2-Year Old Hitting & Kicking

Hi M.,

My sister experienced the same thing with her daughter when she and her husband were getting a divorce. Your child is expressing what is happening in the house hold and because he is so little he doesn't know how to express himself as an adult, so he acts out.
I prayed before I wrote this because I never ever want to give advice without putting love into it. So with that I hope and suggest that no conflict/fighting with your husband and you are done where your son can hear. And if and whenever possible save the conflict for private because he loves you both so much!! Love on your son and let him know in a manner that he can understand that you both love him and I'm sure you have already done that part of it. It is the other part that I think he is reacting on. When he acts out go and hug him and tell him you understand why he is doing what he is doing and you will do everything you can to make it better and ask him because I'm sure he can talk what can mommy do to make things better so your happy, and be prepared to hear what he has to say. When my sister and her husband got a long infront of their daughter she did so much better in school she was 3 1/2 when that happened and it's very hard for them to understand because they can't.
M., your a good mom for reaching out for advice I hope this helps. Make sure it's what you really want when you use the D-word and you gave your 200% to make this marriage work.

God Bless you & your family

P.

P.

1 mom found this helpful

M., my heart goes out to you as I was in a very similar situation. My son knew that things weren't right and was terrified that we would divorce. I told him that I couldn't promise that wouldn't happen, but I would promise that no matter what he would always have 2 parents who love him and would be there whenever he wanted. Since my husband wouldn't leave our home, I did. My son and I shared a bedroom in a 3 bedroom apartment with 3 college students--not an ideal situation, but once we were out of the house his behavior improved immediately. Right from the start he has spent almost as much time with his father as he does with me. He has since grown up to be a very caring and well adjusted young teen. His father and I struggled to repair our relationship enough to live up to our promise to remain jointly involved in our son's life. I really believe that was only possible once we no longer lived under the same roof. Now we both have new partners and our son has 4 adults who care about him and are involved in his life. Divorce is a big change and shakes up a child's sense of security in the world, but if he remains the central priority for both of you it can be an extremely positive change.
Good luck and best wishes to you all as you redefine your family.

1 mom found this helpful

Well M., since you have tried multiple ways to try and stop him, maybe you should look into a little family counseling. He might be responding to the divorce and acting out towards other people. Sometimes when you have a person not involved, they have a totally different perspective and can get to the root of the problem.

I know from experience, family counseling can help in so many different ways in our lives that we never thought could do it. Give some thought!!

Hope this helps a little.

1 mom found this helpful

I recommend going to a child psychologist to see if you can get help for your child before the behaviors get worse and he hurts someone. He is not too young. A divorce can be devastating for children and he may be acting out in response to this even if dad still lives there. Your relationship with the dad is obviously not going to be the same as a couple. Kids pick up on all kinds of things like this-they're smart. I also thing you might try a positive reward chart with stickers for having a good day at daycare and a reward he really wants. Keep it POSITIVE only. Make the first chart where he has to behave well for 3 days then he gets his reward. Don't make it too long a time, kids that age will lose interest. Good luck!

Hi M.,
My son also had the same issue. As much as we tried to do things to encourage non-hitting and kicking he continued. For us it turned out to be just that he was frustrated and it was his way of showing his frustration or anger at a situation. When he didn't get his way, or didn't get the toy he wanted to play with, or didn't get enough attention from us the parents. Be mindful of what is going on around him at the time and speak to that. Are you angry because you couldn't have the toy? When I asked those types of questions, the situation would become more calming for him. One of the things I did, was let him know that it was okay to be angry, but not to hit/kick and that he should go sit by himself removing him from the point of anger and read his favorite book. Although he never did that, it diffused the situation. My son still does it on occasion, but nothing like before. Keep the faith, this too shall pass.

Hi M.. My son did exactly the same thing as your son at exactly the same age. First off I think it's a stage. Secondly for us my husband was gone for 6mos and I think that affected his behavior. Thirdly I think the daycare he was in was not experienced nor licensed (it was a gym daycare- for an hour at a time). My son ultimately got kicked out of that daycare which was a good thing. We went to a new daycare where the women were more experienced and older with more patience. Really consider that your son might be unhappy there. That was another reason I think for my son's behavior. A year later my son is doing so much better although he still has his days at the daycare-- nothing like what it was though! Good luck!

well not much you can do to a 2 year old and the 7 month old is learning from your 2 year old....have you tried the simple thing of kicking him and ramming cars at him and letting him know how it feels. may not seem exatly the right thing to do but when my son started pulling hair i did it back to him and he never did it again. hitting is harder as it is taking more time to learn but i hit him back and let him know it is not ok and it hurts. he cries a little and he is only 14 months but have to teach earlier before it gets too bad to correct.

good luck.

J.

I don't presume to know what happens inside your house, but if you are getting divorced it's likely your son has some emotions surrounding the situation that he is not old enough to know how to express. It's possible hitting is his way of dealing with these emotions. Bless you and your family as you go through this difficult transition.

My guess is that this has to do with your divorce. Kids react in different ways but they sure feel something is weird. So try to do fun things with him, go to the park, bake something, sit down and play with him on the floor, go to the zoo, whatever you have time and energy for. And if possible, try to have your husband do the same, some father-son time. (My husband goes out running with my 3 year old after dinner around the block..., they both love it.) Good luck and hang in there!

I am sure you have done everything you can to protect your child from the agony going through divorce, but kids can feel the tension. The worst comes out in children during this time. Sometimes they even feel responsible. He might be showing his frustration with the situation and doesn't understand it.

Also, you might have him tested for attention deficit. Sometimes this can have something to do with their frustration.

And, sometimes kids just go through a phase of hitting, kicking, or running into people, things, or biting, or other sorts of things. My 4-year-old grandson recently went around licking everyone at a birthday party. My daughter made him stop. Stay firm with him, letting him know you love him and that he can't go to a place, eg. movies if he is not behaving.

My grandson by another daughter, was found to be attention deficit and when he is not on medication, he get's himself into trouble at school and my daughter puts him back on it. Hopefully, he will outgrow this.

I am sorry you are going through divorce. The Catholic Church has non-denominational seminars for those planning, going through or actually divorced that is great. It doesn't focus on what they have done to each other. It works wonders for the divorced to get along. You have children you mutually need to care for and it would help if you could get along. The program is called Retroville. I hope I spelled it right.

You need to sit down and ask him why he is behaving like that. We all discipline our children, but when it gets to the point you are at what will work is communication. The divorce is hard on him, since your husband is still in the house make sure you treat each other with respect. Your son picks up on this. Never speak poorly about your spouse in front of your child, it is his daddy and he loves him and vice versa. Talk to your child and reassure him you both love him. Keep things as normal as possible.

Hi M.,

I was going through the very same thing with my 2 year old. I had tried everything. We then began just simply saying time out at the first hint of aggression. We didn't discuss or explain. He knew it was wrong, and was continuing before, because it was worth it for the attention even if it was negative. When the time out is over we didn't talk about it. We also made sure the time out was somewhere where he wasn't getting any attention. Standing in a corner in the same room as us, wasn't enough of a consequence because we were right there. We did time out in his room when we were home and in the car if we were out somewhere. (I would stand right outside the car) It started working within in days. My son always tests us to see how it will work in each new situation, but we are consistent and it is working. When time out is over we just simply say time out's over no explanation or discussion, again because it was worth it to him to do it again if he received any attention. I change the subject after the time out and we enjoy our day. There is also a book and video on discipline called 1-2-3 magic which worked great for everything else. Aggression for us was an automatic time out. I really hope this will work for you.

Good Luck,

I have been there.

Sound like their reaction to the dispute in the home. Mixed messages from parents may be adding to the confusion. What ever you do stay strong and keep the upper hand. Have you ever watched the Super Nanny. She has a lot of good ways of raising children and keeping the respect for all. Check it out.