2 Questions: Naps and Bedtime

I haven't done routines with either of my kids. At nap time, you should just put him down awake and let him cry himself to sleep. You don't have to do it in one day if you don't want, but let him cry for five minutes then increase to 10 the next time and so on. He has to learn to fall asleep on his own.

As for bath time, I either give my girls a bath in the morning or Daddy gives them a bath after dinner.

BTW, my daughters (3 and 1) don't go to bed before 9:00. I'm a SAHM and not much of a morning person so I like to sleep in. Plus, my husband doesn't get home from work until 5:30 and he'd like to spend time with them before they go to bed, too.

I agree with just about everyone else who has posted about routines. Also, my son went through a phase about that age where no matter how asleep he was when you put him down to sleep, he woke up within a couple of minutes and cried LOUDLY for anywhere between 5-30 minutes, every time you put him down. But he did always then go to sleep. How long do you let him be before you give up on him sleeping? Baths I have no good advice on, my son loves them and always has. Well, ever since I started running them warmer than they said to...I use olive oil in my son's bath tub (he has eczema too) and it has helped keep him soft.

Hi T.,
I believe that all babies need a schedule. They love routine. I bought the book "On Becoming Babywise." It taught me how to get my babies to sleep thru the nite at 8 weeks old. It worked. (I have 3 kids....they all slept thru the nite between 8-10 weeks old and were wonderful nappers. I just laid them down in their crib and they went to sleep.)
There is a section in the book for people who are starting late. it also offers great advice on napping and how to get your child to nap in his crib without being held, etc.
Good luck,
L.

Hi T.. It doesn't matter if your son likes his bath in the morning, if you can fit it into your day in the AM go for it!! Some kids, like adults, like to start the day fresh, clean and right out of the shower!! There's no rule that says you have to give him a bath before bed!

If you begin now to build structure and routine into your day you will both have an eaiser time in the long run. It doesn't have to be a hard core unflexiable routine, but you should have firm wake-up and bed-times, as well as firm meal times. Dad should play a role in the routine as well. Break that cuddle for an hour habit now!! One of the best gifts you can give your son that will last a life time is the gift of independant sleep. Cuddles until he is dozing away are great, but that's when you should put him down in his crib. Going to sleep in Mommy's arms in Mommy's bed is a bad habit that you want to end now before it becomes a monster of a problem. My husband had a great routine with our girls and they went to bed for him with no problems from the start. Honestly, when ever I tried to put them to bed it was a nightmare! Maybe this is just the job for Daddy's LOL. I will confess to being a bit jelous and angry that he could do this one thing better than I, but then I started thinking that bed time was the one time each and every day that Dad and Daughter could really bond & have one on one time. And that was FAR more important than my petty feelings! Give it a try and see what happens! Good luck and best wishes!

Our son is 6 months old. He can sleep anywhere and noise doesn't bother him that is probably because he was preemie and in NICU after birth. He likes a night light or open blinds (which is counter intuitive but that seems to be his preference). He likes to be rocked or pat on his bottom to initially wind down. "Crying it out" only freaks him out and winds him up even more. So we don't do that. Each baby has a different temperament for some that does work.

I am saying all of this to tell you that all babies like something different. I found that we had to wait and see what his natural schedule was. For our baby and our lives we just felt that his natural rhythm instead of our imposed sleeping schedule would be the way to go. It has worked out for us. Everyone's needs and babies are different. We look for cues early and try to follow them.

With regard to the eczema, he has it and I find that a bath everyday with soap only every other day followed immediately by vaseline (every bath) in the affected areas works best. Also it seems fragrance free and sodium laureth sulfate free items worked best with him. Although our pediatrician said it is probably not what helped clear it up I got that advice from another borad I am on and it helped.

One word: Ferber. (Or the Healthy Sleep book, they are pretty similar.) You may be setting up bad sleep habits that are going to be hard to break later on. I agree you can't spoil a child that young, but part of your job is to help him develop good sleeping habits. He very likely isn't getting enough sleep, which is bad for his health and development. Some babies have to be taught to go to sleep. Schedules are VERY important to babies.

As a past mom, napping was never an issue because I kept an eye on my napper (my son). He ran around with a blanket and I would tell him "When you get tired, lay down and sleep." He used to hide behind the couch, under the table...Now you can see why I watched him and it did not take long for him to get to sleep.

Have you tried oatmeal baths? They are said to be soothing for chicken pox and poison ivy.

Try to get him into a routine. Also, a baby swing is helpful, as they are like hammocks and he can snuggle that way. He's young enough that you could still get him into a good routine that wouldn't involve you having to hold him all the time. As for baths, just because he has cried before, doesn't mean it will always be that way. Stick with the bedtime baths. Ultimately, it will calm him. The old "bath, book, bottle(or breast), bed" is a great nighttime ritual that is great for bonding, and for calming. And on those nights that he doesn't get a bath, the rest of the routine can still be relaxing.

At this age you need a routine. Whatever it is stick with it unless he's sick. He needs to know to expect time for sleeping. My first son did this some before we had a solid routine and I thought he maybe didn't need as many naps, but as soon as we began a routine he was sleeping three naps a day (like 45 mins to an hour) and going to bed at 7:15, waking up at 7. The hardest thing for us to do was be home to put him to bed at the same time each night, because it meant we had to be home most of the time. It is so worth it though because they get enough sleep and are so happy.

Also a tip my doctor gave me about eczema (my youngest had it really bad on his head). She suggested washing his hair with a little bit of head and shoulders. It worked wonders on his head.

Good luck!

My son (now 2.5) was the SAME. I thought I was going to have to hold him while sleeping the rest of his life! Well, it lasted until about 5 months, then I could put him down as long as there was some white noise and something that smelled like me where I was putting him down (at first). By 6 months, he would nurse to sleep and I could put him down anywhere and he would nap 3 hours at a time(and still does). To this day, he won't nap or go to bed without someone lying down with him while he falls asleep though. But not all of your kids will be like this!!! I now also have a little girl (4 months in a couple of days) who WON'T sleep while being held and squirms until I put her down awake and she falls asleep by herself. EVERY child is different and you know your child best. Follow your instincts and know it has been done before and it ENDS! One more thing: Naps do get longer once they are rolling to their tummy too, they sleep much better that way.

As for the bath, do it in the morning then. There is nothing that says you have to do a bath in the bedtime routine. Especailly if it is not every night, it is better NOT to do it then so that you are consistent. I too nurse and have never done bath at bedtime. We just go into the quiet room, change diaper, put on pajamas, nurse and sleep. They both know this as the routine.

Sleep times vary. You just need to do what is best for you and your family. We also do a later bedtime and sleep in later. Whatever works, stick to it if you are comfortable!

Good luck!

Hi T.! I feel your pain! It is so hard to work and take care of your baby. I am right there with you. My son did a lot of the same things. He is now 7 1/2 months and now he has two solid naps and we have a night routine and he goes to bed around 7:15. There is hope! : )

The best advice I have ever received is to read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I swear by this book! It alleviated a lot of my frustration and gave me so many wonderful techniques and strategies. Good luck!

Hi T.,
I, too, was 39 when I had my son and boy!--Does it change your life! I never had younger siblings or babysat either and it really is a learning process. It's not like once the birth happens that all the knowledge and instincts automatically kick in. Becoming a mother is a process I believe and personally, I could not believe they were letting us take a newborn out of the hospital! Didn't they know I was an amateur? An imposter?!!!! :)
You could try to choose a book and stick with the advice but I think the really important basic thing is to have a very set routine and stick to it as much as humanly possible. Infants and toddlers thrive on routine. You can get guidelines from a book, but, the problem is -- they haven't read the book! LOL
My thought was that if he's that cranky at night, that he doesn't enjoy his bath--maybe you could do it earlier. I always found that a bath relaxed my son and it signaled to him that night/bed time were coming. With the eczema, the bath is not every night, but you can still do a bath-like routine--wash face, hands & feet, etc. Until they can sit up and splash around, baths are mostly just cleaning duty--not fun for them. I used to lay my son O. O. of those foamy sponge products in the big tub and he liked that. I used those for years! They're about 4 bucks and will need replaced every couple of months but SO worth it.
If he's not napping, the kid is definitely tired--no matter what he tries to tell you.
I don't think you can "spoil" an infant with too much holding but I know it;s frustrating when you need to work, clean, etc. Try a soft music CD in his room or some other white noise (cool mist humidifier I rec'd for my shower was a GODSEND!). He probably just needs to get used to relaxing by himself. If he's not rolling around too much, you could try laying him in the middle of a big bed--my son used to sleep there with the cable company's informational announcements on--they were accompanied by soft music.
You will figure out what he likes and what he doesn't as time goes on. Enjoy that holding/snuggling time! My son is now 5 and NEVER wants hugs or kisses--of course, I still steal them!

Sounds just like my son. I found that my son would nap in his swing (when swinging front to back, he never liked side to side swinging) or in my arms. I would suggest you try using a swing if you haven't already. At least he might nap & you might get a little break. At night he would sleep in his bouncy seat on the floor next to my bed. He would sleep there or in bed with us. He would not sleep in his crib or pack n play. This lasted until he was 5 months old, then he was too big for the swing & bouncy. He was no longer comfortable. We started putting him in his crib at night. It took us 3 nights of crying it out, but then he was fine. Now he really sleeps very well in his crib. (They say not to try the cry it out method until babies are 5-6 months old).
My son did not have a schedule until recently (about 9 months). I tried creating a schedule earlier, but he always fought me. If he wasn't tired he would scream when I tried putting him down. If he was tired & I tried keeping him awake he would get cranky. I tried everything & nothing worked for him. I gave up. Now he's created his own schedule. (I think its due to eating 3 solid meals a day at relatively regular times & the fact that he's very active - crawling around a lot). He sleeps about 10 hours at night (which is such a blessing for me - he was waking up every 2 hours to eat until he was 3 months, then every 4 hours from 3-8 months - I was very tired), and takes two naps each about one & a half hours.
Well this was a really long post. I really just wanted to let you know that I've been there & it will get better. The best thing to do now is relax & enjoy your time together, it will go by fast.

T., I agree with Jenny K.

Naps -
Babies are all different. Some like to nap more than others. I have 5 kids and each one napped and slept different. They are who they are. But I think part of the problem is that you got your son used to falling asleep with one thing or another. He should be able to be put in his crib and fall asleep on his own. You need to stop holding him to fall asleep and the same with breast feeding. This can be an even worse problem down the road. You can set his room up for optimum sleep. Darken his windows and leave a nightlight in there enough to where you can see not to bang your toe. Play soft music of nature songs (no voices, no words). He'll learn that this is his cue to sleep and have quiet time. Don't worry about him getting hooked on music. This is an easy solve down the road by just trying down the music a notch here and there until it's not needed anymore. It's ok if he's drowsy but not asleep when he lays down. And sometimes you may have to let him cry it out for a bit until he gets used to it. I would try to set a regular time when to lay him down. A routine works great with kids. He doesn't necessarily have to sleep. If he lays there quietly and plays, that's fine. He'll learn that this time is for quiet time. It may take a week or two but if you stick to your guns and don't give back in it will work.

Baths -
You can bathe your child whenever is best for you, and him. I didn't start doing night time baths on most of my kids until almost a year. I've heard so much about how a bath calms a baby down before bed. Didn't work on any five of mine, lol. My 21 year old still gets wired after a shower, lol. He gets energized. My triplets are 3 and they get more worked up after their bath than they were to begin with. Do the baths in the morning if that works best for the two of you. As an infant, it starts their day off well getting freshened up after sleeping in a soggy diaper all night. Try Aveeno Baby for eczema right after a bath. Everything works different on every child, but it worked great on my one triplet son. I used to lube him up like a channel swimmer after his baths (twice a week) and after each diaper change.

Good luck!
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

Sounds EXACTLY like my daughter. She ended up having acid reflux....basically what happens is that when they are laying flat, acid from their stomach flows back into their throat and it burns, waking them up. I tried every natural remedy on earth. The most helpful things were to have her sleep on an incline (in a car seat was best). Also, trying not to keep her awake for more than 90 minutes before trying a nap was helpful. I was very much against starting medications but 48 hours after she started, she was sleeping through the night and napping for 2 hours twice a day. Eventually I was able to put her in a crib. Also, it took me 3 months of doing the exact same routine before naps and bedtime for her to understand she needed to sleep at the times I wanted her to. I change her diaper, read her a story, and sing a song, then put her in the crib while she is still awake. We do the eat, wake, sleep routine for the most part. If you haven't read "The Baby Whisperer", I recommend it. Routine is very important for them to learn what is expected of them. Some babies get overstimulated very easily and are unable to sleep even when they are exhausted. Good luck.
J. W

Hi T.

It sounds like you need to develop a nice routine for you both. You need to find a bedtime and stick with it. Everyone always tells me that babies and toddlers should be in bed by 7:30, my daughter goes to bed at 8pm every night and my son at 8:45, that is what works for us. When he is sleepy is when you should put him to bed. Start the bedtime routine about half hour before bedtime or however much time you need to get through it before he is ready to conk out. A bedtime routine is something that you both should enjoy and find relaxing that way your little man always knows what to expect for bedtime. If he doesn't like a bath at bedtime then don't worry about it. A story and some relaxing music and rocking until he is sleepy might work for you. I have found that the key is getting them sleepy and putting them in the crib while still awake. Then comes the hard part, when they start to cry. Around 4 or 5 months is when I started letting my guys cry it out. After puttting them into the crib I say night night and leave and then would go back in after about 10 minutes of crying, let him know I was there by patting the bottom and saying you're ok and Mommy loves you but not picking them up. Leave again and wait 15 minutes, then 20, and so forth. It is hard to do but usually only lasts a few days before they learn that they can sooth themselves and just go right to sleep. After I conquered night time I would then do the same at nap time. Pick nap times, and go about a routine, it should be much easier then. Keep nap time routine very short and simple though or you spend all day and night with routines... Honestly, I just tell my kids it's nap time and put them to bed.
This is just my solution you may not be comfortable with it and other people can maybe point you in a direction to find other sleep solutions. I have had success with it and don't regret it.

Hi T.,

My daughter did not sleep (nap or night)in her crib until around 5mos. Before that time, we bought a Moby sling and wore her during her naps. She slept really well and I had my hands free to eat or whatever. At night, she slept in our bed. At 5 months, we transitioned her and after three nights of crying, she slept through the night from 8p until 7a. She started taking two two hour naps (am and pm) in her crib, as well.

I agree that the Healthy Sleep Habits is a good book. In it, he discusses how baby's brain actually changes around mo 4 so that they fall into deep sleep first, which makes it easier to put them down to sleep. I followed his and my pediatricians guidelines.

Don't worry that he'll never want to sleep in his bed. My daughter is 14mos now and has been napping and sleeping all night in her crib since 5mos. Enjoy this time while you can... it will soon be over! Between you and me, I don't think you can set-up any "bad" sleep habits now... just my opinion.

Best of luck.

With both of my children, I did a lot of holding for sleeeping until they were about 6 months old and then they kinda weaned themselves. My ped told us you can not spoil a child by holding them too much before 6 months. They start to realize that they are secure in the knowledge that you will always be there for them and then aren't so scared when you are gone. I remember at the time thinking will this ever end, but now both kids are great at bedtime and naptime and the reward of not having a hassle at bedtime has sure paid off. When I see other kids fighting going to bed and throwing fits, and my kids are calm and ready to sleep at 8:00 every night, I'm glad I took the time to hold them when they were small.

hi T., i definitely know how you feel. my daughter would sleep very short stretches if i ever put her down. she slept with us until 4 months, and i would nurse her in bed. we then did some sleep training and put her in her crib where she has slept much, much better! it was so difficult to make the decision to have her out of the room, but it has helped her sleep. the first week of letting her cry was very difficult, but have someone there to help you through it.
another thought it to put him down earlier which also helped my daugther- around 7 pm.
you may want to look at some sleep books and piece together some ideas you're comfortable with. i read everything from the "no cry sleep solution" to the dr. ferber book.
hope this helps....good luck and hopefully happy sleeping!

Try the book Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurkinca. It addresses both these issues. It teaches you to tailor make a nap, bedtime plan to your own indiviual child.

I had the same sleeping problem with my first born. I would hold her and rock her to sleep and then sometimes when I placed her in her crib, she would immediately wake up. Unfortunately, I didn't get a tough about this until she was about a year old. Take it from someone who has been there before, stop rocking her to sleep before it gets really bad. Your son is using you as his comfort. He doesn't know yet how to comfort himself. You need to set a specific bedtime and come up with a bedtime routine that will work for both of you. I give my kids baths, play a quiet game or read to them and then, when it is time, I would put them in their crib and walk out of the room. If you establish a bedtime routine, you will eventually have an easier time getting your son to go to sleep without you, or someone else, rocking him to sleep. He will cry in the beginning. But, once he learns to comfort himself, the crying will subside and you will have an easier time getting him to go to sleep, whether it be nap time or bedtime.

At this age, it isn't really important what time of day your son gets a bath. If he is more relaxed getting the bath in the morning, then do it in the morning.

The Sleepeasy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger worked for us. I highly recommend it!It's easy to follow and is a quick read.
R.