2-1/2 Year Old Runs into Parking Lots...

Hello L.-
I have to agree with Comer and Christina with regards to a spanking. This is a DANGEROUS thing and you really can't reason with a 2 1/2 year old. We have to choose our battles with our kids and decide what needs serious correction, and this is one of those situations. It is a matter of safety.

I personally like Dr. Ray Gaurendi's advice
(http://www.drray.com/) . There are the 4 D's that need serious correction - disobedience, danger, disrespect, destruction (I think I got them all correct).

One thing that I have always done with my children, is when we get out of the van, they are to all put their hand on the side of the van. This keeps them in one spot until I am ready to move. Currently my 29 month old does it, and listens very well. There are times when she takes her hand off, but I quickly put it back and tell her to keep it there.

In all these things, I PRAISE all of them (LOTS) when they listen and will sometimes give them some sort of reward as soon as possible. The word discipline means "to teach" and that is our responsiblity as parents. And as Dr. Ray says (respectively) it can take you "a million times a day" repeating yourself for them to even start to get it.

If you are consistent, follow through, show your son that this is serious, he will eventually learn. Children need to hear us use the word "obedience" and that they need to obey their parents, and we shouldn't have to always give them a reason why.

Have faith in your abilities as a parent. As the title of one of Dr. Ray's book reads, "you are a better parent than you think".

Good Luck
C.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think you can convey to him how dangerous it is. But, you can convey the rules and consequences. For one, I'd announce the rule to him. Tell him in the morning when you're dropping off and make sure you tell him before you leave the daycare. Like "okay, remember the rules mommy explained this morning? The rules are that we have to hold hands when we're in the parking lot. There are big cars and we have to be careful. So, the rule is that we have to hold hands." If he runs from you, you have to give him a consequence. If it were me, and when it was me with my daughter. I told her, "remember the rules? we have to hold hands?...okay, here is your choice, you can come and hold my hand now and walk with me to the car or I will come and pick you up and carry you...I'm counting to 3 (1, 2, 3). Then I walked over and picked her up." Then when I picked her up I told her I why I was carrying her. I let her scream the whole way. Now, if she disobeyed me I would have put her in a time out. I actually had to do that, and the next time we were in the parking lot I asked her if she wanted to walk and hold hands or go inside for a time out for not listening to me. She immediately came and held my hand. If I were in your position at the daycare, I'd go pick him up and carry him directly back inside the daycare and tell him that because he didn't listen to you, he had to go back inside and wait for you. Then I'd put your younger one in the car, then go back and get him and carry him the whole way and tell him that when he listens to you and follows the rules, he can walk to the car with you all and he can try again tomorrow. I'd do that every day until he knows you mean business.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh my god, I could have posted the same exact thing about my son. He is also 2-1/2 and to make matters worse we live on a busy street. This is one of the main reasons why I put the house up for sale, and looking to move to a quiet(er) area. I too run after him and yell and scream, and explain until I am blue in the face, and he just laughs it off. I realize this tactic is not working at all, so I've started to take away privileges and he understands that. he likes to put the key in the ignition for me before getting into his seat, so the other day when he ran away and didn't stop when I asked him to, I didn't let him do the key thing. He understood, and was upset the whole ride home. I just kept saying that he can't do the key because he didn't listen to Mommy when I asked him to stop running away. This doesn't mean he won't try again, I am sure he will. I also think I need to make a game of stop and go, and drill in his head that when I yell stop, he needs to freeze no matter what. I keep explaining the cars, and the dangers of the road. I swear I loose 5 years of my life everytime he runs like that. I also use "that's the rule" phrase with him, that seems to work. I say we're in a parking lot so you have to hold Mommy's hand, that's the rule. I stay very consistent with that when walking, it took us forever, he hated holding hands and walking but now he does it. Hey, it's the rule!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.! I would suggest trying to make a game of it. Hold his hand and as soon as you walk outside the daycare yell (or say :o) "stop" or "freeze" wait a few seconds and then say 'ok' and walk a few more steps and yell "freeze" and keep doing that until you get to the curb. Tell him to look both ways to make sure there aren't any cars coming and once safe say "go" and fast walk to the car. If he does not like that either and continues to run across then I say time out - Would you be able to bring him back into the daycare? Or tell him - absolutely no - that is unacceptable behavior and if you ever do that again I will take .... away because that is very dangerous - if you get hit by a car we'd have to take you to the doctor or worse things can happen. And of course, praise him each time he does not run across.

Good luck!
S.

1 mom found this helpful

With my children I called out "parking lot rules" as we approached the lot. They were told about what the rules were (holding my hand and/or staying by my side, looking both ways, etc.) and why we have these rules. I think giving the rules a specific name helped remind them that it is very important.

I had the same thought, daycare is a safe environment to leave one inside bring out the other one, and then perhaps someone could bring the other out to you,

But that's not the main question, right, cause you won't always be at daycare when he's tempted to do that. My son use to do that alot, but when he was just turning 2 I start always repeating "Too many cars, hold my hand" "too many cars, get hurt" once I knew he understood what hurt meant I changed to "too many cars, you could get hurt" anyhow.. on that idea, I used very few words and repeated them all the time.. he is now 2 1/2 and he watches for cars. Sometimes he even goes so far as to run back to me when he sees a car moving, etc.. I do feel your pain, I couldn't run after mine, due to knee injuries so stuff like this was especially worrisome for awhile. Good Luck! It will come...

I also did the "stop/Go" game but with sign language which I think is the only reason it was fun for him..

L., get a harness! I used to use it for my 2.5 year old firstborn after my second child was born. He was also a runner, and also thought it was funny, etc. Continue to use whatever method you think might eventually teach him the severity of the situation, but in the mean time you cannot count on a 2.5-year-old to understand when his safety is at stake. Would you leave dangerous medicines within his reach and expect him to control his curiosity? My son seemed to like the harness, actually. He understood when we were going to use it, and sometimes I would give him a choice of holding my hand or using the harness, and he would choose the harness! Just ignore the people around you who might make comments... Your son's safety is much more important!

Hi L.
Being a mom of twins, I can tell you that yours being 11 months apart is not like having twins in some ways your situation is much harder. You hit the big place it would be. He is too young to understand or be reasoned with and it is too dangerous to do it. You can't run with a child on your hip, so he gets further than he would if he didn't have a little sister. You must get this situation under control. One way is to hold his arm saying when I know you will stay with me you can hold my hand but for now I am holding your arm. Hold tight.
Couple of stories
When my younger son went into the road, I told him couldn't do it. He with hands on hips said "yes I can" He was about 2 because we moved from that house when he was about 2 1/2. I spanked him all the way back to the house. My thought was I would and could not hurt him as bad as a car could. We lived on a highway, and he had to understand. When I was babysitting the next day, the little guy was headed that direction, and mine said "the street hurts" He understood.
When the twins were little they needed to see each other so they would make me dizzy trying to get to each other. One of the moms at a moms of multiples meeting said she let one hold her thumb, and the other hold her little finger and used her hand like a yoke. If that makes sense to you, try it. It worked like a charm for me, and I still had a free had to grab if someone let go. They didn't once they realized they could go anywhere, and I wasn't worried about it.In the end everyone was happier. Don't know if it would work with your "Irish twins" but worth a try, but only after you get the dangerous stuff out of the way. The girls loved walking yoked at the mall and so on that way, and soon I could trust them to hold on.
God bless you
Time goes so fast
Talk to your mom she may have some great stories too
K. married 38 years SAHM with 4 kids --37,32, and the twins are now 18 and in college. Our 32 year old son made us grandparent in July for the first time.

L., I say this with love. Sometimes there are life or death lessons that require a spanking. I am so against hitting children, but you can't reason with a 2.5 yo. They don't understand the seriousness of getting hit by a car. When it comes to an issue that could cause him great harm, you might want to think of the measured, appropriate response of a spanking. I have no idea if other discipline tactics would work. From the sound of it, your son needs a clear and swift understanding that when it comes to running around cars, you are very serious. I know you will get a lot of comments against spanking, I just wanted to let you know that it is ok to think about spanking as a solution. Do what you feel is right. Being a mom is very hard when it comes to these things. Good luck.

A 2 1/2 year old does not comprend the seriousness of the situation. You should by a harness for your son. They come like little backpacks. I bought my son a frog one, they also have monkeys, lions, etc . I use it when we go places like the zoo or places that have alot of people or high traffic areas. It gives him the freedom to walk and gives me piece of mind knowing he can't run away. It's better to be safe than sorry.

My son is 23 months and did the same thing only he ran across the street to my car. Luckily there was no traffic but his baby sitter almost had a heart attack.
Invest in a five point harness. They are made like cute teddy bear backpacks. Target carried them for less than twenty dollars.
It gives you an option to pull him back to safety if he breaks free and you won't drop your other child doing it.
I also have an 8 month old daughter so I know your dilemma.
I take him for evening walks wearing it and he enjoys putting it on because he knows that means he goes outside.
I just hold his hand and the leash in the other hand. He stopped breaking from me so far.
Good luck

I hate to even suggest this, but since it's a matter of your child's safety...get a harness. Put it on him before you leave the daycare center and continue doing so until you are satisfied that he has learned how important it is to keep holding your hand in dangerous places. I would also, of course, sit down with him the day before you start and explain it all to him in language he can understand. Make sure he knows that the harness will be ON until he learns what to do in a parking lot, street, etc.

Good luck!

I just read over some other responses, and I like the one that says if he runs off, take him back inside and start all over. I think that will give him the motivation to want to stay by your side the first time. And if that doesn't work, put a leash on him, I am not all for the leash idea, but in this life or death situation, I would rather that than see him get hit. Good luck

"Beat" his butt. Just talking to him and explaining things to him at this age is pretty much useless.

Nanc

I have a 4 year old and 2 year old. I hold my the hand of my 4 year old who listens and I hold the wrist of my 2 year old who doesn't. She has never gotten away and believe me she has tried. I don't think starting over will work - I believe it will be a waste of time - a harness is OK - but he can still get further than you want. There is no explaining to a 2 1/2 year old the danger of a parking lot - you can't reason with them. Hold his wrist and if you need to hold it a bit tighter than usual - without pain of course - then so be it. You CAN'T let him get away from you for any reason. YOU have to hold onto him! Or use the stroller.

i had the exact same experience with my daughter at that age. she knew it was wrong, but would constantly test me. finally one day, she happened to notice a smashed lollipop in a parking lot. it might sound a bit traumatizing, but i told her flat out, "See, thats why i dont want you to run away in parking lots -- that lolipop got run over by a car and is now squashed! thats what could happen to you!" so i think a combination of that and maturity and now she's good.

Is he anxious to get to the car and get home? Sometimes I find if I make their "target" delayed due to their behavior, it works as a deterrant. In other words, I would walk back inside with him and tell him that we need to try it all over again so he can get it right and stay with you as he is expected to. He won't like going back inside just to walk out again and may get the idea that it's best to stay by your side as he is told.

Hi L., I feel your fear. When my kids were toddlers, I used to really get very passionate in explaining to them that all these cars are so big that the drivers will never ever see them since they're so little. One graphic example I pointed out to them are the dead animals on the road which we call "ROAD PIZZA." Pointing out how "squoushed" they'd be when a car runs over them. So everytime we were in the car, I'd always point at these "ROAD PIZZAS" and always ask them if they want to be like those. Then they'd say "no" then I'd go on to say, "so you have to stick with me because I am tall and they will see me." And if running into the parking lot still is a problem, then I would not hesitate to use those straps to strap their little tiny hand to my hand. Good luck!

2 ideas:
play "freeze" with him throughout the day... where he has to stop what he's doing... and let him tell you to freeze too, while playing. he'll get used to this and when you say FREEZE if he starts running from you... he'll be conditioned to do so.

play "red light, green light" (may be more difficult for him?) and ditto the same idea as above... say RED LIGHT when you need him to stop quickly.

HTH

before leaving the day care center, or other places remind him firmly he's not to let go of your hand. Once you take his hand, hold onto it firmly. Stop at the curb and have him look with you for cars and make sure you are still holding his hand firmly...when he pulls out...pull him back close to you and say no firmly....then announce when it's safe to walk and announce when you want him to stop if you need to stop again and pull him in again close to you.....keep talking to him through out the process until you get both children into the car....hopefully pulling him in close to you and talking to him might keep his attention from taking off on you...maybe after a while of doing this with him as often as you can, he'll finally get what you expect of him.

with our son, we play "stop" and "go" -- where someone says go and we run around, but when that person says stop, everyone STOPS. We played the game in the backyard first, then the driveway. It helped to let our son be the leader once in awhile -- he realized the word STOP is powerful and everybody should listen to it. That way, when you say it in a parking lot or other place, he's had practice listening. I've heard others use "freeze" as a word that's only used in that specific situation -- so the game is "go" and "freeze".

I know what you are talking about. My first two son are Irish twins, also. But they know I mean business when I am disciplining them. My husband helps in that sense too. I explained to my oldest that he'll get lots of boo-boos. When the car hits you, you will have a boo-boo in the arm, in the leg and in the back and in the head. Do you want that? Make it scary because it is scary. Then I tell him he'll haveto go to hospital and they will put a needle in his arm and can't come home right away. A little fear in them is not at all necessarily bad. You haveto put some fear into them. Some child it doesn't bother. Also, I have a harnass for them as well. You put it on and around him in the chest area and it has a "leash" so they can still run, but not far and it works wonders too. You can have him hold your hand but have that as well and he can't run far. He may complain for a while, but I was persistant and made it clear that if they want to walk with us and not be in the stroller all the time, and they want to go out then they havaeto wear it and then they had to back down because Mommy and Daddy won't back down. We won!! Now they wear it occasionally if we are to walk in the mall or something. Let me know how it goes

Get a harness before he gets hurt. He has to understand that if he doesnt hold your hand there will be a consequence. He really doesnt understand the danger.

What I've been doing with my 2yr old, is telling her we can't walk in the parking lot or cross the street without holdering someone's hand. I've also started teaching her to look both ways, including in the parking lot. She has fun looking for cars and I like that she keeps her attention to her surroundings.

Hi L..
I am living in Russia at the moment...actually preparing to move back to the US in a few weeks. The city we live in is very busy so from a young age I've had to teach my kids to stay away from the road. It was always a very serious concern for us being here especially because the drivers are not cautious or courteous in most cases. I would talk to my son about the dangers of going in the road a lot and it was a rule that in any road, parking lot, on any black asphalt type road he had to hold my hand. We never really had issues with my first but my second little guy at around 2 yrs just did not want to. I remember we were walking in the city and crossing the street at every block and he was just howling in protest. Everytime we explained to him that the cars drive in the road and would show him how they are driving. he eventually got it on that walk and hasn't tested us since. But it just has to be a rule with no bending even if there isn't a car in sight. Maybe you could do some practice runs like going into the store or whatever. I liked that other idea someone wrote about having to go back into the daycare and start all over if he doesn't hold your hand all the way to the car. Just be firm and don't give in AT ALL. Maybe at first offer a little treat like a small cookie or something when you get to the car and if he doesn't do it he doesn't get one. Or a sticker or something to keep him motivated. Hope that helps some.

I don't know what to tell you other than have a good hold on him! Or maybe ask someone at the day care to help you outside with the kids and all their stuff. There's a guy who picks up his two kids around the same time I do at our day care and he doesn't usually hold their hands when they walk out the door and the little one just sort of wanders out past his car while he is buckling the older one in. I don't get it and thankfully I'm usually there kinda keeping an eye on her and if she goes too far I tell her to come back. (The Father) never seems to be bothered by the fact that I am telling his daughter to come back when in reality he shouldnt' be letting her wander....but getting back to you...atleast you are trying but you aren't always succeeding, if you can't keep a hold of your son than ask someone for help. Theres nothing wrong with asking someone from day care to help you bring the kids out to the car. Better safe, than sorry--right??

Hi L.,
Wow, lots of responses. I would urge to not use the spanking method, as this will not teach your child anything but to fear you when he's in the parking lot. Instead, teach your son the "stop" & "go" game, as someone else suggested.

I have been successful at teaching my 2-1/2 year old this game, so he knows what the words mean. When in a parking lot or before crossing the street, I hold his hand and also distract/engage his mind by asking him if he sees any cars coming, if there are no cars, then we walk. If there are cars, I point out to him that we must wait, and ask him again etc..

Hold onto his wrist, as another mom suggested, as he is learning.
Good Luck,
N.

Hi L.,

At 2.5 years, children can't reason. Explanations are a waste of time. "No!" and consequences (simple and immediate) are what works. As a mother, your primary job is to keep them safe, and if he cannot walk to the car without breaking from your hand and running, then I'd suggest that you do a stroller. You can't let him continue to do something dangerous, and whie explanations may make you feel better, toddlers don't need them and they don't work. This isnt' a learning situation, it's a danger situation that has to be stopped immediately.
While I didn't do this myself, I will tell you that I have an acquaintance who had this problem when her son was little, and she took him to the road to show him a piece of roadkill and told him that's what happens when you run into the road and he stopped doing it.
Good luck

I don't have any suggestions for the parking lot issue (sorry) but I noticed that you mentioned your children are in a curriculum based daycare center. I have 2 1/2 yr. old twin boys and am considering putting them in daycare. If you don't mind me asking, which one do you use and how do you like it? I'm having a hard time finding one that I like and would appreciate any suggestions.

try a baby harness with "leash". Then you can quickly stop him and not risk his safety. I started using it with my daughter last week and it gives her "freedom" without the "run". She is 2yo and doesn't understand the danger so I can stop her and explain with out the "heart attack" involved. A.

I get that some parents (and onlookers) are totally against the "leash", but when it is a safety issue (like when I had my children in an airport or when we went hiking in the gorges) I am aaaallll for it.

What I did with my son was I got a cat leash. They are narrow in width and can be any length or color you desire. I would put it through my belt loops all the way around my waist and then just clip it to the very back on on his jeans. This enabled him to look, touch, enjoy and wander a certain distance, WHILE keeping my hands free (for your younger daughter) if I had things to carry or we were shopping, etc. It relatively blended in with our jeans and not that I was concerned, but nobody even seemed to notice it there.

Of course if you are 90 pounds and your toddler is already 30 pounds this may not work for you, but that wasn't the case with us. Hope this helps.

I like most of the suggestions you've gotten already. I just want to add that you could ask his daycare teacher to also talk to him about it. Perhaps they play out on that parking lot during the day with bikes? Even if they don't, having another adult teaching him about it sometimes helps. At my daughter's preschool I know that the teachers remind the kids every time they go outside about not going off the grass/sidewalks without holding onto an adult. In the beginning school when my daughter saw me coming and started to run for the parking lot, the teacher reminded her - and then I was able to follow up the discussion with her about it again later. Maybe if the daycare goes outside, you could ask the teacher to make it a lesson/game for the kids. It's good for all kids to get that kind of review.

I had the same problem when my son was that age. He used to dart out into the street, and run in the parking lots. So, I got a harness for him for that purpose. It came in handy in crowds, crossing the street, etc. They have cute ones now that look like backpacks. I never worried about what anyone thought about it because they weren't the ones caring for him, and they don't know him like mommy does. It's true, that you can't reason with a 2 year-old, but you can explain why he's on the harness, and that you're doing it for his protection. He won't need it for too long once your lessons sink in. Another idea is to get a double stroller. There are the ones for big & small kids in one. I think it's called the sit 'n stand (don't recall the manufacturer). I'm sure you'll choose the method that's best for you. Good luck.

In my opinion, you need to use time out, take a way a privilege (an immediate one - maybe he likes to climb in his car seat by himself - or you get a treat on the way home, or something like that) and make sure he understands the correlation - BUT I would absolutely also go back to daycare and start it all again. It's a behavior training technique. So far - he pulls away and runs - you come screaming like a lunatic (as we all would) and he thinks it's funny to see in all likelihood - then you get into the car and go home. No harm no foul in his mind. There is no choice, tell him - he can either follow the rule (and go over it as many times as you think he needs to set him up for success) and hold your hand and not run away - or he can be carried.

Bring the stroller and explain to him that for the next few days he will be strapped into the stroller on the way to the car since he keeps running into the parking lot. Then explain that he will have a chance to try walking (and holding your hand) in 2 or 3 days (or whenever you decide). He is old enough to understand this. If he cries don't give in. He'll get the lesson if you're consistent. Good luck!

Dear L.,
You can explain the danger of running in the parking lot until you are blue in the face, but your son has no concept of the consequences. He is simply too young. My suggestion would be to put him on a "leash". That he will understand.
Let me explain. Although some parents think it is a terrible thing, it is for their own safety. At the same age my daughter would do the same thing - simply take off. We lived on a busy street. If she ever took off, she would be killed instantly. So I would put a harness and leash on her. The joke was that the dog went free, with no leash. But I had already trained the dog. Before long my daughter also got the idea. And it didn't hamper her in the least. At age 24, she now works with children with behavioral problem.
Do what works.

Have you thought about getting a harness? I know, no one wants to put a "leash" on their child. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do!

When my kid were little I had a hard time with my son, no matter what I did, he would do what he wanted. Even if it meant he would get "punished". He always ran in the street or parking lot. Especially when he knew I had my hands full with his younger sisters (twins). I finally had to put a harness on him. It didn't take long for him to learn to stay with me.

Side note....My son is grown now (26 years old) and stops at our house after work almost daily. I babysit for some of my grandkids and when he sees one of them getting close to the street he yells at them. He usually says something like, "Do you want grandma to tie a rope to you so you can't go near the street?"!