2 Year Old Having Trouble Adjusting to Newborn

Your son sounds like a very normal toddler (biting, tantrums) and add to that a new baby...he's going through a tough time right now. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old; my new son's pediatrician told me the best analogy: she said that bringing home a new baby is to your older child similar to your husband telling you "Hey, I met this GREAT lady that I really think you'll like. Oh, and she's coming to live with us." Kind of gives a clear idea of how your son feels, huh?

The other great piece of advice the pediatrician gave us was to give the older child two jobs. They could be anything like getting diapers or wipes, finding the pacifier; whatever your child is capable of doing. We were told not to force the jobs upon our son but to offer them as though he would really be doing us a huge favor. I see that lots of other moms suggested the jobs so it must be something that really works.

I think it was the worst for us until about 4 weeks, then again improved at about 8 weeks after we brought the baby home. Now I think any behavior problems we experience are related to my son's age and the moodiness that simply comes with toddlerhood. And while I know it seems pointless to give time-out to a toddler, I really think they work. Eventually, at least. Biting has to be addressed and consistent consequence is the best way to get through to a toddler.

As an aside, we once rented a DVD from Blockbuster (online) called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". While it's also available in book format I think the DVD was better at showing parent's exactly how to say and do things. It might be worth watching as there were some great tips as far as how to handle tantrums.

Good luck!

Hello S., what my husband and I did was we got our oldest daughter a present from the baby. then we asked her if she would like to buy something for the baby,so we took her we let her wrap it and give it to her little sister. then what i would do is ask her if she could help mommy like she would go get a diaper or a blanket. and she would run in there and get whatever was needed at the time. i would say could you hold your baby sister for me and burp her because mommy's arm is a little tired or i would say your baby siter wants you to hold her because you are such the big sister. and what was funny is if any one would try and kiss her sister or want to hold her she would run over there and say no my sister.so she went from not wanting anything to do with her to protecting her. so i would say its okay they would like to see both of you then she would be fine with that. but we just made her a big part of it and the transition went well. but just involve the little guy you might be amazed at his responce. good luck to you and the little ones.

S.,

My older son is 3 and I have a newborn son. We are going throught this too. Now that my newborn is 5 weeks, it seems to be getting better. Hang in there. The adustment is tough. Time, patience and understanding...

T.

Hi S..

SO there are alot of good advice here already. getting your son involved is a great idea and really trying to make the My Little Sister connection can be a great plus. Another thing you could do is get him a baby of his own. You can go to walmart and get a baby set. Comes with a doll, crib clothes diaper bottle etc. They have some really cheap ones for less than 20 dollars for all of it. I know some people dont like boys to have dolls but this helped my son alot. He would sit beside us and care for his baby while I cared for mine. and then we would trade and I would hold his baby while he held the baby. I would tell him what a good daddy he was and he really got a kick out of feeding his baby while we fed the baby and so on. He would then move on to just wanting to help with his baby sister and forgot all about the doll in about 2 months. He was always really gentle with his toys and so learned to be gentle with the baby and with him taking care of his while i cared for the baby it was almost like a game we could play together with the baby and he felt really included.
Good luck

Between my 3 children there is an age difference of 22mo and 25 mo. Honestly each child just seems to deal with a new baby differently. When my oldest became a big sister, she was delighted, she loved the idea of being a big girl, we let her bring me diapers during changing times, and pick out baby's clothes and that worked wonderfully with her. However my middle child didn't do as well with it she actually got angry every time we called her a "big sister", or a "big girl",we ended up having to treat the two as though they were twins. They always get the same amount of attention, we get them matching outfits, I hold both of them at once, they are both my "babies" and I found ways to cuddle with her while feeding the baby. It's been a lot of work, but it has definately been worth it, and lately she has actually become tired or being a "baby" so she's enjoying doing for baby sis, and becoming much more independant. Also her baby sis absolutely adores her now.

Hi! There is already a lot of good advice here. I, like the others, tried to include "big brother" as much as possible". We read lots of "big brother" books before and after and he actually couldn't wait for her to be born. We tried to get him back into his normal routine ASAP. Then we went through the "give her back" stage. His behavior wasn't as aggressive as your son's, but give it time and hang in there. Just keep making sure he knows he's still an important part of the family. Try reading the book The Kissing Hand too! That's a great book for little ones.

I have a 6 and 4 year old and a new born baby. When my 4 yr old was born, his brother was 2 and from the beginning we told him that it is "his" baby and he was so excited, always wanted to hold him and kiss him. He loved being big brother! It sounds like you are doing good giving him his own seperate time without the new baby, it is normal for them to get jealous when everyone is oooing and aahing over the baby, when he is used to all the attention. I think it will pass, because you are doing good reassuring him you love him. This is new for him and such a big change to have to share mommy. Good luck.

Hello S.,
I have 5 children and everytime we had a new arrival, i would get the sibling involved in all parts of taking care of baby, they could get you a diaper, get the baby wipes, babypowder, even throw the diaper away. I have found thid makes them feel wanted and needed chldren love to copy and please thier parents. And when they do these thing to help be sure to make a big tado about it, oh such a big boy/girl momma loves you ect.

Hope this helps

J.

I only have one child (so I should probably stop right there;), but when she was struggling with certain things (potty training, more responsibilities like tidying up or having more patience), I know that reinforcing that she was still my sweet little baby/girl worked better than all the big girl stuff. When she was old enough to talk she explained clearly to me that sometimes the big girl stuff made her sad that she wasn't little anymore and that things were changing to fast and she wouldn't be able to do the stuff we used to do. I know you really do have a new little baby and you don't always have a lap for your little sweetie, but perhaps he'd be comforted by more reinforcement that he is still your little sweetie since he may not be ready to be your big boy.

Ive been dealing with this myself. My son is 2 1/2 and my younger son is almost 6 mths now.

At first he seemed ok with it all but then you could see he was getting jealous so we did the "I love yous" "you are our big boy", we spent one on one time with him as best we could and it didnt help. We tried to get him involved but he would say NO to our requests.

My son is extremely stubborn but just over the last month he is starting to get better. He is more willing to help and give the baby loves, he doesnt try to shove him off the couch like he used to.

I think the most important thing is to give it time. It seems awful sometimes and you wish it would just stop and be the way all the books say,etc but time is the best fixer.

My son isnt always sweetness and light and like one of the PP said...its the age too. They do come around though, just be patient and do the praises as well as the getting them involved.

Ive learned with my older son that if I say in an extremely sweet voice and use the term "for mommy" at the end of a request it usually happens.

Hi S.,
I know what your going through. My son is 2 years and my daughter is 4 months.(22 months apart)What we have done with our son is to include him,Like getting diapers, wippies, blankets, etc... and we give him lots of praise when he helps with any thing. We call him our "little helper" and that really seems to help alot he really has never been jelouse of her because he helps "take care" of her. Also when I notice he starts acting like he might need some attention if I can I get on the floor and play with him, give him a big hug and kiss, or something of the sort.That seems to work very well, he also gives sister a good night kiss before bed time, and if you pray before bed you can include her in the prayer. I hope some of that helpes. Good luck :)
S.

Have s seen it happen many times. My kids are 6 and 1 so it did not occur as much but I did notice the changes. Crying, outburst for no reason. My cousin just had a baby and her other baby is 19 months old. He is having a hard time as well. I would take him on outing alone...walk with daddy to the park thing...let him help out with baby. Fetch diapers and things. Then most of all when he does have an outburst or tantrum you tell him no and I usally use a play and pack that I have set in our living room. My son knows that it is boring to be in one and he hates it. So he gets time out in the play pen for several minutes or until he stops crying. It also helps for those children that do aggessive tantrums..one girl I took care of would fall onto the floor and hit her head on purpose. This eliminates any concern for harm or dangerous falls. They can just cry it out! Hope this helps.