I say something, and for the most part they are rally good kids. I don't have little problems like carseat issues and holding my hand to cross the road adn things like that. They LISTYEN because they've benn trained to listen. Check out this website for encouragement on this issue:

http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pearl_tuac.htm

I hope you can get it worked out and corrected before your baby grows into a toddler that doesn't listen. Good luck!

T., this is sooooo normal!! He is stiving for some independance so wants to do lots of things for himself. He doesn't understand the concept of time, schedules. My advise is to let him win sometimes and not others. Tell him today you need to do xyz so have to do it for him but later today or tomorrow you will let him do it. Give and take is a good life long lesson to learn. Then you need to plan on the extra 5 or 10 minutes it will take to let him feel like he's doing it himself. This too will pass as they say and it will be onto more dillemas.
Good luck! Mine will be 3 in April so I've just been there but it gets easier.

OMG--did we have the same child? My son is also 2 1/2 and the king of dawdling! And if he doesn't want to do something--he will put all of his strength into not doing it--and he is strong....
I usually have to "prepare" him to do things with some sort of motivation. For example, going to school in the morning
He's in the living room playing or engrossed in Little Einsteins...
"Do you want to go to school today?" (He likes school)
"Yes!"
"then we have to go to the car"
I help him put his toys away, and/or turn off the TV. Remind him again that we need to go outside if he wants to go to school. He heads to the door and out the garage and then stops to pick up some leaves.
"Don't you want to go to school?"
"yeah!"
"Then we need to get in the car please."
Sometimes he goes to the car. sometimes I have to lead him by the hand.
We keep some toys in the car like hot wheels and other things to keep him occupied and that he can only play with in the car. If he puts up a struggle to get in...
"Don't you want to play with your red car?"
"Yes!"
"Well you can after we get you in the car seat..."
So he gets up and we put him in and then give him his car.
So basically I use a lot of one step motivations--if you want this, then you have to do this first. He does get distracted easily too, so I am constantly have to heard him back into the initial task and remind him of what we are doing at the moment.
I find this helpful going places, getting him in the tub, etc because forcing him when he is in the "NO! NO! NO!" kicking and screaming stage is way too difficult! If he does end up doing that, then I have to stop--get down to his level, talk to him calmly and again try to find some motivations that will get him to WANT to do what I need him to do. I'm not talking bribes,or tricking by promising something that isn't going to happen (don't promise the park and then not go, or they will catch on very soon that you aren't to be trusted.) Just try elementary reasoning BEFORE the anticipated conflict...I hope that helps. :)

I have a 2 year old too and a 6 month old. I've slowly learned to be patient. Leave an extra few minutes and let your son strap himself in and eventually he'll be able to do it easier and faster. Independence is great! Trying to get a 2 year old to listen is like getting a cat to give birth to a dog, it just won't happen. You just have to be patient. Sorry I couldn't give you better advice. That's the best I got.

It's probably jealousy of the new baby. I just read the book From Difficult to Delightful in 30 Days. How to Impove the Behavior of your Spirited Child. It really helped me. Good luck.

Hi T....I am a mother of 4 (all grown now) and a long time educator. Some advice for you is to let your son get himself into the car seat. At this age, he is wanting to be more independent and make some choices. Rather than counting, try making it a game (a race maybe?) or ask him if he needs a little help (it might be hard and he doesn't want to ask). Anyway, try the positive (cheering when he gets in) and give him a little time. My favorite phrase when my children drive me nuts (and they still do) is "will it matter in a year" - if it isn't going to matter then let it go. Good luck.